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Old 10-04-05, 04:09 AM   #1
my58vw
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Will not be outed... GID

Someone on this forum (who now has been banned) along with his aliases have attacked me personally again. This time the individual left a threatening PM on a support site after I posted some very personal things about my current condition in regards to GID. I can not let someone like that trash me all over the net so I am going to give a little background here on what is going on. Effectivly I will out myself here, but I will not give any personal information on me.

What I am about to tell you maybe contriversal, please do not turn this into a flame war like a homosexual thing, abortion, etc. What I am about to tell you is proven fact, documented, diagnosed and treatable. For someone who has GID it is the challenge of a life time. Nearly 50% of documented GID cases commit suicide before they turn 30. Until a few years ago the idea if GID was not accepted by mainstrem society, making it even harder to understand.

I am going to start the topic in the next post. Be advised, it may be a bit graphic, sorry but it has to be. There are no photos but I can direct you to somewhere if you want to see more information. In some states you may be required to be over 18 to read this material, although I will keep it PG13 (well most of it).
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Old 10-04-05, 04:30 AM   #2
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Solidarity, my friend! I'm with you!
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Old 10-04-05, 04:32 AM   #3
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GID - Gender identity disorder (disease), also know as GD, gender dysphoria.

GID is defined as the belief that an individual is of a different gender than the one that was assigned to an individual at birth, male or female designations. (see wikipedia definition of GD) The common term for this is transsexuality and people with GD can be designated as either transsexuals (TS) or transvestites (TV). For many people this definition is troubling, if someone is born a boy they are a man and a girl is a woman right? Well that is case is one demension of sexuality.

Gender and Sex are two different definitions. Sex is defined as your anatomical genetic makeup, male or female. This is assigned in the egg as either XY or XX chromosomes. Abnormalities such as XXY, etc are common as are what is known as intersex conditions (where the sexual organs are either ambigious or both are present (i.e. overies and a penis)). I was born with a slight intersex condition, the details are not important here.

Gender is defined as your percieved role, masculine as a man or feminine as a woman. Gender is defined as a continous scale, from extremely masculine males (they tend to be solders, police men, firefighters, etc) to very feminine females and everything inbetween. Gender is defined by two factors, social conditioning and what is known as brain gender... yes there are multiple forms of gender. In a normal man the brain develops as a male brain and combined with socalization becomes a man. Vice versa there is what is known as a female brain.

The brain gender (or sex) is defined in the womb. Researchers and doctors have discovered that brain sex is determined about 3 months into conception, at the same time that the sex organs start to form. This is controlled by hormones from the mothers body, testosterone to the fetus if a boy, none for a female. In a normal person the level or testosterone for example to says this fetus will be a boy detemines brain sex. Every person starts as a female, it is the events at 3 months that seperate boys and girls. GID is caused by a disorder at this time in development, generally a boy will not recieve the amount of testosterone needed to develop a male brain, the amount is higher than is needed to cause the sex organs to develop in most cases.

The consiquences of the wrong brain sex are stagering, these individuals seem to never be in "balance", they display characteristics of the opposite sex at an early age, like to play house, play with dolls, etc. As they grow up they are socalized to their birth sex, many times becoming social outcasts, suicidal at an early age. As a person with GID grows older they try and align themselves with their birth sex, getting married and having kids. By the age of 30, a staggering 50% of GID persons commit suicide. Many at 40 to 45 years old finally can not deal with GID anymore and decide to undergo transistion.

Transistion will be the topic of the next post.


How does GID apply to me. I was born with a condition called microphallis (micropenis, penis less than 1/4 inch long at birth, 3.75 inches errect at maturity). It is not directly attributed to kallmann's syndrome but they are closly linked. The figure is something like 20% of people with micropenis also have GID. The cause of microphallis is the same as GID, at about 3 months in the pregency, the body sends testosterone to the baby, initially there is not enough testosterone for full development on the penis. The penis grows for a little then stops. The lack of testosterone at that stage as I stated is directly linked to GID. After 23 years of knowing I was diagnosed with GID by my gender counciler.
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Old 10-04-05, 05:00 AM   #4
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Diagnoses and treatment

GID disorder has only one real treatment, transistion, male to female (or female to male) sex change (also known as Sex reassignment), the corresponsing medical treatment is known as SRS or sex reassignment surgery. Of course it is not as easy as you think, going under the knife does not make you a woman or a man, it takes much more than that, socalially, financially, responsibly.

GID is disagnosed by a gender conciler that a person with GID is required to see before even thinking about steps towards SRS. The therapists job is to help a pacient determine if she (male biolgical sex) is GID or not. This process can take a long time, and it is used to help a person avoid a life changing mistake.

