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Old 10-13-06, 07:21 AM   #1
explody pup
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AHHHHHHHHH! FRIDAY THE 13th!

My machete is dull and rusty, my need for blind vengence for those who crossed me is at an all-time high, and the pure evil that gives me life is screaming for blood... it's gonna be a good weekend.

Don't go out in the woods alone, kids (I need as many of you as I can get...)
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Old 10-13-06, 07:23 AM   #2
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Dude, machetes are soooooooo, like, LAST killin' season. This year's hot ticket is dull spoons.
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Old 10-13-06, 07:23 AM   #3
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Hey pup, this weekend wanna meet me in the woods and help me proccess some squirills and hopefully wrabbits with your machete? You can chop off the heads, but I wanna do the gutting.
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Old 10-13-06, 07:24 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by Michigander
Hey pup, this weekend wanna meet me in the woods and help me proccess some squirills and hopefully wrabbits with your machete? You can chop off the heads, but I wanna do the gutting.
Sounds like you just got yourself a head-chopper.
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Old 10-13-06, 07:25 AM   #5
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Dude, machetes are soooooooo, like, LAST killin' season. This year's hot ticket is dull spoons.
My thirst for blood is timeless, you scenester!
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Old 10-13-06, 07:28 AM   #6
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Why wait for a silly Friday the 13th to let your hate pour forth upon the masses? I unleash the evil that is my soul on an almost nightly basis. I however prefer to use the comfy chair and the soft cushions as my weapons of choice. If in a truly foul humour, i will resort to the rack.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 10-13-06, 07:29 AM   #7
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Our TWO weapons of choice - the rusty machete, the dull spoon, and . . . THE RACK!!! Threee. . . our THREE weapons of choice - rusty machete, dull spoon, the rack, and witty MP references! errrr, hold on, I'll do that again. . . .
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Old 10-13-06, 07:33 AM   #8
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Reminds me I've been wanting to put the Flying Circus on my Netflix queue. And stabbing people. I've also been wanting to stab people.

jsharr, my hate is akin to the tides. Or maybe a capacitor. It builds up then unleashed with the fury of Hell! Plus I couldn't find any summer camps to terroize this year so I'm kinda backed up and cranky. The rivers will run red with blood!
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Old 10-13-06, 07:52 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by explody pup
Reminds me I've been wanting to put the Flying Circus on my Netflix queue. And stabbing people. I've also been wanting to stab people.
I been practicing my stabbing motion for months now. After my 2nd cup of coffee is done, I'm gonna go loiter by Starbucks w/ a duffel full of sporks.
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Old 10-13-06, 07:54 AM   #10
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I been practicing my stabbing motion for months now. After my 2nd cup of coffee is done, I'm gonna go loiter by Starbucks w/ a duffel full of sporks.
You an over-hand or under-hand stabber?
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Old 10-13-06, 08:00 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by explody pup
You an over-hand or under-hand stabber?
Careful, they may have had self defence training and can fight off either type of stabber.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 10-13-06, 08:21 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by explody pup
You an over-hand or under-hand stabber?
I stabs wit both hands. Under-hand stabber. A kick to the nutz may precede the stabbing motion.
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Old 10-13-06, 08:25 AM   #13
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Nut kicking tends to destabilise the victim though, making it harder to place accurate stabs.
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Old 10-13-06, 08:27 AM   #14
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I stabs wit both hands. Under-hand stabber. A kick to the nutz may precede the stabbing motion.
Ahhhh, I see... get the torso moving downward in response to the nut-kicking as the stabbing impliments move upward. Brilliant. I'd love to see it in person.
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Old 10-13-06, 08:29 AM   #15
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Here is your friendly occupational hazard tip of the day. Before you start slashing away, make sure to put in your ear protection. Screams have gotten to dangerous decibels as of late. It saves your hearing for the cops. Not to mention the earplugs could be used to throw off your trackers.
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Old 10-13-06, 08:30 AM   #16
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Here is your friendly occupational hazard tip of the day. Before you start slashing away, make sure to put in your ear protection. Screams have gotten to dangerous decibels as of late. It saves your hearing for the cops. Not to mention the earplugs could be used to throw off your trackers.
just stab your victims in the larynx to begin with.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 10-13-06, 08:34 AM   #17
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just stab your victims in the larynx to begin with.
Word.
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Old 10-13-06, 08:35 AM   #18
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Today is my company's annual party thing. Pretty interesting that they chose such an appropriate day for it. Perhaps the electric slide or Macarena will trigger a pavlovian-like response in one of my colleagues and there will be bloodshed.
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Old 10-13-06, 08:46 AM   #19
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I like a chainsaw. on a pole.
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Old 10-13-06, 08:48 AM   #20
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In a house? With a mouse?

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Old 10-13-06, 08:53 AM   #21
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on a boat, or with a goat...
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Old 10-13-06, 08:55 AM   #22
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In a do rag, with a ball gag?
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 10-13-06, 08:58 AM   #23
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Word.
No word. Stab your victim in the lungs (sneak up on them from behind). Once their lungs are punctured, they can't inhale to scream. Then you can take your time while they stagger trying to breathe and enjoy the danse macabre.
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Old 10-13-06, 08:58 AM   #24
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Stuffed in Uranus, so he don't shame us
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Old 10-13-06, 09:04 AM   #25
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No word. Stab your victim in the lungs (sneak up on them from behind). Once their lungs are punctured, they can't inhale to scream. Then you can take your time while they stagger trying to breathe and enjoy the danse macabre.
This is another reason I like killing in the woods. I can hack and chop and they can scream and scream and no cops are called (and, yes, I do wear earplugs, thanks). I don't like being locked into a certain way of slaying my innocent victims... not that they're innocent, really. They were smokin' drugs and doin' sex in the tent, fer crying out loud! Anyway, I like to give each and every person a unique experience. Sometimes that requires a LOT of screaming. Sometimes it's a dull THUCK as I sink a pickaxe into his/her skull.

*shrug*
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