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  1. #1
    ****** squegeeboo's Avatar
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    Tis time for a bad pirate jokes thread

    I'll be the first matey to get started:

    What be a Pirates favorite letter? -- Answer after picture




    A Letter of Marque!

    (didn't see that one coming, did you)
    In the words of Einstein
    "And now I think I'll take a bath"

  2. #2
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Pirates do not rent videos. They download them illegally. They call it booty legging!
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  3. #3
    Banned. timmyquest's Avatar
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    What do pirates study in school?

    ARRRRRRRRT

  4. #4
    the actual el guapo atomship47's Avatar
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    i've got a good one.....but it requires a web cam. i'll see if i can find a jpeg that will work.
    Compatibility:

    Your exact opposite is the Televangelist.

    Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Capitalist Pig, the Smartass, and the Sociopath.

  5. #5
    Banned. timmyquest's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomship47 View Post
    i've got a good one.....but it requires a web cam. i'll see if i can find a jpeg that will work.

    *shiver*...me timber

  6. #6
    ****** squegeeboo's Avatar
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    A pirate walks into a bar, with a Ships wheel attached firmly to his crotch.

    The bar tender asks, "Hey, why do you have that wheel attached to your crotch?"
    The pirate replies "Arrrr, it be drivin me nuts"
    In the words of Einstein
    "And now I think I'll take a bath"

  7. #7
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    A punk rocker with a rainbow mohawk walks into a bar and sits down next to a pirate.

    The pirate stares at the punk constanlty.

    Finally the punk asks the pirate why he is staring.

    The pirate replies "Arrrrrr, long ago, after one too many pannikans of grog, I bedded me mates parrot. I was just thinking that ye could be me son"
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  8. #8
    the actual el guapo atomship47's Avatar
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    a pirate rows ashore to go to a pet shop.

    pirate says; "aye there matey. i'd like to buy me a new buddy. me old one done died."

    pet shop clerk say; "we just happen to have a parrot in. it's a little shy. but it'll start talking soon enough."

    pirate; "that'll do matey."

    the pirate buys the bird, puts it on his shoulder and rows back out to his ship.

    later that day, the pirate tries to feed the bird; "aye there me 1st mate, ye want a *******?"

    parrot says; "%$@k you 1- eye!"

    pirate; "ahoy there matey. me lost that eye many year ago when me raided a spanish galleon. don't ye be pokin' fun at me."

    next day, pirate tries to feed the bird again; "does me 1st mate want a *******?"

    parrot says; "%$@k you 1- eye!"

    pirate; "now ah warned ye there matey. don't be pokin fun at me eye else i'll cut yer tongue out and feed it to the fishies."

    parrot says; "%$@k you 1- eye!"

    pirate: "all righty there ye skallywag. i warned ye."

    the pirate cuts the parrot's tongue off with his sword and throws it in the ocean; "i told ye i'd cut yer tongue out. whaddya got to say there now matey?"


    parrot looks at the pirate and goes.................
    Compatibility:

    Your exact opposite is the Televangelist.

    Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Capitalist Pig, the Smartass, and the Sociopath.

  9. #9
    the actual el guapo atomship47's Avatar
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    Compatibility:

    Your exact opposite is the Televangelist.

    Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Capitalist Pig, the Smartass, and the Sociopath.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Crono's Avatar
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    Take some time out today and listen to some pirate rap

    Yes, PIRATE RAP

    http://www.myspace.com/captaindan

  11. #11
    Chairman of the Bored catatonic's Avatar
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    What's a pirate's favorite car part?

    A cARRRRRbARRRRRatARRRRRRRR!!
    -------- __@
    ----- _`\<,_
    ---- (*)/ (*)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Ring Ring, Ring Ring, the bell went Ring Ring Ring.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Crono's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crono View Post
    Take some time out today and listen to some pirate rap

    Aye, PIRATE RAP

    http://www.myspace.com/captaindan
    Fixed

  13. #13
    ****** squegeeboo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crono View Post
    Take some time out today and listen to some pirate rap

    Yes, PIRATE RAP

    http://www.myspace.com/captaindan
    Arrrr matey, there be nothing better than some 'dope' beats while pillaging

    This Jolly Roger
    Thats how we do
    This Jolly Roger
    Will cut thru you
    This Jolly Roger
    Will cut you thru
    In the words of Einstein
    "And now I think I'll take a bath"

  14. #14
    Senior Member deraltekluge's Avatar
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    From an old Dave Barry column...

