This isn't going well.
Went out yesterday with Mrs. Grouch. We equalled (but didn't exceed) our longest ride to date. For the most part our starts are getting less adventurious. All-in-all I think that it should have been a good ride.
My anxiety isn't going away. I still get weak knees just thinking about going out for another recumbent ride. I find myself growling at everybody I meet on the trail. The bottom line is I'm just not having any fun. I think that I expected to pick up where I left off after my accident last August and that's not happening. I feel like I'm having towork way too hard for as slowly as I'm riding. Not having any recumbent experience, I don't even know for sure how things are supposed to feel. I'm way too anxious to try climbing any kind of hill yet, and I'm absolutely terrified of falling on one of my elbows again. All the little detail things irritate me. I'm having difficulty getting water from the hydration system. I don't think that my set-up is quite right yet. I'm not used to having to take off the seats to get the bikes into the car. None of these are things are big enough to be upsetting, but just thinking about them makes me upset.
It's obvious to me that the only real problem I'm experiencing is in my own head. Fortunately, I have experience in dealing with similar things:
1. My best efforts have only been good enough to get me where I am today. I know, however, that a power greater than myself can and will help me get through this.
2. I still gotta do my part. As soon as I get off the computer I'm taking the single recumbent out for a ride. It's quite a bit easier to ride than the tandem so it should be a confidence builder.
3. I think that I should make an appointment with a shrink. I only go to doctors for 3 things - can't work, can't have sex, can't ride my bike. This is affecting my bike riding so it's definitely one of the big three.
I don't know if anybody else cares, but writing this down has sure made me feel better.