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  1. #1
    la vache fantôme phantomcow2's Avatar
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    Best way to lengthen an essay?

    My english teacher is a pretty unusual guy. We were recently assigned to read a fairly unconventional commencement speech. Then, we are to respond to it. Responses must be single spaced, 1" margins, and exactly one page in length. The characters must use every last space available of that 1 page, and you must not turn in two pages. If I was to write something and have it end up being 1 page and a few sentences on page two; my instruction is to not re arrange and delete to fit it all on page 1. I am to delete everything on page 2, and only turn in page 1. If it means I am ending mid-word on page 1, so be it. He says if all we have to say only amounts to 1/2 a page, then we need to find something to ramble on about, we just need to fill that page.
    I have about 1" or so more to fill. What is the best way to lengthen an essay like this?
    My inclination is to stick in a few quotes.
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  2. #2
    almost kosher
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    "borrow" something from wikipedia or similar source. i'm not saying plagerize, really. check sources and ad-lib, so to speak. you can rearrange some amazing things if you put your mind to it... especially if it is an objective opinion.

    of course, being a bit old school, i find it unusual that a professor would even suggest that you 'just make up filler.'

    if that doesn't work for you, reitterate. politicians have mastered that. drive that point home, regardless of how useless it may be.

  3. #3
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    repeat your thesis time & time again in different ways.

  4. #4
    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    I find the best way to lengthen an essay is to lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. In et purus nec metus luctus nonummy. Mauris sed magna ultricies sem pellentesque facilisis. Phasellus lobortis, leo vitae vestibulum viverra, turpis urna tristique pede, non bibendum eros dui quis tellus. Morbi sapien. Integer mollis, risus eu pretium vehicula, eros diam porta nibh, vitae tincidunt ipsum tortor sed mauris. Ut diam. Vivamus posuere augue eu augue. Pellentesque non sem vitae lorem consequat scelerisque. Suspendisse mollis gravida velit. Donec pharetra vulputate nibh. Duis id neque vel diam consectetuer luctus. Nunc bibendum molestie lectus. Phasellus consequat dui et purus. Phasellus elit. Curabitur scelerisque fringilla arcu. Maecenas dapibus pulvinar eros. Curabitur faucibus. Vestibulum dapibus. Pellentesque congue pellentesque augue. Nullam sodales, tellus et fringilla viverra, mi erat malesuada arcu, in aliquam lectus leo non magna, and no one will be the wiser.

    If that doesn't work, you can always quisque viverra sodales sapien. Proin ac sem eget quam faucibus interdum. Mauris malesuada. Fusce dui risus, dapibus eget, venenatis vestibulum, pharetra ac, magna. Curabitur malesuada dignissim elit. Cras ornare hendrerit magna. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Mauris aliquet. Curabitur iaculis justo eget mauris. Nullam sapien purus, accumsan sed, egestas quis, commodo ac, ipsum. Praesent nec mi. Vivamus in mauris. Aliquam porta placerat nunc. Ut ut purus. Quisque nec nisi sit amet leo pellentesque molestie. Aliquam sodales justo in arcu vestibulum gravida. Morbi ullamcorper nulla sit amet libero. It's a bit cheap, but it works.

    Unfortunately, sometimes tauris quis odio non lectus dignissim elementum. Donec at nulla id justo tempor bibendum. Nunc malesuada rutrum ipsum. Vestibulum vel augue. Morbi libero orci, aliquet sed, sagittis ac, rhoncus sed, felis. Proin varius urna nec lacus. Ut facilisis. Nulla sed odio. Aliquam tempus. Maecenas pede. Fusce facilisis tincidunt ante, but good luck anyway.

  5. #5
    la vache fantôme phantomcow2's Avatar
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    ALright, I did it. I added a Vonnegut quote and made a comparison. I rambled on so much, but that seems to be what he asked for. He said "I just want you guys to fill a page".
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  6. #6
    fart knocker Oleanshoebox's Avatar
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    Outlining is the key. If you can come up with a thesis, three supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion you should have no trouble filling the page. I know it seems retardedly simple but I got an A on virtually every paper I wrote in college thanks to the crap we all learned in 7th grade.

  7. #7
    almost kosher
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    yes, listen to oleanshoebox. i went to art school. don't listen to me. i didn't have to write many papers, but i can draw dammit.

  8. #8
    automobile gravitron BLIMP's Avatar
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    The shoebox knows.

