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Old 07-27-06, 10:12 AM   #1
Ritehsedad
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Worried about a friend

An online friend has disappeared.

Back on Jun 15 she sent me an email telling me that she would be away a couple days & didn't want me to worry. I thought that was very nice of her to let me know. I saw her again, I think on the 18th and someone else saw her on the 20th. That was the last time anyone I know has seen her online.

I know her first name, husband's name, children's names, town she lives in and where she works. No last name, no phone numbers.

I know...could be a computer problem. I don't think so. I honestly believe it would have been fixed by now. I don't believe she is just avoiding me...I don't believe I've given her a reason to, besides others haven't seen her either.

The only thing I can think of is to call her work, but I don't want to cause her problems, some guy calling out of the blue, knowing her first name only and leaving a phone number. Yeah, that looks real good.

We may be just friends, but I care and am very worried about her.

Any advice would be welcome.

Here's some advice for you...Because of this, I have made an "in case of emergency" email list I keep in my wallet. If something happens to me, injury, extended illness, whatever...at least my online friends will know.

Online friends are NOT just words that scroll across the page. They are real people with real feelings. Treat them with respect and honesty. Treat them the way you want to be treated.

Thank you.
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Old 07-27-06, 10:18 AM   #2
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Wow. That's a tough situation. I also have an "in case of emergency" list in case anything happens to me.

You know what town she lives in and her real name, right? Have you done a google search for her name? You might also call or e-mail the local library and ask them to look in the archive to see if her name has appeared in the newspaper in the last months. It might take them some time but they'll get back to you. Other than that, I think you have to assume she's okay but not contacting you for some reason. Does she have private voice mail at work? If so, maybe leave one message after work hours so she has the option if she doesn't want to call.

I wish you luck, it's a tough situation and I hope she contacts you soon to say it was just computer trouble or something.
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Old 07-27-06, 10:26 AM   #3
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Could be that her husband may feel her online friendships go further than they do and had asked her to stop. That happened to my ex boss. His wife took away his password and his computer because of this.

I would try to call her work just out of concern.
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Old 07-27-06, 10:41 AM   #4
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I didn't want to say that, but Siu could be right. I had a male friend that I spoke with on a fairly regular basis - and it wasn't even a flirty kind of deal - but his wife asked him not to e-mail me anymore because she wasn't comfortable with our friendship. He was able to say goodbye but I can see spouses not allowing further contact at all - no matter how innocent the contact it can be a matter of being insecure.
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Old 07-27-06, 10:41 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind
His wife took away his password and his computer because of this.
Gah! There's no way I could stay married to someone who treated me like a child...
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Old 07-27-06, 10:45 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Lex
I didn't want to say that, but Siu could be right. I had a male friend that I spoke with on a fairly regular basis - and it wasn't even a flirty kind of deal - but his wife asked him not to e-mail me anymore because she wasn't comfortable with our friendship. He was able to say goodbye but I can see spouses not allowing further contact at all - no matter how innocent the contact it can be a matter of being insecure.
Double Gah! A spouse's insecurities are his/her problem to deal with. If she can't handle him communicating with a (gasp!) woman friend, then she needs to be seeing a councellor.


Anyway. Sorry to jacking your thread, Ritehsedad. My vote is to chill out for a while. Check her local paper if it eases your mind. Why call her work and not home? I can't speak for many people, but my coworkers are in the dark as far as my non-worklife is concerned and wouldn't be able to answer many questions about me if I weren't present.
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Old 07-27-06, 10:55 AM   #7
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Double Gah! A spouse's insecurities are his/her problem to deal with. If she can't handle him communicating with a (gasp!) woman friend, then she needs to be seeing a councellor.

I can't say I disagree - but what's more important? A marriage or a casual friendship? They're already married and he probably had some inkling that she was insecure before the walk down the aisle - he made a choice and has to live with the choice and it really was neither here or there to me. It was nice knowing him but, really, we were just talking so not a huge loss.
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Old 07-27-06, 10:57 AM   #8
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Gah! There's no way I could stay married to someone who treated me like a child...

Well she had good reason. This is the same boss that I slammed against the wall and short upper cut him for "accidentally" rubbing up against me several times. Note the "ex boss" phrase....
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Old 07-27-06, 11:29 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind
Well she had good reason. This is the same boss that I slammed against the wall and short upper cut him for "accidentally" rubbing up against me several times. Note the "ex boss" phrase....
Okay. Good point. Guy's a ******bag. Did he cry any?
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Old 07-27-06, 11:54 AM   #10
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If she has the same feelings for you, she will let you know soon why she hasnt been online. Maybe you could have a gf call her work #, just asking for her just to see if she picks up the phone? then you'll know she is at least well and have faith that she will get in touch with you as soon as she can? I dont know, just an idea
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Old 07-27-06, 12:16 PM   #11
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I used to do the e-mail and IM thing couple years ago. Forums like these usually lead into little online friendships and after a while you have a bunch of friends on your lists
Too many friends to keep up with.

