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Old 08-20-07, 05:42 AM   #1
atomship47
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out of the mouths of babes

sometimes its hard to tell your kids that they're using a bad word because you're laughing too hard...



last night, getting ready for bed, my soon-to-be 6 yo son comes into the bathroom and proceeds to go to the bathroom. he says, "i have to go to the bathroom. i'm marking my territory."

this morning, he's playing a game on his computer and i hear him say, "these guys don't like me, they think i suck."



i'll have to talk to him about his language when i stop smiling.
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Old 08-20-07, 07:16 AM   #2
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Last week, my 6 yo daughter and I were walking in a parking lot when an impatient driver nearly clipped us. After this driver roared away, my daughter yelled after her, "I will destroy you!!!" in her best Plankton voice (Spongebob Squarepants reference).
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Old 08-20-07, 07:31 AM   #3
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now that's funny!
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Old 08-20-07, 07:48 AM   #4
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Last week, my 6 yo daughter and I were walking in a parking lot when an impatient driver nearly clipped us. After this driver roared away, my daughter yelled after her, "I will destroy you!!!" in her best Plankton voice (Spongebob Squarepants reference).
HA! Did you make her sing the F U N song to make up for it?
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Old 08-20-07, 08:09 AM   #5
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When my daughter was 3, she told us she hated us, and we told her not to say "hate" because it was mean to say it and that it was a bad word. A few days later, she asked us why it was OK to sing the song "Nobody likes me/everybody hates me/guess I'll go eat worms", and my wife told her that it was all right to sing it because it was part of the song.

A few months later, she learned "damn it" from my wife and she repeated it. After we got through laughing, we told her it was a bad word and she shouldn't repeat it. A while after that, she was riding in the car and I heard her singing, "Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it" - because it was OK to sing bad words in a song, so she made up her own "Damn it" song. I nearly drove off the road I was laughing so hard.

Last edited by BryE; 08-20-07 at 09:00 AM.
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Old 08-20-07, 08:10 AM   #6
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Last week, my 6 yo daughter and I were walking in a parking lot when an impatient driver nearly clipped us. After this driver roared away, my daughter yelled after her, "I will destroy you!!!" in her best Plankton voice (Spongebob Squarepants reference).

Does your daughter know the Crank Dat Soulja Boy dance, Sponge Bob version?


My cousin's first word was "beer."
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Old 08-20-07, 08:38 AM   #7
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I had a friend who's daughter's first word was $hit. She just graduated from college and was working at the same place in the research lab of one of her professors. He was a good family man and let her bring in a portable crib to put in his office while she worked in the lab. He was a really great guy but kind of used a few bad words here and there. Apparently the kid was listening to everything he said.
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Old 08-20-07, 08:39 AM   #8
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One of my sisters used to use the word crap a lot. She didn't think her 3 year old was picking up on it until one day she comes running up to my sister saying "mommy mommy oh crap! baby brother is crying".
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Old 08-20-07, 08:40 AM   #9
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My three year old will dress up in a spiderman mask and gloves that are way to big, as they belong to my six year old. He will then square off in a fighters stance in front of anyone or anything, including the family dog, and ask "You want a piece of me?" in a very emphatic voice.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 08-20-07, 08:57 AM   #10
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My little nephew, when he was about 1 1/2, was really fascinated with trucks. BUT...he had a hard time pronouncing the "tr" and instead it became "f". There was a "fire -uck" (firetruck), a "big -uck" (big truck) and a "dum- -uck" (dump truck). He would get so pissed off that we were laughing our heads off, that he would start to cry.

Poor little guy.
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 08-20-07, 09:06 AM   #11
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My six year old had trouble pronouncing the name of a character in one of his favorite books a few years ago. Whenever he would say "Baxter Bear" it came out as a much coarser version of "Illegitmate Bear". Frirst time we heard him say it, we started telling him it was a bad word, and asking where he learned the word. Finally, in tears, he explained to us that "bast**d is a bear". When we understood what he was trying to say, we started apologizing to him.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 08-20-07, 09:25 AM   #12
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My six year old had trouble pronouncing the name of a character in one of his favorite books a few years ago. Whenever he would say "Baxter Bear" it came out as a much coarser version of "Illegitmate Bear". Frirst time we heard him say it, we started telling him it was a bad word, and asking where he learned the word. Finally, in tears, he explained to us that "bast**d is a bear". When we understood what he was trying to say, we started apologizing to him.

Bast**ds are so common now is it even a bad word anymore?...
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Old 08-20-07, 09:30 AM   #13
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My little nephew, when he was about 1 1/2, was really fascinated with trucks. BUT...he had a hard time pronouncing the "tr" and instead it became "f". There was a "fire -uck" (firetruck), a "big -uck" (big truck) and a "dum- -uck" (dump truck). He would get so pissed off that we were laughing our heads off, that he would start to cry.

Poor little guy.
I'm laughing so hard right now, I have to wipe my eyes!!
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Old 08-20-07, 10:20 AM   #14
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Our now teenager, then preschool daughter is picked up at the church-run school after her very first day.

My Wife: So, punkin, what did you learn today?
My Daughter: I learned we don't say, "s%!+".
My Wife: "...."

(Later that day)
My Wife: Why did you say "s%!+" in school?
My Daughter: The teacher was talking about things that are holy, and asked us what things we knew that were holy.
So I said that my Daddy says "holy s%!+" a lot.

I couldn't make something like this up. Imagine if you will my mortification upon asking my dear wife how our daughter's first school day had gone.
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Old 08-20-07, 10:27 AM   #15
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My brother has two daughters, Caitlin is the younger of the two, and this conversation occured when they were both preschoolers:

Caitlin: "Daddy, what is that on the window?"

My bro: "That is bird poop, Caitlin"

Lauren: "No, Daddy, that is crap!"
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 08-20-07, 10:34 AM   #16
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My college classmate, Tim--who is a major in the army, has seen combat, and has the vocabulary to go with it--told me this story about his, then 6 year old, daughter Kathy. It was the day before Kathy's birthday, and the family had gone to choose her first brand new bicycle. She was very excited about it and wanted to ride it right away, but, because it was late, Tim told her she couldn't ride it until the next day--her actual birthday--and that it would remain in the family's garage until the morning, when she could ride it in the driveway.

The next morning, Tim and his wife were having breakfast, when Kathy came running up to him and said "Daddy, will you please open the godd*mn door for me?" Tim froze, looked at Kathy, and said, "What was that?" Kathy repeated it, this time pointing to the door that lead to the garage. At that point, Tim said, "Well, Kathy, that's the white door or the garage door." "Oh, said Kathy, "okay. Daddy, will you please open the white door for me?"

Tim said he had been doing some work on the lock mechanism on that door a week previous and had some trouble with it and "might have let a few words slip." At any rate, his daughter was under the impression that the house had three doors--a front door, a back door, and a godd*mn door.
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Old 08-20-07, 10:58 AM   #17
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These stories are priceless! Here's mine.

My wife, a good friend of ours, the friend's then-14 year old son and I were in our house watching a video of "The Ref," a movie about a burglary gone bad, with Dennis Leary as the burglar and Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis as the dysfunctional couple the burglar takes hostage to hide out from the police - all on Christmas Eve. Very funny movie, BTW.

Anyway, our then-three year old son was off somewhere playing and seemingly out of earshot and not paying attention. At one point, Kevin Spacey's character asks the burglar what his name is. With his best Dennis Leary delivery, the response was: "F*** you! That's my name." Immediately, our son pipes up: "F*** You. That's a funny name." We three adults and one teenager all just about blew out our eardrums suppressing the laughter, on the theory that if we didn't make a big deal about it, my little tax deduction wouldn't glom onto the "funny name." It worked (thank God), but after he was safely in bed and asleep, we all laughed until we cried.

