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  1. #1
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    Reverse crank calls... Am I the only one?

    We all get phone calls that are a wrong number right. Do you just let the moran off with polite "I'm sorry but you have the wrong number."? Or, is this an open invitation for obscene tom-foolery?

    Me, I take the low road. I just had one and it was great!

    Phone rings
    Me: Hello?

    Female Caller: ***** please.

    Me: I'm sorry she can't come to the phone right now. She's upstairs ****ing Charlie.

    Caller: Huh?

    Me: Oh she was a bit horny and she got Charlie to scratch the itch.

    Caller: Oh, ok.

    Me: Is there a message please?

    Caller: Yes thank you. This is ***** from *****, you have seven pallets of our product there...

    Me: Oh, I don't know anything about them. Can I have a number she can call you?

    Caller: Yes, its ***-***-****

    Me: Great I'll give her the message as soon as she done douching.

    Caller: Thank you very much, have a great day

    Me: Yes you too, thank you.

    CLICK

    ME: :cry;


    **********************************
    I can't help but wonder what the conversation was in that office after she hung up. AND What the conversation will be when the caller eventually dials the RIGHT number and speaks to *****

    Just gotta get the laughs as you find them!

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    probably

  3. #3
    Lex
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    Cheer****** of Doom Lex's Avatar
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    My Grandpa does that too. Someone will call and ask for someone and he'll say, "She's in the basement with Charlie. Is this ______ ? It's not? Oh, she told me to tell him something that I'd rather not repeat if you're not him." On and on.
    "I'm starting to have grave doubts about this thing I barely liked in the first place." Homer Simpson

  4. #4
    Senior Member cyclezealot's Avatar
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    I like it. I guess you attempt to identify the voice and not repeat the conversation to your older granny.

  5. #5
    SNIKT! Karldar's Avatar
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    I get a lot of those, but my phone's usually never on when they call. I wind up with voicemails like, "Doug, we need to see about gettin' that horse trailer over here." Sometimes I even call them back and let them know they've got the wrong guy. Of course, it might help if I actually recorded a message instead of using the default.

    Note to self: Somehow avoid accidentally calling Stacey....
    I like pie!
    "The bright flicker of our television screens is the stolen incandescence of a thousand young minds." - Theodore W. Gray
    "you taught us to fish while so many others were handing out tuna sandwiches" - Ziggurat

  6. #6
    Senior Member Michigander's Avatar
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    My favorite thing is credit card offers. When ever I get one I patiently listen to the shpeel, go back over all of the details with the telemarketer to make sure I understand, then say: I just got done doing 3-5 for credit card fraud. I think your ****in nuts. I then hang up the phone before they have a chance to say anything else.
    Bring back the Sig Test!


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  7. #7
    45 miles/week Eggplant Jeff's Avatar
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    I do it with telemarketers only.

    Some company had been calling me several times, so finally I did this:

    Them: Hi this is so-and-so from whatever company.

    Me (in an agonized, pleading scream): DEAR GOD!!! WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE STOP CALLING ME?!? WHY!?!?!?

    Them: Uhh Sir I can put you on our do not call list...

    Me: THAT WOULD BE FABULOUS!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

    <click>

    They never called back .
    Treasurer, HHCMF Club
    Now living in the land of the cheesesteak.
    But working at a job where I can't surf BikeForums all day any more...

  8. #8
    Lex
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    Cheer****** of Doom Lex's Avatar
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    I give the phone to the 4 year old when telemarketers call. She loves to talk on the phone and they'd never known all about her cousins otherwise.

    We've had our number for three years now. The people who had our number before us still give our number when it suits them. Just the little things though....the nursing home the mother is in.....his job....the school their son is now attending.
    "I'm starting to have grave doubts about this thing I barely liked in the first place." Homer Simpson

  9. #9
    No Rocket Surgeon eubi's Avatar
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    Well, I screen all my calls at home but I get them at work.

    So I can't be too obscene.

    I like to tell the caller that I own a company that competes with theres. I tell them the name (that I make up) of my company, and the funny thing is that they usually admit they have heard of it!

    The call ends soon afterwards.

  10. #10
    That darn Yankee TexasGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lex
    I give the phone to the 4 year old when telemarketers call. She loves to talk on the phone and they'd never known all about her cousins otherwise.

