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  1. #1
    Senior Member liv_rong's Avatar
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    I tried to write

    so I never write, well i write tons of songs, but no lyrics, all instrumental stuff. and when i do write lyrics it is terrible. so i decided to write with a little bit differently. i have never wrote anyhitng like this. i just wanted to share because i suprised myself by writting this. the genreal idea of it is in regards to our shadows and our past, and how those memories help tp dictate the present.


    here it is:
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    the sun rises in the east
    reavealing from beneath our feet
    shadows in which creep from under
    disguised, no eyes, absconded from the other

    a compromise
    timed by time
    seamlessly interacting with the mind

    through a series of orderly movements
    it casts aside all previous notions and improvemnets
    vast is the depth of knowledge that is concluded
    established situational awareness included

    a hypothesis
    drawn on dotted lines
    the future being theorized

    from past to present it wonders
    followed by academic examination of blunders
    to compare the wear it stares deep down to bone bare
    analyzing feet to hair, to what brought it here


    a reasurance
    thoughts without thinking
    insticively the path is set

    prescribing from the scribes a method which describes
    maturity, methods, wives, cognitive process and ties
    at the same time tying it to past times

    timing is everything tied to our minds

    the past created the present, now it presents itself as this
    a contrast you can not bypass the bind, you just exist
    none the less it dictactes from the past how you handle
    manualy analizing transcripted memory banks for the current battle

    its over before it starts
    apart from analizing, there werent that many parts
    the shadow shades the parts into the past just like past pasts
    to yet again reveal itslef for guidance, in regards to
    broken hearts, casts, moral dilemas, sailing and masts

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    p.s. there are many spelling errors because i just got a new computer and have yet to install word, so i typed it in noepad hahaha

  2. #2
    Free Velo Vol! Velo Vol's Avatar
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    Do you have a tune in mind when you write lyrics?

  3. #3
    Senior Member Mr. Gear Jammer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by liv_rong
    so I never write, well i write tons of songs, but no lyrics, all instrumental stuff. and when i do write lyrics it is terrible. so i decided to write with a little bit differently. i have never wrote anyhitng like this. i just wanted to share because i suprised myself by writting this. the genreal idea of it is in regards to our shadows and our past, and how those memories help tp dictate the present.


    here it is:
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    the sun rises in the east
    reavealing from beneath our feet
    shadows in which creep from under
    disguised, no eyes, absconded from the other

    a compromise
    timed by time
    seamlessly interacting with the mind

    through a series of orderly movements
    it casts aside all previous notions and improvemnets
    vast is the depth of knowledge that is concluded
    established situational awareness included

    a hypothesis
    drawn on dotted lines
    the future being theorized

    from past to present it wonders
    followed by academic examination of blunders
    to compare the wear it stares deep down to bone bare
    analyzing feet to hair, to what brought it here


    a reasurance
    thoughts without thinking
    insticively the path is set

    prescribing from the scribes a method which describes
    maturity, methods, wives, cognitive process and ties
    at the same time tying it to past times

    timing is everything tied to our minds

    the past created the present, now it presents itself as this
    a contrast you can not bypass the bind, you just exist
    none the less it dictactes from the past how you handle
    manualy analizing transcripted memory banks for the current battle

    its over before it starts
    apart from analizing, there werent that many parts
    the shadow shades the parts into the past just like past pasts
    to yet again reveal itslef for guidance, in regards to
    broken hearts, casts, moral dilemas, sailing and masts

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    p.s. there are many spelling errors because i just got a new computer and have yet to install word, so i typed it in noepad hahaha
    Nice man, poetry is music ya know. I am a poet, have written many poems. An this is good.
    Tropical pole vaulting is the shiznit.

