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Old 08-30-07, 08:51 PM   #1
Blais
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Ah, the food forum.

I made pizzas last night with mozzarella Tofutti and Thomas' bagel bread. Freaking awesome. I would suggest it to anyone but make sure you bake it instead of the microwave, otherwise they get soggy.

No really though. I'm moving out of my apartment soon to get the $#%* away from a toolbox-roommate and I'm wondering if I should be nice until I move out or crap in his chocolate milk. We used to get along fine and actually had a lot in common. Then he decided to pick on my little brother and routinely piss-off my girlfriend. At this point, civility is a hard thing to muster when he's around and I'm ready to lay down a hurting like it's going out of style. I almost feel silly about being vindictive but then I remember that I'm *&^%ing pissed-off beyond civility and want to *^&$ing $^&*# all over his &*^%ing pathetic @#%^-landscape that is his *#@&ing life. Stupid self-righteous, holier-than-thou, $#^@!! GAH! *&$%#^@

/vent

Thank you for your time.
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Old 08-30-07, 08:53 PM   #2
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Don't put nair in his shampoo, that wouldn't be very nice.
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Old 08-30-07, 09:03 PM   #3
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...crap in his chocolate milk...
get's my vote. Or sleep with his mom.... w/ pictures
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Old 08-30-07, 09:57 PM   #4
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And putting Icy Hot in his underwear would be really rude, too. Just sayin' is all....
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Old 08-30-07, 10:03 PM   #5
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Wow, you guys are highly creative.
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Old 08-30-07, 10:05 PM   #6
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Wow, you guys are highly creative.
Gotta do something to keep myself entertained when things are slow at work.
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Old 08-30-07, 10:07 PM   #7
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Finding creative ways to smite my tormentors is a hobby of mine.
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Old 08-30-07, 10:12 PM   #8
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Did not realize we roomed togehter Blais, but you described me to a T, so it must be me. BTW, I knew the chocolate milk tasted a bit off, but I was thirsty, oh, and you are low on potassium and may have some polyps forming. I would get that checked out.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 08-30-07, 10:32 PM   #9
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Gotta do something to keep myself entertained when things are slow at work.
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Finding creative ways to smite my tormentors is a hobby of mine.
Do you offer formal consultations?
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Old 08-30-07, 10:34 PM   #10
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Do you offer formal consultations?
Absolutely, for a reasonable fee.
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Old 08-30-07, 10:36 PM   #11
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Do you offer formal consultations?
Of course.

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Old 08-30-07, 10:59 PM   #12
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Did not realize we roomed togehter Blais, but you described me to a T, so it must be me. BTW, I knew the chocolate milk tasted a bit off, but I was thirsty, oh, and you are low on potassium and may have some polyps forming. I would get that checked out.
Jsharr: hahahahahahaha
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Old 08-30-07, 11:10 PM   #13
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Absolutely, for a reasonable fee.
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Of course.
For back issues of Mental Floss?
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Old 08-30-07, 11:12 PM   #14
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For back issues of Mental Floss?
Sure.
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Old 08-30-07, 11:58 PM   #15
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Merton? Is that you?
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 08-31-07, 01:40 AM   #16
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How about exlax in his chocolate milk?
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Old 08-31-07, 07:03 AM   #17
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Made some stir fry with the left over vegetables in my fridge since they've been in there for a while and I was afraid they'd go bad. Put at least 7 cloves of garlic in there and who knows how much crushed chili. I can press my nose to my skin and smell garlic. I love that smell.

Don't go for revenge. It's childish and a sign of weakness. Life will take care of this slob better than you could.
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Old 08-31-07, 07:08 AM   #18
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Do not Pedigree beef stew in a microwave container in the fridge as it may be mistaken for the real stuff, ya know.



Ex husband used to stop at the house (B4 locks changed) and routinely eat what was in fridge - and then had the big brass ones to comment on how little food I had and how he had this and that and blah blah blah.

Did you know that Pedigree beef stew has peas and carrots in it and when heated, smells like the real deal?



He had some.
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Old 08-31-07, 07:10 AM   #19
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Don't go for revenge. It's childish and a sign of weakness. Life will take care of this slob better than you could.
Well, yeah. But then you won't be around to see it, will you?
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Old 08-31-07, 07:38 AM   #20
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Some Dave's Insanity Sauce rubbed on the nose pads of his glasses... Provided he wears glasses, that is.
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Old 08-31-07, 09:21 AM   #21
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Wow, you guys are highly creative.
phenophthalene added to his food (active ingredient in ExLax, easier to cover the taste)
Trypan blue in his coffee (turns your pee bright blue)
Rit dye in his shower head (activates when the water gets hot, dyes him fun colours)
Vaseline the bathtub floor (very mean, can cause serious injury)
Capsicum extract in shampoo and/or on soap (burns like hell, careful with dosing; can cause 3rd degree chemical burns)
If he uses laundry soap with colour crystals (like Oxydol with green crystalline, or Tide with those blue chunks in it) then you can get a biological crystalline stain like Trypan or methylene blue, or malachite green, and mix it in with his laundry soap.
Witch hazel mixed into liquid fabric softener.


If you've got the time and the inclination...
Fill one of his car tires with water. (requires access to his car, long amount of time, and either submergeable tire pump or pressure sprayer with Schrader chock)
Remove all his valve stems (a stem puller is $15 at most auto parts stores)
Spill DMSO down his vent-air intake (DMSO oxidizes to a very foul smelling reek)
Mini-dill pickles in the gas tank. (This one is fun because what happens is the car runs for a bit, then the fuel pump sucks one to the intake and it corks it up. The car stops running, the vacuum releases, and the pickle if free to move again. The car will run for a while more, until it sucks up another pickle.)

If he's staying in the apartment after you leave...
Leave a chicken/milk bomb hidden somewhere. I'll explain it if I have to, but you can ruin a house with one.





The lesson to all of this: Don't piss off a scientist
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Old 08-31-07, 09:27 AM   #22
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Evil, evil genius.
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Old 08-31-07, 09:38 AM   #23
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Silver nitrate salts on his pillow. When exposed to sunlight, skin that has come in contact with silver nitrate is stained black.
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Old 08-31-07, 10:34 AM   #24
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Silver nitrate salts on his pillow. When exposed to sunlight, skin that has come in contact with silver nitrate is stained black.
Bahahahaha! I can't believe I forgot about that one.
We used to put that in the walk-though basin at the doorway of the communal showers in my freshman dorm. hehehehe


Other good ones for dorm dwellers:
- Penny the door shut (the classics are classics for a reason)
- For doors that open in: Tie a string to the doorknob, over the drop ceiling support, to the fire alarm. Put a note under the door that you have done this.
- And then there's "The Beeramyd." This takes a week to pull off properly:
-- When someone comes in for the night and falls asleep, tape newspaper over their doorframe, covering the entire thing down to the floor so they can't see through it.
-- Do this every day for a week. First day few days, they'll tentatively poke a finger through it and tear it down. By the end of a week, they'll just crash through it like Godzilla.
-- When they've gotten to the point that they're crashing through it, build the paper wall one more time, and then stack a mountain of empty beer cans behind it. (Alternative: At knee height down to the floor, back the entire paper wall with duct tape and put a kiddie pool full of pudding in the hallway.)
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Old 08-31-07, 10:37 AM   #25
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Stretch wrap their car shut.
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