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Old 09-18-07, 05:32 PM   #1
timmyquest
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12 steps to a successful dinner

  • Step 1. Boil water.
  • Step 2. Place spinach fettuccine in water
  • Step 3. Warm dash of olive oil in frying pan on medium heat
  • Step 4. Dice two cloves garlic, insert into hot oil
  • Step 5. Dash of garlic salt
  • Step 6. Insert large handful of spinach
  • Step 7. cook...scratch ass
  • Step 8. Insert a dash of cream, and parmesan cheese
  • Step 9. Splash a small amount of juice from olive can into frying pan
  • Step 10. reduce heat, simmer
  • Step 11. rinse pasta, put on plate, cover with spinach
  • Step 12. Enjoy dinner alone, wish you had a girlfriend to dazzle in the kitchen
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Old 09-18-07, 05:35 PM   #2
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7.5 Wash hands before touching any more food.
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Old 09-18-07, 05:42 PM   #3
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A hint on Step 9, because this does sound really good... Don't use canned olives because they taste metallic, so does the brine. When you reduce it, or use it to deglaze a pan, that flavour concentrates in the sauce. Try using a cerignola brine from the olive bar at your local grocery, or if you want a bit more tartness, try a kalamata brine.

Try this for an appetizer or side:

Angle cut a french baguette
Brush slices lightly with olive oil
Sprinkle with garlic pepper mix and red pepper flakes
Top with green olive tapenade, a slice of sun dried tomato, and shaved parmesan cheese

Pop 'em under the broiler until the cheese starts getting golden brown.
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Old 09-18-07, 05:44 PM   #4
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kill stuff, add fire, eat.
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Old 09-18-07, 05:52 PM   #5
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^^ EDIT: Kill stuff, give to my mom with all her carefully collected game recipes to cook, then eat.
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Old 09-18-07, 06:15 PM   #6
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It would be even better if you crisped some white or fatty meat in the oil first (like diced chicken or pork, prosciutto, bacon, etc). Then separate the oil from the meat -keeping the oil in the pan- and make a simple rue by adding some flour to the oil and frying it a bit longer while stirring.

Even if you only use a tiny amount of meat and flour it will greatly increase the richness and flavor of your cream based dish.
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Old 09-18-07, 06:17 PM   #7
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I'm gonna go make some organic popcorn, fried up in the pan with hot sauce and olive oil.
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Old 09-18-07, 06:24 PM   #8
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Girlfriend will come in time. In the meantime you don't have to share that awesome meal with anyone ... yah I know that probably didn't help. OK, here goes another try: Any girl would be lucky to get a guy who can cook like that ... and that's a fact, Jack! OK, still not very good. How about simply: Enjoy your meal
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Old 09-18-07, 06:28 PM   #9
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Mmmm spinach. That definitely sounds dazzling!
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Old 09-18-07, 07:00 PM   #10
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I respect your cooking skills. My steps for a successful dinner are either:

1: Drive to Kerbey Lane or Magnolia Cafe.
2: Order.
3: Eat.
4: Pay bill with credit card.

or:

1: Peel open frozen dinner.
2: Add olive oil or Smart Balance.
3: Stick in microwave.
4: Eat.
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Old 09-18-07, 08:04 PM   #11
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Hey man, i gave you the steps, if you follow them or not is up to you.
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Old 09-18-07, 08:22 PM   #12
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I'm glad our final step is the same.

I
cooked seabass in a pan with a dash of olive oil
chopped veggies (carrots, onion, green beans)
sauteed veggies (covered) with a dash of teryaki, some white rice wine, red pepper flakes, and sea salt.
set water with finely chopped ginger to boil for rice
turned veggies down to simmer, laid the bass on top, recovered
cooked rice
served as a bed of rice with veggies under/over the fillet


If skills in the kitchen were dates... I'd have had at least 5 solid ones in my lifetime.

Oh, I shouldn't forget to mention how well this meal was complemented by PBR.
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Old 09-18-07, 08:40 PM   #13
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step 1 buy twelve pack and bag of chips
steps 2 -12 are pretty damn self explanatory
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 09-18-07, 08:48 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timmyquest View Post
  • Step 1. Boil water.
  • Step 2. Place spinach fettuccine in water
  • Step 3. Warm dash of olive oil in frying pan on medium heat
  • Step 4. Dice two cloves garlic, insert into hot oil
  • Step 5. Dash of garlic salt
  • Step 6. Insert large handful of spinach
  • Step 7. cook...scratch ass
  • Step 8. Insert a dash of cream, and parmesan cheese (in ass)
  • Step 9. Splash a small amount of juice from olive can into frying pan
  • Step 10. reduce heat, simmer
  • Step 11. rinse pasta, put on plate, cover with spinach
  • Step 12. Enjoy dinner alone, wish you had a girlfriend to dazzle in the kitchen
haw haw
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Old 09-18-07, 08:49 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BLIMP View Post
I'm glad our final step is the same.

