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Old 04-25-12, 12:47 PM   #1
Digital Gee
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Fred University Seeking Faculty

As you may know, FU is opening for students in the fall. Presently, the university is recruiting full or part time faculty. If you have an interest in such a position, please offer a BRIEF description of your experience with and understanding of Fredology. Applicants with pics of their Fredcycle and/or Fredwear given preference, but all may apply. Recruiting closes May 1, 2012.
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Old 04-25-12, 01:52 PM   #2
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Is this an equal opportunity hiring, or do the bikes have to be white? I'm mostly blue these days.
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Old 04-25-12, 01:56 PM   #3
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Is this an equal opportunity hiring, or do the bikes have to be white? I'm mostly blue these days.
LOL.... It's an equal opportunity thing.
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Old 04-25-12, 01:59 PM   #4
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If you have an interest in such a position, please offer a BRIEF description of your experience with and understanding of Fredology.
I submit my vast Bikeforums post history, of nearly 10,000 posts, of which at least 9,000 demonstrate my Fredology qualifications.
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Old 04-25-12, 02:06 PM   #5
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I'm not even going to bother to apply. I always get rejected on job applications because I'm overqualified and too old. They're not supposed to discriminate on the basis of age, but everybody does it, they always find ways to explain why age had nothing to do with it. Heck, if it were either me or some cute twenty-something babe, I'd hire her too!

Luis
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Old 04-25-12, 02:16 PM   #6
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Is this an equal opportunity hiring, or do the bikes have to be white? I'm mostly blue these days.
Just wait one minute! Are you saying White bikes = Fred!?!?! My bike's white...OMG...I must be a Fred!!
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Old 04-25-12, 02:16 PM   #7
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Sigh! I'll have to update my resume'.
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Old 04-25-12, 02:17 PM   #8
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Are there any side benefits like Freebies to try out or Pie?
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Old 04-25-12, 03:35 PM   #9
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Does senior staff get to...umm, mingle with, ...umm, younger teaching assistants.
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Old 04-25-12, 03:47 PM   #10
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I'm qualified to teach this class: the roll of recumbents in the looming Zombie Apocalypse.

Anyone in the know would realize this is bad advice. Fresh zombies don't get winded amd will run you down, hence the need for a good bent. No Namby Pamby bikes with skinny tires that will flat after they go over the first shell casing and render you zombie meat.

A post-graduate course is "Pie: not just for the living".

People will be dying to get into that one.
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Old 04-25-12, 05:20 PM   #11
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Dear Recruiting Officer, FU:

I wish to apply for the position recently advertised on BF as Chair of the Department of Flat-Bar Road Bikes, FU.

Coming from a background in Hybridized Mountain Bikes, I would bring several recent years of experience in the field, experience which includes both the accumulation of decent annual mileage and the modification of bicycles to make them more 'roadie-like' instead of actually buying a road bike.

I offer the following credentials for your immediate consideration:

1. Mtb shoes/pedals
2. Ergon grips
3. Backpack
4. Mini-pump mounted under bottle cage
5. Unshaven legs

Attached (in lieu of a resume) is a photograph of my current bicycle. As you can see, I believe this speaks for itself. I would be happy to provide a full resume and references on request.

Sincerely,
F. Badger
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Old 04-25-12, 05:34 PM   #12
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I ride a recumbent. Now if I could just grow a beard, I could wear sandals and a Hawaiian shirt while riding and be a shoe-in.
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Old 04-25-12, 06:53 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Bombadil View Post
I submit my vast Bikeforums post history, of nearly 10,000 posts, of which at least 9,000 demonstrate my Fredology qualifications.
Anybody who has nearly 10,000 BF posts is clearly qualified for this position.
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Old 04-25-12, 07:26 PM   #14
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I would like to apply for Director of Dorisian Studies.
My qualifications are as follows:
1. Have owned three road bikes and still ride platforms.
2. Wouldn't think of trading my Jackie O. sunglasses for a pair of Oakleys.
3. Have a kit bag on the front of my bike that contains no less than 23 items--none of them related to bicycle repair, unless one includes the handi-wipes.
4. My socks ALWAYS match my Yoga top when I ride.
5. Frequently bike dance to The Platters while riding.
7. User name is the name of my favorite movie character. She rode a 1939 single speed in a dress and heels and I imagine she still road faster than I do.

