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Old 06-05-07, 01:36 PM   #1
Portis
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Funny Bypass Surgery Story

Today I was talking to a guy about having some carpet work done in my home. He got on the subject of having recently had a quadruple bypass done. He is really pretty young to have had that done and is also pretty thin. He does look like he has had a rough life with lots of scars, a weathered complexion and an arm that looks like it was once mangled.

Anyway, he was telling how immediately after the bypass his mouth started to fill up with blood and they had to rush him back to surgery and "crack him open again." It seems that they forgot to attach something or other. Anyway he was describing how awful the whole deal was. He said he laid in ICU for what seemed like forever strapped to the bed, with nothing to stare at besides a clock. He said he watched the second hand go tick-tock for several days.

A couple days later he said they came in and turned him on his side. He now had a new view of his room and there was a TV with ESPN on of all things. He said he became immediately pissed at the nurse because he had been staring at the clock for days and had no idea that there was a TV in the room. He started trying to speak with the breathing tube (or whatever) in his mouth. His words were not intelligable to the nurse. "What do you want sweetie?" Each time she asked, he got more agitated as he unsuccessfully tried to explain his anger for not being told about the TV in the room.

Finally the nurse, desperately searching for what he was trying to say, looked at him and concluded..."oh, you don't want the TV on? I'll turn it off for you dear." She proceeded to turn off the TV and leave him alone in ICU to stare at the clock again. He said at that point he wanted to just die.

He said, that when he was finally able to write something to her, his first words were, "I hate you."

Last edited by Portis; 06-05-07 at 08:05 PM.
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Old 06-05-07, 01:40 PM   #2
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- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
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Old 06-05-07, 01:45 PM   #3
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When I went to visit my dad after his stints and pacemaker surgery, I asked the nurse in the hallway how he was doing. "He just slapped my ass, so he's doing fine. If he does it again I ain't making any promises."
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Old 06-05-07, 01:51 PM   #4
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nurses are great people
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Old 06-05-07, 01:52 PM   #5
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I brought them a dozen doughnuts and a dozen muffins from the bakery every day after that.
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Old 06-05-07, 05:44 PM   #6
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When my Father in law had bypass sugery and I visited him in the hospital, I couldn't believe how fat and out of shape almost all of the nurses were. You would think they would look around them and see all the heart sugery patients and realize why most of those patients are there.
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Old 06-05-07, 06:11 PM   #7
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....and there I thought "funny story" and "heart bypass" were mutually exclusive!
pretty funny
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Old 06-05-07, 06:14 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AllenG
When I went to visit my dad after his stints and pacemaker surgery, I asked the nurse in the hallway how he was doing. "He just slapped my ass, so he's doing fine. If he does it again I ain't making any promises."
Way to go!
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Old 06-05-07, 06:40 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by powerglide
....and there I thought "funny story" and "heart bypass" were mutually exclusive!
pretty funny
Get a copy of Lewis Grizzard's book, "They Tore My Heart Out and Stomped That Sucker Flat!" It is about his heart by-pass surgery. Beware of giving it to a recent by-pass patient. They laugh so hard it tears on the wire holding their sternum together and hurts. Grizzard is a Southerner and a humorist, now deceased. (He was born the same year I was.) He has several very funny books a tad bittersweet because each describes a personal tragedy.
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