I
cooked seabass in a pan with a dash of olive oil
chopped veggies (carrots, onion, green beans)
sauteed veggies (covered) with a dash of teryaki, some white rice wine, red pepper flakes, and sea salt.
set water with finely chopped ginger to boil for rice
turned veggies down to simmer, laid the bass on top, recovered
cooked rice
served as a bed of rice with veggies under/over the fillet


If skills in the kitchen were dates... I'd have had at least 5 solid ones in my lifetime.

Oh, I shouldn't forget to mention how well this meal was complemented by PBR.
Oh yum. I think a glass of wine would work better though.
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Old 09-18-07, 09:20 PM   #16
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It has yet to occur to me to buy wine for myself. This was the result of me going out to buy a piece of fish because I realized I needed some protein in my dinner.

Last edited by BLIMP; 09-18-07 at 09:26 PM.
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Old 09-18-07, 09:34 PM   #17
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It has yet to occur to me to buy wine for myself. This was the result of me going out to buy a piece of fish because I realized I needed some protein in my dinner.
Be careful when it does finally occur to you. That stuff goes down way too easily
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Old 09-19-07, 06:28 AM   #18
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Since were cooking, here is a super easy pesto recipe:

1 cup fresh basil (thats 2 of those plastic boxes if you get the organic stuff)
1/3 cup olive oil
2 Tbsp grated Parmesan Cheese
1 Tbsp white wine vinegar
2 tsp dijon mustard
1 clove of garlic, chopped.

Put all this in a blender or food processor until the basil is in tiny little bits.

Its really good on toast, as a sandwich spread, salad dressing, on pasta, in sauce. All kinds of options.
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Old 09-19-07, 06:35 AM   #19
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I'm gonna go make some organic popcorn, fried up in the pan with hot sauce and olive oil.
That sounds like orgasmic popcorn.
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Old 09-19-07, 06:44 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by Hobartlemagne View Post
Since were cooking, here is a super easy pesto recipe:

1 cup fresh basil (thats 2 of those plastic boxes if you get the organic stuff)
1/3 cup olive oil
2 Tbsp grated Parmesan Cheese
1 Tbsp white wine vinegar
2 tsp dijon mustard
1 clove of garlic, chopped.

Put all this in a blender or food processor until the basil is in tiny little bits.

Its really good on toast, as a sandwich spread, salad dressing, on pasta, in sauce. All kinds of options.
Ahh thank you. I've been looking to make pesto from my basil plants.
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Old 09-19-07, 07:00 AM   #21
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That sounds like orgasmic popcorn.
It has enough grease to double up as a lubricant.
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Old 09-19-07, 07:03 AM   #22
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Ahh thank you. I've been looking to make pesto from my basil plants.
I like basil so much I had to get my own plants!
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Old 09-19-07, 07:08 AM   #23
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lets see:

Step 1: Find unsuspecting buck about 75 yrds away
Step 2: Draw aim and release safety
Step 3: Double check to make sure its safe to fire
Step 4: fire
Step 5: feild dress
Step 6: Carry deer out of woods
Step 7: butcher and freeze
Step 8: take tenderloins and marinate over night (any good marinade will do)
Step 9: Heat oven
Step 10: place tenderloins in roasting pan and add merlot to the pan and some button mushrooms
Step 11: cook some veggies to go with it.
Step 12: Sit down to a nice venison roast with merlot and mushroom gravy and thank God don't have a girlfreind yapping at you about killing Bambi.
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Old 09-19-07, 07:09 AM   #24
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I've had this Indian cook book for ages and finally got around to buying all the spices I need to make some of the dishes. Once you get past finding the obscure spices you've never heard of, the dishes are all really simple and really good. Usually you just heat some oil in a frying pan, throw some spices in, throw in the veggies and you're done.
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Old 09-19-07, 07:27 AM   #25
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I like basil so much I had to get my own plants!
I like Basil too.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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