    We've had our number for three years now. The people who had our number before us still give our number when it suits them. Just the little things though....the nursing home the mother is in.....his job....the school their son is now attending.
    Hahahahaha
    OMG
    Sad thing is, is if the mother calls and gets to talk to your kid, that's probably more attention then her family gives to her

    Personally I only use the phone for business purposes. If I'm on the phone calling somebody or talking to somebody 99% chance that it's business related and thus I am maintaing a professional manner. I have vonage with caller ID and I will almost never pick up the phone unless they have sent a valid caller id . Unfortunately the valid caller id does not stop comrporations that are outsourcing their tech recruiting to mexicans and Indians who can't pronounce or enunciate or form proper sentences.
    Life is about hanging onto what you think is important and finding out what really is important.
    "Stop Ruining my joke!", "No, a joke implies humor attached at no additional cost"
    So many sayings, so little sig space.

  11. #11
    later free_pizza's Avatar
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    I like Jerry Seinfelds approach on this one. Tell the guy you are busy, and ask for his home number so you can call him back later!

    "ohhh, so you dont want anyone calling you at home and disturbing you"
    "well now you know how i feel!"

  12. #12
    Behind EVERYone!!! baj32161's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by free_pizza
    I like Jerry Seinfelds approach on this one. Tell the guy you are busy, and ask for his home number so you can call him back later!

    "ohhh, so you dont want anyone calling you at home and disturbing you"
    "well now you know how i feel!"
    This one actually works!!
    A good teacher protects his pupils from his own influence.

    ― Bruce Lee

  13. #13
    imminent danger
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    I once had a call from a telemarketer trying to sell me a timeshare in Hungary. I was at a loose end so I thought I would string him along for a while. In the end I had him going for about an hour keeping him feeling like I was close to signing up, asking about various options and increasing what it looked like I mighy buy.

    In the end when he thought I was about to close the deal I told him that I was a mystery shopper, reeled of a list of things he had done wrong and demanded to speak to his supervisor. I told the supervisor not to hire such gullible idiots and rang off.

    Made me happy for days.

  14. #14
    That darn Yankee TexasGuy's Avatar
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    Life is about hanging onto what you think is important and finding out what really is important.
    "Stop Ruining my joke!", "No, a joke implies humor attached at no additional cost"
    So many sayings, so little sig space.

  15. #15
    NEVER WALK A HILL cycleprincess's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lex
    I give the phone to the 4 year old when telemarketers call. She loves to talk on the phone and they'd never known all about her cousins otherwise.

    We've had our number for three years now. The people who had our number before us still give our number when it suits them. Just the little things though....the nursing home the mother is in.....his job....the school their son is now attending.

    Oh that's great. I'll have to do that next time. I have a 4 year old little girl too, and she's a talker! It's so funny though cuz she'll be on the phone with Nana (my mom) and she'll try to show her what she's talking about by holding the phone up to it. She's chasing the cat around with the phone so my mom can "see" the kitty.
    Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.

    T. S. Elliot

  16. #16
    Lex
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    Cheer****** of Doom Lex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cycleprincess
    Oh that's great. I'll have to do that next time. I have a 4 year old little girl too, and she's a talker! It's so funny though cuz she'll be on the phone with Nana (my mom) and she'll try to show her what she's talking about by holding the phone up to it. She's chasing the cat around with the phone so my mom can "see" the kitty.
    My daughter does that too. "Look!" she holds an object right next to the mouthpiece like that's the portal between our house and Grandmas. Hey, if it was I'd be shoving her through that one day a week she gets really hyper. "You get her? Push her back through when she stops running in circles."
    "I'm starting to have grave doubts about this thing I barely liked in the first place." Homer Simpson

  17. #17
    That darn Yankee TexasGuy's Avatar
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    You both are funny The sad thing is, I wonder how long it will be before that is a reality.
    Life is about hanging onto what you think is important and finding out what really is important.
    "Stop Ruining my joke!", "No, a joke implies humor attached at no additional cost"
    So many sayings, so little sig space.

  18. #18
    By-Tor...or the Snow Dog? hi565's Avatar
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    Ok so here is a story

    I was at an older friend kelly's house one time just hanging out with him while he works. So I am sitting there on his TV playing PS2 eating stale saltines and marshmellows, when he gets a call. Here it is how I think I remember it...

    Kelly: Hello?

    Telemarketer for the boston globe: Hi I am from the boston globe wondering if you would like to purchase a member ship to blah blah

    K: No I am not interested (this is where he looks at me and tell me to join him, not the telemarketer is on the speaker phone)

    T: Well its a one time thing and its a very good deal

    K: I just said I am not interested

    T: Well it is a great deal of 40 cents an issue, shipping is handled and it has all these new additions blah blah

    K: Please the last time I am not interested.

