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Old 09-22-07, 09:14 PM   #1
Joe Dog
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"Do you have a family?"

My wife and I have decided to not have children. It is a personal choice and one that we both feel good about. The only problem is the inevitable question "do you have a family?".

Of course I have a freaking family!! I was born. I was raised by my mother and father, grew up with a brother and two sisters, then I got married, so now I have that family, plus a whole bunch of in-laws to boot. But what people mean when they ask "do you have a family?" is actually "do you have children?". This always comes from new acquaintences (new clients, new employees, etc.) and anything I say at that point seems make the situation awkward.

I certainly don't have any regrets about our decision and don't hold anything against those that have chosen to have kids, but I could really use some suggetions on how to answer this question without throwing a wrench in the conversation.

Suggestions?
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Old 09-22-07, 09:17 PM   #2
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Lie.

Say something like "you're not ready" or something like that.
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Old 09-22-07, 09:18 PM   #3
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Good suggestion, but I am 42 years old.
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Old 09-22-07, 09:21 PM   #4
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"Yes, I do. But we decided to not contribute to the world population explosion."
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 09-22-07, 09:22 PM   #5
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"No, I'm not a breeder."
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Old 09-22-07, 09:24 PM   #6
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"Yes, I do. But we decided to not contribute to the world population explosion."
That's close to what I usually say. It usually comes out something like "yes, but no children". Then you get a puzzled look and then embarrasment when they decide it might be a plumbing problem or something .
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Old 09-22-07, 09:26 PM   #7
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"I'm firing blanks, since you reeeaally wanted to know." *snicker!*
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 09-22-07, 09:27 PM   #8
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No, I had an accident on my bike when I was a kid. After the re-constructive surgery I was told having children was not an option.
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Old 09-22-07, 09:28 PM   #9
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"okay I must confess. We both have innies."
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 09-22-07, 09:29 PM   #10
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"okay I must confess. We both have innies."
Dreams really do come true.

Errr I mean....

GROSS!!!
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Old 09-22-07, 09:29 PM   #11
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"You want the truth? You cant handle the truth"

and optionally

"Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.
We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"
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Old 09-22-07, 09:31 PM   #12
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Why even worry about it? No kids here either Been married 30 years now too.
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Old 09-22-07, 09:31 PM   #13
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"We traded the kids for these really cool bikes!"

Dang, I'm on a roll!
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 09-22-07, 09:32 PM   #14
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Why even worry about it? No kids here either Been married 30 years now too.
*knock knock*

Excuuuuse me? *feeling like chopped liver*
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 09-22-07, 09:33 PM   #15
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I was conceived as a test tube baby. I wouldn't want to out another human being through that.
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Old 09-22-07, 09:34 PM   #16
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*knock knock*

Excuuuuse me? *feeling like chopped liver*
I don't mean Foo daughters....

In this case I'm referring to biological daughters You'll always be my Foo daughter, Siu!

( Besides, Foo daughters are daughters that were chosen rather than a biological accident )
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Old 09-22-07, 09:34 PM   #17
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Why even worry about it? No kids here either Been married 30 years now too.
I deal with people. I am a senior manager in a professional service consulting firm. I greet clients, welcome new employees, and generally am the "face of the company". When you meet a new person, they naturally tend to look for things you have in common to help bond. Children are great for that - "want to see a picture of my little precious? Sure, then I will show you mine...".

It's not that I am worried about it. I just need some social lubricant and redirect here...
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Old 09-22-07, 09:36 PM   #18
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Turn it over to them.

Them: Do you have any kids?

You: Nope. Do you?

Them: Yeah I have ____ kids.

You: How old are they?


I mean, that's what the question is all about isn't it? Just filler for an inevitably bland conversation?
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Old 09-22-07, 09:37 PM   #19
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I usually use the line, "Hey, if you have to fail at something, that's more fun than most", if I want a humorous response.

If they are irrritating me about it, I get a bit more pithy.
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I deal with people. I am a senior manager in a professional service consulting firm. I greet clients, welcome new employees, and generally am the "face of the company". When you meet a new person, they naturally tend to look for things you have in common to help bond. Children are great for that - "want to see a picture of my little precious? Sure, then I will show you mine...".

It's not that I am worried about it. I just need some social lubricant and redirect here...
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Old 09-22-07, 09:41 PM   #20
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Turn it over to them.

Them: Do you have any kids?

You: Nope. Do you?

Them: Yeah I have ____ kids.

You: How old are they?


I mean, that's what the question is all about isn't it? Just filler for an inevitably bland conversation?
God damn!! He has a point..
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Old 09-22-07, 09:44 PM   #21
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If they are irrritating me about it, I get a bit more pithy.
I can get pithy, too. Some of my spicier responses include:

"No - I sprang from the earth when Thor dropped his hammer."

or my favorite...

"I don't think so."
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Old 09-22-07, 09:52 PM   #22
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I don't mean Foo daughters....

In this case I'm referring to biological daughters You'll always be my Foo daughter, Siu!

( Besides, Foo daughters are daughters that were chosen rather than a biological accident )

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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 09-22-07, 09:53 PM   #23
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I can get pithy, too. Some of my spicier responses include:

"No - I sprang from the earth when Thor dropped his hammer."

or my favorite...

"I don't think so."
"Oh no. Who are you, how old are you and what's your mother's name? "
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 09-22-07, 09:57 PM   #24
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I can get pithy, too. Some of my spicier responses include:

"No - I sprang from the earth when Thor dropped his hammer."

or my favorite...

"I don't think so."
you mean droped his hamer right?
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Old 09-22-07, 10:26 PM   #25
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"Do you have a family?"

In a very emotionless, monotone voice, and with unblinking eyes, slowly reply: "Yes, they're in the freezer, right next to those two hitch hikers I picked up last month."

I doubt they'll ask any more questions.

Or you could just go with the answer from The Cypress.
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