I got sick of it after a year and just quit
"cold turkey"
Stopped talking to people and that was that.
Eventhough I had told people that I was growing tired of not being able to talk to everyone asking for some of my time and would likely not show up anywhere much anymore
Many still did not quite get the picture and to this day still wonder

If you're worried
Investigate.
Could just be she's tired of it.
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Old 07-27-06, 12:16 PM   #12
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Thank you all for the advice...

I don't know her last name and would feel uncomfortable calling and asking for Jennifer. Which Jennifer? Ummmm...

I really don't believe its a problem with her husband. I know nobody else that knows her (that I'm aware of) has heard from her (mostly women, by the way). I don't believe she has been online at all during this time. We became friends playing cards on pogo. When I check her profile it looks like she hasn't been on pogo since mid June.

I've tried internet searches on her first name, husband's name, kids' names, & town but get nothing but garbage.

I've checked the local paper (including the obits) and have found nothing.

Does anyone know of a phone number search engine where I can search by town and first name? Everyone I've tried requires atleast 4 letters of the last name.
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Old 07-27-06, 01:03 PM   #13
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Remember man, online you can be whoever you want to be....problems can be covered up....don't assume anything, just try to get back into touch.
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Old 07-27-06, 01:10 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind
His wife took away his password and his computer because of this.
Dude is whipped! And what his wife did won't solve the problem...

edit - I see from the followup that he is/was an ass. But what his wife did still won't solve the problem. Perhaps he's an ex-husband as well as an ex-boss now.
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Old 08-29-06, 07:49 PM   #15
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She has returned!!!!!! All is well with her and her family.
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Old 08-29-06, 08:06 PM   #16
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Is there a story behind this mystery?
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Old 08-29-06, 08:11 PM   #17
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She has returned!!!!!! All is well with her and her family.
thats werid... i actually thought about this thread a few days ago and was going to post to see if you heard from her, then forgot about it until today... thats good to hear though..
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Old 08-29-06, 10:33 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind
Well she had good reason. This is the same boss that I slammed against the wall and short upper cut him for "accidentally" rubbing up against me several times. Note the "ex boss" phrase....
*note to self, never hug sbw. Ever.
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Old 08-30-06, 02:21 AM   #19
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Oh I don't know...Some people like the rough stuff
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Old 08-30-06, 02:24 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind
Well she had good reason. This is the same boss that I slammed against the wall and short upper cut him for "accidentally" rubbing up against me several times. Note the "ex boss" phrase....
oh yea you showed him who is the boss.
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Old 08-30-06, 03:07 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind
Well she had good reason. This is the same boss that I slammed against the wall and short upper cut him for "accidentally" rubbing up against me several times. Note the "ex boss" phrase....
Nice one, Siu!
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Old 08-30-06, 05:47 AM   #22
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DO NOT CALL HER WORK!!

This happened to me once, and as you suspect, it is VERY WEIRD and looks really bad. I'm not even married and got a lot of flak over it.

There was a girl I knew online, and to be honest, we hadn't known each other for very long. I was already about to start "backing away" because she was kind of annoying. Well, we had exchanged phone numbers and talked on the phone a few times.

Well one Friday afternoon I realized my cell phone (only phone) had died. I was somewhat new to cell phones and didn't think those cell phone stores would be open over weekend. So I didn't think it a big deal to wait until Monday, after work to take the phone in to get it fixed.

Well, apparently she tried to call me over weekend and when she called for the Nth time and didn't reach me, she started to panic that I could be laying dead in the apartment I lived in. So Monday morning/afternoon she called my apartment complex office and had them go to my apartment to make sure I was not inside and injured. Then she called my work and got them to connect her to my manager
to ask about me.

God if that didn't have stalker material written all over it, I don't know what does. And this was just "a friend"......

Anyway, the moral is yes you are right about how weird it will look to call her work.
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Old 08-30-06, 07:07 AM   #23
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I never have this problem. All of my online friends are safe and sound and I always know just where to find them. . . . right in the box freezer downstairs.
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Old 08-30-06, 07:10 AM   #24
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I never have this problem. All of my online friends are safe and sound and I always know just where to find them. . . . right in the box freezer downstairs.
You shouldn't make such jokes....it took me A WEEK to escape that thing!!

You aren't wearing my skin for a rain coat NOW!!! Haha!!
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Old 08-30-06, 07:13 AM   #25
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Next time you're mine! The padlocks are twice as big, and made from metal this time instead of wood. I should have known better than to try to lock a termite up with wooden locks!
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