    T: (pretty much just said what he said before ignoring my friend)

    Here is the fun part after all the hassling he responds with...

    K: Please I am not interested, I can not read

    T: Why

    K: I am blind

    T: oh

    Click.
    We were laughing for a long time about this thing. The timing of it was just too perfect.
    ----------------------------------------------------------

  19. #19
    That darn Yankee TexasGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hi565
    Ok so here is a story

    I was at an older friend kelly's house one time just hanging out with him while he works. So I am sitting there on his TV playing PS2 eating stale saltines and marshmellows, when he gets a call. Here it is how I think I remember it...

    Kelly: Hello?

    Telemarketer for the boston globe: Hi I am from the boston globe wondering if you would like to purchase a member ship to blah blah

    K: No I am not interested (this is where he looks at me and tell me to join him, not the telemarketer is on the speaker phone)

    T: Well its a one time thing and its a very good deal

    K: I just said I am not interested

    T: Well it is a great deal of 40 cents an issue, shipping is handled and it has all these new additions blah blah

    K: Please the last time I am not interested.

    T: (pretty much just said what he said before ignoring my friend)

    Here is the fun part after all the hassling he responds with...

    K: Please I am not interested, I can not read

    T: Why

    K: I am blind

    T: oh

    Click.
    We were laughing for a long time about this thing. The timing of it was just too perfect.
    I had one similar except at the end of the conversation I told him I got all of my news for free online :-p Here it isn't very funny but if you were there everybody was laughing prettyhard.
    Life is about hanging onto what you think is important and finding out what really is important.
    "Stop Ruining my joke!", "No, a joke implies humor attached at no additional cost"
    So many sayings, so little sig space.

  20. #20
    Cycle Dallas MMACH 5's Avatar
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    When I was 16 yrs old, (now think back, there were enough hormones coursing through my body to kill a horse), a woman with a rather sexy voice called and asked for Steve. It was Saturday night and my only plans were to go out catching some water snakes, later on, (I know; BIG LOSER).

    Me: "I'm sorry, there's no Steve, here. Who's this?"

    Karen: "This is Karen. Do I know you?"

    Me: "Nope, I was just making conversation. Since Steve doesn't live here, I thought I could stand in for him. Is he your boyfriend?"

    Karen: "No, I'm single."

    (Now the launch sequence had been activated. I had to meet this woman, and quick!)
    Me: "So what are you up to, tonight?"

    This went on for a half hour or so. She agreed to meet me at a pizzaria, not far from my house...
    She was in her mid forties, more attractive than most and oh so drunk. However, as soon as she saw me, she went into, "Oh my, you are way too young for me. I'd better go. Do you need a ride somewhere?"

    I figured my chances with her were going to go straight down the tubes, if I just let her walk out, so I didn't tell her I had driven there. We got into her Crown Victoria and started back toward my house.
    Well, I come to find out;
    a) she was not single
    b) she was always drunk
    and
    c) she had two kids; one of whom went to my school.

    Needless to say, I didn't get lucky that night. She did give me an extended, somewhat passionate kiss good night, when she dropped me off. Instead of a cold shower, I got on my skateboard and rode the 5 miles to get my car.

    I never saw Karen again, but I thought of her every time I passed her daughter in the hall.
    That's gonna leave a mark.

  21. #21
    That darn Yankee TexasGuy's Avatar
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    oh man
    Life is about hanging onto what you think is important and finding out what really is important.
    "Stop Ruining my joke!", "No, a joke implies humor attached at no additional cost"
    So many sayings, so little sig space.

  22. #22
    Senior Member DannoXYZ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MMACH 5
    When I was 16 yrs old, (now think back, there were enough hormones coursing through my body to kill a horse), a woman with a rather sexy voice called and asked for Steve. ...

    I never saw Karen again, but I thought of her every time I passed her daughter in the hall.
    Dude.... you could've had a threesome with a mother-daughter team!!!

  23. #23
    Hair Free bike756's Avatar
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    Why did I never think of this before?!?! I usually just let the phone ring if I don't know who it is. Next time Im going to have some fun!

  24. #24
    ` Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    I ususally go off in Chinese when they start off. Funny thing is, I don't know Chinese.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  25. #25
    Banned. sngltrackdufus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DannoXYZ
    Dude.... you could've had a threesome with a mother-daughter team!!!

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