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Old 07-07-07, 12:29 AM   #1
Hopetoditchcar
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So you find someone very appealing besides your bf/gf, what do you?

Let's say that you have been with a gf/bf for a few years and things are going well. You change jobs and you find yourself interacting on a daily basis a coworker that you also find you are very compatible with. So many of the wonderful traits you found in your current gf/bf you are finding in this other person as well and maybe more?!? So what do you do? Do you continue never escalating things above friendship with this coworker/ other and instead focusing on your relationship with your current gf/bf? Do you suttley adjust your daily habits to be more in line with the new person so you can slowly get to know them better and see just how compatible you both are, and still try to maintain a strong relationship with your current other? Or do you give into temptation completely and blatantly spend time with this new comer? Basically to what degree are you willing to jeopardize your current relationship for another potential, and why? What will influence this decision?
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Old 07-07-07, 12:32 AM   #2
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Whoa... I could see this getting into a heavy thread.
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Old 07-07-07, 12:40 AM   #3
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There will always be temptation in life. One has to make decisions and then stand by those decisions when it comes to fidelity and loyalty.
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Old 07-07-07, 12:52 AM   #4
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Move to Utah and don't force yourself to choose?
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Old 07-07-07, 12:57 AM   #5
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Also be aware that fidelity and loyalty are different things. It really comes down to the results you want out of life and the commitments you've given to your current mate. If you are currently getting what you want out of life with your current relationship, then what more would you want? If your commitment is to be with that person and obtain certain various benefits from that relationship on an exclusive basis, then it's a matter of integrity and keeping your word.

However... not all relationships are the same with the same commitments. Everyone does not want the same thing out of life. So... you have to examine what it is you've got with the current relationship and judge for yourself if it's worth risking. In many cases, you're not gonna get anything extra or new, but can throw everything away. In other cases, it may be an improvement, but you need to make an ethical transition. Personally, I think you can have both. Check out Wikipedia - polyamory.

It really comes down to communications and negotiating the terms of your relationships...
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Old 07-07-07, 12:58 AM   #6
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Unless you like to live dangerously, goota choose there guy. Some guys have more than one wife tucked away in some far corner of the country. Such situations look pretty pscyhofrentic to me. Life might always present such choices. What will you do say when you permamently choose a S/O.
Unless you decide the other is more compatable and has the greater interest . Gotta choose and not string along the other. Its pretty cruel to the other, unless she also is sort of liberal in her affairs. You decided the second person is worth getting to know better, then it will only complicate the first relationship; should it advance very far.
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Old 07-07-07, 01:08 AM   #7
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i would not want you as a girlfreind. people should either be together or not. if this new person seems so interesting to you that you'd question your relationship for them, i believe you should at least have the decency to tell your partner about this person. it seems that you know what you're planning is wrong, why else would you ask what to do? it seems wrong to me for you to decieve your current mate into thinking you're both together when, in reality, you're not.
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Old 07-07-07, 02:08 AM   #8
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its really a matter of taking a chance...in either of your choices. I mean if you choose to stay with person you are already together with, then you might find yourself always thinking about the other one, and what could have been.

But also if you decide to pack it in and ditch the person your currently with...well then you run the risk of things not even working out with this new person and youll be kicking yourself in the ass for even doing it....and in the end you might just end up all alone.

follow your own gut instinct...do what you feel is in your OWN best interest...it might sound selfish but..thats life.
Dont regret a damn thing either.
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Old 07-07-07, 02:10 AM   #9
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BTW ...i made a very tough decision just like this.....couldnt be happier.
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Old 07-07-07, 02:57 AM   #10
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The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. There are such things as loyalty and trust. The choice is difficult but I am sure you'll make the decision that is best for you.
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Old 07-07-07, 03:01 AM   #11
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Old 07-07-07, 05:22 AM   #12
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It takes a while before you can develop enough trust in something that you can feel safe putting your life in their hands. If you're at that level, there's an awful lot that you have to lose if you compromise that trust.

On the other hand, the road to hell is paved with good intentions and my girlfriend is an absolute klutz so... putting my life in her hands might just prove to be my last mistake. And we've been together 5 years so it does feel good to go out with other girls on occassion. For me, she knows that there's a difference between the emotional bond that we have and the purely superficial bond that I have with other girls.

If she's into you as much as you are into her, explain the situation to her, you're likely to get a very different point of view than the advice we're offering you here.

