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Old 07-23-07, 05:44 PM   #1
aprilm
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Guys: should a girl offer to pay?

I want your opinions! I've always been the type of girl to offer to pay my part on a first date (and second and third usually), but recently, it seems some of the guys have been slightly offended, so I stopped offering. But now I'm wondering, and I'm confused, so... enlighten me!!
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Old 07-23-07, 05:46 PM   #2
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Oooooooooh never let them pay for your part. That way you don't owe anything.

edit: Oops. Sorry April. I'm not a guy. Mine doesn't count.
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Old 07-23-07, 05:47 PM   #3
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IMO, No. A first date is awkward already, and I feel weirder when the girl offers to pay. In my experience, when a girl has offered to pay, it's usually a sign there won't be a second date and she wants to pay half to make her feel better about the fact she's not going to call you again, or whatever.

Now...after a few dates, then yes, its nice to offer to pay sometimes.
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Old 07-23-07, 05:48 PM   #4
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If they asked you out, let them pay. Other way around, you pay.

Although, a real gentleman will cook a meal for you himself.
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Old 07-23-07, 05:48 PM   #5
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My partnerwife and I take turns paying.
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Old 07-23-07, 05:50 PM   #6
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Let her pay! more money for biking!

j/k
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Old 07-23-07, 05:56 PM   #7
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IMO, No. A first date is awkward already, and I feel weirder when the girl offers to pay. In my experience, when a girl has offered to pay, it's usually a sign there won't be a second date and she wants to pay half to make her feel better about the fact she's not going to call you again, or whatever.

Now...after a few dates, then yes, its nice to offer to pay sometimes.
No no no, C!! It doesn't mean that we will not see the guy again! You have that wrong!! I myself won't let a guy pay for the reason above, PLUS..I don't want the guy to think that I'm out just to get treated to dinner or movie or whatever.

Heck. The last time I was out with two guys (woo hoo) I ended up treating them to breakfast!!

Okay. I'll go away now. Sorry April.
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Old 07-23-07, 05:56 PM   #8
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I think it's cool to offer. I think it depends on the context, who asked who, etc., but I think it's a good personality trait to not be wrapped up in the "guy pays for everything" rule.
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Old 07-23-07, 05:57 PM   #9
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Heck. The last time I was out with two guys (woo hoo) I ended up treating them to breakfast!!
Damn, Foo is getting steamy tonight!
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Old 07-23-07, 05:58 PM   #10
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I never expect a girl to pay. I always appreciate the offer (because of the gesture, not because of the potential to save money), and if she insists on it, I don't mind letting her pay. Heck... she can pay for me while she's at it if she really wants to. If in a steady relationship, I never ask a girl to pay, but I do really appreciate the gesture if she takes me out once in a while and pays.
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Old 07-23-07, 06:00 PM   #11
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Damn, Foo is getting steamy tonight!
Getting? I thought it generally was!
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Old 07-23-07, 06:03 PM   #12
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Okay. I'll go away now. Sorry April.
Haha, no problem, and I appreciate your input. You expressed my views as to why I offer to pay! It's just so damn confusing! I don't want the guy to think I "expect" him to pay, and yet if I offer, I don't want him to think that I don't appreciate him.
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Old 07-23-07, 06:09 PM   #13
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April.. As a guy I appreciate the offer to pay but would gladly pick up the tab and I am guessing that most of us here probably will not take a girl up on it (well unless it was a really really horrible date).

Here is the best move I think.. Offer to pay once.. if you get the "I got it" line and if you are going to give the guy a second date the let him pick the tab..

If the guy is not second date material, insist on paying for half the tab and thats a good enough sign to the guy that its one and done.. (at least for me and KT)
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Old 07-23-07, 06:09 PM   #14
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I should note that if a girl happens to want to pay for a Cervelo Soloist Carbon SL with all the finest componentry (SRM Professional DuraAce crankset, Lightweight Obermayer wheelset, etc), I wouldn't refuse the gesture. If any girl needs my frame size or specs for my dream build, I can PM the details.
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Old 07-23-07, 06:10 PM   #15
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If the guy is not second date material, insist on paying for half the tab and thats a good enough sign to the guy that its one and done.. (at least for me and KT)
I've known a girl who insisted on paying but made for a great second (and third and beyond) dates. One time she forgot to insist and I managed to buy her dinner, though.
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Old 07-23-07, 06:11 PM   #16
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I've known a girl who insisted on paying but made for a great second (and third and beyond) dates. One time she forgot to insist and I managed to buy her dinner, though.
Damn.. did you marry her ?
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Old 07-23-07, 06:15 PM   #17
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April.. As a guy I appreciate the offer to pay but would gladly pick up the tab and I am guessing that most of us here probably will not take a girl up on it (well unless it was a really really horrible date).

Here is the best move I think.. Offer to pay once.. if you get the "I got it" line and if you are going to give the guy a second date the let him pick the tab..

If the guy is not second date material, insist on paying for half the tab and thats a good enough sign to the guy that its one and done.. (at least for me and KT)
I think skinnyone's counsel is reasonable. Perhaps the subject is one that you'd prefer to discuss with them before you actually get to the scene of the date. Unless the guy is obscenely rich (and perhaps even if he is), it's probably not a good idea to go someplace expensive for a first date. That could be completely awkward.
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Old 07-23-07, 06:17 PM   #18
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Damn.. did you marry her ?
Unfortunately, I didn't get to see her much. I'm a busy grad student on the west coast. She was a busy law student on the east coast, and now is a busy corporate lawyer. If only I had become interested in her back in college, when she evidently sat around waiting for me to ask her out for 2.5 years. (That's what she told me two years after college, when mutual interest started appearing. Too late then, as I was about to start grad school on the other coast.)

Oh, and I should clarify. She insisted on paying her share. I never let her pay my share, though I suspect she would have been fine with that.
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Old 07-23-07, 06:18 PM   #19
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I want your opinions! I've always been the type of girl to offer to pay my part on a first date (and second and third usually), but recently, it seems some of the guys have been slightly offended, so I stopped offering. But now I'm wondering, and I'm confused, so... enlighten me!!
It's polite to offer. If he makes it to the third, fourth date, he should be taking you up on it....
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Old 07-23-07, 06:19 PM   #20
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If you wanna go out, I'll definitely pay but first I need to ask my wife for the money.
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Old 07-23-07, 06:20 PM   #21
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Unfortunately, I didn't get to see her much. I'm a busy grad student on the west coast. She was a busy law student on the east coast, and now is a busy corporate lawyer. If only I had become interested in her back in college, when she evidently sat around waiting for me to ask her out for 2.5 years. (That's what she told me two years after college, when mutual interest started appearing. Too late then, as I was about to start grad school on the other coast.)
I had a similar thing happen back in the day.. It kinda sucks because all it really takes is one little hint.. anyway can I get her phone number ..
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Old 07-23-07, 06:23 PM   #22
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I've been with my girlfriend for 7 years and from the start we've taken turns paying...though i pay much more often (i've also made considerably more money then her in that time). I've owed her $150, she's owed me $150. There is nothing chivalrous about paying for dinner in my mind, it's just an old fashion and out dated tradition. I suspect because 50 years ago while Bobby was working down at the gas station, Sally was forbidden to do so.
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Old 07-23-07, 06:24 PM   #23
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anyway can I get her phone number
I don't know if she's single nowadays. Our conversations tailed off about a year ago. Besides... she works like 8 AM to midnight. You'd never see her.
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Old 07-23-07, 06:27 PM   #24
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you should offer, he should pay, don't get pushy on the offer. That asserts a level playing field, but lets chivalry live on. If things work out, splitting is appropriate after a while, unless you like being take to second class places all the time. Going out can get damn expensive.
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Old 07-23-07, 06:36 PM   #25
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I've been with my girlfriend for 7 years and from the start we've taken turns paying...though i pay much more often (i've also made considerably more money then her in that time). I've owed her $150, she's owed me $150. There is nothing chivalrous about paying for dinner in my mind, it's just an old fashion and out dated tradition. I suspect because 50 years ago while Bobby was working down at the gas station, Sally was forbidden to do so.
I agree - I would consider it a positive thing. To me, a long time relationship is about a partnership. We have been married for more than 26 years - it has always been a partnership.

It used to be that the guy needed to prove he could support her - to her and to her dad. That is no longer true in the USA in most situations.

You might look at it this way, buy offering to pay you have a chance to filter out perhaps some guys who think you should be barefoot and pregnant.
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