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Old 09-09-07, 01:25 AM   #1
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Random hookups

Trying to explain to a friend tonight how I cant' handle random hookups and how they make me feel generally uncomfortable, he didn't get it in the least. Is that really the common feeling towards the issue of relationships? I much prefer the emotional bond to the physical, and am more than willing to preclude or delay one for the gratification of the other. This concept was completely foreign to him. "How would you even meet women if you don't hook up with them first?" came out. Is it really such an awful approach?
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Old 09-09-07, 02:53 AM   #2
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You're not alone. There was a school dance 2 days after school started, and a girl whos not in any of my classes and completely unknown to me asked me to go (I was hanging with my friend at lunch).
I was like "I don't know you"
She was like "so"
I was like "no"
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Old 09-09-07, 03:06 AM   #3
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Even if you don't care about the emotional, how about the pragmatic? How would I know where these potential random hook-ups have been? How could I possibly trust someone I know nearly nothing about?
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Old 09-09-07, 10:12 AM   #4
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What? Is this thread even written in English. I don't understand a single word the OP said. I thought is was going to be a cool thread about "Hookup" stories.
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Old 09-09-07, 10:18 AM   #5
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simple translation: the OP is only interested in romantic love.
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Old 09-09-07, 10:39 AM   #6
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You're not alone. There was a school dance 2 days after school started, and a girl whos not in any of my classes and completely unknown to me asked me to go (I was hanging with my friend at lunch).
I was like "I don't know you"
She was like "so"
I was like "no"
Kind of the same thing
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Old 09-09-07, 11:22 AM   #7
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I'm with the OP on this, and some of my friends have trouble understanding. For example: I went on a trip to Germany/Switzerland a few months ago. Several of my friends wanted to know if I'd tagged any hot german babes. I said no. They looked disappointed, and asked if I 'at least made out' with Swiss milkmaids. I said no, starting to feel as if I had failed on some deep level of manliness.

But I snapped out of it. "...thine own self be true..." and all that. If you aren't interested until you know the person at least a little, then that's just the way you are and nothing wrong with it. You'll likely have fewer, perhaps more meaningful, relationships. Better leave the question of whether everyone ELSE is wrong alone.
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Old 09-09-07, 11:26 AM   #8
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I can't relate. I love being in love, but if I was single, random hookups would be fun to, especially in my younger years.
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Old 09-09-07, 11:48 AM   #9
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To the highschool (?) student above, I'd advise him to reconsider. It's the only time in your life that it is acceptable for you to get with girls in their primes, before any gravity has taken over. However, beyond that, I tend to agree. I have had some fairly fast hookups, and though the sex part is fun there are too many worries that go along with it, and it can be almost creepy to be in such intimate contact with someone you don't really know all that well. Plus, I almost feel like I am lowering my standards, because this girl clearly cannot like me if she hasn't taken the time to get to know me. And it feels empty afterwards, when these things quickly end.
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Old 09-09-07, 12:08 PM   #10
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I'm with the OP on this, and some of my friends have trouble understanding. For example: I went on a trip to Germany/Switzerland a few months ago. Several of my friends wanted to know if I'd tagged any hot german babes. I said no. They looked disappointed, and asked if I 'at least made out' with Swiss milkmaids. I said no, starting to feel as if I had failed on some deep level of manliness.

But I snapped out of it. "...thine own self be true..." and all that. If you aren't interested until you know the person at least a little, then that's just the way you are and nothing wrong with it. You'll likely have fewer, perhaps more meaningful, relationships. Better leave the question of whether everyone ELSE is wrong alone.
I have much greater respect for that kind of attutide.
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Old 09-09-07, 04:12 PM   #11
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I say there's nothing wrong with random hookups so long as both parties are in it for the same thing. You're not interested in random hookups, so you don't engage in them. It'd be the same as you looking for a relationship while one of your friends just wanted some ass. It wouldn't be random necessarily, but there is a disconnect between the two of you and it just makes the situation hard. That's why finding some compatible to you, even in a random hook up, is great. Different strokes for different folks.
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Old 09-09-07, 06:41 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maximan1 View Post
You're not alone. There was a school dance 2 days after school started, and a girl whos not in any of my classes and completely unknown to me asked me to go (I was hanging with my friend at lunch).
I was like "I don't know you"
She was like "so"
I was like "no"
Umm, that wasn't a hookup. She was asking you out to a dance... out on a date.