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Old 07-07-07, 06:46 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by x136
Move to Utah and don't force yourself to choose?
99.9% of the time your quips are humorous (IMO). This is the .1% that missed the mark with me. (a person gets rather weary of hearing 170 year-old Mormon jokes after a while)

OP - Keep things with the co-worker non-serious - or you could find yourself starting from scratch with no bf/gf.
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Old 07-07-07, 07:10 AM   #14
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If you're at the bf/gf stage then you're still kicking tires and taking test drives, you haven't committed to buy yet. I say take her for a test drive and see how she handles, if she's a lemmon at least you found out early, otherwise you could be trading up to a nicer ride.
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Old 07-07-07, 07:46 AM   #15
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Forget person #2. You gotta ask, and answer
Life with or without person #1. Better, or not better? How do you feel about never having a relationship with #1 again?

Deal with that before you start a new relationship.
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Old 07-07-07, 07:56 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopetoditchcar
Let's say that you have been with a gf/bf for a few years and things are going well. You change jobs and you find yourself interacting on a daily basis a coworker that you also find you are very compatible with. So many of the wonderful traits you found in your current gf/bf you are finding in this other person as well and maybe more?!? So what do you do? Do you continue never escalating things above friendship with this coworker/ other and instead focusing on your relationship with your current gf/bf? Do you suttley adjust your daily habits to be more in line with the new person so you can slowly get to know them better and see just how compatible you both are, and still try to maintain a strong relationship with your current other? Or do you give into temptation completely and blatantly spend time with this new comer? Basically to what degree are you willing to jeopardize your current relationship for another potential, and why? What will influence this decision?
Appealing only becomes a problem if you choose to act upon it, at which point yes you will then have numerous issues to resolve.
Just because you have a bf/gf, wife/husband, etc, does not mean that you change the way you see other people. It does however, state that you have a committment. And always remember the grass is always greener on the other side
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Old 07-07-07, 07:56 AM   #17
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a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush


and then you f&%k the bush
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Old 07-07-07, 08:12 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by USAZorro
99.9% of the time your quips are humorous (IMO). This is the .1% that missed the mark with me. (a person gets rather weary of hearing 170 year-old Mormon jokes after a while)
[OT] I didn't see anything implied about Mormons in there - there are many religious sects in Utah that practice polygamy that have nothing to do with the Mormon church [/OT]

I made that decision once. I figured if I like this new girl there must have been something wrong with my current. We broke up and after a few weeks I realized how much I really effed up and she really wasn't who I thought. To me the girl I broke up with was 'that girl,' you know, the one you missed though I realize I'm very grateful for my experiences I've had as a result. I remember the day we broke up like it was yesterday and it was 12 years ago in a month. [And I also realize that it wouldn't have worked between us].

Are you about to marry your current? If not, do you see yourself marrying her? Sometimes we're attracted to a part of the whole, something that may be lacking in our current relationship. Figure that part out, see what may be lacking and if it's something that can be improved on. There's also nothing wrong with hanging out with work girl - be upfront about your relationship so you don't lead her on and it should be fine to grab a drink after work sometime.
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Old 07-07-07, 08:37 AM   #19
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Tell your steady that you want to start dating other people and give them the chance to do the same. You might be surprised to find that they are feeling the same way about you. If you genuinely do stand a chance of finding someone who is really right for you, and shed someone who is not, I would say that you would be doing all involved a big favor by moving forward. Just be prepared for the consequences thereafter and accept them, come what may.

Of course if the the stand-up approach doesn't appeal to you, you could use the the sneak-around approach and end up tanking both relationships at the same time. Karma, like your next endo, is always out there though. So choose wisely.
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Old 07-07-07, 10:08 AM   #20
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I ignore it. I committed to my wife and see no reason to change that.
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Old 07-07-07, 10:23 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cccorlew
Forget person #2. You gotta ask, and answer
Life with or without person #1. Better, or not better? How do you feel about never having a relationship with #1 again?

Deal with that before you start a new relationship.
+1. Absolutely spot-on. As regards #1, give serious and honest thought to Dear Abby's decades-old question: Are you better off with her, or without her? An honest answer to that will tell you everything you need to know about what to do about both #1 and #2.
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Old 07-07-07, 10:40 AM   #22
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/\/\ In agreement with Ann Landers, Dear Abby, cccorlew, and bikingshearer above!
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Old 07-07-07, 10:57 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by USAZorro
(a person gets rather weary of hearing 170 year-old Mormon jokes after a while)
Heh, sorry. I meant no offense by it, and yeah, it certainly wasn't the less-travelled fork in the road.
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Old 07-07-07, 10:59 AM   #24
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My GF is one of the only women that can stand to be with me, so it's easy
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Old 07-07-07, 01:40 PM   #25
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Whoa... I could see this getting into a heavy thread.
There's that word again; "heavy". Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the earth's gravitational pull?
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