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Old 07-02-06, 10:32 AM   #1
Zorak
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Athletes Crying in Public

Last year while watching the Tour de France my girlfriend made a odd comment when one of the riders crashed. I don't remember the rider but his crash injured him and put him out of the race and he was very emotional about it. As I was sitting there watching it and feeling badly for the guy she blurted out "Oh how stupid! Get off the road and quit crying!" I looked at her and said "Your joking right?" Well she wasn't. After a short talk I figured she just didn't understand how much some athletes put into what they do and how emotional it can be at times.

Well I guess I gave her too much credit because recently shes made several more simular comments. Several of our female friends had been training for a century ride. 10 miles from the finish they had to be sagged in due to exaustion. They were at an altitude they had not properly acclimated to and they had far more climbing than they had trained for. They knew they were in trouble 40 miles into it but they kept trying. They had tried their best but just couldn't make it any further. Afterwards they had a short cry but they got over it quickly. My girlfriend wasn't there to see it but when she heard about it she blurted out "That's silly they need to just grow up and quit being babies!" I looked at her and said "Well since you feel so strongly about it I think you should go tell them what you just told me!" She didn't have the guts to.

So the other day while watching a few clips from World Cup Soccer she started making simular comments when they showed a clip of an emotional player. I asked her what it was that bothered her about this and she said that they should be more like American football players. "They would never cry!" What? That's not even true. Not only am I figuring out she's cold and non-compassionate she also doesn't know what she's talking about.

I'm seeing her attitude as a red flag. I just can't quite put my finger on what it is that bugs me about this though. Could I be seeing the tip of the iceburg for more underlying emotional problems? She's a nurse and a sunday school teacher. You'd think compassion would be one of her strong points. Have I missed something or am I making too much of this?
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Old 07-02-06, 10:38 AM   #2
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I would have expected less empathy from the most evil of mantids...
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Old 07-02-06, 10:38 AM   #3
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What will happen during a time of crisis when you need her emotional support?
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Old 07-02-06, 10:41 AM   #4
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Oh yeah, and tell your girlfriend to stop being such a baby.
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Old 07-02-06, 11:32 AM   #5
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Your girlfriend bugs me. So don't feel alone. Does she do any sports?
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Old 07-02-06, 11:40 AM   #6
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Big deal on the crying. They didn't train properly for the century and didn't complete it.
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Old 07-02-06, 11:40 AM   #7
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Some nurses/therapists are working in their field because they liked the *idea* of it when they were 18. The reality of it is different, and for some people, dealing with people who are suffering and can't help it is frustrating. People that feel that way sometimes will lash out whenever they think anyone is malingering or feeling sorry for themselves. It's a shame, because these professions can be amazing for anyone who is truly suited for them.

I can totally understand your concern about this. Whatever the reason for the lashing out, it ain't good.

Last edited by Boogs; 07-02-06 at 03:55 PM.
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Old 07-02-06, 11:55 AM   #8
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Could be a sympton. Nurses with grief around them learn to have a need to deflect other's loss in order to cope. I'd recommend talking about it for starters. How does she treat you on your bad days? As to athletes crying after seeing a life worth of ambitions going up in smoke due to some accident. Total sympathy.
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Old 07-02-06, 12:00 PM   #9
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She's psycho, she will kill you within the month.
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Old 07-02-06, 12:17 PM   #10
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Lack of true compassion is a terrible trait if you want to have a future with her.. Dated someone similar, no longer with them. If you hear her mumble things like " you have to sleep sometime", get the hell out of that relationship.
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Old 07-02-06, 12:43 PM   #11
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I'd be very curious what her answer to this would be: "Under what circumstances is it acceptable to you for someone to cry?"
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Old 07-02-06, 02:01 PM   #12
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Has she ever been involved with any sports? Some people don't understand how much they put in to it, or even why. My girlfriend doesn't understand why anyone does any competitive sports or other things like climbing, or solo sports like most cyclists.
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Old 07-02-06, 02:05 PM   #13
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Just another observation:

