Advertise on Bikeforums.net



User Tag List

Results 1 to 17 of 17
  1. #1
    THC Freedom Fighter karmical's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    OaKsTeRdAm
    Posts
    1,112
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    finally @ long last, my first born...

    i've lived my life with few regrets, wtf life is what it is, you can either live it or spend it in sorrow within thoughts of things that you can not control, but happen.

    take for instance, my first born son...

    things just didn't work out between his mother and myself, truth be told, its probably mostly my fault.

    being as young as i was, i was not ready for the balance of power between service to ones country and the balance of trying to have a family.

    it took me a long time to come full circle with this, but at long last my X wife and i have moved one and finally i get the chance to have my first son come out and stay awhile and get to know his old man.

    gawd, the **** i've put that boy through, in service... he's seen that side of me that i wish never existed, but is part of me.

    now he's a young man of 18, and we get to come together and i get to show him another view of life...

    words can not describe the feelings.

    wtf do you do with a 18yo...

    i mean i have some serious talk time set aside, going to take him up the coast into eagle country and have "the talk" which is merely just **** that's been on my mind and stuff i know he wants to know..

    kind of the **** i talked to my dad on his deathbed, even given the bs that was going on, father to grown son **** is awesome.

    just stuff on my mind, and within my heart...


    wtf do you do with a 18yo?
    Smoke all you want too, we'll grow more...

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Charlotte, North Carolina, USA
    My Bikes
    '71 Raleigh Sports, '84 Schwinn LeTour on the trainer (and available for hill repeats), '06 Scott CR1 SL (Ksyrium SL), and a yet-to-be-determined TT bike.
    Posts
    1,643
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I dunno. But, given that he's just 18, and all things being equal, barring accident and disease processes, you have a lot of time to get to know him yet. Don't lay everything on him at his tender age of 18. Just relax, and get to know him, and let him get to know you, eh? Plenty of time to let him develop his questions, and, if he doesn't, you can always ask him what he wants to know later....

    Edit: Sometimes the son doesn't want to know, sometimes he does. You have to either ask (and risk not gettin' a straight answer because men don't work that way ) or just put a hook out there and let him grab it or not (like: "Guess you have a few questions about the way things worked out....").

  3. #3
    klondike300 klondike300's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Looking for my lung on Green Mountain
    My Bikes
    Cannondale(x3). Synapse, cyclocross and Prophet
    Posts
    260
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Ditto with Vega. Don't try and cover 18 years in one day. My parents divorced around when I was 5 and moved around a lot after that. Honestly didn't really get to know my Dad until I was late teens and young adult and we have a great relationship. You can't change the past so move forward and don't force anything upon him. You'll soon enough find out you're (hopefully) both men now and time to move on.

  4. #4
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    10,477
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Allow him into you. And step gently with him. He will be able to see the human being that has survived and will understand. He will respect that. But you have to absorb him as well. See him. Learn who he is. Let himself BE himself and then see yourself in him too. 18 years....so much to share, so much to learn. Let the time take over itself and don't feel obligated for explanations right now unless he asks. Le things come naturally. Time heals all kinds of hurt. And with this time, you have as much of it as you and he allows.

    You'll be okay. Just be honest with him. And love him. Love him lots.

    Enjoy your son.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  5. #5
    tired donnamb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Portland, OR
    My Bikes
    Breezer Uptown 8, U frame
    Posts
    5,660
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Go out for some good food? 18 year old guys eat a lot, as I recall.
    "Real wars of words are harder to win. They require thought, insight, precision, articulation, knowledge, and experience. They require the humility to admit when you are wrong. They recognize that the dialectic is not about making us look at you, but about us all looking together for the truth."

  6. #6
    Killing Rabbits
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    4,685
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Buy him a beer.

  7. #7
    another cat...FAB! stevesurf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    1st star to the right...
    My Bikes
    Merlin Ti Build, Trek Y-50, Bianchi Titanium Build, Custom Cuevas Road bike
    Posts
    1,469
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    It's great that you are moving closer together, simply because you want to. Common ground and life can also help bring you closer to learning what his dreams are...

  8. #8
    Direct Hit Not Required BlastRadius's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    San Bruno, CA
    My Bikes
    Pinarello Galileo, Bianchi Alloro, Guerciotti Cross Force, Iron Horse Hollowpoint MKIII
    Posts
    6,190
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    OMG Kendall, what else is there? Take him for a ride... on a fixed gear.

