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Old 03-14-06, 12:37 PM   #1
telenick
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Sandbagger translations

"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.

"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a cough and costs more than divorce.
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Old 03-14-06, 05:48 PM   #2
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"I'll take it easy"

Translation: I'll take it easy while beating you so badly that I will make the Concorde SST look like a styrofoam glider.
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Old 03-14-06, 07:56 PM   #3
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Er... those are the exact 3 things I say, except I mean them...
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Old 03-14-06, 07:59 PM   #4
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"I'm only at 100 watts or so."

Translation: With my big toe. I can ramp it up to 400-800-1500 and 1800 watts and if I have to, also set myself to Broil (2200w), Toast (2400w), and Self-Clean (3500w) to mop your ass all over this 22% climb.
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Old 03-14-06, 08:05 PM   #5
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"Im not really a cyclist - I'm a tri-athlete".

Translation - I'll first hand your ass to you when we ride - and then I'll hand your ass to you doing any thing else.
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Old 03-14-06, 08:09 PM   #6
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"Oh, don't worry, this next sections a breeze"

Translation: You gonna die sucka!
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Old 03-14-06, 08:12 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sscyco
"Im not really a cyclist - I'm a tri-athlete".

Translation - I'll first hand your ass to you when we ride - and then I'll hand your ass to you doing any thing else.
Well that's not really sand bagging...
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Old 03-14-06, 10:10 PM   #8
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"Don't worry, I'm slow." - Tr: Einstein was wrong. There is something faster than light: me!
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Old 03-14-06, 10:30 PM   #9
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"Don't worry, we'll only go on flat trails"

Translation: "Hope you don't pass out from all the wheezing you'll be doing"
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 03-14-06, 10:32 PM   #10
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"We'll share the prize money." Translation: You'll never find me after the race.
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Old 03-14-06, 10:33 PM   #11
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"I rent a room from an elderly couple" - Tr: I live w/ my parents.
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Old 03-14-06, 10:34 PM   #12
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Now that's just stupid if you have to pay rent to your own parents...

Quote:
Originally Posted by jyossarian
"I rent a room from an elderly couple" - Tr: I live w/ my parents.
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Old 03-14-06, 10:36 PM   #13
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Not if you're like 37 or something like that........
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 03-14-06, 10:40 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slvoid
Now that's just stupid if you have to pay rent to your own parents...
Or you don't want to tell a girl you just met you live w/ your parents.
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Old 03-14-06, 10:43 PM   #15
Siu Blue Wind
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Haha George Costanza
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We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 03-14-06, 11:02 PM   #16
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I let girls know up front that I'm poor but I'm genuine, willing to listen, will always be there for her, and I'm looking for some who likes to snuggle after doing it and can dismantle an out of service B614, peel back the PBX9402, enrich the core material, bond it back together, fake an AMAC to the PAL and bypass ENDS.
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Old 03-14-06, 11:08 PM   #17
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WooooooHoooooo! YEAH!!! You go, boyfriend!
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We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 03-14-06, 11:10 PM   #18
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I just tell them I'm married. Then they find me interesting.
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Old 03-14-06, 11:12 PM   #19
Siu Blue Wind
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Or tell them you're a fireman.*wink wink*
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We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 03-14-06, 11:59 PM   #20
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Or a plumber... if the videos I watch are any indication of that profession...
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Old 03-15-06, 08:13 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind
Or tell them you're a fireman.*wink wink*

"Did someone say FIRE!" ???
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Old 03-15-06, 05:04 PM   #22
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"Don't worry...we're taking it easy and you won't get dropped"

Translation: See you at the next town tubby
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Old 03-15-06, 05:14 PM   #23
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"It's not that hilly" Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"You're doing great, honey" Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.

"This is a no-drop ride" Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

"It's not that far" Translation: Bring your passport.

<<Posted on another board by someone I cannot recall>>

-Jose
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Old 03-15-06, 05:28 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slvoid
Or a plumber... if the videos I watch are any indication of that profession...
I think that only works when you show up on their front door holding a big pipe in you hands. Not so good at a bar.
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Old 03-20-06, 08:14 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OPC
"It's not that hilly" Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"You're doing great, honey" Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.

"This is a no-drop ride" Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

"It's not that far" Translation: Bring your passport.

<<Posted on another board by someone I cannot recall>>

-Jose

I posted that whole list recently on another thread... here's another good one:

You Know You're Addicted To Cycling When...
10. Your surgeon tells you you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if you have a choice between presta and schrader and titanium or carbon fiber.
9. A measurement of 44-36-40 doesn't refer to the latest Playboy centerfold, but that new gear ratio you were considering for your road bike.
8. A Power Bar/Cliff Bar starts tasting better than a Snickers.
7. The bra your significant other finds in your glove compartment belongs to your Trek and not the cute waitress at Denny's.
6. You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within your target zone during any extracurricular activities.
5. The funeral director tells you "NO!" you can't ride your bicycle in the funeral procession, even if you keep your headlight on.
4. You experience an unreasonable envy over someone who has aero bars longer than yours.
3. You're too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a five-hour century ride on Saturday.
2. Your wife tells you the only way she'll let you ride across the country is over her dead body and you tell her, "If that's the case, you'll be my first speed bump!"
AND the number-one reason you know you're addicted to bicycling...
1. You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.
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