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Thread: Sad day...

  1. #1
    Meow! my58vw's Avatar
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    Sad day...

    Maybe this is just a rant but here you go.

    My mom, generally is accepting of things, has been changing lately. I believe that someone at her work made a comment about the little gray handbag that I have been carrying around with me; yet, I am not sure. She made a comment today that quoted, "I don't want to see you with me carrying that thing." She has also made some other comments about earings, clothing choices, etc. She made a comment to me in the store today and got really upset and left.

    I thought it would be all better when I decided to go to the store and pick out a nice set of pretty earings. Well after 12 weeks I figured the ears were ready for non piecing studs, apparently I was incorrect. Actually, one ear was fine, the other immedatly collasped on itself and closed, 12 WEEKS LATER: Another failed *** piercing.

    I am not happy tonight, I can not wait to move out and live my own life. Maybe a consoldation, my mom loves my hair.

    I guess I have to let them heal again and get them done with a needle this time. It just upsets me that everytime I take a step towards defining myself my mom or dad makes some hurtful comment about it. Funny is that all my friends don't mind the "murse" but my parents are having a cow. Oh well!

    Life goes on, only nine months until I can move out!

    Mandy
    Just your average club rider... :)

  2. #2
    Senior Member DannoXYZ's Avatar
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    Hang in there! You're almost FREE!!! Imagine the airy lightness and fresh breath you can take when you're soaring on your own. No strings, no cages, no one else's rules. Can you feel the excitement and incredible joy of being on your own? Hmmm...

  3. #3
    Meow! my58vw's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DannoXYZ
    Hang in there! You're almost FREE!!! Imagine the airy lightness and fresh breath you can take when you're soaring on your own. No strings, no cages, no one else's rules. Can you feel the excitement and incredible joy of being on your own? Hmmm...
    Thank You Danno,

    I can not wait, it has been WAY too long at home. The main thing that I dislike about the situation is the feeling that someone is constintly looking over my shoulder. I wish my parents would just allow me to be myself, but apparently that is too much for them. I am going to take my mom to lunch tomarrow, maybe we can talk then.

    I am still debating getting the hole redone with a needle. I might have them put small hoops in for now, we will see. I really want those earrings.

    It is just hard, we are constintly fighting, this sucks.
    Just your average club rider... :)

  4. #4
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    Mandy, I'm no Sigmund Freud or anything. But perhaps your parents feel that they've failed to produce a son who has grown into a "real man" and the comments and judgements you are recieving from them is the result of that feeling of failure on their part. This is something that was communicated to me quite clearly by my mother in the short time between my coming out and her total rejection of me as her child. It's also supported in the cinversations with the small number of parents of trans-folk with which I've had the pleasure to discuss their childs transition.

    Perhaps you should consider a good thorough self assesment of your lifes priorities and see if maybe you can shake some things a bit down and bump the relocation aspect a bit closer to the top.

    You parents hurt and there's some embarrasment as well, I'm sure of that. You need to move slowly, carefuly and lovingly with them lest you loose them for good. That's something you don't want to happen... believe me. My mother died within three months of rejecting me. We didn't have the chance to make ammends. Something that still haunts me seven years later.

  5. #5
    but wait! theres more! shikaka's Avatar
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    buddy ur not alone (cept our situation is totally opposite )... my parents urge me to wear more female like clothes... you know skirts and pritty tops... but i find pants and shorts more practical and comfortable and plain shirts the same ... this is around the house i mean.... im mean sure i wear dress's on special occations and the same with pritty tops... but not around my family and friends... iv no need to impress them .
    although i have to admit... shes not ashamed to walk around with me.

    but i learned along time ago to be me and not what my parents want me to be.
    PS: im moving out too in two weeks! i cant wait!
    Last edited by shikaka; 01-05-06 at 07:22 AM. Reason: spelling
    dont look too hard

  6. #6
    but wait! theres more! shikaka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stacey
    You parents hurt and there's some embarrasment as well, I'm sure of that. You need to move slowly, carefuly and lovingly with them lest you loose them for good. That's something you don't want to happen... believe me. My mother died within three months of rejecting me. We didn't have the chance to make ammends. Something that still haunts me seven years later.
    oh stacey im so sorry to hear that
    dont look too hard

  7. #7
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    What do they have to be proud of?