    To prepare for Talk Like a Pirate Day, you should practice incorporating pirate terminology into your everyday speech. For example, let's consider a typical conversation between two co-workers in a business office:

    BOB: Hi. Mary.

    MARY: Hi, Bob. Have you had a chance to look at the Fennerman contract?

    BOB: Yes, and I have some suggestions.

    MARY: OK, I'll review them.

    Now let's see how this same conversation would sound on Talk Like a Pirate Day:

    BOB: Avast, me beauty.

    MARY: Avast, Bob. Is that a yardarm in your doubloons, or are you just glad to see me?

    BOB: You are giving me the desire to haul some keel.

    MARY: Arrrrr.

  15. #15
    Senior Member deraltekluge's Avatar
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    A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns telling about their adventures on the seas. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook and an eye patch.

    The sailor asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

    The pirate replies: "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

    "Wow!" said the sailor. "What about the hook?"

    "Well," replied the pirate, "we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

    "Incredible!" said the sailor. "And how did you get the eye patch?"

    "A seagull-dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

    "You lost your eye to a seagull-dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

    "Well," said the pirate,"it was my first day with the hook..."

  16. #16
    Senior Member deraltekluge's Avatar
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    Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ''Bring me my Red Shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.

    Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, ''Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied, ''If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.''

    All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply.

    Captain Bravo calmly shouted, ''Get me my brown pants.''

  17. #17
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
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    Yarrrr!

    To Catch a Pirate http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtorXg6lpA8

  18. #18
    Squirrelly Member trsidn's Avatar
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    AAAHHHHRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!

    Pirate Sex in the City! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Oo4yUslavo&NR=1
    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    Yet more proof that I'm.. well, pretty much right about everything.

  19. #19
    Giving you the business. Cypress's Avatar
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    What is a pirate's favourite food?


    AARRRRRRRRbys
    Quote Originally Posted by Moderator
    Dear Cypress,

    You have received an infraction at Bike Forums.

  20. #20
    Seņor Member USAZorro's Avatar
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    What's a pirate's favorite type of music?

    Opera

    ???

    They love the aRRRRRRRias.



    sorry.
    The search for inner peace continues...

  21. #21
    Squirrelly Member trsidn's Avatar
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    What does a vegan pirate do in jail?


    Starrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve!
    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    Yet more proof that I'm.. well, pretty much right about everything.

  22. #22
    Banned. timmyquest's Avatar
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    What's up a priates ass?

    TARRRRRDs

    You can pretty much make a pirate joke about anything really.

  23. #23
    I play in the street. nobrainer440's Avatar
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    GUYS! GUYS! I HAVE ONE!

    So I'm walking to class this morning, and I squint across the quad. I see... no... can't be... yeah, I guess it is. A freaking pirate is walking towards me on the sidewalk. I notice he has a steering wheel sticking up out of the front of his pants. I ponder what this could possibly be for, but come up with nothing, so when he gets close I ask him, "Hey. Why do you have a steering wheel down your pants? That doesn't look comfortable." He replies, "ARRRRRGH! IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!"

  24. #24
    Banned. timmyquest's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nobrainer440 View Post
    GUYS! GUYS! I HAVE ONE!

    So I'm walking to class this morning, and I squint across the quad. I see... no... can't be... yeah, I guess it is. A freaking pirate is walking towards me on the sidewalk. I notice he has a steering wheel sticking up out of the front of his pants. I ponder what this could possibly be for, but come up with nothing, so when he gets close I ask him, "Hey. Why do you have a steering wheel down your pants? That doesn't look comfortable." He replies, "ARRRRRGH! IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!"
    You my friend are too late to the party. But i will say i like how you got here better.

  25. #25
    coffeeeeee p4nh4ndle's Avatar
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    why couldn't the eight year old get into the pirate movie?
    It was rated Arrrr

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