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Old 10-25-06, 06:30 PM   #1
Portis
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My neighbor is stupid.

Well, i knew this guy wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but it's pouring down rain and he is outside working on the shed he has been building for a month. It is one of those sheds that is supposed to take a weekend to put up and it looks like it might take him a year.

Anyway, it is raining hard and pitch dark outside. He has a huge light out there shining on the building while he is working. I'm thinking that 110 volts in pouring down rain might mean he might be building a coffin instead of a shed.

Anybody else got mental midget neighbors?
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Old 10-25-06, 06:38 PM   #2
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not really, but sometimes I avoid doing certain types of yardwork or outdoor project because I KNOW I'll be that idiot neighbor
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Old 10-25-06, 06:43 PM   #3
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One of my neighbors, an old over-the-hill 40yr+ spinster lady, called the cops on my party a couple weeks ago... at 9pm on a SATURDAY!!! That's it, I'm making a fart-generator machine and installing it upwind from her house...
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Old 10-25-06, 06:50 PM   #4
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I had a guy who lived next door to me who had crushed white stones surrounding his shrubs. He used to shovel all of the stones out...spread them on his driveway and then hose them down because he wanted to clean them.

He always told me he'd like to take up biking but he just didn't have the time.
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Old 10-25-06, 06:51 PM   #5
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I have real nice neighbours, but one of them has an obsession with having things on her wall. That means her husband is forever using the hammer drill to get through the brick wall to mount the things. It's like an Aladdin's cave in there. Seriously!
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Old 10-25-06, 06:52 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Denny Koll
I had a guy who lived next door to me who had crushed white stones surrounding his shrubs. He used to shovel all of the stones out...spread them on his driveway and then hose them down because he wanted to clean them.

He always told me he'd like to take up biking but he just didn't have the time.
Hey, that was me! Just kidding, but we have done that before now, as they had turned nasty green. Once in 20 years is ok, though, right?!
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Old 10-25-06, 06:52 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by DannoXYZ
That's it, I'm making a fart-generator machine and installing it upwind from her house...
do yourself a favor there danno, save your money on that machine, and just fly me down for the weekend, im better than any machine.
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Old 10-25-06, 06:53 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DannoXYZ
One of my neighbors, an old over-the-hill 40yr+ spinster lady,
This is why you rock with the ladies...you are so sensitive.
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Old 10-25-06, 07:00 PM   #9
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I seriously have a neighbor that backs up in her driveway for years and manages to take her mail box with her at least once every 2 weeks... if you think that's bad... I could never figure out why her mail box reads...nodroG, I fanally asked her and she said it's for the mail carrier for when he looks into his rear view mirror... nodroG = Gordon.
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Old 10-25-06, 07:03 PM   #10
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My neighor and I was cutting some branches. While I was cutting with my chainsaw, she put her foot down 2 inches from the blade. I stopped my chainsaw right the way. OK, time for chainsaw safety 101.

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Old 10-25-06, 07:41 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cooker
This is why you rock with the ladies...you are so sensitive.
heh, heh.. I only read people and fulfill their dreams. If you're warm, nice and caring person, that how Ill come across too. If this neighbor sees the world as a harsh, cold place through bitter and antagonistic eyes, heck, that's what I'm gonna give her!


Quote:
Originally Posted by blonduathlongrl
I seriously have a neighbor that backs up in her driveway for years and manages to take her mail box with her at least once every 2 weeks... if you think that's bad... I could never figure out why her mail box reads...nodroG, I fanally asked her and she said it's for the mail carrier for when he looks into his rear view mirror... nodroG = Gordon.
So... is Gordon trapped underneath her car too, from when she backed over him???
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Old 10-25-06, 07:51 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by free_pizza
do yourself a favor there danno, save your money on that machine, and just fly me down for the weekend, im better than any machine.
I guarantee I'm better! I had bariatric surgery and my small intestine is three feet short! My wife is considering renting me out as a tear gas factory!
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Old 10-25-06, 08:15 PM   #13
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I guarantee I'm better! I had bariatric surgery and my small intestine is three feet short! My wife is considering renting me out as a tear gas factory!
T.M.I.!
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Old 10-25-06, 08:17 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DannoXYZ
One of my neighbors, an old over-the-hill 40yr+ spinster lady, called the cops on my party a couple weeks ago... at 9pm on a SATURDAY!!! That's it, I'm making a fart-generator machine and installing it upwind from her house...
Maybe you can install one of these too.

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Old 10-26-06, 09:45 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blonduathlongrl
I seriously have a neighbor that backs up in her driveway for years and manages to take her mail box with her at least once every 2 weeks... if you think that's bad... I could never figure out why her mail box reads...nodroG, I fanally asked her and she said it's for the mail carrier for when he looks into his rear view mirror... nodroG = Gordon.
That's hilarious!
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Old 10-26-06, 10:42 AM   #16
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Waterproof 110v nema connectors?
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Old 10-26-06, 01:53 PM   #17
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Ok, you flatulence experts are invited down for free beer & pizza! I'll even make whatever sets off your farts the worse, Mexican food? Filet mignon? Whatever, it takes. Then we can all fart in her general direction... take turns with a relief crew.

