Advertise on Bikeforums.net



User Tag List

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 70
  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Charlotte, North Carolina, USA
    My Bikes
    '71 Raleigh Sports, '84 Schwinn LeTour on the trainer (and available for hill repeats), '06 Scott CR1 SL (Ksyrium SL), and a yet-to-be-determined TT bike.
    Posts
    1,643
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Friendship: male-female, and female-male

    Does anyone understand what it means to be a male friend to a female or a female friend to a male?

    Please help me understand these sometimes very subtle dynamics, my Foo friends. <serious Vega look>

    I do mean this in a serious way. I'm trying to heal emotionally. Please help me, Foo.

  2. #2
    Banned. red house's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    In the stomach of a whale. :beer:
    My Bikes
    Lemond Fillmore, Cmofalge black baby
    Posts
    5,543
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Are you desiring to be a 'friend' with someone who you were once 'more than' friends with VV ?

  3. #3
    Tail End Charlie Ritehsedad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Maine, The Way Life Should Be
    My Bikes
    Fuji Nevada MTB, Giant OCR1
    Posts
    545
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Boy, that's hard to explain...
    Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

  4. #4
    your nightmare gal chipcom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    The Cracker Factory
    Posts
    24,352
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    My best friends have always been women (seriously, for a change), VV, what's up? PM if you want.

    Edit: sorry kiddo, I gotta bail for bed. I hope you get the answers you're lookin for from the night shift, but I'm still happy to share what I know in the morning.
    Last edited by chipcom; 03-19-07 at 08:48 PM.
    "Let us hope our weapons are never needed --but do not forget what the common people knew when they demanded the Bill of Rights: An armed citizenry is the first defense, the best defense, and the final defense against tyranny. If guns are outlawed, only the government will have guns. Only the police, the secret police, the military, the hired servants of our rulers. Only the government -- and a few outlaws. I intend to be among the outlaws" - Edward Abbey

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Charlotte, North Carolina, USA
    My Bikes
    '71 Raleigh Sports, '84 Schwinn LeTour on the trainer (and available for hill repeats), '06 Scott CR1 SL (Ksyrium SL), and a yet-to-be-determined TT bike.
    Posts
    1,643
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    No, I seriously mean this.

    What does it mean to males to be "friends" with females, and what does it mean to females to be "friends" with males?

    When you are a real and supportive friend of the opposite sex, how does that play out?

    I mean, if someone says he/she is your friend, and will support you through the worst times, what kind of support does that look like to you?

    Or if you are the supporter, what kind of honest straight-up friendship do you offer, and under what circumsntances?
    Last edited by VegaVixen; 03-19-07 at 08:56 PM.

  6. #6
    Beauty Everywhere snowy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Colorado
    My Bikes
    2006 Giant Anthem, Specialized Dolce Elite 05
    Posts
    2,596
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Not sure what you mean by explain, but it is possible. I have a good friend name Steve. We actually use to work together. I left that place and we still talk mostly thru email now, cause we both have moved around so much, but he is more like an older brother too me so there is nothing there besides just being friends.

    I think its definitely possible. I think that the two parties just need to state their interests in the relationship before things get too messy.

    Also, I will say that he was interested in me but now knows that nothing will ever lead to more then just being friends.
    "RIDE FAST TAKE CHANCES!"

    Interested in the Women's Forum? Send me a PM for more information.

  7. #7
    Tail End Charlie Ritehsedad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Maine, The Way Life Should Be
    My Bikes
    Fuji Nevada MTB, Giant OCR1
    Posts
    545
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    For me it means just that, to be friends. I honestly believe that a male and female can have a very good non-romantic, non-sexual relationship.
    Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

  8. #8
    Beauty Everywhere snowy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Colorado
    My Bikes
    2006 Giant Anthem, Specialized Dolce Elite 05
    Posts
    2,596
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by lancerob
    I've got money that says he still hopes for a possibility in the future. No matter how remote.
    Yeah your probably right but I'm pretty firm on standing my ground
    "RIDE FAST TAKE CHANCES!"

    Interested in the Women's Forum? Send me a PM for more information.

  9. #9
    Senior Member -VELOCITY-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Miami, Florida
    My Bikes
    Giant Revel 2 & Loco Fixie "The Marley"
    Posts
    1,914
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    For some reason it just always gets complicated. I try to steer away from female friends.

