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  1. #1
    NJS my life! roughrider504's Avatar
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    Can it get any worse?

    Wow this year has been bad. Well, my family fight alot, way too much if you ask me. When my sister and me were young, they would fight, but it would not get too bad. When I was 13, and my sister turned 16, things started getting bad. They had almost daily fights about what kind of car she would get. OK, It is just a car. I have no real desires for a car, my bicycles suit me fine. Since I think like this, when they would fight I would not know why a car would matter so much, as to fight over it. In the months when my sister was getting a car, I was depressed for quite a while. After she got a car, she would not keep it clean. This sparked even MORE fights and I would just sit in my room and feel depressed.

    After my sister got her car, she started staying out of the house longer. This was all well and good until she just lost her nerve. She went on a little trip. She claimed she was going to Pensacola with her friend to visit the friend's family. A few days later I get a call on my cell from the Miami PD. I told them to call my dad, and dont talk to me. When she was supposted to be in pensacola, she was in Miami. My dad had to spend thousands of dollars to get her home. We are not wealthy, so this was very bad for us. This happened a few months ago, I am 14 and she is 17. It went all downhill from here.

    After a while, she was able to go places. She just kept pushing her luck and started to get caught in her string of lies. Now, me, I spend my time with my hobbies and dont get into any trouble.

    Fast foward to tonight. My mother called her boss to see when she is getting off from work. She got off at 6:30, and it was 9:30. She had not called, which she was supposted to do since her Miami incident. This caused my mom and dad to not get mad, I would think it was rage. They finally got in touch with her, and my sister would not tell them where she was. When she came back, it is like something clicked in my dad that he could not take it anymore. In a fit of rage he screamed at my sister for the keys to her car. Her car was bought by my father and is in his name, so he has every right to take it. My sister would not give them to him, and my mom got involved. All hell broke loose, and somebody got slammed onto the wall.
    Then more hell broke loose, they saw a piercing in my sister's tongue. At her school, they kick people out for having one. My dad grabbed a pipe and threated to smash the car and kill her. I stepped in here, and took the pipe. This place was a living hell for a while, until my dad left. I am just sitting here, not knowing what to do. Sorry if this is kinda long, I just had to rant.

  2. #2
    Senior Member russiankdi's Avatar
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    I knew she wouldn't change a bit after that call from Miami.
    1978 Schwinn Varsity Single Speed

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    ((hug)) You're a very brave person, but you should be careful in a situation where passions are flowing so high, and there is a potentially lethal weapon involved, though I absolutely understand and appreciate your feelings about protecting your sister, and keeping your father from overreacting.

    I suggest you talk with an adult you trust, right there where you live. And tomorrow.

    Baby, it's hard watching something like this happening in your family. And I assure you it's killing your parents to know that they are reacting as they are. No parent wants to, or enjoys, being in a contentious relationship with a child.

    For now, find a safe spot. Find a trusted adult who's not directly involved. And get some guidance from that person on how to handle your situation. Hard for us to help you at a distance, but make no mistake, we are all concerned about you, as we are for any Foo'er in despair....

  4. #4
    Senior Member russiankdi's Avatar
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    If anything happens where he is in any danger, he is always welcome in my house, only lives 5 mins away.
    1978 Schwinn Varsity Single Speed

  5. #5
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    SOunds like a rough situation.....

    If it gets overwhelming for you..ie: too much to handle on your own, best advice I can give is your regional crisis center. They are trained for this type of situation. I know it sucks to feel trapped in a family situation. When a sibling causes that much stress in a family, it stresses you as well, and your parents are too wrapped up in the immediate issue (in this case your sister) to notice what's happening with you. This doesn't mean they love you any less, just that they are human.

    The reason I suggested a crisis center is that that way, you can get an outside perspective and perhaps you will be able to either see that it's not as bad as you are currently percieving, or resources for help for yourself in coping with the situation as it affects you.

    Whether or not you are religious, there are some words that apply here:

    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    The courage to change the thins I can,
    and the wisdom to know the difference.

    I'm not coming at this from a religious angle, by the way, but just the meaning of what's being said.

    Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

  6. #6
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe
    SOunds like a rough situation.....

    If it gets overwhelming for you..ie: too much to handle on your own, best advice I can give is your regional crisis center. They are trained for this type of situation. I know it sucks to feel trapped in a family situation. When a sibling causes that much stress in a family, it stresses you as well, and your parents are too wrapped up in the immediate issue (in this case your sister) to notice what's happening with you. This doesn't mean they love you any less, just that they are human.

