After 14years of being with my wife things look dark. With our nine year marriage falling apart. I am starting to wake up and realize to late the there has been a monster on my back for several years. My only concern is for our 3 boys (9,5,and 2) and how thing will be affecting them down the line.
Any mild depression that I have had in the past feels like it has come crashing down on me tonight as I sat for more then an hour wanting to end everything with a chunk of glass to my wrist even while my wife was in the room reassuring me that thing would be OK.
I am seeing how work and money can destroy every thing one loves with out one knowing that it has happened.
I think tomorrow will be the day that I call in to work, go for a ride, then try to find help for my depression on an inpatient basis as I still feel like ending thing would be better...no easier for me. I am realizing that I have been in the fog far to long and it is to late to come back to the light by myself.
What will become of my life?
I have depended far to much on out side influences to determine my personal happiness. Work, Family, Friends and have never really taken time for me, myself and I. I don't really know who I am any more as work became my identity
Why must we always have to hit rock bottom in order to see the light again?
I hope tomorrow will be a brighter day.
Thanks for listening tonight.