  10. #10
    Free Velo Vol! Velo Vol's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Knoxville, TN
    My Bikes
    Velo Volmobile
    Posts
    19,001
    Mentioned
    91 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)
    Well, there's this:
    Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
    Sally Albright: Why not?
    Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
    Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
    Harry Burns: No you don't.
    Sally Albright: Yes I do.
    Harry Burns: No you don't.
    Sally Albright: Yes I do.
    Harry Burns: You only think you do.
    Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
    Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
    Sally Albright: They do not.
    Harry Burns: Do too.
    Sally Albright: They do not.
    Harry Burns: Do too.
    Sally Albright: How do you know?
    Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
    Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
    Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
    Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
    Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
    Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
    Harry Burns: I guess not.
    Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
    Is it true?

  11. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Charlotte, North Carolina, USA
    My Bikes
    '71 Raleigh Sports, '84 Schwinn LeTour on the trainer (and available for hill repeats), '06 Scott CR1 SL (Ksyrium SL), and a yet-to-be-determined TT bike.
    Posts
    1,643
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by -VELOCITY-
    For some reason it just always gets complicated. I try to steer away from female friends.
    That's what I see, unfortunately. Just when I need a friend...

  12. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Charlotte, North Carolina, USA
    My Bikes
    '71 Raleigh Sports, '84 Schwinn LeTour on the trainer (and available for hill repeats), '06 Scott CR1 SL (Ksyrium SL), and a yet-to-be-determined TT bike.
    Posts
    1,643
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Ritehsedad
    For me it means just that, to be friends. I honestly believe that a male and female can have a very good non-romantic, non-sexual relationship.
    I do hope that's possible, generally, R-dad....

  13. #13
    Beauty Everywhere snowy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Colorado
    My Bikes
    2006 Giant Anthem, Specialized Dolce Elite 05
    Posts
    2,596
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by lancerob
    I've seen your previous avatar that showed a picture of you. You are a very beatiful woman. Given what I can learn from your postings I think you are probably an awesome person with a great sense of humor too. Good luck in finding a man that just wants to be "friends".

    Thanks.

    I think its possible, sure its hard but possible to not want more
    "RIDE FAST TAKE CHANCES!"

    Interested in the Women's Forum? Send me a PM for more information.

  14. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Charlotte, North Carolina, USA
    My Bikes
    '71 Raleigh Sports, '84 Schwinn LeTour on the trainer (and available for hill repeats), '06 Scott CR1 SL (Ksyrium SL), and a yet-to-be-determined TT bike.
    Posts
    1,643
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by lancerob
    I've seen your previous avatar that showed a picture of you. You are a very beatiful woman. Given what I can learn from your postings I think you are probably an awesome person with a great sense of humor too. Good luck in finding a man that just wants to be "friends".
    That's pretty crappy to be a male or female human being in need of a good empathetic friend who can just be such, if all one sex can be to the other is something to "bang" or not....

  15. #15
    Senior Member -VELOCITY-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Miami, Florida
    My Bikes
    Giant Revel 2 & Loco Fixie "The Marley"
    Posts
    1,914
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's not easy. I can't think of a female friend I had who I didn't at least have some sort of romantic feelings about. Not necessarily that I wanted it to evolve into a sexual relationship but my emotions and feelings were romantically aroused.

  16. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Charlotte, North Carolina, USA
    My Bikes
    '71 Raleigh Sports, '84 Schwinn LeTour on the trainer (and available for hill repeats), '06 Scott CR1 SL (Ksyrium SL), and a yet-to-be-determined TT bike.
    Posts
    1,643
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by lancerob
    Why can't people just be friends with the opposite sex knowing that there ARE sexual overtones and simply not act on them? Haven't most of us done that to one extent or another our whole lives?
    +1 I have a good male friend right now, who is becoming increasingly uncomfortable in being just a friend now that he has a ladyfriend. Just at a point when I need his support the most. I just don't understand his pulling back all the friendship....

