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Old 09-08-07, 03:17 AM   #1
Hasselhof
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The right to be pissed off?

I'm not sure how to take this....

I volunteer at a large theatre in my town (plays, not movies) and every night that I volunteer I'm given a free ticket to see the current show which I can choose to either keep for my own use, or give away to friends or family. Usually I'll volunteer twice during each shows season and invite a friend to come along.

This time however I worked three nights and hence have three tickets. So, instead of just getting one of my single friends to come along, I decided to call up another pair of friends that are a couple. I know they're both somewhat interested in the arts (particularly opera) and figure they would probably jump at the chance.

Anyway, long story short, I call and offer the tickets, explain that we could all go next week on any night between tuesday and friday, and give a quick rundown on what the play is about. The response was simply, "We'll check out the website and see if its any good. If it is I'll call you back".

WTF?

These are some very good friends of mine and I've gotta say I'm pretty shocked at that kind of response. A simple "no" would have been fine, a "look, am really busy next week but thanks for the offer" would have been fine. They know I give my own free time for these tickets, and that they're worth about $45 each and thats the kind of response I get?

Am I overreacting here in feeling pissed at that kind of response?

???????????

(I'm sure the simple answer is to A) get over it; and B) go find someone else that is more appreciative, hosever these two are literally some of my best friends and I'm just astonished)
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Old 09-08-07, 04:29 AM   #2
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I think you are over reacting. It's not an indication that they are unappreciative of the offer, but they may not have so much free time available that they can afford to spend it going to a bad show. Look at it another way:

Let's say you have a friend that makes a great lasagna. Problem is that you have a really serious dislike for cottage cheese. Can't stand the stuff, the texture just makes you want to hurl. So they call you and ask you if you want to come over for lasagna. Do you ask them if they are making it with cottage cheese before you accept, or do you garciously accept and head on over, hoping that the meal you appreciate so much doesn't make you puke on their fine china?
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Old 09-08-07, 05:05 AM   #3
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C: Consider the source and let it go. Make sure that's the last time you offer them anything.
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Old 09-08-07, 06:18 AM   #4
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well, it was a little unappreciative of the effort you put in to get these tickets and the gift you are giving them, but it could just be from ignorance on thier part.
you're the one putting all the time in, they are not, so they mean more to you then it means to them.

it's like that lasagna example, ever ate something your mother cooked you as a kid and you god forbid didnt like it as much as you were suppose to and your mother went into a speach on how much she had to work to buy that food and the amont of time sweating over the stove for you and how much more appreciative you should be?

Id take it it was a little faux pas on thier part out of not understanding what those really mean to you, but that's the point, the tickets means a lot to you, not necessary to them.
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Old 09-08-07, 06:21 AM   #5
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Why would you be offended? Would you want your friends to sit through a play they wouldn't enjoy?
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Old 09-08-07, 06:34 AM   #6
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I'm not offended if they don't want to come at all. Thats fine by me, I've got other people I can ask. I guess where I feel a bit miffed is the way they've gone about it. We wouldn't be having this discussion if there had been a simple "look, we've got a busy week next week and wouldn't be able to make it" or even "thanks for the offer but I'm just not into the theatre". This was literally a "I'll take the tickets but only if I really feel like it".

BTW, that lasagne analogy is one of the worst I've ever seen on the internet.

Anyway, the moment has passed. Got annoyed by something thats pretty insignificant but it would be nice to think that friends would be a bit more courteous.
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Old 09-08-07, 07:08 AM   #7
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I'm not offended if they don't want to come at all. Thats fine by me, I've got other people I can ask. I guess where I feel a bit miffed is the way they've gone about it. We wouldn't be having this discussion if there had been a simple "look, we've got a busy week next week and wouldn't be able to make it" or even "thanks for the offer but I'm just not into the theatre". This was literally a "I'll take the tickets but only if I really feel like it".

BTW, that lasagne analogy is one of the worst I've ever seen on the internet.

