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Old 12-16-06, 07:09 PM   #1
Siu Blue Wind
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This really bums me out. (rant)

My co-worker Becky is a tiny girl who has recently married a man I really didn't take to. He has cheated on her before, won't help her pay for mortgage on the house they live in but will rent out the house he owns and call it "his money".

Anyway, her daughter (not his) wanted a real Christmas tree this year since this is the last year before she becomes an adult. They have always had a fake tree so this was going to be special. Ed didn't want a real tree. No reason why but he said no. Becky got it anyway, figuring the kid doesn't ask for much and frankly, never had a real tree. When she got it home, Ed refused to help her with it. She had to trim the trunk herself and he wouldn't let her use his saw. Not sure how she was able to cut it (she never did it before) but she and her daughter struggled trying to do this on the sidewalk.

Ed and his buddies stood around drinking beer, laughing and calling them idiots. Not one of the three guys helped her. She tried so hard not to cry in front of her daughter.

This is the man who promised to love her.
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Old 12-16-06, 07:11 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind
My co-worker Becky is a tiny girl who has recently married a man I really didn't take to. He has cheated on her before, won't help her pay for mortgage on the house they live in but will rent out the house he owns and calls it "his money".

Anyway, her daughter (not his) wanted a real Christmas tree this year since this is the last year before she becomes an adult. They have always had a fake tree so this was going to be special. Ed didn't want a real tree. No reason why but he said no. Becky got it anyway, figuring the kid doesn't ask for much and frankly, never had a real tree. When she got it home, Ed refused to help her with it. She had to trim the trunk herself and he wouldn't let her use his saw. Not sure how she was able to cut it (she never did it before) but she and her daughter struggled trying to do this on the sidewalk.

Ed and his buddies stood around drinking beer, laughing and calling them idiots. Not one of the three guys helped her. She tried so hard not to cry in front of her daughter.

This is the man who promised to love her.
serve him with papers...kick him the hell out and take half of the money he calls his and put it in a fund for her daughters college
that kind of stuff cant be tolerated!
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Old 12-16-06, 07:12 PM   #3
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gesh, can you say mental abuse?
and the reason she is putting up with this is.....???

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Old 12-16-06, 07:14 PM   #4
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gesh, can you say mental abuse?
and the reason she is pulling up with this is.....???
as funny as that is I think you meant putting
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Old 12-16-06, 07:18 PM   #5
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as funny as that is I think you meant putting
did I?
well i got to change that! this is no funny thread!!!
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Old 12-16-06, 07:20 PM   #6
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gesh, can you say mental abuse?
and the reason she is pulling up with this is.....???
This is her fourth marriage. All of the guys she had been with abused her in some sort of way. She is very beautiful and sensitive. I asked her this myself and she said that she is "settling". She said that the only man she ever really loved is her daughter's father. They split up because he was an alcoholic. But he is in a relationship right now and no longer drinks. I know that some of you will think that it is her fault for settling and to some extent it is. But we are talking about a woman who feels that she will never find true love again. I don't think that what her husband does to her is fair at all. Nobody deserves that.
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Old 12-16-06, 07:21 PM   #7
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- it is truly sad... especially around Xmas ...

- also, what kind of jerks are hanging out in the house drinking beer and watching a young woman do something like wrestle with a Christmas tree?
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Old 12-16-06, 07:27 PM   #8
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Ed is a @*$*# no doubt that but his two friends are peaches as well. No man worth his salt would let that abuse occur regardless of what Ed said. Sad story.

[edit I see I said what linux_author already said, well, it is worth repeating]
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Old 12-16-06, 07:30 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind
My co-worker Becky is a tiny girl who has recently married a man I really didn't take to. He has cheated on her before, won't help her pay for mortgage on the house they live in but will rent out the house he owns and calls it "his money".

Anyway, her daughter (not his) wanted a real Christmas tree this year since this is the last year before she becomes an adult. They have always had a fake tree so this was going to be special. Ed didn't want a real tree. No reason why but he said no. Becky got it anyway, figuring the kid doesn't ask for much and frankly, never had a real tree. When she got it home, Ed refused to help her with it. She had to trim the trunk herself and he wouldn't let her use his saw. Not sure how she was able to cut it (she never did it before) but she and her daughter struggled trying to do this on the sidewalk.

Ed and his buddies stood around drinking beer, laughing and calling them idiots. Not one of the three guys helped her. She tried so hard not to cry in front of her daughter.

