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Old 03-28-07, 12:02 AM   #1
Tom Stormcrowe
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Rant Warning***$#@^ &%*$ ^$%# Idiots In My Family!

I have a test tomorrow in math and as per usual, my sister and her loser husband pick up on this with their test radar and of course, have to have one of their meltdowns! They always seem to do this the night before a critical exam, test, quiz, or presentation and it's getting old! I've absolutely had it with them, and my sister refuses to do anything about her situation, and if I intervene and call the police from my end, there are certain risks I am concerned about based off of her past behaviors as well (I'm worried about her getting popped too)!

I'm not really worried about the test, I'll handle it fine, I'm just at my wits end as far as the sister situation. The other problem is that she lives in Texas and I am here in Indiana, so it's not like there's a single blessed thing I can do but sit and listen to the insanity when she calls. I see her number and I really don't want to answer the phone. I know what she needs to do, but I can't get through to her and convince her of this. Now, I can't sleep, and my wife is upset because of the late night call, and as per usual, my wonderful sister and her idiot husband have managed to get me involved in their B******T yet again and I appreciate the vent here!****RANT OVER

Quick idea as to how PO'd I am, how often have I ever blown my stack about anything on BF? Reasonable suggestions would be nice, but I'm honestly afraid I'm going to have to wind up calling the police and letting the chips fall where they may......
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Old 03-28-07, 12:08 AM   #2
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Are your parents available to intervene or are they too far away and/or elderly to get involved with their daughter's marital issues?
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Old 03-28-07, 12:17 AM   #3
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Are your parents available to intervene or are they too far away and/or elderly to get involved with their daughter's marital issues?
Our parents are too far and have health issues and are elderly (I'm 47 for example!). I just needed to blow my stack in a safe location so I can get it out and plan my next steps. My sister has issues and so does her husband. The real issue is that she refuses to do anything about her problems and basically, makes them my problems. Consider the rant a primal scream to clear my head.

As to what I need to do, well, I'm a psych major and I've recommended counseling to her, but that's all I can do. I've gone as far as finding psychologists in her area. She says she'll make an appointment, but never does. There have already been a couple of family interventions, but they don't work for more than a couple of months. There is a limit as to what anyone can do to help her, especially if she makes no effort on her own behalf.

It's a 1220 mile trip if I go and it would do no good, I've tried that before
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Old 03-28-07, 12:51 AM   #4
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You're the enabler, stop it..
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Old 03-28-07, 12:57 AM   #5
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You're the enabler, stop it..
Actually, no, I'm not. She just won't take the point that I can't help her. I recommended a psychologist, I don't load her up with sympathy or pity. As I said, there isn't a lot I can do. It's just frustrating and gets me angry as hell! She just won't stop calling either and always very late.
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Old 03-28-07, 12:58 AM   #6
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She is a long way off in terms of mileage. If you have reason to believe she and her husband are getting into fistfights, you could politely ask the police to drive down the street every now again based on what you've learned. I've never had to deal with a situation like you've described...must be terrible.
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Old 03-28-07, 01:02 AM   #7
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Although I think it's sometimes overused, I think the first verse of the Serenity Prayer is in order:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I hope that your sister finds some peace in her life, and even more importantly, that you find peace in yours.
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Old 03-28-07, 01:05 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Sprocket Man
Although I think it's sometimes overused, I think the first verse of the Serenity Prayer is in order:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I hope that your sister finds some peace in her life, and even more importantly, that you find peace in yours.
I know and I've lost count as to how many times I've given exactly the same advice to someone, Sprocket.

Like I said, I just needed to vent...
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Old 03-28-07, 01:35 AM   #9
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Gosh, Tom -- I couldn't believe the thread title when I saw it was written by you! Sorry to hear about your predicament, but glad you have a place to vent -- hope you feel better.
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Old 03-28-07, 02:08 AM   #10
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Ugh.

A friend of mine has a similar problem with her sister - always seems to ruin something she was about to do to because of the sister's 'drama.'

Venting is good - eventually my friend (who actually IS a shrink) told her sister to deal with the problem herself and hung up. The sister broke off the engagement which was a good thing anyway.

((hugs)) Tom - you can choose your friends but not your family
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Old 03-28-07, 03:11 AM   #11
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It's hard to be sure how one-way that relationship is, I mean in terms of problems or possibly abuse. If it's really just down to her sticking with a loser but she doesn't want to call it a day on that failure, then she needs a kick up the arse. Sorry to hear that you're dragged into it, I'm so so so glad my sister got away from her abusive a$$hole of a boyfriend and has now found her soulmate (a really *great* guy too).

I could picture myself eventually being in your situation had she not had the sense to get out of it.

I think these kinds of things usually require some sort of "shock" to get the person to see the situation for what it is. The fact that she's been offered so much help and advice tells me that she either has an addiction for the mutually destructive relationship she's in, or she can't find a way to pull herself out of an abusive relationship.

But yeah, destructive relationships can last for years and years. I really wonder how people manage it, must take a lot of energy.
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Old 03-28-07, 03:26 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DannoXYZ
You're the enabler, stop it..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe
Actually, no, I'm not. She just won't take the point that I can't help her. I recommended a psychologist, I don't load her up with sympathy or pity. As I said, there isn't a lot I can do. It's just frustrating and gets me angry as hell! She just won't stop calling either and always very late.
Yes, you are Tom. C'mon, pay attention to what you know about psycology. You are enabling her every time you pick up that phone, when you know it is her. All you really need to do is let the machine get it.

