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Old 10-10-06, 07:09 AM   #51
Falkon
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Originally Posted by phantomcow2
I don't recall any love poems written...

I dam not sure if she is trying to just dump me though, especially given what she has said.

DxChulo, I thought the same. I told her in relationships there are dips, encouraging us to work through it. She says I am making her miserable though, but can't give me a concrete reason why. There is the insensitive thing, but I am inclined to agree that until her parental situation is worked out, she won't be happy with any relationship more than 'good friend' status.
Sounds like you are being guilt tripped. It's time to take a break. Don't avoid contact, just take a break. Hang out and loosen up a bit. Conclusions will be made one way or another.
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Old 10-10-06, 07:18 AM   #52
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I am 17.
Dude, move on. You are way to young to be changing something that hasn't even had time to be defined yet...which is YOU. Learn from the experience of this relationship and apply it to the next....and there WILL be a next, probably lots of them.
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Old 10-10-06, 03:27 PM   #53
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I am really leaning toward move on now. Her friend offered for her to drive us to school like we had been, but I just got an email saying "it is too difficult, sorry".

For two and a half years I have been there whenever she needed it, and given her all I had to offer. I told her when she moved out of that house that she would no longer NEED me, and that the relationship would be different, but I would think better. I believe a relationship where one does not NEED the other, as in essential for mental stability, is a healthier one. Well I am basically hte last remaining figure of her old world, she must almost see me as authoritative. She is so mixed up, and happy to have friends. BUt in actuality, her friends are just for having a giggle time. When I give my comment, which I am told by others is the voice of reason, it's not what she wants to hear. There is no logic to it, she is just very confused and has no idea what she wants. So, there you have it. I feel like 25 pounds has been lifted from the weight of my bike.
I don't even think I want to date anybody in highschool. I hate the drama crap that goes on. So and so cheated on this person x amount of times and found he/she has STD's and broke up with this guy to turn gay. And then after graduation everbody cries and is upset because people are going to different colleges.
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Old 10-10-06, 03:41 PM   #54
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I don't even think I want to date anybody in highschool. I hate the drama crap that goes on. So and so cheated on this person x amount of times and found he/she has STD's and broke up with this guy to turn gay.
Heh, heh... that's what the REST OF YOUR LIFE is gonna be like! Have fun! Watch out for #1 !!!
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Old 10-10-06, 03:45 PM   #55
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Ugh . I just want to find some girl who loves me for who I am, and we can stick through things together and be an actual partnership. My math teacher a few years ago mentioned you can mail order one of them things from poland
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Old 10-10-06, 03:49 PM   #56
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My math teacher a few years ago mentioned you can mail order one of them things from poland
Believe me, you don't want to go there. I know someone who did.
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Old 10-10-06, 03:54 PM   #57
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I thought they came to you when you mail-order???
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Old 10-10-06, 06:10 PM   #58
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Well I would say it's done. I sent her an email saying that she needs to work out a few things herself, to which she replied it is all me who needs to work it out.
On aim, she logs on and copy's this message to me
"i hope you meant every damn word you said in the email you sent me this afternoon, because you're going to be miserable if you didn't. see, i told you i wouldn't tolerate much more, and i meant it. every word you said was dripping with resentment and i just won't listen to that anymore. so... our temporary split as of last night? it isn't temporary anymore. i don't know what's going on with you. i don't know what's wrong with you, how you feel, any of that. but i know that i'm more than capable of a relationship beyond "roommate" and happen to have MANY relationships beyond "roommate." i just really don't want one with you anymore. there is no more "deadline" for changing. i'm not going to talk to you on february 17th and tell you if you've done well enough to try again. if you decide you want me back? too damn bad for you. WORK FOR IT, but good luck, because you have a snowball's chance in hell. what i feel for you does not subvert my self-respect, and that self-respect is demanding that i not tolerate this. no, i will not move out of your locker. no, i will not come over for dinner again - tell your mother thank you, i'm sorry, and goodbye. no, you will not get rides to school from us. i still love you, but i'm honestly hoping that will fade with time. goodbye and good riddance. "
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Old 10-10-06, 06:34 PM   #59
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i still love you, but i'm honestly hoping that will fade with time. goodbye and good riddance.
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Old 10-10-06, 06:55 PM   #60
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Originally Posted by phantomcow2
I am really leaning toward move on now. Her friend offered for her to drive us to school like we had been, but I just got an email saying "it is too difficult, sorry".

For two and a half years I have been there whenever she needed it, and given her all I had to offer. I told her when she moved out of that house that she would no longer NEED me, and that the relationship would be different, but I would think better. I believe a relationship where one does not NEED the other, as in essential for mental stability, is a healthier one. Well I am basically hte last remaining figure of her old world, she must almost see me as authoritative. She is so mixed up, and happy to have friends. BUt in actuality, her friends are just for having a giggle time. When I give my comment, which I am told by others is the voice of reason, it's not what she wants to hear. There is no logic to it, she is just very confused and has no idea what she wants. So, there you have it. I feel like 25 pounds has been lifted from the weight of my bike.
I don't even think I want to date anybody in highschool. I hate the drama crap that goes on. So and so cheated on this person x amount of times and found he/she has STD's and broke up with this guy to turn gay. And then after graduation everbody cries and is upset because people are going to different colleges.
good decision buddy!
asking for a break is breaking up with someone and not having the heart to let them totally down.
Her asking to ride withought you is her telling you again that she doesnt want you around.
you're right, a relationship shouldnt be about "NEEDING" someone nor should it be about being the parent to one and that Im afraid is something you were doing.
You will find that there will be others, and they wont put a weight on your shoulders.
Things happend for a reason, chin up, you're quite a smart guy.. you are allready seing the light and probably quicker then some would.
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Old 10-10-06, 06:59 PM   #61
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stop it!!!
that was terrible!!!!!
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Old 10-10-06, 07:26 PM   #62
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phantomcow2's EX
"i still love you, but i'm honestly hoping that will fade with time. goodbye and good riddance."
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stop it!!!
that was terrible!!!!!
Oh come on, I've see way worse from chics . At least it'll make for some fun stories today at Happy Hour!

