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  1. #1
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    So you find someone very appealing besides your bf/gf, what do you?

    Let's say that you have been with a gf/bf for a few years and things are going well. You change jobs and you find yourself interacting on a daily basis a coworker that you also find you are very compatible with. So many of the wonderful traits you found in your current gf/bf you are finding in this other person as well and maybe more?!? So what do you do? Do you continue never escalating things above friendship with this coworker/ other and instead focusing on your relationship with your current gf/bf? Do you suttley adjust your daily habits to be more in line with the new person so you can slowly get to know them better and see just how compatible you both are, and still try to maintain a strong relationship with your current other? Or do you give into temptation completely and blatantly spend time with this new comer? Basically to what degree are you willing to jeopardize your current relationship for another potential, and why? What will influence this decision?
    1976 Raleigh super grand prix fixie conversion
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  2. #2
    Chief Slacking Officer ms.gio's Avatar
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    Whoa... I could see this getting into a heavy thread.
    Quote Originally Posted by x136 View Post
    Giolander: There can be only one.
    Giodome: Several impostors enter, only the real one leaves?

  3. #3
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    There will always be temptation in life. One has to make decisions and then stand by those decisions when it comes to fidelity and loyalty.

  4. #4
    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    Move to Utah and don't force yourself to choose?

  5. #5
    Senior Member DannoXYZ's Avatar
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    Also be aware that fidelity and loyalty are different things. It really comes down to the results you want out of life and the commitments you've given to your current mate. If you are currently getting what you want out of life with your current relationship, then what more would you want? If your commitment is to be with that person and obtain certain various benefits from that relationship on an exclusive basis, then it's a matter of integrity and keeping your word.

    However... not all relationships are the same with the same commitments. Everyone does not want the same thing out of life. So... you have to examine what it is you've got with the current relationship and judge for yourself if it's worth risking. In many cases, you're not gonna get anything extra or new, but can throw everything away. In other cases, it may be an improvement, but you need to make an ethical transition. Personally, I think you can have both. Check out Wikipedia - polyamory.

    It really comes down to communications and negotiating the terms of your relationships...

  6. #6
    Senior Member cyclezealot's Avatar
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    Unless you like to live dangerously, goota choose there guy. Some guys have more than one wife tucked away in some far corner of the country. Such situations look pretty pscyhofrentic to me. Life might always present such choices. What will you do say when you permamently choose a S/O.
    Unless you decide the other is more compatable and has the greater interest . Gotta choose and not string along the other. Its pretty cruel to the other, unless she also is sort of liberal in her affairs. You decided the second person is worth getting to know better, then it will only complicate the first relationship; should it advance very far.

  7. #7
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    i would not want you as a girlfreind. people should either be together or not. if this new person seems so interesting to you that you'd question your relationship for them, i believe you should at least have the decency to tell your partner about this person. it seems that you know what you're planning is wrong, why else would you ask what to do? it seems wrong to me for you to decieve your current mate into thinking you're both together when, in reality, you're not.

  8. #8
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    its really a matter of taking a chance...in either of your choices. I mean if you choose to stay with person you are already together with, then you might find yourself always thinking about the other one, and what could have been.

    But also if you decide to pack it in and ditch the person your currently with...well then you run the risk of things not even working out with this new person and youll be kicking yourself in the ass for even doing it....and in the end you might just end up all alone.

    follow your own gut instinct...do what you feel is in your OWN best interest...it might sound selfish but..thats life.
    Dont regret a damn thing either.

  9. #9
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    BTW ...i made a very tough decision just like this.....couldnt be happier.

  10. #10
    Opus PATH's Avatar
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    The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. There are such things as loyalty and trust. The choice is difficult but I am sure you'll make the decision that is best for you.
    Go raibh an chóir ghaoithe i gcónaí liom!

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  11. #11
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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  12. #12
    2-Cyl, 1/2 HP @ 90 RPM slvoid's Avatar
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    It takes a while before you can develop enough trust in something that you can feel safe putting your life in their hands. If you're at that level, there's an awful lot that you have to lose if you compromise that trust.

    On the other hand, the road to hell is paved with good intentions and my girlfriend is an absolute klutz so... putting my life in her hands might just prove to be my last mistake. And we've been together 5 years so it does feel good to go out with other girls on occassion. For me, she knows that there's a difference between the emotional bond that we have and the purely superficial bond that I have with other girls.

    If she's into you as much as you are into her, explain the situation to her, you're likely to get a very different point of view than the advice we're offering you here.
    Last edited by slvoid; 07-07-07 at 05:28 AM.

  13. #13
    Señor Member USAZorro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by x136
    Move to Utah and don't force yourself to choose?
    99.9% of the time your quips are humorous (IMO). This is the .1% that missed the mark with me. (a person gets rather weary of hearing 170 year-old Mormon jokes after a while)

    OP - Keep things with the co-worker non-serious - or you could find yourself starting from scratch with no bf/gf.
    The search for inner peace continues...