There are many things that can mask as GID, including TV and other forms of CD (crossdressing, dressing or presenting as the opposite sex), fedish and not. Some people want to become the oppsite sex for other reasons, such as in a gay partner relationship, drag queens, etc. It is along process, it took 6 months to make a correct detemination of GID in my case.

SRS is not the only option in TS cases but it is the most obvious and applys to 80 percent or more of GID cases. In order for the individual to function, live and be productive it is paramount that they present as their brain sex tells them, many people who don't end up ending thier lives, an unfortunite task. Many people say transistioning from male to female is the only real cure for GID. In my opinion they may be right.

The dicision to transistion really depends on a whole lot of factors including age, family status, etc. Most TS people transistion regardless, felling it is their only way out. People who are diagnosed young do the best as their body can accept the "second puberty" well. They grow breasts, their body shape changes, etc. An individual who decides to transistion states hormone therapy (estrogen, testosteone blockers and later progesterone) to begin to develop the female secondary sexular characteristics. Electrolysis is used to remove the facial and other manly hairs from the body, voice training develops a female voice. FFS (facial feminization surgery) helps change some of the dominant facial male features to female. After a year of therapy after diagnoses (or less) the woman begins RLT (real life training) as a woman role. After 1 year of RLT SRS and other procedures (including breast augmentation) change the male body to something the is functionally very close to a woman, well without the ulterus, overies, etc. Sex is possable like a woman, including orgasms, and the visual result is visually the same as a genetic woman.


GID is a very tough thing to live with. Personally I have had bouts with depression for sometime. So bad that I just want to stay at home and not even ride. I have discovered music as an outlet (I used it for years when I was younger) for self expression. Unless you have GID it is very hard to even begin to understand what it is like. Personally I am a woman trapped in not just a male body but a dysfunctional male body. The only reason that I have been able to live like this for so long is because kallmann's took away all those things that riddle TSs through their lives. Several times in my life I wanted to escape life, but I enjoy living so much I could not even think about it. Then there was more and more.

What does my future hold for me...? I don't really know at this point, dealing with not only Kallmann's but GID is one hard thing to deal with. It can consume my very life, make me cry, make me fearful, etc. I am a typical TS, but transistioning, right now I don't know.

Feel free to ask any questions. I will report anyone who tries to use this to slam me, I would rather get the information out though than let someone else try and screw with me first.

There are alot more but I am not mentally ready to share it here...

Michael (Mandy)
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Old 10-04-05, 05:38 AM   #5
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Good on you! It a brave thing that you are doing and I'm happy to see that you are able to share your thoughts and feelings on what is a very difficult situation. The world needs more strong people like you!
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Old 10-04-05, 02:47 PM   #6
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I thought that this was bike forums?
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Old 10-04-05, 02:55 PM   #7
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I thought that this was bike forums?
If someone else is dragging this into bikeforums to attack the poor kid, it makes perfect sense for him to lay it all out here.

Good luck, my58vw.

(ok, after editing and editing, i'm sticking with the 'him' up there in its gender-neutral pronoun form. i hope nobody has a problem with that.)
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Old 10-04-05, 02:58 PM   #8
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I thought that this was bike forums?
I thought this was foo! ("Off-Topic chit chat with no general subject.")
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Old 10-04-05, 03:00 PM   #9
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I'm with yah man. I havent read the whole thing, but I have a good feeling you will get this handled.
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Old 10-04-05, 03:08 PM   #10
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Well my response to the MEAN PEOPLE IS YOU SUCK!!!

I'm always here for you if you ever need someone to JUST LISTEN my58vw. I lost a brother to suicide 7years ago so I will help ANYONE in anyway I can to help save a precious life.

SNOWY!!!
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Old 10-04-05, 03:08 PM   #11
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well, it sounds messy. i'll be honest. my first inclination is to suggest anything other than surgery but i'm sure you've gone over all your options. i'm a little speechless about all this to tell you the truth, and don't really have anything to say on the subject. but good luck to you, whatever happens.
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Old 10-04-05, 03:18 PM   #12
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I was expecting this to be a post about gastro-intestinal disease... and thought we were going to be exposed to a MUCH more unsettling kind of graphic material!
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Old 10-04-05, 03:25 PM   #13
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I'll add good wishes and support to the chorus. If everybody focussed on living their lives happily and fully instead of dumping on others, we'd all be better off. Good luck and keep your courage up.
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Old 10-04-05, 03:32 PM   #14
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You gave me great advice for my first criterium. You wrote, "trust your wheels." I did, and it really helped. So... and this is obviously more important than a bike race... trust yourself. Good luck.
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Old 10-04-05, 07:08 PM   #15
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Another nod of support VW and wish for your happiness.