    If you can't expand your thoughts on a subject in such a limited form as words, shouldn't you be more worried about finding your lost marbles than filling a sheet of paper? If it's really frustrating you, do all the obvious things if you haven't already. Get rid of any contractions. They're crap in proper writing. Then look at the phrasing where YOU are saying something, not regurgitating what you've read. Is there a way to more articulately construct your thoughts? There's a specificity in being spartan, but you can lose a lot of implied meaning (or worse still, be misinterpreted!) by not expounding upon an idea.

  9. #9
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Do you ever just do a whole homework assignment on your own?
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  10. #10
    automobile gravitron BLIMP's Avatar
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    The last time I tried that I filled the margins of my calc book with "i is a number. i is not a number. i is a number. i is not a number. i is a number. i is not a number. i is a number. i is not a number. i is a number. i is not a number. i is a number. i is not a number. i is a number. i is not a number. i is a number. i is not a number."

  11. #11
    pj7
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    End your essay with this quote:
    "and that's why I agree with him very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very much".
    ... extend the use of "very" as needed.
    I am a sig Virus. Please put me in your sig so that I can continue to replicate.

  12. #12
    riding once again jschen's Avatar
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    How about adding enough substance of significance to the essay topic to reach the required length, but cutting out the less important stuff so as not to go over? I would assume that's why he institutes a strict length, to force you to think about what you're saying.
    If you notice this notice then you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.

  13. #13
    automobile gravitron BLIMP's Avatar
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    Bingo. I had a professor that only assigned 1 page papers a couple years ago with the exception of the final which was a 25 page minimum. "Write a paper on the significance of Clausewitz's theory during the transition to the modern age."

    I wanted to stab his other eye out at times. One of the best teachers I've ever met.

  14. #14
    la vache fantôme phantomcow2's Avatar
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    Well, I did think about what I'm saying. My concern is that it may appear to be off topic, which it is...directly. I wrote 1/3 of the page about a theory I've had that this story reinforced.
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  15. #15
    automobile gravitron BLIMP's Avatar
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    Nothing wrong with that, at least as far as what you've told us about the assignment goes. Still, I'd be willing to bet that even a kid from n'amp'sha can figure this little puzzle out.

  16. #16
    riding once again jschen's Avatar
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    Reminds me of my task tonight... write a one paragraph (250 word limit) abstract on a research proposal. Obviously, you want to say as much of significance as possible, but you can't go over the word limit. I can easily write a good abstract in 100 words or less, but that wouldn't take full advantage of the room we get. I have a 20 page proposal ready to go, but that's way past the word limit. Start out with a concise essay. Flesh out sections that can best use it until you hit the right length. Do the job right rather than starting off on topic and ending up rambling.
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  17. #17
    No Rocket Surgeon eubi's Avatar
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    A wise mentor one told me this format for business letters:

    Tell 'em what you're going to tell 'em.

    Tell 'em.

    Tell 'em what you told 'em.
    Fewer Cars, more handlebars!

  18. #18
    automobile gravitron BLIMP's Avatar
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    Perhaps a cross-reference to the introverted thread where I hate repeating myself is appropriate to justify how much I loathe business correspondence?

  19. #19
    Wood Licker Maelstrom's Avatar
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    double spaced, big font, large words?

    Just joking, I don;t know, I was an essay king. It was the only way I could pass classes that required lectures...i DESPISE speaking in front of people.

  20. #20
    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    Also, you could, like, add in, like, lots and lots of extra, like, superfluous words and the longest synonyms you can find, and stuff.

    Like.

  21. #21
    Behold my avatar: dgodave's Avatar
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    More EXAMPLES that back up your thesis. Use 4 examples instead of 2. Explain exactly HOW the examples support your point.
    .
    .

  22. #22
    Senior Member StrangeWill's Avatar
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    Format>Paragraph>Double/Triple/Quadruple spacing.

  23. #23
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    Up your font by 1 point? (I've shrunk the font by one if I had to summarize and stay on one page for a 10 page term and concept heavy Psych article )
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


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  24. #24
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    Depending on the essay, I use quotes from sources (making sure to cite it and stick it in the Works Cited page), the longer (and still relevant) the better.

  25. #25
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe View Post
    Up your font by 1 point? (I've shrunk the font by one if I had to summarize and stay on one page for a 10 page term and concept heavy Psych article )
    LOL....I had to do a 20 pager in college once and when I was done with it the thing was about 28 pages. I was having a helluva hard time shrinking it down to 20 pages.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

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