Anyway, the moment has passed. Got annoyed by something thats pretty insignificant but it would be nice to think that friends would be a bit more courteous.
From the way you tell it it's more like "We'd love to go if the play isn't rubbish", which is totally understandable. I'm offered free tickets to events quite often, and I'll except them only if it's something I'll truly enjoy.
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Old 09-08-07, 07:29 AM   #8
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I'm not offended if they don't want to come at all. Thats fine by me, I've got other people I can ask. I guess where I feel a bit miffed is the way they've gone about it. We wouldn't be having this discussion if there had been a simple "look, we've got a busy week next week and wouldn't be able to make it" or even "thanks for the offer but I'm just not into the theatre". This was literally a "I'll take the tickets but only if I really feel like it".

BTW, that lasagne analogy is one of the worst I've ever seen on the internet.

Anyway, the moment has passed. Got annoyed by something thats pretty insignificant but it would be nice to think that friends would be a bit more courteous.
Fine. See if we offer you any more lasagna.
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Old 09-08-07, 07:58 AM   #9
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you own your feelings. we can't answer that question.

"rightness" is simply justification for which feelings you wish to claim.
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Old 09-08-07, 08:00 AM   #10
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i'll go with you and bring my wife, but you gotta get us airfare as well.
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Old 09-08-07, 08:15 AM   #11
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BTW, that lasagne analogy is one of the worst I've ever seen on the internet.

Anyway, the moment has passed. Got annoyed by something thats pretty insignificant but it would be nice to think that friends would be a bit more courteous.
Meh, it was early in the morning here, and I hadn't had any coffee yet.

See how easy it is to not be offended when you offer something and someone only wants to take it on their own conditions?
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Old 09-08-07, 09:02 AM   #12
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BTW, that lasagne analogy is one of the worst I've ever seen on the internet.
Now THAT makes me laugh.
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Old 09-08-07, 09:14 AM   #13
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Now THAT makes me laugh.
Well it made me laugh. Good stuff.
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Old 09-08-07, 10:06 AM   #14
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BTW, that lasagne analogy is one of the worst I've ever seen on the internet.

OK sorry this offended you too!
I was just trying to say that we dont always appreciate the hard work that's behind someone's gift, that is all.

* edit* guess you were referring to someone else's anylogy.. ( he was just trying to help you!)
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Old 09-08-07, 10:20 AM   #15
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I guess you wanted them to lie to you? Maybe you need to read the "fake people" thread.
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Old 09-08-07, 10:31 AM   #16
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I'm not offended if they don't want to come at all. Thats fine by me, I've got other people I can ask. I guess where I feel a bit miffed is the way they've gone about it. We wouldn't be having this discussion if there had been a simple "look, we've got a busy week next week and wouldn't be able to make it" or even "thanks for the offer but I'm just not into the theatre". This was literally a "I'll take the tickets but only if I really feel like it".

BTW, that lasagne analogy is one of the worst I've ever seen on the internet.

Anyway, the moment has passed. Got annoyed by something thats pretty insignificant but it would be nice to think that friends would be a bit more courteous.
I sympathise with you.
You extended an above average display of generousity and their
response was very declasse' ........"meh, if nothing better comes up".
Id be a little put off , too. I think there was a much more diplomatic
way of handling the situation on your friends part.
You made the overture/gift and are 'sposed to wait to see if it meets their standards ? Huh ? As if !!
If they called back I would politely say I gave them to some freinds who really, really
wanted to see __ __ __ __ (name of show)
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Old 09-08-07, 11:26 AM   #17
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(I'm sure the simple answer is to A) get over it; and B) go find someone else that is more appreciative, hosever these two are literally some of my best friends and I'm just astonished)
You answered your own question. How would they feel as, your best friend, if they felt forced to go see something they weren't interested in. Probably worse than you, since they would have wasted 3 hours making you happy. All you get stuck with are 2 tickets you can still give away to someone who might appreciate it
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Old 09-08-07, 01:22 PM   #18
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You're right - there is a proper way and an improper way to handle social invitations. Your friends displayed boorish behavior.

"Yes" and "No" isn't the issue. It is the way they are delivered that is the issue. It seems social grace is a lost art, and civilization is poorer for it.

Were they my best friends, this wouldn't really affect or change that relationship. But I wouldn't offer them any more tickets, either.
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Old 09-08-07, 01:45 PM   #19
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A threesome is probably out then, right?
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Old 09-08-07, 02:03 PM   #20
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You always have the right to be pissed off.

I don't know if there's a name for it, but it seems like there's a couples-only version of being a selfish butthole, where the two become one selfish unit that only thinks about what they want. I hate to say it, but my brother and his wife many times will act like this. They'll go out to dinner and a movie/museum, etcetera with the understanding that one person pays for one, then they pay for the other. Well, there's only so many times you can bail out on your portion with the excuse that "the kids are tired" (no they're not, kids are never tired, at least not yours,) before people begin to take notice. It's bad when your own mother refuses to do anything nice for you anymore.

However, if it's like others with this malady I've come across, they're probably fine to hang out with individually, they just have their heads up each other's posterior when they're together. If you really mind, sleep with his girlfriend, then tell him. That'll show 'em.
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Old 09-08-07, 02:08 PM   #21
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I like lasagne, honestly!!! No offence meant (and it doesn't look like there was) about the analogy line. I've been reading Digg and Slashdot too much lately and I think I'm just over reading analogies that, while well meaning, often just complicate a simple issue thats already easy enough to understand. I'm heading off after replying in this thread to go use my new title of "Worlds Analogy Policeman" in a thread that relates riding a bike to the space shuttle. If i pissed anyone off, I'll make it up to you... lasagne at my place tomorrow night.

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You answered your own question. How would they feel as, your best friend, if they felt forced to go see something they weren't interested in. Probably worse than you, since they would have wasted 3 hours making you happy. All you get stuck with are 2 tickets you can still give away to someone who might appreciate it
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I guess you wanted them to lie to you?
Not at all, its just there is a right way and a wrong way of doing things. If they were worried about having to sit through something they wouldn't enjoy it would have been a pretty simple option to just engage me in conversation about the show. Although I've not seen it yet I've already spent three nights at the theatre and discussed it at length with all of the front of house staff (the majority of which are creative industries students). Had we actually talked about it for a while and they then decided it wasn't their sort of thing, I can understand that, plus it actually shows an interest.

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A threesome is probably out then, right?
Its ok.... I'll forgive them soon enough

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Were they my best friends, this wouldn't really affect or change that relationship. But I wouldn't offer them any more tickets, either.
Its cool, it won't change anything. I'm actually about to go for a group ride with them in an hour or two.

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i'll go with you and bring my wife, but you gotta get us airfare as well.
See?! This is what I'm talking about... conditions conditions conditions!!!

Last edited by Hasselhof; 09-08-07 at 02:14 PM.
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Old 09-08-07, 02:09 PM   #22
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From the way you tell it it's more like "We'd love to go if the play isn't rubbish", which is totally understandable. I'm offered free tickets to events quite often, and I'll except them only if it's something I'll truly enjoy.
Yeah, but it's not like he was offering them the tickets... he was inviting them to come with him. It's a little different, I think.

I'd be annoyed by their lack of courtesy--this is a perfect example of looking a gift horse in the mouth.
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Old 09-08-07, 02:41 PM   #23
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I think you are over reacting. It's not an indication that they are unappreciative of the offer, but they may not have so much free time available that they can afford to spend it going to a bad show. Look at it another way:

Let's say you have a friend that makes a great lasagna. Problem is that you have a really serious dislike for cottage cheese. Can't stand the stuff, the texture just makes you want to hurl. So they call you and ask you if you want to come over for lasagna. Do you ask them if they are making it with cottage cheese before you accept, or do you garciously accept and head on over, hoping that the meal you appreciate so much doesn't make you puke on their fine china?
where I'm from great lasagna doesn't have any cottage cheese
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Old 09-08-07, 02:52 PM   #24
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I would rather eat lasagne than go to a play
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Old 09-08-07, 04:16 PM   #25
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Jeez this forum is filled with some sensative people. I hate having to fluff my friends when I say I don't want to do something. I play enough politics at work, I don't need to deal with it when I am with my buds.

Then again, I don't hang out with people that need fluffing and Idoubt I ever will, to much work when your friends are supposed to be the people you can relax the most around.
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