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Old 07-27-07, 08:02 AM   #1
ravenmore
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What is it with ex gf's...

and wanting to be friends? Some guys can do it it seems, but it has always bothered me unless I just had zero feelings for the person any more. Just wondering if I'm being an idiot, but I still have feelings for her and am honestly jealous she's dating someone else. I was leaving it alone but she's emailed, called, and even come by once (I wasn't home) after I was laid off from the company we both worked at. She's just concerned about me, which is very sweet in a way, but it definitely makes things tougher than they need to be. Thoughts?
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Old 07-27-07, 08:06 AM   #2
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I dated a girl for a while, then we broke up. 6 months later she began dating a friend of mine, so that made it easier to be "just friends". Introduce her to one of your single friends that you respect.

Then if they get married (like my friend and ex did) you can always say "Dude. I was IN your wife". It never gets old.
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Old 07-27-07, 08:08 AM   #3
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I think it all depends on how it ends. I have two or three ex girlfriends that I stay friends with. But we never dated "seriously" very casual girlfriends where the relationship evolved into a great friendship instead of a mediocre romance.

But if the relationship ends with one or the other cutting it off and feelings are hurt, or lingering, or whatever, then friendship becomes much tougher.

Give it time. If you really want the best for her, and in her opinion, it does not involve you, then try to take solace in the fact the she is looking for what will make her happy.

It says alot about her that she is concerned over your well being, and that down the road, maybe friendship will develop.

Also, if you care for her, you need to want what is best for her. In the end, that may just turn out to be you. Don't let jealousy ruin this for you. Rise above it.
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Old 07-27-07, 08:09 AM   #4
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I dated a girl for a while, then we broke up. 6 months later she began dating a friend of mine, so that made it easier to be "just friends". Introduce her to one of your single friends that you respect.

Then if they get married (like my friend and ex did) you can always say "Dude. I was IN your wife". It never gets old.
OMG CYPRESS!!! Your funny.

Ravenmore, I hear you. Its hard. Especially if you still care about that person. I saw my ex lastnight for the first time in two months(we had to go thru our camping stuff) and it was hard. I wanted so much to hug him, especially since we seem to still get along so well. But I know that it will just make things more complicated.

Oh he still has my pic up too. That made me smile. He really was the greatest to me. Its just too bad. Which makes it SOOO sad.
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Old 07-27-07, 08:10 AM   #5
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I dated a girl for a while, then we broke up. 6 months later she began dating a friend of mine, so that made it easier to be "just friends". Introduce her to one of your single friends that you respect.

Then if they get married (like my friend and ex did) you can always say "Dude. I was IN your wife". It never gets old.
Heh - I was the 2nd guy in a situation like that with my best friend. He still gives me grief.

My ex is already dating someone. Some chunky kind of plain looking Mexican dude. Go figure.
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Old 07-27-07, 08:13 AM   #6
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if you can't deal with it, then you just gotta break it off completely. delete emails, get rid of phone numbers, and just forget you ever knew her. it may sound harsh, but a clean break is sometimes the only way.
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Old 07-27-07, 08:13 AM   #7
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Jsharr - you're pretty wise for a wise @ss.

edit: seriously that's good advice, although rising above jealousy has never been my strong suit.
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Old 07-27-07, 08:18 AM   #8
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and wanting to be friends? Some guys can do it it seems, but it has always bothered me unless I just had zero feelings for the person any more. Just wondering if I'm being an idiot, but I still have feelings for her and am honestly jealous she's dating someone else. I was leaving it alone but she's emailed, called, and even come by once (I wasn't home) after I was laid off from the company we both worked at. She's just concerned about me, which is very sweet in a way, but it definitely makes things tougher than they need to be. Thoughts?
I know exactly what you mean and trust me you are not being an idiot.. It is tough to be just friends with someone you are interested in.. It becomes this rather vicious circle, because you have a ball hanging out with that person while you pine away the rest of the time, knowing that you want to be more than 'just friends'..

I would advice giving it mucho space.. OTOH get on the market and find a new romantic interest.. Works like a charm..
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Old 07-27-07, 08:18 AM   #9
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staying friends can make it tough unless you both are over each other and allready ready to move on to friendship.
A clean break when you totally lose contact is hard but sometimes easier in the end.
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Old 07-27-07, 08:19 AM   #10
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Quote:
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I dated a girl for a while, then we broke up. 6 months later she began dating a friend of mine, so that made it easier to be "just friends". Introduce her to one of your single friends that you respect.