  4. #4
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by liv_rong
    so I never write, well i write tons of songs, but no lyrics, all instrumental stuff. and when i do write lyrics it is terrible. so i decided to write with a little bit differently. i have never wrote anyhitng like this. i just wanted to share because i suprised myself by writting this. the genreal idea of it is in regards to our shadows and our past, and how those memories help tp dictate the present.


    here it is:
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    the sun rises in the east
    reavealing from beneath our feet
    shadows in which creep from under
    disguised, no eyes, absconded from the other

    a compromise
    timed by time
    seamlessly interacting with the mind

    through a series of orderly movements
    it casts aside all previous notions and improvemnets
    vast is the depth of knowledge that is concluded
    established situational awareness included

    a hypothesis
    drawn on dotted lines
    the future being theorized

    from past to present it wonders
    followed by academic examination of blunders
    to compare the wear it stares deep down to bone bare
    analyzing feet to hair, to what brought it here


    a reasurance
    thoughts without thinking
    insticively the path is set

    prescribing from the scribes a method which describes
    maturity, methods, wives, cognitive process and ties
    at the same time tying it to past times

    timing is everything tied to our minds

    the past created the present, now it presents itself as this
    a contrast you can not bypass the bind, you just exist
    none the less it dictactes from the past how you handle
    manualy analizing transcripted memory banks for the current battle

    its over before it starts
    apart from analizing, there werent that many parts
    the shadow shades the parts into the past just like past pasts
    to yet again reveal itslef for guidance, in regards to
    broken hearts, casts, moral dilemas, sailing and masts

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    p.s. there are many spelling errors because i just got a new computer and have yet to install word, so i typed it in noepad hahaha
    It's a bit unstructured, the 4 line, 3 line 4 line 3,3 1, but the words and thoughts are great. Work on it a bit to give it some structure and meter and you'll have something truly good here. It's a great beginning.

    As to making it into lyrics, very possible, I kind of get a slow and melancholy feel from it. Kind os an Irish Ballad feel with a bit of Psychedelia feel to it. A bit like some of the edgier British Invasion from the 60's mixed with a dose of the Doors.
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

  5. #5
    Senior Member Mr. Gear Jammer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe
    It's a bit unstructured, the 4 line, 3 line 4 line 3,3 1, but the words and thoughts are great. Work on it a bit to give it some structure and meter and you'll have something truly good here. It's a great beginning.

    As to making it into lyrics, very possible, I kind of get a slow and melancholy feel from it. Kind os an Irish Ballad feel with a bit of Psychedelia feel to it. A bit like some of the edgier British Invasion from the 60's mixed with a dose of the Doors.
    Tom you are a genius .
    Tropical pole vaulting is the shiznit.

  6. #6
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Location
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    Quote Originally Posted by liv_rong
    so I never write, well i write tons of songs, but no lyrics, all instrumental stuff. and when i do write lyrics it is terrible. so i decided to write with a little bit differently. i have never wrote anyhitng like this. i just wanted to share because i suprised myself by writting this. the genreal idea of it is in regards to our shadows and our past, and how those memories help tp dictate the present.


    here it is:
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    the sun rises in the east
    reavealing from beneath our feet
    shadows in which creep from under
    disguised, no eyes, absconded from the other

    a compromise
    timed by time
    seamlessly interacting with the mind

    through a series of orderly movements
    it casts aside all previous notions and improvemnets
    vast is the depth of knowledge that is concluded
    established situational awareness included

    a hypothesis
    drawn on dotted lines
    the future being theorized

    from past to present it wonders
    followed by academic examination of blunders
    to compare the wear it stares deep down to bone bare
    analyzing feet to hair, to what brought it here


    a reasurance
    thoughts without thinking
    insticively the path is set

    prescribing from the scribes a method which describes
    maturity, methods, wives, cognitive process and ties
    at the same time tying it to past times

    timing is everything tied to our minds

    the past created the present, now it presents itself as this
    a contrast you can not bypass the bind, you just exist
    none the less it dictactes from the past how you handle
    manualy analizing transcripted memory banks for the current battle

    its over before it starts
    apart from analizing, there werent that many parts
    the shadow shades the parts into the past just like past pasts
    to yet again reveal itslef for guidance, in regards to
    broken hearts, casts, moral dilemas, sailing and masts

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    p.s. there are many spelling errors because i just got a new computer and have yet to install word, so i typed it in noepad hahaha
    In Red and Italicized: This line, for example is a great hook! It can be an opening line for a repeating chorus to bridge the verses and maybe at the end, do an instrumental bridge, with a final repeat of that line all by itself repeated twice and fade.
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

  7. #7
    Senior Member liv_rong's Avatar
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    thanks for the feedback. i wasnt trying to say i wanted to turn this into a song, or that i want to work on writting lyrics more. this is just something different i did, and im probably going to try to do it more

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