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Old 03-24-07, 01:14 AM   #1
cantdrv55
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If your SO told you you are fat or getting fat, how would that make you feel?

I think it would motivate me more to get fit than get upset. Sometimes it's the kick in the pants that I need to get going. How about you guys? How about you gals (I'm especially interested in their response)?
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Old 03-24-07, 01:27 AM   #2
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If a Significant Other accuses the other of getting fat, then he or she better be totally buff!
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Old 03-24-07, 07:41 AM   #3
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When I get on my wife about exercising more, she tells me it makes her want to do just the opposite. She says she feel like going out and eating a big tub of ice cream just to piss me off.
Then she realizes I'm awesome and I can have any girl I want, so she gets her a$$ back on the trainer.
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Old 03-24-07, 08:17 AM   #4
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The SO should never say something like that........period! The home should be a safe haven from that. We get enough of it out in the world.

That said, I'd get so buff that she'd be afraid to let me out the door without her following me around heavily armed to keep the other women away!
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Old 03-24-07, 10:17 AM   #5
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it would make me feel like I should get my ass of the couch, and go get a beer.
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Old 03-24-07, 10:23 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cantdrv55
I think it would motivate me more to get fit than get upset. Sometimes it's the kick in the pants that I need to get going. How about you guys? How about you gals (I'm especially interested in their response)?
Gotta agree. If I ever got to the point that I was in real denial about something potentially bad I'd hope my wife would shake me out of it.
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Old 03-24-07, 10:52 AM   #7
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I think it depends on the person. I'm not sure how many guys respond the way you do, but you must be aware that women can have very deeply emotional and complicated attitudes about their weight, size, etc. I personally have never met another woman who was told by a loved one that she was getting fat and then went on to use it as a positive motivator. Then again, I am not particularly athletic, nor are any of my women friends. Maybe athletically competitive women are different, I don't know. Reactions I am most familiar with are deep hurt, anger, sadness, anxiety, depression, complete loss of libido, and in one case a return to eating disordered behavior my friend thought she had beat years before. Generally speaking, no one I've known ever felt quite the same emotional trust in their S.O.'s again. I know many emotionally strong and secure women (i.e., not "crazy") who will completely fall apart when told something like that. Now, I think there are far more tactful ways you can put it that will not necessarily dredge up past emotional issues that are better left alone. How about statements like these?


I love you/care about you and I'm worried about your ___________. (insert health, blood pressure, cholesterol, back going out often, chronic pain, stress levels)

I was reading this article about exercise increasing libido. Want to start going for a bike ride in the evening?

Ice cream for dessert? Yummy, but I know that _______ are in season and I've got a real craving. Let's walk to the market and see if they've got some.

You haven't been sleeping well lately. Let's take a walk in the evening./Let's go to the gym together before work on weekdays.



With most women, you're going to have to make the indirect approach with this issue. Yes it's more work, but unless you want your relationship to end, indirect will keep your home life/dating life peaceful and pleasant. This is one of those situations where telling the complete, blatant truth will most likely cause more harm than good. Also, if you try this and she starts to get upset - back off! There's one other thing for you to consider - and I am saying this from personal experience: If you want her to lose weight, do not sit on the couch all day and stop eating food around her that causes her the weight gain. She wants to spend time with you, and for many women that means doing whatever with their S.O. and sharing meals and snacks with them. Personally, I have never exited a relationship weighing less than I did upon entering it. I just can't eat or drink alcohol the same way as most of you guys can and maintain a consistent weight unless I am incredibly physically active.
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Old 03-24-07, 10:57 AM   #8
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I think that's a really dumb idea. Don't tell them they're fat, or getting fat. Do something active and fun with them that will help them get exercise. Help make smart eating choices. What might work is to say something about how you feel lethargic, or sluggish, or that you feel like you're not as active as you used to be. They might volunteer their feelings about themself, and allow a conversation about some lifestyle changes to get started.
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Old 03-24-07, 11:05 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by donnamb
I think it depends on the person. I'm not sure how many guys respond the way you do, but you must be aware that women can have very deeply emotional and complicated attitudes about their weight, size, etc. I personally have never met another woman who was told by a loved one that she was getting fat and then went on to use it as a positive motivator. Then again, I am not particularly athletic, nor are any of my women friends. Maybe athletically competitive women are different, I don't know. Reactions I am most familiar with are deep hurt, anger, sadness, anxiety, depression, complete loss of libido, and in one case a return to eating disordered behavior my friend thought she had beat years before. Generally speaking, no one I've known ever felt quite the same emotional trust in their S.O.'s again. I know many emotionally strong and secure women (i.e., not "crazy") who will completely fall apart when told something like that. Now, I think there are far more tactful ways you can put it that will not necessarily dredge up past emotional issues that are better left alone. How about statements like these?


I love you/care about you and I'm worried about your ___________. (insert health, blood pressure, cholesterol, back going out often, chronic pain, stress levels)

I was reading this article about exercise increasing libido. Want to start going for a bike ride in the evening?

Ice cream for dessert? Yummy, but I know that _______ are in season and I've got a real craving. Let's walk to the market and see if they've got some.

You haven't been sleeping well lately. Let's take a walk in the evening./Let's go to the gym together before work on weekdays.