There are cruel, manipulative and generally sucky people on the internet. Don't let them get you down.
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Old 10-04-05, 07:44 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timmhaan
well, it sounds messy. i'll be honest. my first inclination is to suggest anything other than surgery but i'm sure you've gone over all your options. i'm a little speechless about all this to tell you the truth, and don't really have anything to say on the subject. but good luck to you, whatever happens.

Tim, with all due respect, unless you're a trans person having been there, I'm sorry but you have no voice on the subject of surgery.

I understand where you're coming from, and to a 'normal' (god I hate that term) male a bilateratal orchectomy and penectomy would be the last possible solution to ANY situation.

To a trans person, there are times when it's the only solution other than a terminal one. Been there, done that and still have the tee-shirt from Dr Menard's Finishing School.

Thanks for your support of 58vw, i'm sure 'e needs all that can be had. This is a tough process to go through, with no easy answers.

Peace.
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Old 10-04-05, 08:04 PM   #17
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It took alot of courage to write that. And I respect that. You my freind are someone who people can look up to. Man, if anyone gives you crap then I can promise you they are losers at life. They feel better about themselves of they slam other people. You are not a winner, your a champion.

I wish the best of luck to you. And keep ridin that bike dude.
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Old 10-04-05, 08:47 PM   #18
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STACEY.....you're alright!
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Old 10-04-05, 08:59 PM   #19
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I wouldn't worry about the mean dude. He's got some issues of his own that could destroy his life if he doesn't turn it around.

I'm no expert on GID nor am I a counselor so I'll just throw you my support and hope you find your true self and a way to be yourself. It sounds like you're on your way.

BTW, nice Vee Dub.
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Old 10-04-05, 09:02 PM   #20
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And to think I am upset because I am a bit overweight. We are here for you Michael and you will be on my mind.... in my prayers. My prayers that you make the right decision for YOU, whatever decision that may be. Good Luck my friend!
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Old 10-04-05, 09:38 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by my58vw
Personally I have had bouts with depression for sometime. So bad that I just want to stay at home and not even ride.

As an alternative to expressing my sympathy towards your problem, I'll say that anyone who thinks the biggest problem with their depression is it getting in the way of riding has their heart in the right place, be it man, woman, or somewhere in between!

::thumbsup::
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Old 10-04-05, 10:55 PM   #22
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I'm sure you have thought of the several complications associated with this difficult decision, but I have a couple of questions.

1. I am under the impression you are a pretty tall person 6'-4" or so. Will this make it more difficult being a woman?

2. I also thought you were very involved with competitive racing. Will there be any restrictions placed on you racing with other women?

As Stacy indicated, I'm sure it's impossible to understand your situation with out being affected by your condition. Is the a way of looking at your self, not a someone who is a "freak", but rather someone with a special gift? You obviously have an understanding a both genders that very few people will every be able to experience. If you decide to go ahead with the gender reassignment, wont you lose that special gift?

I know two people who have undergone gender reassignment. One male to female, and the other female to male. It seemed to me that the female to male case was much more adjusted. Do you have any information about how each type of reassignment handles the change? Personally, I think becoming a woman would be extremely difficult after being a man.

Thanks for sharing. I hope you are able to make this decision with all the guidance possible.


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ps. I am one of those people that also like your race reports. And don't let evil people get you down. They just don't know any better.
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Old 10-05-05, 12:55 AM   #23
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One of my other fav boards, The Straight Dope, has a number of folks who've been in your situation. It's a pay board, but only about $14 bucks a year. You can also try it for free for a month but you can't use the search feature. It might be worth checking out.

I'm one of those girls who's always been into "guy" stuff. I identify as female as far as sexual relationships go, but I tend to dress fairly unisex and I'm just not "girly". Now, I fully realize that's nothing compared to your situation, but it does give me a certian sympathy.

Good luck. I hope that if you choose surgery it goes well and the results are all you hoped for.
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Old 10-05-05, 01:23 AM   #24
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keep your chin up, my58. you've got way more friends here than enemies.
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Old 10-05-05, 04:09 AM   #25
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Can't imagine what your condition is like, but I don't think you're the one with the main problem.
Your harassers however need to have a good long look at themselves to see why they feel the need to harass you. Maybe they have some kind of mental anguish which by picking on others diverts their attension away from their own problems.

Good luck and don't let the morons get to you!
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