    My son or daughter would be out on their butts. Does that make me a cold hearted SOB? Personally [Moderator Removed: Unkind]

  8. #8
    Cycle Dallas MMACH 5's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ewitz
    What do they have to be proud of?

    My son or daughter would be out on their butts. Does that make me a cold hearted SOB? Personally [Moderator Removed: Unkind].
    You obviously don't have children. Don't be an [Moderator Removed].
    That's gonna leave a mark.

  9. #9
    fiddling with my bike msviolin57's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ewitz
    What do they have to be proud of?

    My son or daughter would be out on their butts. Does that make me a cold hearted SOB? Personally I don't care.
    That's sad. I can't think of anything my kids could do that would make me disown or reject them.

  10. #10
    Canon fiend MadMan2k's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about that, pretty sucky.

    Do you still dress like a guy but carry the purse around? or what

  11. #11
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by msviolin57
    That's sad. I can't think of anything my kids could do that would make me disown or reject them.
    Consider the source msviolin57, I need not say more.

  12. #12
    Enjoy
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    Moderator interjecting here:

    It's still OK for members to post a negative opinion. Please no name calling.
    Thanks a bunch!

    -vr

  13. #13
    NEVER WALK A HILL cycleprincess's Avatar
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    Parents suck sometimes. My dad was awesome when he was alive. He died when I was 12. When he would tuck me into bed he would say "remember baby, I love you and your mom loves you too". Pretty bad when your dad has to tell you that your mom loves you. I talk to mom all the time now, on the phone and she always tells me she loves me. But you know...still can't count on her for emotional support, or any other kind of support really. Finally realized I had the power to stop her from hurting me emotionally. Just don't go there...don't rely on her for support. So now we are friends. I mean I love her, and she'll always be my mom, but it's just a different relationship now.

    Anyway...if I had a point at all (other then to just boo hoo) it's this. If she can't give you the emotional support you need, don't go there. Get it somewhere else. HERE!! We love you Mandy...purse and all!
    Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.

    T. S. Elliot

  14. #14
    Recovering Retro-grouch CRUM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by msviolin57
    That's sad. I can't think of anything my kids could do that would make me disown or reject them.
    The day my daughter started handing me my butt out on the trail when she was 15 or so, I was damn tempted.

    But seriously, as bad as it sometimes was between my parents and myself ( and believe me the madness was tough to take for a few years), I never questioned their love or devotion. And when it came time for them to make a decision to help me when I surely did not deserve any help, they were there, no questions asked.

    I am with you on this. My daughter could do nothing I would be so ashamed of that I would stop my love for her. Cold, Damn cold, ewitz.
    Keep it 'tween the ditches

    My Blog - Lost in the Bo Zone

  15. #15
    Meow! my58vw's Avatar
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    Dress mostly like a guy, but have enough feminine touches to be noticable (i.e. my handbag, diamond earrings, etc.). My parents are afraid I will "embarass" them carrying a purse, etc. I can not fully express myself at home but with time I will be able to.

    I don't pay rent right now, agreement that as long as I am in school I can stay rent free. I did offer today (before I read this thread) to give my parents 250 a month after my birthday for rent, kind of an agreement for them to give me a little more freedom with things. I am still debated on when I will move out.

    Things are moving slowly with me in my life right now. I am letting my life be "organic" and letting things happen at their own pace and tempo. Rushing things is the wrong porposistion now. I had a talk about the whole purse thing, my mom did not realize that she hurt my feelings over it. It is looking a little better.