Big difference.

You go on a date to get to know someone. In your case, I guess that'll just never happen.
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Old 09-09-07, 06:51 PM   #13
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Some of the best sex of my life was with women whos names I never knew, and still don't to this day.
... that, and hookers.
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Old 09-09-07, 06:55 PM   #14
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Random hookups are boring and nothing but simple hydraulics. I much prefer some commitment. I detest one way conversations as well. I need to have enough in common to at least communicate.
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Old 09-09-07, 06:57 PM   #15
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Speaking from experience, waiting for the results of an STD screening or a pregnancy test makes that hot random hook-up not so hot.

That said, monogamy is not for everyone either. I think its fine to sleep with friends so long as both of you take care of each other.
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Old 09-09-07, 07:16 PM   #16
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Random hookups are boring and nothing but simple hydraulics. I much prefer some commitment. I detest one way conversations as well. I need to have enough in common to at least communicate.
Agreed...one way sex sucks too. Very boring if you both aren't into it.
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Old 09-09-07, 07:20 PM   #17
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Agreed...one way sex sucks too. Very boring if you both aren't into it.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
But "we" are always into it.

My brother once told me that there were two kinds of liars. There's the ones who've said they have never jerked off, and those that say they've quit.
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Old 09-09-07, 07:22 PM   #18
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
But "we" are always into it.

My brother once told me that there were two kinds of liars. There's the ones who've said they have never jerked off, and those that say they've quit.
hahaha..most excellent...that wouldmake a good poll hahahaha
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Old 09-09-07, 07:23 PM   #19
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hahaha..most excellent...that wouldmake a good poll hahahaha
Then start one. My browser goes all screwy when that option is present while creating a post.
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Old 09-09-07, 09:14 PM   #20
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erm...that wasn't the OP, that was max.

And thanks BDG. I used to feel like a real chump for not being about casual hookups. Nice to get a thumbs up.
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Old 09-10-07, 11:57 AM   #21
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Old 09-10-07, 12:15 PM   #22
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I don't see sex as some kind of magical encounter between two people. It feels good. It's smelly. It's sweaty, if done right. It's a great deal of fun when pursued by consenting adults. Sex and love are not mutually inclusive. You can have fulfilling sex without love, you can have fulfilling love without sex, and you can have every combination in between. I think that people get too caught up about sex being some kind of special connection between two people in love when, in the end, all you're really doing is attempting to transfer genetic material.
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Old 09-10-07, 12:56 PM   #23
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I don't see sex as some kind of magical encounter between two people. It feels good. It's smelly. It's sweaty, if done right. It's a great deal of fun when pursued by consenting adults. Sex and love are not mutually inclusive. You can have fulfilling sex without love, you can have fulfilling love without sex, and you can have every combination in between. I think that people get too caught up about sex being some kind of special connection between two people in love when, in the end, all you're really doing is attempting to transfer genetic material.
I forget the comedian but this phrase suits this view (which also matches my view)

****ing is ****ing and making love is making love.

Obviously there can be cross over, but there isn't anything wrong with dirty unattached sex (as long as both parties understand) Heck thats how I hooked up with my current fiance. She was visiting back home for 2 weeks, I knew that, she knew that and we hooked up for two weeks, no strings (actually I picked her up in a bar, truely romatic). A few months later, after some communication back and forth I moved out here to live life a little more, we ended up hooking up again. We just ended up staying together.
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Old 09-10-07, 01:10 PM   #24
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I used to feel like a real chump for not being about casual hookups. Nice to get a thumbs up.
Another thumbs up from me. It's kind of discouraging in a way hearing guys chide their friends for not having casual sex.
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Old 09-10-07, 01:27 PM   #25
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I used to think I was totally not down for the random hookups.

But it didnt take many to change my mind (though an actual relationship is cool and everything, theres no reason not to have fun).
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