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Old 01-12-07, 06:48 PM   #1
liv_rong
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I tried to write

so I never write, well i write tons of songs, but no lyrics, all instrumental stuff. and when i do write lyrics it is terrible. so i decided to write with a little bit differently. i have never wrote anyhitng like this. i just wanted to share because i suprised myself by writting this. the genreal idea of it is in regards to our shadows and our past, and how those memories help tp dictate the present.


here it is:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the sun rises in the east
reavealing from beneath our feet
shadows in which creep from under
disguised, no eyes, absconded from the other

a compromise
timed by time
seamlessly interacting with the mind

through a series of orderly movements
it casts aside all previous notions and improvemnets
vast is the depth of knowledge that is concluded
established situational awareness included

a hypothesis
drawn on dotted lines
the future being theorized

from past to present it wonders
followed by academic examination of blunders
to compare the wear it stares deep down to bone bare
analyzing feet to hair, to what brought it here


a reasurance
thoughts without thinking
insticively the path is set

prescribing from the scribes a method which describes
maturity, methods, wives, cognitive process and ties
at the same time tying it to past times

timing is everything tied to our minds

the past created the present, now it presents itself as this
a contrast you can not bypass the bind, you just exist
none the less it dictactes from the past how you handle
manualy analizing transcripted memory banks for the current battle

its over before it starts
apart from analizing, there werent that many parts
the shadow shades the parts into the past just like past pasts
to yet again reveal itslef for guidance, in regards to
broken hearts, casts, moral dilemas, sailing and masts

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
p.s. there are many spelling errors because i just got a new computer and have yet to install word, so i typed it in noepad hahaha
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Old 01-12-07, 08:08 PM   #2
Velo Vol 
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Do you have a tune in mind when you write lyrics?
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Old 01-12-07, 08:18 PM   #3
Mr. Gear Jammer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by liv_rong
so I never write, well i write tons of songs, but no lyrics, all instrumental stuff. and when i do write lyrics it is terrible. so i decided to write with a little bit differently. i have never wrote anyhitng like this. i just wanted to share because i suprised myself by writting this. the genreal idea of it is in regards to our shadows and our past, and how those memories help tp dictate the present.


here it is:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the sun rises in the east
reavealing from beneath our feet
shadows in which creep from under
disguised, no eyes, absconded from the other

a compromise
timed by time
seamlessly interacting with the mind

through a series of orderly movements
it casts aside all previous notions and improvemnets
vast is the depth of knowledge that is concluded
established situational awareness included

a hypothesis
drawn on dotted lines
the future being theorized

from past to present it wonders
followed by academic examination of blunders
to compare the wear it stares deep down to bone bare
analyzing feet to hair, to what brought it here


a reasurance
thoughts without thinking
insticively the path is set

prescribing from the scribes a method which describes
maturity, methods, wives, cognitive process and ties
at the same time tying it to past times

timing is everything tied to our minds

the past created the present, now it presents itself as this
a contrast you can not bypass the bind, you just exist
none the less it dictactes from the past how you handle
manualy analizing transcripted memory banks for the current battle

its over before it starts
apart from analizing, there werent that many parts
the shadow shades the parts into the past just like past pasts
to yet again reveal itslef for guidance, in regards to
broken hearts, casts, moral dilemas, sailing and masts

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
p.s. there are many spelling errors because i just got a new computer and have yet to install word, so i typed it in noepad hahaha
Nice man, poetry is music ya know. I am a poet, have written many poems. An this is good.
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Old 01-12-07, 08:23 PM   #4
Tom Stormcrowe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by liv_rong
so I never write, well i write tons of songs, but no lyrics, all instrumental stuff. and when i do write lyrics it is terrible. so i decided to write with a little bit differently. i have never wrote anyhitng like this. i just wanted to share because i suprised myself by writting this. the genreal idea of it is in regards to our shadows and our past, and how those memories help tp dictate the present.