    One day my heart will be free, but forever it will be connected to the ones I love, whether they fully accept who I am right now or not!

    BTW ewitz is a troll... short and simple. He should just go [Moderator Removed: Unkind]. He has at every opportunity ridicule me for years. I just ignore him, I don't even see his posts anymore.

    Thank You all ,

    Mandy
    Just your average club rider... :)

  16. #16
    SERENITY NOW!!! jyossarian's Avatar
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    You're not carrying that purse in your avatar around are you? I'd be embarassed too if you were. I hope your gray purse matches your outfits.
    HHCMF - Take pride in your ability to amaze lesser mortals! - MikeR



    We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!

  17. #17
    Meow! my58vw's Avatar
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    It is kind of a really dark almost black color, kind of a mini organizer type thing, I wil throw up a pic tomarow.

    Matching outfits... I would need about 10 bags for that!
    Just your average club rider... :)

  18. #18
    NFL Owner monogodo's Avatar
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    I would strongly recommend getting your ear pierced at a professional piercing shop that uses hollow needles, and not at a place that uses guns. It will heal faster and look a whole lot better.
    198? Colnago Super (Campy Record) | 1989 Eddy Merckx 7-Eleven Team Issue (Dura Ace) | Catamount MFS (1x8) | Top Image Neptune (SS)

  19. #19
    Enjoy
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    Another viewpoint...

    As a parent, ."it's easier for me to do NOTHING, than to help". But I love my children and would rather take the heat (back-talk,disrespect, rejection), than have them feel 'society's whip'. It's a seed that I plant to help to help them see things differantly.

    Sometimes it's very discouraging.

  20. #20
    Third World Layabout crtreedude's Avatar
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    Often within families there gets to be a tug of war. Your parents have certain feelings (sometimes based on dumb things that they have said in the past by the way - like, "my kids would NEVER do something like that") and so do you. You wish to be your own person - but the reality is that you are not - you aren't paying your way yet - they are supporting you still and trust me, they know it.

    You will have to deal with this all your life. If a person comes into a professional setting dressed like a beach bum, they have two choices, dress right, or find another job. Does this limit their freedom? YES! But, if you can't afford to do whatever you want, you have to respect the wishes of those who are paying the bills.

    Often, after you ARE standing on your own two feet - you will see things will calm down. Our kids function different than us - somethings we might not approve of. That is okay - they are paying for it. But, if you are being supported by your parents - perhaps you should try to make life a little easier for them - they have to live with their friends and family after you leave, and perhaps they don't want to be involved in defending your rights - it is their choice after all.

    If you want to support me I would feel you would have the right to have something to say about how my life impacts yours. If I didn't like the constraints - I wouldn't accept the help. But, to accept the help without accepting the limitations appears to be a little double sided to me.

    It is normal at this point for you to chaff at restrictions - but don't think you are independent until you actually are would be my advice to you. Someday you might have dependents who decide to do things different from you (for example, march in an anti-gay rally) - will you be as tolerant as you wish your parents would be toward you? Perhaps your parents should save up your behavior now to tell your kids when / if you have problems with them in the future? What goes around tends to come around. Remember some day YOU will be the old foggy - after all, your parents weren't always out of step.

    Just in all honesty - when I was young, I really wanted to get out of the house too and no, I wasn't mature enough to know what I just wrote. Thankfully, my parents didn't tell my kids some of the things I did - they didn't need the ideas!

    Not trying to meddle - but perhaps showing the flipside of the issue.

  21. #21
    Meow! my58vw's Avatar
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    Thank You for the great insite.

    As the generations continue we seem to get more liberal and understanding in my viewpoints. It seems that life experiences can really change how "understanding" we want to be. In my view society can sometimes be a hard knock and kids in this society need that sometimes. I have matured alot in the last 4 -5 years, expecially from high school.