  17. #17
    Super Moderator Allen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Atomic batteries to power; turbines to speed
    My Bikes
    Salsa La Raza, Panasonic Electric, Bria, Bamboo touring, Bamboo cargo
    Posts
    4,690
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by VegaVixen
    +1 I have a good male friend right now, who is becoming increasingly uncomfortable in being just a friend now that he has a ladyfriend. Just at a point when I need his support the most. I just don't understand his pulling back all the friendship....
    May not be just him. She may be jealous of you.
    Quote Originally Posted by unterhausen
    I believe that in this case "solid meh" means "so 'meh' that it could never be anything more than 'meh', and yet also no less than 'meh' -- in a word, exactly 'meh'"

  18. #18
    long time visiter Alfster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    SW Ontario
    My Bikes
    2005 Trek 6700 disc 2007 Orbea Onix 2009 Raleigh One Way
    Posts
    585
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quite an insightful discussion. Men are hardwired to evaluate people as non-threatening, foes or potential mates. It's only been over the last short period of history where men and women look upon themselves as just friends. It's a relatively new concept that is far from perfect and will likely need another thousand years or so before men can truly be just friends with women without underlying tension. Mind you that will likely also represent the end of the human race.

  19. #19
    long time visiter Alfster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    SW Ontario
    My Bikes
    2005 Trek 6700 disc 2007 Orbea Onix 2009 Raleigh One Way
    Posts
    585
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by AllenG
    May not be just him. She may be jealous of you.
    Very likely.

  20. #20
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    My Bikes
    Graco road bike
    Posts
    44
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    The "Harry Met Sally" dialog is unfortunately true. Anyone with a good friend/best friend of the opposite sex is fooling themself if they think there is nothing at all going on there.* Almost always, one of the parties in the relationship has unrequited feelings that may not be expressed (or even acknowledged), but are there nonetheless. In Vega's case, it could be that her friend is drifting away because he has found his prize, and his unrequited feelings for her have faded as a result.

    * - this rule may not apply if one of the people is gay because that adds a whole 'nother dynamic.

  21. #21
    Air
    Air is offline
    Destroyer of Wheels Air's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Creating some FA-Qs
    My Bikes
    Nishiki Sport, Downtube IXNS, 1950's MMB3 Russian Folding Bike, MTB
    Posts
    3,558
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I have a very good female friend. The first day we hung out she exclaimed, "You look exactly like my brother but act like my sister!" She showed me a picture of her brother and yeah, we could be mistaken for the same person in a smokey bar. Purely plutonic ever more

    Otherwise it's tough - it sounds like he may have had a slight interest in you and feels guilty for continuing a friendship now that he has a ladyfriend (anyone else getting Big Lebowski quotes starting up - 'She's not my special ladyfriend, I'm just trying to help her conceive!').

    ((hugs))

  22. #22
    Senior Member Michigander's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    My Bikes
    Giant ATX 1200, Schwinn Peleton
    Posts
    1,727
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Its exactly like being friends with a member of the same sex, except the option is always there to have a romantic relationship develop.
    Bring back the Sig Test!


    (\__/)
    (='.'=)
    (")_(")

  23. #23
    Chairman of the Bored catatonic's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    St. Petersburg, FL
    My Bikes
    2004 Raleigh Talus, 2001 Motobecane Vent Noir (Custom build for heavy riders)
    Posts
    5,825
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Pretty much this whole thing has been summed up.

    The whole key to a mixed-sex friendship is to ignore any sexual impulses, and treat this person like any other of your friends for the most part.

    Given, that is sometimes easier said than done, and sometimes awkward moments happen, but those can often be the source of some humor.
    -------- __@
    ----- _`\<,_
    ---- (*)/ (*)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Ring Ring, Ring Ring, the bell went Ring Ring Ring.

  24. #24
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    South Florida
    My Bikes
    Techna Wheelchair and a Sun EZ 3 Recumbent Trike
    Posts
    16,009
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    4 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by VegaVixen
    Does anyone understand what it means to be a male friend to a female or a female friend to a male?

    Please help me understand these sometimes very subtle dynamics, my Foo friends. <serious Vega look>

    I do mean this in a serious way. I'm trying to heal emotionally. Please help me, Foo.
    I do....

    If you start out as a friend and want to avoid ruining the friendship......keep sex out of it!

    If your interests are romantic, be upfront and don't hide behind "friendship".

    There's a difference!
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

  25. #25
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    South Florida
    My Bikes
    Techna Wheelchair and a Sun EZ 3 Recumbent Trike
    Posts
    16,009
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    4 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by AllenG
    May not be just him. She may be jealous of you.
    Ding, ding, ding, ding! Very likely!
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •