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Old 05-20-05, 05:18 PM   #1
MetalHead90
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HELP ME (girl trouble!)

I am a very close freind of a very attractive girl whom I really, really like and have been contemplating asking her out. But when we were talking on the phone somehow me and her going out became a topic. I just stayed quiet and heard what she had to say. She said she doesn't go out with anybody she has known for over 5 months (she finds it strange somehow)...I have known her for a year(****!!) I have no trouble with girls but I jsut can't devise a way around this. HELP ME!!
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Old 05-20-05, 07:05 PM   #2
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Well, if you can and are willing just come straight out and ask her what she thinks about you and her proceeding onward with your relationship. All she can say is no. Tell her you would like to be more then friends and see what happens. There is no sense in beating around the bush.
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Old 05-20-05, 07:13 PM   #3
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Or you can run in the other direction. She seems a little flaky to me.
She doesn't want to date anyone she knows, has become friends with? She rather date a total stranger she knows nothing about, or someone she barely knows?
RUN My friend RUN
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Old 05-20-05, 07:22 PM   #4
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JUST ASK HER! Nothing fancy or complicated, maybe just a dinner and a movie or play. If she says no, then find another girl to ask out.
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Old 05-20-05, 07:25 PM   #5
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Had the same experience in HS. Finally told her I wanted to date her, she said no, but we remained friends, and I still talk to her today.

The moral? Girls are evil. Run for your life.
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Old 05-20-05, 07:27 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DieselDan
JUST ASK HER! Nothing fancy or complicated, maybe just a dinner and a movie or play. If she says no, then find another girl to ask out.
^ exactly.

If she tries to feed you some junk about how important your friendship is, just tell her that exploring a deeper relationship is worth the risk of losing the friendship -or- say that if the friendship is actually that strong, that it'll endure anything.

Be direct. Don't ask her to date, ask her on a date. Kiss her cheek the first night unless she's opening up to the idea. Give her a big wet one by the third date. I suspect her 5 month rule is cuz she's viewing male friends as brother-figures... break that bad idea!
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Old 05-20-05, 07:31 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by LordOpie
^ exactly.

If she tries to feed you some junk about how important your friendship is, just tell her that exploring a deeper relationship is worth the risk of losing the friendship -or- say that if the friendship is actually that strong, that it'll endure anything.

Be direct. Don't ask her to date, ask her on a date. Kiss her cheek the first night unless she's opening up to the idea. Give her a big wet one by the third date. I suspect her 5 month rule is cuz she's viewing male friends as brother-figures... break that bad idea!
Yes, I'm not alone in this theory. Considering it worked for me a few times.
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Old 05-20-05, 07:39 PM   #8
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forget the dating.
just kiss her!
like I said, lean in close and don't even give her a chance to catch her breath.
then....run like hell. women are evil.
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Old 05-20-05, 07:41 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by snowy
There is no sense in beating around the bush.
Agreed! Get the clippers.
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Old 05-20-05, 08:01 PM   #10
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I had the same exprience in college, I was stuck on this girl (I still dated a few others during the time) for something like three yeras. She liked to date people that she did not know and be friends with those she knew...We were best friends for the three yeras, just never dated and that was great, I learned alot about myself through her and for that I do not regret the time we spent together. It was not unstill I was engaged and she had moved to Germany for 18months that she finially talked to me about it, and her response was that she was afraid of losing the friendship if we had dated, but since she had been in Germany she realized that she should have taken the chance because she felt alone...but that was the last time I talked to her, she moved to NZ a month or two later (there was something about her that I never understood about her, she never wanted to let anyone in, hence the dating those she didnot know) but the point of my babble is just to be her friend and talk about it and hopefully she will realize that if your friendship is strong it can survive it and could change your lives for the better...
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Old 05-20-05, 08:12 PM   #11
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WHy five months? Is it like baseball innings- after five it's official or something? She sounds like a ditz.
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Old 05-20-05, 08:29 PM   #12
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Drama alert...

...I've seen this game before...and it's less than pretty...usually if you do go beyond friends, you end up being in a messed up relationship where you end up being "the backup guy"....one of my good friends fell into this trap, and I got to deal with all his depression issues and rage from her using him. What happened was when she was between boyfriends she spent more time with him (which isn't all bad), but she would act like they were boyfriend/girlfriend (which is bad since they werent) until the next real BF came along, then she would leave him high and dry until her next breakup.

Eventually he got the clue, and told her where to go. The thing was I honestly don't think she was trying to be hurtful as much as just being too selfish to see the other side of the coin.