Here's where you went wrong:

Quote:
Originally Posted by phantomcow2
For two and a half years I have been there whenever she needed it, and given her all I had to offer. I told her when she moved out of that house that she would no longer NEED me, and that the relationship would be different, but I would think better.
"Need" is a relative and ugly term. A lot of guys feel this need to "save" women and that somehow by being "nice guys", the chics will somehow feel indebted and fall for them, HAH! You end up belittling the already sad girl by giving her advice and telling her what she "should" do. If anything, that'll make her feel even worse and more worthless.

Nah... move on. Find more emotionally-stable fun chics who've got their act together; you'll have a much better time! Remember, there's a difference between having a woman "needing" you vs. "wanting" you. Like the difference between having them "submit" to your desires ... versus "surrrrendering".
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Old 10-10-06, 07:34 PM   #63
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In a way, I am glad she sent that. It means I don't need to be in a sort of purgatory, a question of wheter I should or should not simply move on. Though, as I look at what the great internet oracle has said, to move on was probably the better of the two choices anyways. But now, the choice is clear . If I was 21 right now, I would say I need a beer.
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Old 10-10-06, 08:08 PM   #64
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Why do you feel you need a serious girl friend at 17? You have another 13years, at least, of drunk hooking up with random chicks before you should even think of getting serious. Now stop with all this "sensitive, lets talk about my feelings" BS, and go out and be a GUY!
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Old 10-10-06, 09:57 PM   #65
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phantom, I'll weigh in here now as a guy who managed to get himself in a few long term relationships through HS and didn't date much.

Like the others have said, there will be others, many others, how many, well thats up to you, fate, and a host of other things to decide. The most important thing is to look back on your relationship with this girl and pick the good qualities you want to find in the next person, and the not so good ones you'll want to avoid. If you look back at the women I dated before marrying my wife, they were all quite different, and from each one I learned something about who I wanted to be with, and who I really didn't want to be with. I had one girl friend of 9months break up with me over the phone 3 days after leaving for a church retreat. She met some guy and suddenly decided that she'd rather be single again to date other guys, well, that guy for the next 4-5 days. Had another dump me because I got sick before a friday night football game and went home instead of suffering through the evening. I swear I was driving home seeing double and she decided she was better than me because she thought she could have stayed. Of course, she thought she was better than a lot of people, including me a lot of the time.

After reading this thread, and trying to think back to the girls I knew in HS who acted this way, I think you made the best decision. I wouldn't hold this whole "semi-break up" thing against her, she has a lot to learn about relationships, and so do most guys and girls of your age. Thats what HS and college is really about. 5 years from now you really won't remember or care what you learned in 70% of your classes through HS. Its the interactions, lessons (good and bad, painful and joyful, etc etc) that come along that really count and you can get the most out of.

Oh, and when all else fails, yeah a cold helps too. Just don't drive afterwards, or drive anywhere when you're really pissed off at the world.
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Old 10-11-06, 12:25 AM   #66
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PC2 - people with abusive or very difficult childhoods (I'm guessing here) have real problems with their first few relationships (and sadly, sometimes forever). It feels nice to be needed by providing care, support, and understanding, but sometimes it's not for your to help. When it hurts and burns so bad, don't let yourself get down. You still care for her and that is fine and healthy. It shouldn't however stop you moving on. Realise that she needs help, attention and care from family and friends before she can have a healthy relationship. A partner can never provide the only foundation in life. There are plenty of people who like chicken legged guys in Italian lycra.
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Old 10-11-06, 06:41 PM   #67
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I'd agree it sounds like a separation, but at 17 boys and girls are awfully fleeting and fickle. be prepared for her to be all over you tomorrow, or to be in a serious relationship with someone else by Oct 17, not Feb 17. If you have permission to see other people, perhaps you should go out with other girls, either just friends or dating but not serious, and just see if you can work on being more sensitive, and see how they take your level of sensitivity. Btw my wife does that same "suggestion = mandate" thing. i didn't really figure it out until we had been married for a few months. She'd say she always tries to eat whole grain stuff because its better for you. then one day she came home with regular tortilla chips, and i just said "you know they make whole grain chips if you want them, i think they're lower in salt too" and she just said "oh". but later that day she left the house without saying anything, i found the new bag of chips in the garbage, when she came back she had 2 bags of whole grain tortilla chips, i was like wtf? and she said "you said i have to get whole grain chips from now on!" we're working on it though.
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Old 10-11-06, 07:31 PM   #68
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man, she is nuts. you are better off. believe me.
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