Although it'd be interesting to see what kind of ticket the cops will try to write up for that one. "Disturbing the peace"? But your-honor, our farts were harmonized with the chorus to the proper key and sequence with the correct timing! It was artistic performance!

Anyway, ever since Chancellor Yang came to power at UCSB, he's been cracking down on all the social activities. Not sure how they've managed to do it, perhaps no one has challenged it constitutionally, but parties are verboten now and the cops can actually come into your house and write you up for various offences (aside from noise-violations)... all without needing any search-warrants! If you've got a keg and there's a single kid under 21 around, you get a $3000 fine!
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Old 10-26-06, 02:10 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DannoXYZ
Ok, you flatulence experts are invited down for free beer & pizza! I'll even make whatever sets off your farts the worse, Mexican food? Filet mignon? Whatever, it takes. Then we can all fart in her general direction... take turns with a relief crew.

Although it'd be interesting to see what kind of ticket the cops will try to write up for that one. "Disturbing the peace"? But your-honor, our farts were harmonized with the chorus to the proper key and sequence with the correct timing! It was artistic performance!

Anyway, ever since Chancellor Yang came to power at UCSB, he's been cracking down on all the social activities. Not sure how they've managed to do it, perhaps no one has challenged it constitutionally, but parties are verboten now and the cops can actually come into your house and write you up for various offences (aside from noise-violations)... all without needing any search-warrants! If you've got a keg and there's a single kid under 21 around, you get a $3000 fine!



Sufficient gas should make them
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Old 10-26-06, 02:11 PM   #19
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Danno, just feed me Taco bell grande meals for a day or two, and I'll let off enough emisisons to gas out a small nation.

Seriously, I'm talking a new level of flatulence....where nomore than 2 seconds after a looooong fart is let off, another is already locked and loaded.

I used to use this secret weapon to gas out one of my friends when I got sick of him hogging my computer. It was better than hearing his whining and bellyaching if I was to yank the chair out from under him and just commandeer my own desk from him (note...this guy refuses to get off the computer until he's ready, regardless of who's house it is, who's computer, or how badly the owner needs to use it).
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Old 10-26-06, 03:02 PM   #20
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I don't know if my neighbors are stupid or not. We can't get any of them but one to even wave or otherwise acknowledge our existance. And the couple right next door both ride Harleys, as do I. They never even look our direction. It can't be us. We're normal, decent, nice people. I think.
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Old 10-26-06, 03:48 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catatonic
Danno, just feed me Taco bell grande meals for a day or two, and I'll let off enough emisisons to gas out a small nation.

Seriously, I'm talking a new level of flatulence....where nomore than 2 seconds after a looooong fart is let off, another is already locked and loaded.

I used to use this secret weapon to gas out one of my friends when I got sick of him hogging my computer. It was better than hearing his whining and bellyaching if I was to yank the chair out from under him and just commandeer my own desk from him (note...this guy refuses to get off the computer until he's ready, regardless of who's house it is, who's computer, or how badly the owner needs to use it).
Heh, heh... is there a way we can bottle this stuff and store it for later use? Would make shipping easier as well!

One of my college roommates could do that, fart on demand! We'd have the hardest time finding a free table at the library to study. So we'd find a suitable location and he'd non-chalantly stroll around it releasing a most foul and wrenched fart the likes of which will make your mom turn green way back home! Of course, we'd pick out the table with the hottest sorority chics! They'd go running away in screaming terror, coughing and gagging. heh heh.... We'd wait until the toxic waste had subsided and take over!

One time as they were running away, we tackled one of them and sat on her and farted away the rest of the stockpile (wouldn't want anything leaking out later as WE were studying at the choice tables). She would comment months later that it was grotesquely sick and twisted what we did to her (she could FEEL the farts on her skin), but at the same time, it was very funny and a turn-on...

Last edited by DannoXYZ; 10-26-06 at 10:00 PM.
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Old 10-26-06, 08:27 PM   #22
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haha, now that poor girl probably has a farting fetish thanks to you!

Yeah it wasn't quite fart on demand, it's just I could not stop farting due to the insanely rapid and bountiful production of gas.
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Old 10-26-06, 08:34 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe
I guarantee I'm better! I had bariatric surgery and my small intestine is three feet short! My wife is considering renting me out as a tear gas factory!
sounds good come on over and help me gas out my neighbors
it would take to long to describe haw bad they are
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Old 10-27-06, 12:33 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DannoXYZ
One of my neighbors, an old over-the-hill 40yr+ spinster lady, called the cops on my party a couple weeks ago... at 9pm on a SATURDAY!!! That's it, I'm making a fart-generator machine and installing it upwind from her house...
Invite her over. I bet that'd make her a lot more receptive to the parties!

It's the spinsters which are usually the livliest wires...
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Old 10-27-06, 04:09 PM   #25
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My nieghbor parked a rusted out 75 chevy blazer in his driveway.It has plastic covering the drivers window,a piece of plywood for a back window,and a flat tire.He doesn't drive it he just goes out on saturday afternoon pops the hood,starts it up and revs piss out of it for 45 minutes then decides to go drink some more beer.It was his first car and he's"gonna restore it".Start with a muffler Ace.
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