With most women, you're going to have to make the indirect approach with this issue. Yes it's more work, but unless you want your relationship to end, indirect will keep your home life/dating life peaceful and pleasant. This is one of those situations where telling the complete, blatant truth will most likely cause more harm than good. Also, if you try this and she starts to get upset - back off! There's one other thing for you to consider - and I am saying this from personal experience: If you want her to lose weight, do not sit on the couch all day and stop eating food around her that causes her the weight gain. She wants to spend time with you, and for many women that means doing whatever with their S.O. and sharing meals and snacks with them. Personally, I have never exited a relationship weighing less than I did upon entering it. I just can't eat or drink alcohol the same way as most of you guys can and maintain a consistent weight unless I am incredibly physically active.
+1 to all of this. Guys, donnamb's got it right!
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Old 03-24-07, 11:05 AM   #10
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Excellent post, Donnamb! Especially the positive ways of expressing concern. Well thought-out.


cantdrv55, you didn't happen to tell your SO that she's too fat, did you? <curious Vega look>
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Old 03-24-07, 11:28 AM   #11
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If I was told that, truthfully, I'd probably get mean and turn it around on her, but then I'd go out and not come back until I was ripped like Awwwnold back in the 80's.

If I said that to my wife, I'd be a dead man.
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Old 03-24-07, 11:55 AM   #12
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If your SO told you you are fat or getting fat, how would that make you feel?

It would scare me because I would know that there was something wrong with her. I am 6'2" and 150 lbs.
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Old 03-24-07, 12:04 PM   #13
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Yep general rule of thumb (general, as in not always the rule, but is a good on to go by):

Women tend to be more emotional...so it's best to not even talk about it if she is looking like she's picking up a few pounds...just follow the great advice Donnamb mentioned, and nudge her into making some healthier choices. Heck even air-hockey can be a reasonable workout if the two of you can really get into it.

As for me...I deal. Fat bothers me (and I'm still working on it)....weight bothers me less since a large portion of my weight is muscle..so I weigh quite a bit more than I look, I always have...as a teen I looked like I weighed 130 (29" wiast, stickman figure), I weighed 165!

i can't wait until work is out so i can get back to the gym....I need to burninate some of this fat.
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Old 03-24-07, 12:13 PM   #14
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If my SO told me that i was getting fat, I would know that I was actually past getting fat and was now officially fat!!
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Old 03-24-07, 01:54 PM   #15
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A lot of the responses would have to do with the individual. I stay in shape, I care about my body, so I won't find myself in the situation where I'm going to be obese because I would obviously do something about it. Even if situations change, I would try my best not to become a completely huge whale.

Now, if my SO says I'm getting fat, since I care about not being fat, of course I would do something about it.
On the other hand, if my SO says that I am fat, that means its already happened and something really bad must've happened to get me to that stage. I would be glad my SO told me I was fat because obviously no one else cares enough to tell me or I obviously missed the signs myself.

A little bit of meat on your bones isn't going to hurt. Morbidly obese is. While there are personal obligations or genetic conditions that attribute to it, I'm willing to bet that MOST cases of obesity is due to having no self control over how much is consumed vs. expended. No one wakes up one morning 200lbs heavier, it takes time to gain that weight and if they turn a blind eye during this time, they have no one to blame but themselves.
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Old 03-24-07, 01:55 PM   #16
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i accidentally pinched my gut in a pair of plier handles at work yesterday.

so, i guess i would be impressed with their grasp of the obvious.

next i'd wait for the observations on the sky being blue and water being wet.
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Old 03-24-07, 05:39 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slvoid
Now, if my SO says I'm getting fat, since I care about not being fat, of course I would do something about it.
True that. My wife is always telling me how slender I am, so if she changed her tune, I wouldn't blame her a bit. I'd know she was speaking the truth--that I need more time on the bike or in the gym, which, actually, always sounds like a good idea to me.
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Old 03-24-07, 05:41 PM   #18
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I guess I would feel fat, which in my case is oh too true.
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Old 03-24-07, 05:45 PM   #19
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FAT is definately a touchy subject with women, but on the other hand, women KNOW when they are carrying excessive pounds. The question you guys have to ask is "WHY"? Figure that one out & engage with healthy food, activity, etc., as mentioned above. Or don't figure it out, and STILL do the good food & activities.
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Old 03-24-07, 05:55 PM   #20
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Having been fat, and knowing damn well I was fat for my first 18 years, I don't think it would bug me if it was the truth. Then again, I will never again let myself become fat, it just isn't happening.
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Old 03-24-07, 06:33 PM   #21
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it would depend on the person, some people would listen, others would get angry, me I don't care.

I am fat I know the cause, finally trying to do something about it and not because of anything anybody said.
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Old 03-24-07, 06:37 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe
The SO should never say something like that........period! The home should be a safe haven from that. We get enough of it out in the world.
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Old 03-24-07, 08:42 PM   #23
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I was fat. It took diabetes to open my eyes and get into better shape.
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Old 03-24-07, 09:08 PM   #24
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I've found that having them break up with you is best. Then they hit the gym or start being more active in an attempt to look nicer in hopes of gaining another mate.

But, there's always that part about me not having a lady friend anymore...
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Old 03-24-07, 09:36 PM   #25
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I've found that having them break up with you is best. Then they hit the gym or start being more active in an attempt to look nicer in hopes of gaining another mate.

But, there's always that part about me not having a lady friend anymore...
I was wondering who would be the first one to post this.

In reality, some would get more depressed and drown in sweets.
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