This is the man who promised to love her.
Wow....Now that sure is TRUE LOVE.


And people wonder why half of marriages end in divorce.
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Old 12-16-06, 07:33 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind
This is her fourth marriage. All of the guys she had been with abused her in some sort of way. She is very beautiful and sensitive. I asked her this myself and she said that she is "settling". She said that the only man she ever really loved is her daughter's father. They split up because he was an alcoholic. But he is in a relationship right now and no longer drinks. I know that some of you will think that it is her fault for settling and to some extent it is. But we are talking about a woman who feels that she will never find true love again. I don't think that what her husband does to her is fair at all. Nobody deserves that.
you know what that made me think, it isnt her fault but somehow it sounds like she thinks she doesnt deserve any better or is not worthy of any better.
Therapie sometimes help to make this woman see how beautiful it is and how self love is more important then love from others, maybe once she sees that she is worthy of more and should never settle for less then maybe she could make the right desicions for herself?
I dont know, just thinking that you'll never get people to treat you right if you are not allready doing this for yourself and part of doing this is saying no to mental abuse and bad treatments from others.
I feel bad for her
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Old 12-16-06, 07:35 PM   #11
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependence
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Old 12-16-06, 07:35 PM   #12
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I've been married for going on 25 years, and if my spouse dropped dead tomorrow (God forbid!), there's no way I's marry again. I simply don't get people who've done it 3 or 4 times. Don't they learn?
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Old 12-16-06, 07:35 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by linux_author
- it is truly sad... especially around Xmas ...

- also, what kind of jerks are hanging out in the house drinking beer and watching a young woman do something like wrestle with a Christmas tree?
+ 1000 I think he would of got the tree shoved up his woopsie daisy if that had been me.
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Old 12-16-06, 07:35 PM   #14
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a long and misrabule diviorce would do the trick, make him pay and give him the boot,
papers served on christmas would be real nice
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Old 12-16-06, 07:47 PM   #15
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+ 1000 I think he would of got the tree shoved up his woopsie daisy if that had been me.
Okay BDG you made me smile, that was a good one!! Thank you!
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Old 12-16-06, 07:48 PM   #16
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a long and misrabule diviorce would do the trick, make him pay and give him the boot,
papers served on christmas would be real nice

She just got married in August. Would that be an annullment (sp?)
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Old 12-16-06, 07:53 PM   #17
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not sure what time can go by to do that , she would be better off without him
95% of guys are jerks, yes i am a guy and i cant belive we act this way,
if i did i would expect to get slaped
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Old 12-16-06, 07:59 PM   #18
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Sounds to Dr. Stacey that this friend of your is a 'habitual victim'. As you mentioned, for some reason she dosen't believe that she deserves what she is getting. A lot of people are afraid of change... the hell they know is better to them than the joy they don't know.

I understand your concern, but you can't save the world. The decission to end the relationship must come from her... or her husband, when they take her out in a body bag.
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Old 12-16-06, 08:01 PM   #19
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Wow Siu, that is truly sad.

What else is sad is that one thing a divorce accomplishes is to put $$$ into lawyers' pockets.

Unfortunately, good things don't always happen to good people.
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Old 12-16-06, 08:03 PM   #20
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ok everyone we need to throw him a blanket party that way no lawyers
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Old 12-16-06, 08:04 PM   #21
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ok everyone we need to throw him a blanket party that way no lawyers
Works for me...I'll bring the socks. Who's got the soap?
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Old 12-16-06, 08:05 PM   #22
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I have a feeling she is just going to ride this relationship out. She is tired of divorces.

I asked her when she got her engagement ring why he bought it since he said he wasn't going to marry her. She said it was a "shut up" ring. I told her she was worth way more than that but she said that "he's okay, he's not that bad". Yet I hear all the mean things he does when she comes to work with red and puffy eyes from crying.

I know that there really is nothing I can do besides be there to listen and to hug her. He has done worse things but I think this Christmas tree thing really tipped the scale with me.

Thanks everyone for listening, this was just more of a release for me for I was so angry at him, that's all. I know the solution is up to her.
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Old 12-16-06, 08:06 PM   #23
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Lets go cap his ass Sis.
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Old 12-16-06, 08:13 PM   #24
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sounds like fun ill bring a big stick
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Old 12-16-06, 08:14 PM   #25
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Thanks everyone for listening, this was just more of a release for me for I was so angry at him, that's all. I know the solution is up to her.
Siu, that's what we're here for.
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