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Old 03-19-07, 08:27 PM   #1
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Friendship: male-female, and female-male

Does anyone understand what it means to be a male friend to a female or a female friend to a male?

Please help me understand these sometimes very subtle dynamics, my Foo friends. <serious Vega look>

I do mean this in a serious way. I'm trying to heal emotionally. Please help me, Foo.
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Old 03-19-07, 08:30 PM   #2
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Are you desiring to be a 'friend' with someone who you were once 'more than' friends with VV ?
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Old 03-19-07, 08:34 PM   #3
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Boy, that's hard to explain...
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Old 03-19-07, 08:35 PM   #4
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My best friends have always been women (seriously, for a change), VV, what's up? PM if you want.

Edit: sorry kiddo, I gotta bail for bed. I hope you get the answers you're lookin for from the night shift, but I'm still happy to share what I know in the morning.
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Old 03-19-07, 08:46 PM   #5
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No, I seriously mean this.

What does it mean to males to be "friends" with females, and what does it mean to females to be "friends" with males?

When you are a real and supportive friend of the opposite sex, how does that play out?

I mean, if someone says he/she is your friend, and will support you through the worst times, what kind of support does that look like to you?

Or if you are the supporter, what kind of honest straight-up friendship do you offer, and under what circumsntances?

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Old 03-19-07, 08:51 PM   #6
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Not sure what you mean by explain, but it is possible. I have a good friend name Steve. We actually use to work together. I left that place and we still talk mostly thru email now, cause we both have moved around so much, but he is more like an older brother too me so there is nothing there besides just being friends.

I think its definitely possible. I think that the two parties just need to state their interests in the relationship before things get too messy.

Also, I will say that he was interested in me but now knows that nothing will ever lead to more then just being friends.
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Old 03-19-07, 08:51 PM   #7
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For me it means just that, to be friends. I honestly believe that a male and female can have a very good non-romantic, non-sexual relationship.
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Old 03-19-07, 09:01 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lancerob
I've got money that says he still hopes for a possibility in the future. No matter how remote.
Yeah your probably right but I'm pretty firm on standing my ground
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Old 03-19-07, 09:02 PM   #9
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For some reason it just always gets complicated. I try to steer away from female friends.
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Old 03-19-07, 09:07 PM   #10
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Well, there's this:
Quote:
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
Is it true?
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Old 03-19-07, 09:07 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by -VELOCITY-
For some reason it just always gets complicated. I try to steer away from female friends.
That's what I see, unfortunately. Just when I need a friend...
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Old 03-19-07, 09:09 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ritehsedad
For me it means just that, to be friends. I honestly believe that a male and female can have a very good non-romantic, non-sexual relationship.
I do hope that's possible, generally, R-dad....
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Old 03-19-07, 09:09 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lancerob
I've seen your previous avatar that showed a picture of you. You are a very beatiful woman. Given what I can learn from your postings I think you are probably an awesome person with a great sense of humor too. Good luck in finding a man that just wants to be "friends".

Thanks.

I think its possible, sure its hard but possible to not want more
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Old 03-19-07, 09:11 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lancerob
I've seen your previous avatar that showed a picture of you. You are a very beatiful woman. Given what I can learn from your postings I think you are probably an awesome person with a great sense of humor too. Good luck in finding a man that just wants to be "friends".
That's pretty crappy to be a male or female human being in need of a good empathetic friend who can just be such, if all one sex can be to the other is something to "bang" or not....
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Old 03-19-07, 09:16 PM   #15
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I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's not easy. I can't think of a female friend I had who I didn't at least have some sort of romantic feelings about. Not necessarily that I wanted it to evolve into a sexual relationship but my emotions and feelings were romantically aroused.
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Old 03-19-07, 09:31 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lancerob
Why can't people just be friends with the opposite sex knowing that there ARE sexual overtones and simply not act on them? Haven't most of us done that to one extent or another our whole lives?
+1 I have a good male friend right now, who is becoming increasingly uncomfortable in being just a friend now that he has a ladyfriend. Just at a point when I need his support the most. I just don't understand his pulling back all the friendship....
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Old 03-19-07, 09:34 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VegaVixen
+1 I have a good male friend right now, who is becoming increasingly uncomfortable in being just a friend now that he has a ladyfriend. Just at a point when I need his support the most. I just don't understand his pulling back all the friendship....
May not be just him. She may be jealous of you.
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Old 03-19-07, 09:50 PM   #18
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Quite an insightful discussion. Men are hardwired to evaluate people as non-threatening, foes or potential mates. It's only been over the last short period of history where men and women look upon themselves as just friends. It's a relatively new concept that is far from perfect and will likely need another thousand years or so before men can truly be just friends with women without underlying tension. Mind you that will likely also represent the end of the human race.
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Old 03-19-07, 09:52 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by AllenG
May not be just him. She may be jealous of you.
Very likely.
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Old 03-19-07, 09:52 PM   #20
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The "Harry Met Sally" dialog is unfortunately true. Anyone with a good friend/best friend of the opposite sex is fooling themself if they think there is nothing at all going on there.* Almost always, one of the parties in the relationship has unrequited feelings that may not be expressed (or even acknowledged), but are there nonetheless. In Vega's case, it could be that her friend is drifting away because he has found his prize, and his unrequited feelings for her have faded as a result.

* - this rule may not apply if one of the people is gay because that adds a whole 'nother dynamic.
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Old 03-19-07, 09:52 PM   #21
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I have a very good female friend. The first day we hung out she exclaimed, "You look exactly like my brother but act like my sister!" She showed me a picture of her brother and yeah, we could be mistaken for the same person in a smokey bar. Purely plutonic ever more

Otherwise it's tough - it sounds like he may have had a slight interest in you and feels guilty for continuing a friendship now that he has a ladyfriend (anyone else getting Big Lebowski quotes starting up - 'She's not my special ladyfriend, I'm just trying to help her conceive!').

((hugs))
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Old 03-19-07, 09:53 PM   #22
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Its exactly like being friends with a member of the same sex, except the option is always there to have a romantic relationship develop.
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Old 03-19-07, 10:06 PM   #23
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Pretty much this whole thing has been summed up.

The whole key to a mixed-sex friendship is to ignore any sexual impulses, and treat this person like any other of your friends for the most part.

Given, that is sometimes easier said than done, and sometimes awkward moments happen, but those can often be the source of some humor.
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Old 03-19-07, 10:06 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VegaVixen
Does anyone understand what it means to be a male friend to a female or a female friend to a male?

Please help me understand these sometimes very subtle dynamics, my Foo friends. <serious Vega look>

I do mean this in a serious way. I'm trying to heal emotionally. Please help me, Foo.
I do....

If you start out as a friend and want to avoid ruining the friendship......keep sex out of it!

If your interests are romantic, be upfront and don't hide behind "friendship".

There's a difference!
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Old 03-19-07, 10:09 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AllenG
May not be just him. She may be jealous of you.
Ding, ding, ding, ding! Very likely!
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