    The reason I suggested a crisis center is that that way, you can get an outside perspective and perhaps you will be able to either see that it's not as bad as you are currently percieving, or resources for help for yourself in coping with the situation as it affects you.

    Whether or not you are religious, there are some words that apply here:

    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    The courage to change the thins I can,
    and the wisdom to know the difference.

    I'm not coming at this from a religious angle, by the way, but just the meaning of what's being said.

    Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.
    +1 Please let us know how it's going....

  7. #7
    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ efrobert's Avatar
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    I hate to say it, but in less than a year she can legally do what ever she wants. The more the parents try to control the more she will rebel. Calling her work to find out when she got out and things like that are just going to make her lie more and rebel more.
    I moved away to college at 17, after that my parents pretty much let me do as I pleased. I made some bad decisions and mistakes and I learned from them and I was able to be honest with my parents because they didn't flip out on me, they were 17 once also. Some parents forget that.
    Your family might want to try to get some counseling, but your sister is just going to have to start learning from her mistakes, and your parents are going to have to start to let her go, they can't control her forever.

  8. #8
    long time visiter Alfster's Avatar
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    Sounds rough! Went thru something similar when I was a kid but not to that extreme. Just keep in mind that your sister is not a bad person. 17 is a rough age to deal with especially with changing hormones thrown into the equation. Some people are affected more than others. My sister has turned out to be a great mom herself with 3 amazing daughters ... one of which is approaching 17 yrs old

    Remember to take Tom Stormcrowe's advice if it gets too much to deal with. Do your best to make your sister's life a bit easier.

  9. #9
    Beauty Everywhere snowy's Avatar
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    Yikes how are things going now??

    I feel horrible that you have to live in this kind of situation. Please know that there are people out there that care for you and will help you if you want it.
    "RIDE FAST TAKE CHANCES!"

    Interested in the Women's Forum? Send me a PM for more information.

  10. #10
    Caustic Soccer Mom apclassic9's Avatar
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    When I was 17, my folk's house was the neighborhood refuge - take russiankdi up on his offer if need be, but leave a BIG NOTE so you don't get sucked into the fray. Counseling is a good idea - for the whole family, but especially for your sister. The fine line between independence & family responsibility is a hard line to toe for many 17 year olds, and it sounds like your sister could use some help getting over herself. I see too many kids that age thrown out of the house over just such instances.

    My home has been open to MY friends and neighbor's children - and believe me, being awakened in the middle of the night by some kid in need is a WAY better option than having them stay where they were. I have bailed kids out, housed them, and picked them up from their homes when things got to be too much.

    Your sister has to understand that your folks worry about her, and asking her to a responsible person and let them know where she is, who she's with, and when she'll be home is not asking too much. I may not have agreed with many of my older boy's decisions when he was that age, but we always knew where to find him.
    As with mud, life, too, slides by.

  11. #11
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe
    SOunds like a rough situation.....

    If it gets overwhelming for you..ie: too much to handle on your own, best advice I can give is your regional crisis center. They are trained for this type of situation. I know it sucks to feel trapped in a family situation. When a sibling causes that much stress in a family, it stresses you as well, and your parents are too wrapped up in the immediate issue (in this case your sister) to notice what's happening with you. This doesn't mean they love you any less, just that they are human.

    The reason I suggested a crisis center is that that way, you can get an outside perspective and perhaps you will be able to either see that it's not as bad as you are currently percieving, or resources for help for yourself in coping with the situation as it affects you.

    Whether or not you are religious, there are some words that apply here:

    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    The courage to change the thins I can,
    and the wisdom to know the difference.


    I'm not coming at this from a religious angle, by the way, but just the meaning of what's being said.

    Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.

    My mantra. Learn it, know it, use it... it helps.

    And please do take Rissiankdi up on his offer, even if only for a little while.

    Leave a note, for everyone explaining where you've gone and a contact phone number and make it exceptionally clear as to why you've done what you did and the conditions for yout return.

    If all else fails call Family Services, that's what they're there for.

    Keep yourself safe and sane. We care about you.

  12. #12
    Senior Member DannoXYZ's Avatar
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    While your sis may be a brat, your parent's way of dealing with her isn't very good either. These situations are exactly why I ship off my kids to boarding-school from the moment they're born until they're 18. Let the professionals raise them...
    Last edited by DannoXYZ; 12-27-06 at 11:52 AM.

  13. #13
    KombuchaCHIC Shadiyah's Avatar
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    Oh, that's horrible. I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time right now. You sound very mature for your age to step in like that and stay out of trouble. I hope things get better for you and your family.

  14. #14
    Air
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    Destroyer of Wheels Air's Avatar
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    Oh man, good luck. Can't add any more to what's been said - Tom's hit is on the nose (as usual ). Vacations are good for all parties involved, get over to russiankdi's place to clear your head when you need to.

    Your sister is intent on rebelling - you may want to talk to her on the side and tell her how unfair she's being to YOU. She may not care but she needs to see another point of view and realize that her actions are hurting others that she may not mean to hurt.

  15. #15
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Take one step at a time and remember that you can only do what you can only do. This is not your responsiblity and although it is frustrating because you want all to STOP and be at peace, the only person you have complete control over is yourself. Just be the best you can be and YOUR life will be good.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  16. #16
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    Where have I heard those words? :

  17. #17
    NJS my life! roughrider504's Avatar
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    Well all the fighting is somewhat over, and I have alot of work to keep me busy. Thanks for the support my fellow foo'ers.

  18. #18
    Senior Member russiankdi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by roughrider504
    Well all the fighting is somewhat over, and I have alot of work to keep me busy. Thanks for the support my fellow foo'ers.
    I'm sure the trip to Plan B(community bike shop, free use of tools,etc...) will make you feel better tomorrow.
    1978 Schwinn Varsity Single Speed

  19. #19
    Senior Member mike's Avatar
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    Roughrider504, that is a stressful situation your family is in. Your sister is obviously very naive and very selfish and very typical of SOME teen girls.

    I can see your parents blowing up and being frustrated to the edge of madness.

    Tell your parents to make it easy on EVERYBODY with this simple and practical approach; on the family calendar in the kitchen, draw a big red circle on the date of your sister's eighteenth birthday. This is the day she has to leave the house - not one single day later. The move has to be permanent and not just going to her friends' house for five days.

    The day you father does this, he will feel a great weight lifted off of his shoulders and he will sleep better. At the same time, your sister will feel a great weight put on her shoulders and she will stare at the ceiling at night wondering where she will go on that big day.

    Almost for sure, your sister will become more cooperative nearly immediately. If she doesn't, that is OK, because your parents will have the peace of mind knowing that on a specific date, she will be her own responibility and not theirs and a long deserved peace will reign at your house once more.

    Learn from your sister's foolishness, roughrider504, and do what you can to live in your home in a way that preserves the peace. The things your sister is doing now that frustrates your parents and makes them worry are things she will not reflect on with pride when she is an adult.
    Last edited by mike; 12-28-06 at 07:15 AM.
    Mike

  20. #20
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    <clap, clap, clap>

  21. #21
    NJS my life! roughrider504's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stacey
    <clap, clap, clap>
    +1! But I have the feeling when she turns 18, she will leave on her own. I cannot wait.

  22. #22
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ecnetsixe
    For whats it worth dont ever give up on your sister. She will change over time and she will always be your big sister. Dont let her actions now as a teenager taint your view of her forever even if you lose touch for a while. Always welcome her in your life.
    From someone who is dealing with a similar situation... an estranged sibling.


    My heart is always open for my brother to come back in to my life. But I ain't holding my breath.

  23. #23
    '05 NUEser EJ123's Avatar
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    Do you and your mom/sister have a good relationship with you?

  24. #24
    I-M-D bell curve of bikn'
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    Let me make the OP feel as good as possible. Here has been our 2006 in review.

    May- Wife's father dies from cancer after being misdiagnosed by medical profession or might I say, failed to diagnose.

    July- Our dog we had for 14 years dies in our arms for some unknown reason.

    Can't have children for some unknown reason that fertility doctors can't figure out.

    Nov.- A favorite aunt of mine dies.

    Dec. Wife gets real bad flu; I get sinus infection; wife's uncle dies; on 12-24-06 while visiting grave sites of deceased relatives wife's new car only three months old that was special ordered (2006 Toyota Avalon Touring edition $35,000) was total lossed due to other driver hitting her at stand still going 50 mph! Wife now has whiplash; hurt left arm; hurt back! Also, my grandmother is in the hospital now for heart troubles!

    That is my and our $hitty 2006 in review!

    Oh yeah pic. of new car totaled...............
    Last edited by msheron; 12-28-06 at 10:58 AM.
    Ego Campana Inflectum of Circuitous

  25. #25
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    You my friend, can carry your own cross.

    I'll keep my Leukemia, thank you very much.

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