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Old 09-19-07, 06:22 AM   #1
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Tis time for a bad pirate jokes thread

I'll be the first matey to get started:

What be a Pirates favorite letter? -- Answer after picture




A Letter of Marque!

(didn't see that one coming, did you)
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Old 09-19-07, 07:56 AM   #2
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Pirates do not rent videos. They download them illegally. They call it booty legging!
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 09-19-07, 07:58 AM   #3
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What do pirates study in school?

ARRRRRRRRT
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Old 09-19-07, 07:58 AM   #4
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i've got a good one.....but it requires a web cam. i'll see if i can find a jpeg that will work.
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Old 09-19-07, 08:01 AM   #5
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i've got a good one.....but it requires a web cam. i'll see if i can find a jpeg that will work.

*shiver*...me timber
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Old 09-19-07, 08:01 AM   #6
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A pirate walks into a bar, with a Ships wheel attached firmly to his crotch.

The bar tender asks, "Hey, why do you have that wheel attached to your crotch?"
The pirate replies "Arrrr, it be drivin me nuts"
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Old 09-19-07, 08:05 AM   #7
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A punk rocker with a rainbow mohawk walks into a bar and sits down next to a pirate.

The pirate stares at the punk constanlty.

Finally the punk asks the pirate why he is staring.

The pirate replies "Arrrrrr, long ago, after one too many pannikans of grog, I bedded me mates parrot. I was just thinking that ye could be me son"
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 09-19-07, 08:46 AM   #8
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a pirate rows ashore to go to a pet shop.

pirate says; "aye there matey. i'd like to buy me a new buddy. me old one done died."

pet shop clerk say; "we just happen to have a parrot in. it's a little shy. but it'll start talking soon enough."

pirate; "that'll do matey."

the pirate buys the bird, puts it on his shoulder and rows back out to his ship.

later that day, the pirate tries to feed the bird; "aye there me 1st mate, ye want a *******?"

parrot says; "%$@k you 1- eye!"

pirate; "ahoy there matey. me lost that eye many year ago when me raided a spanish galleon. don't ye be pokin' fun at me."

next day, pirate tries to feed the bird again; "does me 1st mate want a *******?"

parrot says; "%$@k you 1- eye!"

pirate; "now ah warned ye there matey. don't be pokin fun at me eye else i'll cut yer tongue out and feed it to the fishies."

parrot says; "%$@k you 1- eye!"

pirate: "all righty there ye skallywag. i warned ye."

the pirate cuts the parrot's tongue off with his sword and throws it in the ocean; "i told ye i'd cut yer tongue out. whaddya got to say there now matey?"


parrot looks at the pirate and goes.................
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Old 09-19-07, 08:50 AM   #9
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untitled.bmp
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Old 09-19-07, 09:21 AM   #10
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Take some time out today and listen to some pirate rap

Yes, PIRATE RAP

http://www.myspace.com/captaindan
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Old 09-19-07, 09:21 AM   #11
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What's a pirate's favorite car part?

A cARRRRRbARRRRRatARRRRRRRR!!
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Old 09-19-07, 09:24 AM   #12
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Take some time out today and listen to some pirate rap

Aye, PIRATE RAP

http://www.myspace.com/captaindan
Fixed
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Old 09-19-07, 09:26 AM   #13
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Take some time out today and listen to some pirate rap

Yes, PIRATE RAP

http://www.myspace.com/captaindan
Arrrr matey, there be nothing better than some 'dope' beats while pillaging

This Jolly Roger
Thats how we do
This Jolly Roger
Will cut thru you
This Jolly Roger
Will cut you thru
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Old 09-19-07, 11:07 AM   #14
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From an old Dave Barry column...

To prepare for Talk Like a Pirate Day, you should practice incorporating pirate terminology into your everyday speech. For example, let's consider a typical conversation between two co-workers in a business office:

BOB: Hi. Mary.

MARY: Hi, Bob. Have you had a chance to look at the Fennerman contract?

BOB: Yes, and I have some suggestions.

MARY: OK, I'll review them.

Now let's see how this same conversation would sound on Talk Like a Pirate Day:

BOB: Avast, me beauty.

MARY: Avast, Bob. Is that a yardarm in your doubloons, or are you just glad to see me?

BOB: You are giving me the desire to haul some keel.

MARY: Arrrrr.
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Old 09-19-07, 11:08 AM   #15
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A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns telling about their adventures on the seas. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook and an eye patch.

The sailor asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies: "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the sailor. "What about the hook?"

"Well," replied the pirate, "we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" said the sailor. "And how did you get the eye patch?"

"A seagull-dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull-dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well," said the pirate,"it was my first day with the hook..."
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Old 09-19-07, 11:09 AM   #16
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Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ''Bring me my Red Shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.

Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, ''Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied, ''If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.''

All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply.

Captain Bravo calmly shouted, ''Get me my brown pants.''
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Old 09-19-07, 11:15 AM   #17
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Yarrrr!

To Catch a Pirate http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtorXg6lpA8
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Old 09-19-07, 12:25 PM   #18
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AAAHHHHRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!

Pirate Sex in the City! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Oo4yUslavo&NR=1
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Old 09-19-07, 12:29 PM   #19
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What is a pirate's favourite food?


AARRRRRRRRbys
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Old 09-19-07, 12:30 PM   #20
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What's a pirate's favorite type of music?

Opera

???

They love the aRRRRRRRias.



sorry.
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Old 09-19-07, 12:35 PM   #21
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What does a vegan pirate do in jail?


Starrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve!
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Old 09-19-07, 01:40 PM   #22
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What's up a priates ass?

TARRRRRDs

You can pretty much make a pirate joke about anything really.
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Old 09-19-07, 02:16 PM   #23
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GUYS! GUYS! I HAVE ONE!

So I'm walking to class this morning, and I squint across the quad. I see... no... can't be... yeah, I guess it is. A freaking pirate is walking towards me on the sidewalk. I notice he has a steering wheel sticking up out of the front of his pants. I ponder what this could possibly be for, but come up with nothing, so when he gets close I ask him, "Hey. Why do you have a steering wheel down your pants? That doesn't look comfortable." He replies, "ARRRRRGH! IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!"
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Old 09-19-07, 02:24 PM   #24
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GUYS! GUYS! I HAVE ONE!

So I'm walking to class this morning, and I squint across the quad. I see... no... can't be... yeah, I guess it is. A freaking pirate is walking towards me on the sidewalk. I notice he has a steering wheel sticking up out of the front of his pants. I ponder what this could possibly be for, but come up with nothing, so when he gets close I ask him, "Hey. Why do you have a steering wheel down your pants? That doesn't look comfortable." He replies, "ARRRRRGH! IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!"
You my friend are too late to the party. But i will say i like how you got here better.
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Old 09-19-07, 02:28 PM   #25
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why couldn't the eight year old get into the pirate movie?
It was rated Arrrr
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