My son is 17 now, and yes, he knows the word and the story. But he has no memory of the incident itself and I never heard that word escape his lips again until at least junior high.
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Old 08-20-07, 12:45 PM   #18
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my kids love the simpsons. unfortunately, they pick up some bad phrases.

my son will yell out "I LOVE BOOBIES" or "BEER! where have you been all my life?"



we were boating and stopped to swim at the sandbar. my son is a total chick magnet. someone (who shall remain nameless) taught him to go up to girls and say, "how YOU doin?" well he did that to this college girl who was with her huge football-playing boyfriend. when we left, she asked if my son would be her boyfriend.....he thought about it for a couple of seconds and said, "yeah, me and my dad both will."


thanks son!
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Old 08-20-07, 12:55 PM   #19
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Once we were staying with a very nice couple and they had a 3 year old daughter. Toward the end of our stay, my wife, the educator, was asking the little girl what everyone's name was. There me, then a friend, etc and finally it came around to my wife.

And what is my name?
The little girl thought long and hard and said as clear as anything - to the horror of her parents: BIMBO!
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Old 08-20-07, 01:16 PM   #20
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My sister is a devoutly religous woman. When her son was 5 years old, my sister's husband backed out of the drive and ran over the family's aging dog who was hard of hearing and did not hear the car. Her son unannounced, observed the entire scene from his bedroom window.

A few hours later my sister and her husband decided to tell Steven about what had happened. The called a family conference and explained to him that Jesus wanted their dog for himself and that the dog wouldn't be coming home again.

Steven looked up at them with big innocent eyes and asked: "What does Jesus want with a dead dog?".
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Old 08-20-07, 01:17 PM   #21
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Once we were staying with a very nice couple and they had a 3 year old daughter. Toward the end of our stay, my wife, the educator, was asking the little girl what everyone's name was. There me, then a friend, etc and finally it came around to my wife.

And what is my name?
The little girl thought long and hard and said as clear as anything - to the horror of her parents: BIMBO!
I hope she sat down her Budweiser, took the Winston 100 out of her mouth (with bright red lipstick on filter), pulled up her tube top, and told the kid to "kiss my arse!"
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 08-20-07, 01:55 PM   #22
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A friend of mine in the marines told me this story about his 4 year old daughter. There was an incident earlier in the day at her daycare, which prompted the caretakers to have a talk with him when he came to pick her up. Apparently, it was grahamcracker cookie day for snack time, and this bully kid snatches hers away. She asks nicely for it, and after the bully refuses, she looks him square in the eye and says "What's your damage, brainchild?" (<-- I wish I had come up with that one myself) Fortunately, he stood up for her saying that he didn't really see anything wrong with the situation, especially since somebody obviously saw what was going on and did nothing about it until she confronted the bully herself.

As for me, knowing the way he's prone to speak with her around, I just couldn't help thinking, "wow... she could've said a lot worse."
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Old 08-20-07, 02:13 PM   #23
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Sparkling Wiggles.
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Old 08-20-07, 03:12 PM   #24
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My niece was watching my sister-in-law putting on face cream. She asked what it was for. Her mother said "It's to make me look beautiful." She got a thoughtful look on her face and then said "But, Mummy, it's not working."

She is now in school and learned about slaves. She came home and:
Mummy, uncle Paul is from Africa right?
Yes. (wondering where this is going)
Did he come over in a ship?
No, he flew over in a plane.
Mummy, is he a slave?

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Old 08-20-07, 03:38 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atomship47 View Post
my kids love the simpsons. unfortunately, they pick up some bad phrases.

my son will yell out "I LOVE BOOBIES" or "BEER! where have you been all my life?"



we were boating and stopped to swim at the sandbar. my son is a total chick magnet. someone (who shall remain nameless) taught him to go up to girls and say, "how YOU doin?" well he did that to this college girl who was with her huge football-playing boyfriend. when we left, she asked if my son would be her boyfriend.....he thought about it for a couple of seconds and said, "yeah, me and my dad both will."


thanks son!



Good kid. VERY good kid
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