  14. #14
    CRIKEY!!!!!!! Cyclaholic's Avatar
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    If you're at the bf/gf stage then you're still kicking tires and taking test drives, you haven't committed to buy yet. I say take her for a test drive and see how she handles, if she's a lemmon at least you found out early, otherwise you could be trading up to a nicer ride.
    There are 10 types of people in the world - the ones that can count in base 2, the ones that can't count in base 2, and the ones that didn't expect this to be in base 3.

  15. #15
    Erect member since 1953 cccorlew's Avatar
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    Forget person #2. You gotta ask, and answer
    Life with or without person #1. Better, or not better? How do you feel about never having a relationship with #1 again?

    Deal with that before you start a new relationship.
    WANTED: Not a darn thing. I've got it all. Life is good.
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  16. #16
    That darn Yankee TexasGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopetoditchcar
    Let's say that you have been with a gf/bf for a few years and things are going well. You change jobs and you find yourself interacting on a daily basis a coworker that you also find you are very compatible with. So many of the wonderful traits you found in your current gf/bf you are finding in this other person as well and maybe more?!? So what do you do? Do you continue never escalating things above friendship with this coworker/ other and instead focusing on your relationship with your current gf/bf? Do you suttley adjust your daily habits to be more in line with the new person so you can slowly get to know them better and see just how compatible you both are, and still try to maintain a strong relationship with your current other? Or do you give into temptation completely and blatantly spend time with this new comer? Basically to what degree are you willing to jeopardize your current relationship for another potential, and why? What will influence this decision?
    Appealing only becomes a problem if you choose to act upon it, at which point yes you will then have numerous issues to resolve.
    Just because you have a bf/gf, wife/husband, etc, does not mean that you change the way you see other people. It does however, state that you have a committment. And always remember the grass is always greener on the other side
    Life is about hanging onto what you think is important and finding out what really is important.
    "Stop Ruining my joke!", "No, a joke implies humor attached at no additional cost"
    So many sayings, so little sig space.

  17. #17
    the actual el guapo atomship47's Avatar
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    a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush


    and then you f&%k the bush
    Compatibility:

    Your exact opposite is the Televangelist.

    Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Capitalist Pig, the Smartass, and the Sociopath.

  18. #18
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    Destroyer of Wheels Air's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by USAZorro
    99.9% of the time your quips are humorous (IMO). This is the .1% that missed the mark with me. (a person gets rather weary of hearing 170 year-old Mormon jokes after a while)
    [OT] I didn't see anything implied about Mormons in there - there are many religious sects in Utah that practice polygamy that have nothing to do with the Mormon church [/OT]

    I made that decision once. I figured if I like this new girl there must have been something wrong with my current. We broke up and after a few weeks I realized how much I really effed up and she really wasn't who I thought. To me the girl I broke up with was 'that girl,' you know, the one you missed though I realize I'm very grateful for my experiences I've had as a result. I remember the day we broke up like it was yesterday and it was 12 years ago in a month. [And I also realize that it wouldn't have worked between us].

    Are you about to marry your current? If not, do you see yourself marrying her? Sometimes we're attracted to a part of the whole, something that may be lacking in our current relationship. Figure that part out, see what may be lacking and if it's something that can be improved on. There's also nothing wrong with hanging out with work girl - be upfront about your relationship so you don't lead her on and it should be fine to grab a drink after work sometime.

  19. #19
    Senior Member rule's Avatar
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    Tell your steady that you want to start dating other people and give them the chance to do the same. You might be surprised to find that they are feeling the same way about you. If you genuinely do stand a chance of finding someone who is really right for you, and shed someone who is not, I would say that you would be doing all involved a big favor by moving forward. Just be prepared for the consequences thereafter and accept them, come what may.

    Of course if the the stand-up approach doesn't appeal to you, you could use the the sneak-around approach and end up tanking both relationships at the same time. Karma, like your next endo, is always out there though. So choose wisely.

  20. #20
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    I ignore it. I committed to my wife and see no reason to change that.
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

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  21. #21
    Crawlin' up, flyin' down bikingshearer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cccorlew
    Forget person #2. You gotta ask, and answer
    Life with or without person #1. Better, or not better? How do you feel about never having a relationship with #1 again?

    Deal with that before you start a new relationship.
    +1. Absolutely spot-on. As regards #1, give serious and honest thought to Dear Abby's decades-old question: Are you better off with her, or without her? An honest answer to that will tell you everything you need to know about what to do about both #1 and #2.
    "I'm in shape -- round is a shape." Andy Rooney

  22. #22
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    /\/\ In agreement with Ann Landers, Dear Abby, cccorlew, and bikingshearer above!

  23. #23
    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by USAZorro
    (a person gets rather weary of hearing 170 year-old Mormon jokes after a while)
    Heh, sorry. I meant no offense by it, and yeah, it certainly wasn't the less-travelled fork in the road.

  24. #24
    Have bike. Will travel. Sirrobinofcoxly's Avatar
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    My GF is one of the only women that can stand to be with me, so it's easy

  25. #25
    Senior Member StrangeWill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ms.gio
    Whoa... I could see this getting into a heavy thread.
    There's that word again; "heavy". Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the earth's gravitational pull?

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