    I'm glad you finally get to know him.

  9. #9
    avid wearer of flip-flops lucky53s's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    WPB, FL
    My Bikes
    '06 Felt F80
    Posts
    151
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Time. That is what I learned from my dad not being part of my life for many years. Just don't try to do it all in one day. At first maybe he wants to know about you and his mom. And why you left. As he warms up to you he will want to know the real father/son stuff you've been missing out on for so long.
    War: Where foolish men kill other foolish men for foolish reasons.
    Quote Originally Posted by artifice View Post
    does this face make my butt look big?

  10. #10
    THC Freedom Fighter karmical's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    OaKsTeRdAm
    Posts
    1,112
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by BlastRadius View Post
    OMG Kendall, what else is there? Take him for a ride... on a fixed gear.
    nice long fixed ride if he is down, which i hope he is, since we've talked about my cycling.

    going to schedule time get some father/son fresh ink, plus he's really into music, so it'll be an excuse to go out and catch some live stuff in the bay area.

    not trying to make up time or anything like that, just going to spend some one on one time together as we have talked, just haven't seen each other in like forever.
    Smoke all you want too, we'll grow more...

  11. #11
    automobile gravitron BLIMP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    event horizon
    My Bikes
    Kona Blast, Scwinn Traveler, Older Stumpjumper, Lemond Maillot Juane, Surly Crosscheck
    Posts
    216
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Beats me. Spend time with him. Make him remember the things you've done together and the lessons you've taught him. I guess that's when you become more of a friend with authority than a father in the traditional understanding. No idea though.

  12. #12
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Posts
    9,163
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Titty bar!

  13. #13
    automobile gravitron BLIMP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    event horizon
    My Bikes
    Kona Blast, Scwinn Traveler, Older Stumpjumper, Lemond Maillot Juane, Surly Crosscheck
    Posts
    216
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I loathe titty bars with almost the same intensity that I love titties.

  14. #14
    Affable Aberrant G-Whacker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    GDTRFB
    Posts
    210
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by abortionpunch View Post
    I loathe titty bars with almost the same intensity that I love titties.
    well said!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Won't you pour me a cuban breeze, Gretchen?

  15. #15
    Crawlin' up, flyin' down bikingshearer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Democratic Peoples' Republic of Berkeley
    My Bikes
    1967 Paramount, 1982-ish Ron Cooper,1986 De Rosa Professional, 1978 Eisentraut "A," 1961 BianchiCompetizione, 1994 Trek 520, 199? Burley Bossa Nova
    Posts
    3,048
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    What the others have said is all good. I have a slight twist to add, though.

    Time is the key in two ways. One, there will have to be a passage of a certain amount of it to develop a really close bond, as with most any human relationship worht having.

    Two, make sure a good portion of the time you and he have together is unstructured. I've been very fortunate to have been in my 17 year old son's life all along, and I am here to tell you that many, and perhaps most, of the best moments come when you haven't planned a thing and a conversation, a game, a special moment just . . . happens. These can't be scripted and they really can't be planned, except tp make sure there is some "empty" time together in which they can happen.

    Good luck, and good for you. This is likely to take a while, but it is great for both of you that you're making the connection. It ought to be a great ride - just don't expect to be able to predict where it will lead.
    "I'm in shape -- round is a shape." Andy Rooney

  16. #16
    That darn Yankee TexasGuy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    West West Fort Worth
    My Bikes
    Mongoose XR-100, Eros Bianchi
    Posts
    4,286
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by abortionpunch View Post
    I loathe titty bars with almost the same intensity that I love titties.
    Life is about hanging onto what you think is important and finding out what really is important.
    "Stop Ruining my joke!", "No, a joke implies humor attached at no additional cost"
    So many sayings, so little sig space.

  17. #17
    Air
    Air is offline
    Destroyer of Wheels Air's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Creating some FA-Qs
    My Bikes
    Nishiki Sport, Downtube IXNS, 1950's MMB3 Russian Folding Bike, MTB
    Posts
    3,558
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Congratulations on a new lease on life with your son. Treasure the time and build that relationship...slowly. They'll be bumps but that's OK.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •