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Old 02-22-06, 08:59 AM   #1
koine2002
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i heard from my dad!

So, my dad hasn't really been part of my life for 19 years. Our only contact was a couple of phone calls and a face to face about 6 years ago--he then disappeared again and has been unable to contact. I hadn't really thought about him in quite a while. After a couple of hours of being vulnerable with my mentor yesterday, I come back to my office to discover an e-mail from the man. How he tracked me down I have no idea. He gave me his e-mail address and wants to get in touch with 'lil sis too. I wrote back, updated him as to what is going on in my life, and told him that I still loved him. We'll see what happens.
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Old 02-22-06, 09:11 AM   #2
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What a nice feeling I hope things work out for you - hugs -
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Old 02-22-06, 09:14 AM   #3
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Sounds wonderful. Best of luck with your dad, and keep us posted.
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Old 02-22-06, 09:21 AM   #4
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If i were in your boots, im not too sure how i would feel about somebody so important (or should be important) who's ignored me for 19 years want to come back into my life.

BUt i hope it all works out well for you.
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Old 02-22-06, 09:28 AM   #5
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My spidey sense is tingling. I'd be wary and cautious.
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Old 02-22-06, 09:31 AM   #6
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I agree with the be cautious comments--I'm not sure what to expect and staying guarded, I was just quite surprised to see such a thing in the inbox.

Last edited by koine2002; 02-22-06 at 10:59 AM. Reason: type-o
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Old 02-22-06, 09:51 AM   #7
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Good luck with reconnecting with your dad. I hope that everything works out for you.
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Old 02-22-06, 10:01 AM   #8
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Its awesome that you have this chance to reconnect with your father. I hope that in the long run its something that you both want. I wish you the best.

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Old 02-22-06, 10:10 AM   #9
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i don't forgive people easily. but if you're willing to, than that's great. good luck - i hope all goes well.
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Old 02-22-06, 12:12 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by free_pizza
If i were in your boots, im not too sure how i would feel about somebody so important (or should be important) who's ignored me for 19 years want to come back into my life.

BUt i hope it all works out well for you.
i say forgive but never forget.
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Old 02-22-06, 12:17 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by free_pizza
If i were in your boots, im not too sure how i would feel about somebody so important (or should be important) who's ignored me for 19 years want to come back into my life.

BUt i hope it all works out well for you.
Welcome to my world....only now its 35 years and counting......

Mr. Sperm Donor knocked my mom up when she was about 21. According to story, she told him at his house (he still lived with his parents) way out in the country somewhere. He freaked out, left her there and took off. His parents didn't have a car and my mom ended up having to stay with his parents for about 3 days before my grandfather could come out and pick her up or something. I'm not sure if she ever heard from him again or not, but *I* have never heard from him.

I'm now 35 years old and have never heard a word from the guy. I've likely got brothers and sisters out there I've never met or known about. He's never tried to contact me.

The way I feel about it, is that if he has gone so long not caring enough to want to see/meet me, then the feelings are mutual. My mom met a guy and got married when I was 2 years old. He's the only dad I've never known and the only one I've ever needed. He adopted me at age 9 so I would have his last name too.

Bottom Line: I've got a dad, so I don't care if I ever d hear from him.
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Old 02-22-06, 12:26 PM   #12
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So u got brothers and sisters you didn't know about either? If the dude can't be bothered to take responsibility for his actions, he's no kind of man I want to be. I'd rather be a real man.
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Old 02-22-06, 12:56 PM   #13
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As long as you have a positive attitude about it, it should all work out. Cheers

Now, this thing about being vulnerable with your mentor... hmmm
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Old 02-22-06, 03:37 PM   #14
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Really- practice some caution here. All you have is an email- you have no idea who the guy is really, and you don't know what's up with the guy and why he's getting back in your life.

People just don't normally start contacting people again for no reason. Be cautious.

But if it all works out for you, I'm really rooting for you.

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Old 02-22-06, 04:57 PM   #15
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I agree with Koffee (for once ). I guess my question would if I were in the situation is . . . where was he for 19 years? If he's a spy, that's cool. Maybe it's going to be like the movie "Max Dugan Returns" in which case you'll get some new stuff. Hopefully some bikes.

Also, personally I'm a very different person than I was 19 years ago so anyone from that time coming back into my life would be met with some trepidation, and a thesauri.

