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View Poll Results: What's this guy on?

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  • smoking old bandaids

    1 8.33%
  • permanent marker sniffing

    3 25.00%
  • tubular rim glue fumes

    1 8.33%
  • Courtney Love's new perfume.

    7 58.33%
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  1. #1
    DocRay
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    Poll: What's this guy on?

    From craiglist, best of,

    http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpa/409930561.html

    Date: 2007-08-30, 2:03PM EDT


    Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

    Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

    I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

    Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

    When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

    This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

    There can be only one.

    Last edited by DocRay; 10-05-07 at 10:55 AM.

  2. #2
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    Only rarely am I jealous of other people's genius.

  3. #3
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DocRay View Post
    What's this guy on?
    A sense of humor.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  4. #4
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
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    hahahahahahh --- he belongs with the group I passed in the Mall a while ago (inner city - so there's a lot of homeless kinda people who hang there) ---- woman who walks with babydoll - and treats it like a baby, i.e. has a baby stroller and carries a bag with baby products in it - this morning the babydoll was propped up on the table with a bottle, and the deaf man who talks to himself, yep with sign language. He had an arguement with himself the other day as he stood in front of a mirror.

  5. #5
    Seņor Member USAZorro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    A sense of humor.
    +1

    That would explain the OP's befuddlement too
    The search for inner peace continues...

  6. #6
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    the treasures you can find in the "best of" craigslist

  7. #7
    That darn Yankee TexasGuy's Avatar
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    OMFG that is the ****ing best and funniest thing I have heard in a long time.
    I loved the part about sending the winner of the package back with a post note saying "use this one for breeding"

    Life is about hanging onto what you think is important and finding out what really is important.
    "Stop Ruining my joke!", "No, a joke implies humor attached at no additional cost"
    So many sayings, so little sig space.

  8. #8
    ****** squegeeboo's Avatar
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    This man is my hero. To think to do such a thing, is well, it's just, it's silliness to a brilliant level.
    In the words of Einstein
    "And now I think I'll take a bath"

  9. #9
    DocRay
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tude View Post
    hahahahahahh --- he belongs with the group I passed in the Mall a while ago (inner city - so there's a lot of homeless kinda people who hang there) ---- woman who walks with babydoll - and treats it like a baby, i.e. has a baby stroller and carries a bag with baby products in it - this morning the babydoll was propped up on the table with a bottle, and the deaf man who talks to himself, yep with sign language. He had an arguement with himself the other day as he stood in front of a mirror.
    you do realize you're laughing at the homeless and mentally ill?

  10. #10
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    This man is a genius!!!!!!!!! I used to try to crush M&M like that as well, but never held competions all the way to the end of a bag.
    Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  11. #11
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DocRay View Post
    you do realize you're laughing at the homeless and mentally ill?
    sorry ... that was meant more for M&M guy.

  12. #12
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DocRay View Post
    you do realize you're laughing at the homeless and mentally ill?
    You really need to work on this "sense of humor" thing, DocRay. The good news is that at least you've found the right place (Foo).


    Now...how about a link to his craigslist ad....we should contact him and get him to join us in Foo. He'd fit right in.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  13. #13
    (((Fully Awake))) Serendipper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tude View Post
    hahahahahahh --- he belongs with the group I passed in the Mall a while ago (inner city - so there's a lot of homeless kinda people who hang there) ---- woman who walks with babydoll - and treats it like a baby, i.e. has a baby stroller and carries a bag with baby products in it - this morning the babydoll was propped up on the table with a bottle, and the deaf man who talks to himself, yep with sign language. He had an arguement with himself the other day as he stood in front of a mirror.



  14. #14
    Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour ModoVincere's Avatar
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    That was great! This guy is truly onto something here....I don't know what it is, but I could certainly use some of it myself.
    1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold

  15. #15
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DocRay View Post
    you do realize you're laughing at the homeless and mentally ill?
    Nothing wrong with that Doc, I laugh at myself everyday.

    If you can't laugh at yourself, you don't deserve to laugh at others.

  16. #16
    Code Warrior mwrobe1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tude View Post
    hahahahahahh --- he belongs with the group I passed in the Mall a while ago (inner city - so there's a lot of homeless kinda people who hang there) ---- woman who walks with babydoll - and treats it like a baby, i.e. has a baby stroller and carries a bag with baby products in it - this morning the babydoll was propped up on the table with a bottle, and the deaf man who talks to himself, yep with sign language. He had an arguement with himself the other day as he stood in front of a mirror.
    You know...I know this is Foo and all, but to make fun out of that is just wrong dude. Nobody WANTS to be homeless/mentally ill.
    Elwood: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, 1/2 a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.

    Jake: Hit it.



  17. #17
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    Excuse me, I quite enjoy dementia.

  18. #18
    Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stacey View Post
    Excuse me, I quite enjoy dementia.
    I enjoy your dementia too, stacey
    1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold

  19. #19
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    I enjoy your.....er....what was I saying again?
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  20. #20
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    I enjoy your dementia too, stacey
    Thanks, that means a lot to me. I enjoy being appreciated.

  21. #21
    moving target c0urt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mwrobe1 View Post
    You know...I know this is Foo and all, but to make fun out of that is just wrong dude. Nobody WANTS to be homeless/mentally ill.

    actually i have come to accept my mental illness, i gets more time to ride my bike.
    and it is ok when i forget names during sex now
    how to tape your bars http://www.flickr.com/photos/89572419@N00/sets/72157629279270681/

  22. #22
    Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by c0urt View Post
    actually i have come to accept my mental illness, i gets more time to ride my bike.
    and it is ok when i forget names during sex now
    So...being a guy is now a mental illness?
    1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold

  23. #23
    DocRay
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    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    You really need to work on this "sense of humor" thing, DocRay. The good news is that at least you've found the right place (Foo).
    Laughing at homeless and mentally ill people is not humor. It's an aspect of American culture that doesn't really translate anywhere else. Elsewhere, it defines the term , "being a dick".

  24. #24
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DocRay View Post
    Laughing at homeless and mentally ill people is not humor. It's an aspect of American culture that doesn't really translate anywhere else. Elsewhere, it defines the term , "being a dick".
    I repeat myself....you really need to work on your "sense of humor".
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  25. #25
    Banned. timmyquest's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pino pomo View Post
    Only rarely am I jealous of other people's genius.
    +10000

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