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Old 09-26-06, 07:16 PM   #1
Tom Stormcrowe
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2006 Idiot List!

Number One Idiot of 2006

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the
river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
and wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America
and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he
would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Four Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several
days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Smartbutt. But you still get a sign


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,
but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over
21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put
the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of plexi-glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape. Yep, here's your sign.

(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
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"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant
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Old 09-26-06, 07:22 PM   #2
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LOL
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Old 09-26-06, 07:22 PM   #3
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Heh, very nice! I liked #4, very clever idea.
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Old 09-26-06, 07:23 PM   #4
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Yea I was thinking the guy in number 4 was more of a smartas5 than a dumbas5. But I guess that's why he gets a sign, for being a smartas5.
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Old 09-26-06, 07:25 PM   #5
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Tom, your idiot list is priceless!
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Old 09-26-06, 07:28 PM   #6
Siu Blue Wind
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 09-26-06, 07:47 PM   #7
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Now why don't any of these stories surprise me?
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Old 09-26-06, 08:12 PM   #8
jsharr
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yeah, number 4 is definitely an idiot. I mean $40 is cheap price to pay to speed, just pay it and go on.
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Quote:
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 09-26-06, 08:50 PM   #9
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Thanks for the pointers.
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Old 09-26-06, 08:57 PM   #10
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That's too funny, reminds me of the Darwin awards.
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Old 09-26-06, 09:18 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Taerom
Heh, very nice! I liked #4, very clever idea.
+1 LOL
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Old 09-27-06, 05:23 AM   #12
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Hey 2wheeled...who is trhe cute pooch in your avatar?
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Old 09-27-06, 05:35 AM   #13
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Are these for real?
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Old 09-27-06, 06:24 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe

(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
Worse they are allow to procreate
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Old 09-27-06, 07:25 AM   #15
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Quote:
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Hey 2wheeled...who is trhe cute pooch in your avatar?
That would be our baby boy Riley. He's a 7 year old Lhasa
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Old 09-27-06, 09:54 AM   #16
Tom Stormcrowe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gbcb
Are these for real?
These are real people! Scary thought, eh?
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"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant
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Old 09-27-06, 10:00 AM   #17
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While some of the main people in the stories are idiots it seems that some of the others are not too bright either or have no sense of self preservation. Oh the stories are funny, but would you talk back to a nervous fool with a gun? Look at the guy who shot his partner in crime, same could have happened to the Wells Fargo teller or liqour store clerk.
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Old 09-27-06, 10:02 AM   #18
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Stupid people make me laugh...

Best one ever is the person who tries to go the wrong way in the revolving door, but is too dumb to try it in the other direction, and instead goes to the other revolving door, and tries it in the wrong direction as well...then gets pissed and leaves.

I saw this happen over and over at one particular store in chicago one day, while I sat back and drank down a slush puppy.
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Old 09-27-06, 05:58 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe
Number One Idiot of 2006

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the
river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
and wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America
and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he
would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Four Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several
days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Smartbutt. But you still get a sign


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,
but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over
21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put
the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of plexi-glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape. Yep, here's your sign.

(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)

Those people make me feel smarter, we need more of those people.
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Old 09-27-06, 06:01 PM   #20
KrisPistofferson
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I sat next to numbers seven, four and two on the bus today, I believe.
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Old 03-26-09, 10:27 AM   #21
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bump.

oh, i nominate killer termite for the 2009 list. just because.
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Old 03-26-09, 10:51 AM   #22
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Maybe Tom can fill us in with the 2007 and 2008 editions.
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