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Old 02-20-07, 11:08 AM   #1
Ritehsedad
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To be six again...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she' d like to have for her Birthday.

"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags Theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster...everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, And her favorite candy, M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well Dear, what was it like being six again??

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression Suddenly changed.

I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass!!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.
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Old 02-20-07, 11:10 AM   #2
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Men. They just don't know.
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 02-20-07, 11:11 AM   #3
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women: they just don't tell you.
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Old 02-20-07, 11:12 AM   #4
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I see her mouth moving but all I hear is blah blah blah blah blah!!!!
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 02-20-07, 11:13 AM   #5
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Moral of the moral, if you're going to get it wrong anyway, then there's no point in listening to begin with. Have a beer.
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Old 02-20-07, 11:14 AM   #6
jsharr
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Moral of the moral, if you're going to get it wrong anyway, then there's no point in listening to begin with. Have a beer.
you left off "at Hooters"
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 02-20-07, 11:14 AM   #7
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No Sex since 1957



A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted
by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely
young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached
the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you
seem to be a very serious
man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
"It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The
Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1957, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking
everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1957!
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to
"relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and
said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1957!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact
voice,
"I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
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Old 02-20-07, 11:15 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by jsharr
you left off "at Hooters"
I didn't want to be too restrictive. Some people prefer the strip club.
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Old 02-20-07, 11:15 AM   #9
jsharr
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Another Moral Story
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It
was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was
twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless.

One day 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to
me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said,"I'm going
upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling,just come up
and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up
the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down
the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a
beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my
entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We
are very happy that you have passed our little test... We couldn't ask
for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."



And the moral of this story is:




Always keep your condoms in your car...
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 02-20-07, 11:18 AM   #10
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Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
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Old 02-20-07, 11:25 AM   #11
Taerom
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^ Those are some talented smiley faces, rolling around on top of each other like that.
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Old 02-20-07, 11:27 AM   #12
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I have talent.
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Old 02-20-07, 12:09 PM   #13
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This guy sort of sounds like a pedophile. I'd be concerned.
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Old 02-20-07, 12:12 PM   #14
cycle17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jsharr
Another Moral Story
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It
was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was
twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless.

One day 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to
me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said,"I'm going
upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling,just come up
and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up
the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down
the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a
beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my
entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We
are very happy that you have passed our little test... We couldn't ask
for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."



And the moral of this story is:




Always keep your condoms in your car...
You know...I was thinking that you were heading to the car for condoms in the story and low and behold...I was right!!
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Old 02-20-07, 12:19 PM   #15
jsharr
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cycle17
You know...I was thinking that you were heading to the car for condoms in the story and low and behold...I was right!!
it is a joke, it is not me, really, it aint, i promise
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Quote:
Originally Posted by colorider View Post
Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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