The good news is that after 19 years it's possible both of you are different people, for the better. i.e., you're both all growed up now.

N
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Old 02-22-06, 05:03 PM   #16
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Yeah, I would be cautious. Anyone who doesn't want to be a part of your life, and suddenly does is rather shady in my eyes.

Given, I am probably one of the least trusting people on the face of the earth (my upbringing was about as normal as my personality...which doesn't say much ), but I think this is something everyone can agree with.

On the bright side, if he does intend to be a part of your life, then by all means go for it...just keep your head straight for a while to find out why.
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Old 02-22-06, 05:37 PM   #17
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I agree with Koffee (for once ). I guess my question would if I were in the situation is . . . where was he for 19 years? If he's a spy, that's cool. Maybe it's going to be like the movie "Max Dugan Returns" in which case you'll get some new stuff. Hopefully some bikes.

Also, personally I'm a very different person than I was 19 years ago so anyone from that time coming back into my life would be met with some trepidation, and a thesauri.

The good news is that after 19 years it's possible both of you are different people, for the better. i.e., you're both all growed up now.

N
Concurring slightly. Get a Pinarello out of the deal... with Campy Record. And make him send you to Italy to pick it up.

Seriously, though... all the best with that one. Watch yourself though!

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Old 02-22-06, 06:33 PM   #18
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I understand; strange times, no? My dad has been pretty flakey in our lives (me, bro and sis) for the last 20 or so years. My brother ended up having our step dad adopt him and changed his last name. My sister decided that if she wanted dad in her life, she would have to put forth all the effort and accept him as he is. one big, stoned flake. It has worked for her; he knows her kids and is aware of what is going on in her life. I was not so easily forgiving or willing to put forth that much energy. He recently contacted me (an e-mail also, isn't technology wonderful?) and I went to visit him. I wasn't expecting any grand reunion, understanding or explanation from him, therefore, I wasn't dissapointed when I saw him. He is who he is and I accept that. where do we go from here? back to infrequent e-mail contact and no expectations....sounds a bit sad, but I have come to an understanding of who my father is.

I expect you will have to go through the same process, Koine. Best of luck to you! I wish the best for you.
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Old 02-22-06, 06:39 PM   #19
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i dont suppose youv recently won the lottery? crazy how family seems to come out of the woodwork
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Old 02-22-06, 07:34 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by timmhaan
i don't forgive people easily. but if you're willing to, than that's great. good luck - i hope all goes well.
Fortunately, you can still love someone and refuse to lend them $1500 bucks to pay for alleged dental work.
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Old 02-22-06, 07:50 PM   #21
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And watch your kidneys. After 19 years of God knows what, he may need a kidney or bone marrow or something which is why he's contacting you. I hate to say it, but tigers don't change their stripes easily. He's either found God or found he needs something from you.
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Old 02-22-06, 08:10 PM   #22
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Please please please remember that you don't own him anything. You are not obligated to him. Just because his is your biological father doesn't mean you have to do anything for him. He is not your responsibility.

Although he is the sperm donor, you and your caretaker made your life what it is today. And you did it without him. See what you have become? He is an adult and adults must face consequences, that is, being the ball is in your court - for you to decide what to do with.

Yes, maybe he has found God and is trying to make amends. But if it is sincere, he will not ask for anything, but would offer an apology to you or perhaps an explanation. That doesn't mean you have to continue the relationship. And what ever you do, don't let him put any guilt on you if you decide that you have managed without him and choose to continue to do so.

Please watch out for your feelings. Take care, okay?
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Old 02-22-06, 08:20 PM   #23
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Nice post, Siu. that was thoughtful.

this thread makes me sad that there are so many bum bio-fa's out there (my own and my ex-for instance). I am very happy, however, to know some wonderful dad's to some very lucky kids. That is a good thing.
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Old 02-22-06, 09:00 PM   #24
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Bah!

Just tell him to *F* Off and be done with it!
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Old 02-22-06, 09:20 PM   #25
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Hey KT! Take a second look at your post. Either Merton stole your avatar or you've been reading too much of his threads.

*smacks you on forehead* SNAP OUT OF THIS!!!!!!

It's okay. I caught myself doing the "Bah" thing too one time..... Don't worry. He'll slowly dissipate if you stay away from him for a while.

(Now everybody watch Merton reply to this.... )
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