(OK cata-rant time, only smaller)

For me, the best relationships I ever had were ones that started as friends and formed into something of it's own over time. To me the concept of "Hey I don't know you but lets go to eat somewhere and go to a dark place called a movie thater" is just comical at best. Actually to me the concept of a formal "date" is pretty messed up....just go do something you both like, and deal...no games sheesh...
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Old 05-20-05, 08:56 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KirkeIsWaiting
forget the dating.
just kiss her!
like I said, lean in close and don't even give her a chance to catch her breath.
then....run like hell. women are evil.
That sounds reasonable.
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Old 05-20-05, 09:35 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LordOpie
^ exactly.

If she tries to feed you some junk about how important your friendship is, just tell her that exploring a deeper relationship is worth the risk of losing the friendship -or- say that if the friendship is actually that strong, that it'll endure anything.

Be direct. Don't ask her to date, ask her on a date. Kiss her cheek the first night unless she's opening up to the idea. Give her a big wet one by the third date. I suspect her 5 month rule is cuz she's viewing male friends as brother-figures... break that bad idea!

That is EXACTLY it my freind. I have been trying in small attempts every now and then but she doesn't seem to notice! But anyways I'll try some of that.
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Old 05-20-05, 10:07 PM   #15
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One thing, don't try to be someone your not.

I tried that for awhile, and while it got some girls I liked to notice me, they noticed for all the wrong reasons.

Now I just act the way I am around someone I am interested in and if they are interested in me they will stick around. Well, thats my theory anyway. It has spawned a few friendships but no girlfriend yet. Oh well.
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Old 05-20-05, 10:12 PM   #16
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Here's a thought-

Perhaps she's trying to nicely get it so that you don't ask her out to begin with. Sometimes, rather than turn you down and hurt your feelings, people will come up with a way to prevent you from asking in the first place. Ever thought about that?

It sounds like a lot of the men here have been rejected by women and still haven't caught on to it yet. I'd tend to ignore their advice, which seems a bit petty to begin with and listen to the clues given out before you embarrass yourself in a major way.

And if she's over 18, she's a WOMAN.

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Old 05-20-05, 10:24 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KirkeIsWaiting
forget the dating.
just kiss her!
like I said, lean in close and don't even give her a chance to catch her breath.
then....run like hell. women are evil.
Your situation reminds me of a Woody Allen qoute: "I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox."

Do what KirkeIswaiting sez. Run like hell. You just might keep your bank account, your health and your sanity.
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Old 05-20-05, 10:26 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by koffee brown
And if she's over 18, she's a WOMAN.
And if she is over 18, MH90 is my new hero
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Old 05-20-05, 10:26 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LordOpie
^ exactly.

If she tries to feed you some junk about how important your friendship is, just tell her that exploring a deeper relationship is worth the risk of losing the friendship -or- say that if the friendship is actually that strong, that it'll endure anything.

Be direct. Don't ask her to date, ask her on a date. Kiss her cheek the first night unless she's opening up to the idea. Give her a big wet one by the third date. I suspect her 5 month rule is cuz she's viewing male friends as brother-figures... break that bad idea!
Have you heard of that book, He's Just Not That Into You? Judging by some of these responses, I'd have to say there should be one written called She's Just Not Into You. Koffee has the right idea. Maybe set your sights on someone willing to reciprocate.
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Old 05-20-05, 10:29 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LordOpie
And if she is over 18, MH90 is my new hero
LOL

some of my friends(who are girls) are over 18. I doubt any of them would date me even if I paid them lol.
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Old 05-20-05, 10:54 PM   #21
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Have you heard of that book, He's Just Not That Into You? Judging by some of these responses, I'd have to say there should be one written called She's Just Not Into You. Koffee has the right idea. Maybe set your sights on someone willing to reciprocate.

Amen. Maybe guys just don't realize that we're onto them and using the same runaround they used with us. They could all stand to read that book.

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Old 05-20-05, 10:59 PM   #22
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some of you women are way too uptight. We're not suggesting that he stalk her, just not give up so easily. And if she doesn't want to go on a date, then she should learn how to communicate a simple "no" instead of playing games.
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Old 05-20-05, 11:09 PM   #23
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Your translation of what we're saying is so over your head. No one is talking about stalking at all. Where the heck did that come from?

All we're saying is that perhaps the young woman was giving him some kind of signal or hint that she's not interested. If she were, she would have thrown out the signals 5 months ago. Either you are interested or you're not. Either you're wanting to be with someone or you don't. If the young woman doesn't want to be with this guy, she's certainly throwing out the hints. Why encourage him to pursue something that's obviously not in the cards?

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Old 05-20-05, 11:10 PM   #24
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PS. It also looks like she's NOT playing games- she's giving a polite refusal and trying not to lead him on. The game playing comes from him continuing to pursue the "relationship", when it's clear she has no interest. It's called DENIAL.

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Old 05-20-05, 11:13 PM   #25
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Me thinks you're projecting... big screen and surround sound
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