Then if they get married (like my friend and ex did) you can always say "Dude. I was IN your wife". It never gets old.

My first LOL for the day. Thanks.
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Old 07-27-07, 08:30 AM   #11
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My bestest friend is an ex. The friendship wasn't immediate after the breakup, though. You already know the person intimately, in every sense, so the friendship can be pretty solid.

Harder to deal with maybe is the reaction of your new partners to your "ex" friendship.

I think that a lot of men and women who really should be "just friends" have to first work through, or burn through, sexual feelings for each other.

But, I think ravenmore should tell his ex he's not ready and he'll let his ex know if he ever is. Tell her not to come by your house, email etc. Actually, it sounds to me that she's not completely over you, or feels guilt about the breakup, or wants to keep you on the string. Cut it.

Last edited by Krink; 07-27-07 at 08:37 AM.
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Old 07-27-07, 08:34 AM   #12
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Nothing wrong with telling her you need your space. Being friends is fine in theory, but a lot easier if there aren't other feelings attached. If she really does care about you, she'll respect your needs.
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Old 07-27-07, 09:22 AM   #13
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Then if they get married (like my friend and ex did) you can always say "Dude. I was IN your wife". It never gets old.

It may never get old if you keep saying it to one friend, but if you can say it to *all* your friends it gets old pretty quick. Trust me.
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Old 07-27-07, 09:42 AM   #14
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It all depends on the former partner. There are girls I love to meet again just to catch up and I really care to know how are they doing.

And than there are others if I never see them again, it is still gonna be too soon.

Positive, there is somebody who feels the same about me.
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Old 07-27-07, 09:44 AM   #15
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i love NOT seeing the exs. when i'm done, i'm done.
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Old 07-27-07, 10:12 AM   #16
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Do yourself a favor and cut her off. She wants you in her life, but it will prevent you from moving on with yours.
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Old 07-27-07, 10:15 AM   #17
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whenever my ex tries to contact me, i just remember a quote a friend said once: "don't be reckless with other people's hearts & don't put up with people who are reckless with yours."

i definitely don't put up with her.
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Old 07-27-07, 10:17 AM   #18
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I wouldn't mind being friends with most of my ex's, but I've found that the only ones who want to be friends are the ones that never expected anything from me.
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Old 07-27-07, 10:17 AM   #19
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Ex-wife #2 would be out bar hopping with her girl friends and drop by at midnight or so to "have a beer with the ex". This went on for months and it drove me wacko. She knew it too but not much bothers her. She finally started dating a guy that didn't like the idea so she stopped.
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Old 07-27-07, 10:18 AM   #20
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and wanting to be friends?
No can do for me either. It never works out well in the end. Sadly, clean breaks are the only way for me.

... Brad
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Old 07-27-07, 10:20 AM   #21
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I've been able to do it, but then again it always ends up with random sex, me pissing off the current and then me walking away.

But that process sure is fun
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Old 07-27-07, 10:28 AM   #22
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Man, I think it's trouble if you still have feelings for her. I am sort of the same situation with this girl who I definently still have feelings for - though not so much so that I want to commit again to everything that went with a serious relationship with her. We are good friends but we still fight quite a lot because I get my feelings hurt if she says or does something that I think is inconsiderate, -where as I probably wouldn't be so vulnerable if we were 'just friends'. She still does and says provocative things and recently she has been turning up the heat a lot and messing around and letting it be known that she want's her urges gratified, but also saying that if we do this that she would ''using me'' .. Oh lord, women are a just curse to us all. -? . .I guess what I'm saying is that it's very likely not worth it. Absolutely.
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Old 07-27-07, 10:29 AM   #23
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excellent opportunity to have "friends with benefits"
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Old 07-27-07, 10:29 AM   #24
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Then if they get married (like my friend and ex did) you can always say "Dude. I was IN your wife". It never gets old.
Brilliant. I agree completely. Also I always thought the guys who broke it off completely were complete idiots. I mean, think about it. What happens on some lonely cold winter night when you have struck out everywhere else and you need some affection?

You've already had sex with some of these girls so it is only natural to have another go at it. Why would you alienate your back up plans? Simply foolish.
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Old 07-27-07, 10:37 AM   #25
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I try to stay friends with exs, but I'm also almost always pretty good friends with them before dating. I just don't like losing friends because things didn't work out romantically
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