Salary and benefits negotiable.
(I apologize for originally posting my resume on the wrong thread!
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Old 04-25-12, 07:49 PM   #15
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I can be your "Crash Test Dummy".

As of yesterday I've got the face for it!!
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Old 04-25-12, 08:10 PM   #16
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To the members of the search committee:

I don't have thousands of posts here on BF because I have elected to follow Karl Gauss' motto of "pauca sed matura," or "few, but ripe." However don't let that dissuade you, as my fredly credentials are evident in my choice of seat bag, my (indirect) patronage of BD, and two of my other bikes:







You can ask Beanz, there is no question of my fredliness.

In addition, my long experience in academia helps to magnify my fredliness, as I teach mathematics in real life. Too, I wear shorts every day, rain or shine; I like music from the 1970s and 1980s; I enjoy Monty Python's Meaning of Life and other movies from that era.
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Old 04-25-12, 09:40 PM   #17
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I gladly submit my resume for a position at F.U.... I'm a fifty one year old overweight male, with shoulder length curly hair, a mustache with Van **** beard, and an eye patch. I ride in a helmet (often with a digital camera attached) wearing my Blue Jean shorts, and sport shirt and padded cycling gloves.

I ride on platform pedals while wearing sandals on my feet. I ride a 1985 Fuji Mixte with speedometer, lights, bell, frame pump, rear rack, and saddle bags, often carrying things I've bought on my travels, sometimes all but too large for my saddle bags.

I mainly ride to go someplace, or just for recreation... My motto is "Cogito Fred, Ergo Sum Fred".

So, thank you for your time as you have peruse my resume, and thank you in advance for any consideration you may give to me for a position at F.U. I don't believe you would ever regret it.

Sincerely: Bionicycle.
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Old 04-25-12, 09:51 PM   #18
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Living Fredliness and Teaching Fredliness, unfortunately, are entirely different. I would think a faculty position would require at least demonstration of PhD-level knowledge in minimum one aspect of Fredliness. I suppose a Fred (or Doris) who could demonstrate real breadth without depth could teach a course such as "System Fred" or "The Total Fred", sort of a Fred/Doris systems engineer (I should know, I are one).

I think there is enough interest that there should be a separate sub-forum for Fredliness.
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Old 04-26-12, 03:27 AM   #19
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As the Club Tombay voluntary membership motivational Counselor and as an owner/builder of white bikes I feel that a staff position at the Fred University would become yet another valuable entry on my resume.

I have additional training in the acquisition of proper kit at big box stores, the mounting and care of large mirrors and a demonstrated ability to pick through Ebay ads for NOS (preferably at least 2 gears behind the current norm).
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Old 04-26-12, 03:36 AM   #20
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Early indications are that the faculty of Fred University is going to be unparalleled, and rival any other cycling school out there. Keep up those applications!
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Old 04-26-12, 04:54 AM   #21
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I'd like to be in the Departments of Bike Photography (Without Garage Door) Scrounging in the Post-Digital Age , and Low-End but Optimistic, as well as Lurking . Tenure - Track if possible .
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Old 04-26-12, 05:49 AM   #22
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As a multi-time major surgery (16) and colonoscopy (6) recipient I'd like to submit my resume' for the position of Tenure track Professor of Fredly medical advice posting and general gripes about aging (why see a doctor when you have the internet.) I feel my repeated postings about why do things ache and general griping about health problems should imminently qualify me for such. Full resume' with a pie bribe are available upon request and the necessary sympathy post. Yours in pain (look at this toe and tell me if you think it is infected) QCPMSAME

Bill
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Old 04-26-12, 06:11 AM   #23
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Hi I am a FRED surgeon. I am licensed to operate on a FRED. For low cost and high quality fredopothy and fredepdemicys call today
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Old 04-26-12, 06:12 AM   #24
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^^^, James we could team teach, a small kickb---------er referral fee for each patient i steer your way from FU.
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Old 04-26-12, 06:30 AM   #25
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Damn, I wish I wasn't retired! This is one job I could really get into.
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