here it is:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the sun rises in the east
reavealing from beneath our feet
shadows in which creep from under
disguised, no eyes, absconded from the other

a compromise
timed by time
seamlessly interacting with the mind

through a series of orderly movements
it casts aside all previous notions and improvemnets
vast is the depth of knowledge that is concluded
established situational awareness included

a hypothesis
drawn on dotted lines
the future being theorized

from past to present it wonders
followed by academic examination of blunders
to compare the wear it stares deep down to bone bare
analyzing feet to hair, to what brought it here


a reasurance
thoughts without thinking
insticively the path is set

prescribing from the scribes a method which describes
maturity, methods, wives, cognitive process and ties
at the same time tying it to past times

timing is everything tied to our minds

the past created the present, now it presents itself as this
a contrast you can not bypass the bind, you just exist
none the less it dictactes from the past how you handle
manualy analizing transcripted memory banks for the current battle

its over before it starts
apart from analizing, there werent that many parts
the shadow shades the parts into the past just like past pasts
to yet again reveal itslef for guidance, in regards to
broken hearts, casts, moral dilemas, sailing and masts

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
p.s. there are many spelling errors because i just got a new computer and have yet to install word, so i typed it in noepad hahaha
It's a bit unstructured, the 4 line, 3 line 4 line 3,3 1, but the words and thoughts are great. Work on it a bit to give it some structure and meter and you'll have something truly good here. It's a great beginning.

As to making it into lyrics, very possible, I kind of get a slow and melancholy feel from it. Kind os an Irish Ballad feel with a bit of Psychedelia feel to it. A bit like some of the edgier British Invasion from the 60's mixed with a dose of the Doors.
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"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant
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Old 01-12-07, 08:27 PM   #5
Mr. Gear Jammer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe
It's a bit unstructured, the 4 line, 3 line 4 line 3,3 1, but the words and thoughts are great. Work on it a bit to give it some structure and meter and you'll have something truly good here. It's a great beginning.

As to making it into lyrics, very possible, I kind of get a slow and melancholy feel from it. Kind os an Irish Ballad feel with a bit of Psychedelia feel to it. A bit like some of the edgier British Invasion from the 60's mixed with a dose of the Doors.
Tom you are a genius .
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Old 01-12-07, 08:33 PM   #6
Tom Stormcrowe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by liv_rong
so I never write, well i write tons of songs, but no lyrics, all instrumental stuff. and when i do write lyrics it is terrible. so i decided to write with a little bit differently. i have never wrote anyhitng like this. i just wanted to share because i suprised myself by writting this. the genreal idea of it is in regards to our shadows and our past, and how those memories help tp dictate the present.


here it is:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the sun rises in the east
reavealing from beneath our feet
shadows in which creep from under
disguised, no eyes, absconded from the other

a compromise
timed by time
seamlessly interacting with the mind

through a series of orderly movements
it casts aside all previous notions and improvemnets
vast is the depth of knowledge that is concluded
established situational awareness included

a hypothesis
drawn on dotted lines
the future being theorized

from past to present it wonders
followed by academic examination of blunders
to compare the wear it stares deep down to bone bare
analyzing feet to hair, to what brought it here


a reasurance
thoughts without thinking
insticively the path is set

prescribing from the scribes a method which describes
maturity, methods, wives, cognitive process and ties
at the same time tying it to past times

timing is everything tied to our minds

the past created the present, now it presents itself as this
a contrast you can not bypass the bind, you just exist
none the less it dictactes from the past how you handle
manualy analizing transcripted memory banks for the current battle

its over before it starts
apart from analizing, there werent that many parts
the shadow shades the parts into the past just like past pasts
to yet again reveal itslef for guidance, in regards to
broken hearts, casts, moral dilemas, sailing and masts

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
p.s. there are many spelling errors because i just got a new computer and have yet to install word, so i typed it in noepad hahaha
In Red and Italicized: This line, for example is a great hook! It can be an opening line for a repeating chorus to bridge the verses and maybe at the end, do an instrumental bridge, with a final repeat of that line all by itself repeated twice and fade.
__________________
. “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant
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Old 01-13-07, 02:30 AM   #7
liv_rong
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thanks for the feedback. i wasnt trying to say i wanted to turn this into a song, or that i want to work on writting lyrics more. this is just something different i did, and im probably going to try to do it more
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