Now how farkin' stupid is that? You know it's her, you know the damage her calls inflict on your domestic tranquillity... Yet you pick up the phone? Dee-dee-dee, hello!

The way I see it is:

A) You can tell her outright to stop calling you about theis BS stuff and upsetting your peace.
B) You can call the police with whatever information/suspitions you have and let them do their jobs.
C) You can turn off the phone ringers at night, letting the answering machine get it. If it's important they'll leave a message and you can call them back... on YOUR time.

You know the definition of insanity, right Tom?
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Old 03-28-07, 05:44 AM   #13
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I know of what you speak, Tom, cept for me it's a daughter and her live-in BF who is also the father my grand kid. What I do now when she calls and they start in:

Me: "So what are you going to do about it? Do you want to leave?"

Her: "No, I don't know, I can't, what about my job, yada, yada"

Me: "Thanks for calling, love ya"

Click
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Old 03-28-07, 06:26 AM   #14
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Tom....I know how you feel to some degree.

My brother used to be married to the worst lady. She spent money like it was water. The first week after they married she wrote a check for a brand new washer and dryer when they didn't have the money for it...said she thought it worked like a credit card. I used to joke that my brother could be a millionaire, but with her would still be living paycheck to paycheck.

When I heard from my mom that he wanted to initiate the divorce, but didn't have the $75 to file, I stopped at the ATM on the way to dinner with the family and handed it to my brother and said "here ya go.....DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO".
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Old 03-28-07, 06:29 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe
... It's a 1220 mile trip if I go and it would do no good, I've tried that before
I say you go down there and pop open a couple of cans of ice cold whoop-arse.
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Old 03-28-07, 07:18 AM   #16
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Stacey's got a point, I was thinking of that myself too - maybe even giving her such an easy outlet to vent is enough to keep her from realising what she's doing.

Maybe just tell her outright that when you see it's her calling, you don't even want to pick up the phone.

Then next time don't.
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Old 03-28-07, 07:19 AM   #17
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Call the police. Don't answer the phone. Send her a letter. Sleep well, you've done all you can.
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Old 03-28-07, 07:31 AM   #18
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When she starts beotching on the phone, go *click*.
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Old 03-28-07, 07:45 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicodemus
It's hard to be sure how one-way that relationship is, I mean in terms of problems or possibly abuse. If it's really just down to her sticking with a loser but she doesn't want to call it a day on that failure, then she needs a kick up the arse. Sorry to hear that you're dragged into it, I'm so so so glad my sister got away from her abusive a$$hole of a boyfriend and has now found her soulmate (a really *great* guy too).

I could picture myself eventually being in your situation had she not had the sense to get out of it.

I think these kinds of things usually require some sort of "shock" to get the person to see the situation for what it is. The fact that she's been offered so much help and advice tells me that she either has an addiction for the mutually destructive relationship she's in, or she can't find a way to pull herself out of an abusive relationship.

But yeah, destructive relationships can last for years and years. I really wonder how people manage it, must take a lot of energy.
Nic, yep, you summed it up nicely. She ain't a saint though, either. It's just an incredibly toxic situation and I'm tired of dealing with it.

Stacey, on reflection and looking at things with a cooler head....I guess you are right! The definition of insanity is expecting a different result from the same action set and condition. (Same point to you, Danno!)

I appreciate all of you putting up with my little explosion and I've decided next time it happens, I'm just sending the police. I'll stay on the phone til they get there and that way, when they arrive, the whole situation will be still occurring and they can do something. I'd rather have her alive but not talking to me because she's angry than the other alternative I forsee.
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Old 03-28-07, 07:51 AM   #20
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That's what the Foo Family is for Tom.

I hope things improve for you and her in all aspects. A bad situation that you needn't be a part of.
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Old 03-28-07, 07:58 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by Ken B.
I say you go down there and pop open a couple of cans of ice cold whoop-arse.
If it was 150 years ago, I could just go shoot him and problem solved! (As long as it was a "fair fight"!)
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Last edited by Tom Stormcrowe; 03-28-07 at 08:03 AM.
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Old 03-28-07, 08:42 AM   #22
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or you could claim to be a German Muslim & beat her... wait, no, that's just the husband that can do that. Your bro-in-law isn't perchance, a German Muslim?
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Old 03-28-07, 08:50 AM   #23
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or you could claim to be a German Muslim & beat her... wait, no, that's just the husband that can do that. Your bro-in-law isn't perchance, a German Muslim?
Nope, he's a Texas Redneck Modern day remittance man. His family pays him a salary to stay away from the family business.....and I ain't kidding!
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Old 03-28-07, 08:54 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe
If it was 150 years ago, I could just go shoot him and problem solved! (As long as it was a "fair fight"!)
If they're in Texas, buy a 4' x 4' section of land and "invite" them over.
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Old 03-28-07, 08:55 AM   #25
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If they're in Texas, buy a 4' x 4' section of land and "invite" them over.
Hmmmmmmmm, good idea!
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