    I know life will be different when I move out, and of course I will make enough money to be able to control that part of my life, without something having their opinion thrown in our faces once in a while. I can see their viewpoint, trying to protect their "little boy" , but then we will need to grow up and wander away from the nest, sometimes sooner than we expect. I have lots of friends who live out on their own. I know at times it can not be easy, but for every one of them their is the pride and joy of being able to call ones shots and learn from one's mistakes.

    I just want my chance to do that.

    Mandy


    BTW if my adopted kids some day wanted to march in a "gay" parade or have an abortion that is their choice. I can not let my idiologies get in the way, although I would talk to them about their life choices. It is just like the kid and the hot stove, we never learn until we find out ourselves!
    Just your average club rider... :)

  22. #22
    Crazy Like a Daisy CycleMagic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stacey
    Mandy, I'm no Sigmund Freud or anything. But perhaps your parents feel that they've failed to produce a son who has grown into a "real man" and the comments and judgements you are recieving from them is the result of that feeling of failure on their part. This is something that was communicated to me quite clearly by my mother in the short time between my coming out and her total rejection of me as her child. It's also supported in the cinversations with the small number of parents of trans-folk with which I've had the pleasure to discuss their childs transition.

    Perhaps you should consider a good thorough self assesment of your lifes priorities and see if maybe you can shake some things a bit down and bump the relocation aspect a bit closer to the top.

    You parents hurt and there's some embarrasment as well, I'm sure of that. You need to move slowly, carefuly and lovingly with them lest you loose them for good. That's something you don't want to happen... believe me. My mother died within three months of rejecting me. We didn't have the chance to make ammends. Something that still haunts me seven years later.
    beautifully stated! nice.
    Where am I going?......

    ....and why am I in this handbasket?

  23. #23
    Crazy Like a Daisy CycleMagic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ewitz
    What do they have to be proud of?

    My son or daughter would be out on their butts. Does that make me a cold hearted SOB? Personally [Moderator Removed: Unkind]
    still upset over [Moderator Removed: Flame attempt]?
    Where am I going?......

    ....and why am I in this handbasket?

  24. #24
    Third World Layabout crtreedude's Avatar
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    You are welcome - it isn't easy being young, and it ain't any easier getting old!

    As far as this generation being more liberal than the previous, hmmm, let me think:

    1. Civil Rights was established by my generation.
    2. The start of Gay Rights.
    3. Free Love was started.
    4. Drug use was off the charts. (i.e. if you remember the 60s, you weren't there...)
    5. Major rebellion against the government because of the Vietnam war.
    6. Comunes
    7. Dropping out of the society for alternate lifestyles.
    8. Oh, and no control of the House, Senate and Presidency by the Republicans for a LOT of years.
    9. No Rush Limbaugh

    Bucking the tide during times when discrimination was legal and the previous generation was willing to KILL to continue it took a lot of conviction. And, a lot was done by white people who felt bad for others and wanted to do what they could to help. There was a lot wrong with the 60s and 70s, but a lot right too.

    Do you still think your generation is more liberal? Nope - I don't think so, there has been a pretty big swing back to "Conservative Values" - and I suspect it is your generation doing it...

    The difficulty is that as a parent - you want so much to protect your kids and help them. And of course young people (myself included at that age) are so certain that they are right. The problem is, you parents have hindsight - they KNOW how stupid they were at your age. It is an uncomfortable feeling when you watch someone you love stepping out to make decisions.

    You won't know what decisions you are making now that you will regret later - until later. As a wiser person than me once said.

    "Keep your words short and sweet - they go down better when you have to eat them..."

    I have eaten a lot of words in my time I will tell you! And given the fact I still speak when I should shut up, I figure I have a few more to eat in the future...

    Given the desire of yourself to make your own mistakes and pay for them, you should be just fine. But there is probably nothing you can do to help your parents except act as mature as you can in their presence - and sometimes that means being more mature than they are.

    just my dos colones

  25. #25
    The Guadfather Lecterman's Avatar
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    Hang in there Mandy!!

    Hopefully they will come around.
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