In the grand scheme of things, her opinion on athletes crying when they fail to achieve their goals is pretty insignificant. Maybe there is something else bothering you with your relationship with her. Maybe you just don't dig her anymore and you're looking for things to justify your feelings.
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Old 07-02-06, 02:56 PM   #14
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geez... are you looking for reasons to dump her?
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Old 07-02-06, 03:30 PM   #15
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I can understand the cyclist that crashed and was crying in the TDF. They train so hard, and to crash and not beable to race, in the race they trained so hard for? I would cry too.
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Old 07-02-06, 03:39 PM   #16
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Man, I'm involved firsthand in a lot of different 2/3 world issues. The more I spend in the small rural areas of the poorest areas of Asia, the less sympathy I have for issues that in the big scheme of things don't really matter. She's a nurse and a Sunday School teacher--she sees things that are really worth crying and grieving about on a regular basis. I'm also a pastor, I deal with hurt that not only impacts the person coming to me, but all sorts of people around. I can really see your gf's point.
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Old 07-02-06, 03:43 PM   #17
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Dump her, and then console her by saying she should be more like American football players.
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Old 07-02-06, 05:00 PM   #18
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ohh you got it, you're very clever picking up on this, in my opinion, it is most definilty a red flag.. it happend way too many times. It seems she doesnt have the ability to relate to other's passion or work unless it's something she is familiar with. The lack of compassion can be a red flag! what if YOU were going through something that was emotional to YOU, you have to ask yourself how she would react. would she be a supportive partner even if it's not happening to her or would she lack on compassion for you and tell you to stop being a baby.. humm... put some thoughts into this.
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Old 07-02-06, 05:09 PM   #19
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Was not George Hincapie caught doing a little sob action during his recent crash. ? All American cycling fanatics consider Hincapie the man, now. When ever someone thinks your life's ambition is in jeopardy, sobbing is normal. Heck , I almost cry when ever I get a migrane.
No, fan of pain am I.
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Old 07-02-06, 07:11 PM   #20
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dont we all know how it feels to set a goal and something happend that you didnt count on to set you back.. that's not being weak, it's realising what you were about to grab that you so dreamed of is now out of reach again.. a very small example was how i felt when I realised something was wrong with my leg yesterday, my riding partner said "are you crying?" and he said ' does it hurt that much?" and i said.. it's not the pain, it's the fact that I might not be able to run or bike for a while and I might have to let go of my races for a while. We all know how it feels to let go of a dream or an accomplishment in sports or anything you take on in real life for that matter.. crying about it is not a weakness but a sign that you had great passion for something.
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Old 07-02-06, 08:52 PM   #21
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How 'bout John Gadret when he crashed out of the Giro. He was going at it pretty hard as he was taken off on a stretcher.
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Old 07-02-06, 09:27 PM   #22
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Oooh, I had a post-surgical nurse with that kind of attitude. I had skull base surgery about a year and a half ago and I started crying when the pain meds wore off. The nurse had fogotten to give me a scheduled dose about 45 minutes before. When my mom (very politely) asked her about it, she snapped at her and berated me for crying. She told me "Get over yourself. No one likes a crybaby." She knew nothing about me or my truly high pain threshhold. I'm also going to venture a guess that she's never had her ear sliced aside to have a tumor and part of her skull removed, either. Let me tell you, it hurts. It hurts even more when you have that kind of surgery and someone starts raising their voice at you 5 hours later.

I've had nurses like her before, as have some of my family. I've got this theory that at some point in that line of work, you can begin to suffer from "compassion fatigue". I have a coworker who started feeling that way working as a hospital floor nurse, and decided to go to grad school to become a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner. She'd just had all the direct nursing she could take in one lifetime and said it started bleeding into her personal life.

Is it possible your girlfriend has "compassion fatigue"?
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Old 07-02-06, 09:41 PM   #23
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Maybe she was conflicted in her feelings about seeing a grown man injured and crying in real life on TV, so she made lite of it.

Its interesting that men are usually accused of this sort of thing, not women, of being coll and unfeeling.
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Old 07-03-06, 05:35 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by donnamb
I've got this theory that at some point in that line of work, you can begin to suffer from "compassion fatigue". I have a coworker who started feeling that way working as a hospital floor nurse, and decided to go to grad school to become a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner. She'd just had all the direct nursing she could take in one lifetime and said it started bleeding into her personal life.

Is it possible your girlfriend has "compassion fatigue"?
Nurses who aren't really suited for that line of work get that. I have worked in a hospital for 12 years doing physical therapy with patients, and am back in school for nursing...I see folks in my class who are not going to make it long-term. The thing is, you can do a million things with a nursing degree - Pharm. rep, admissions, Nurse Practitioner, schools, etc. - and it would be easy for them to move out if they needed to. It's a shame for them, and even more of a shame for patients. I can't tolerate that **** among my co-workers, and have reported my BOSS (supervisor in a PT gym) for saying dumb stuff like that. If you can't take trauma and suffering, then go someplace safer, there's no excuse to suck.
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Old 07-03-06, 05:35 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zorak
I'm seeing her attitude as a red flag. I just can't quite put my finger on what it is that bugs me about this though. Could I be seeing the tip of the iceburg for more underlying emotional problems? She's a nurse and a sunday school teacher. You'd think compassion would be one of her strong points. Have I missed something or am I making too much of this?
Well... I didn't even cry when my mum died... Dump your GF and send her over, we'd make a perfect couple.
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