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  1. #1
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Some more Darwin Awards

    I got these in an email, and don't necessarily see them (at least in this block all together) on the website, so I can't verify them. But, from an email.......


    Darwin Awards


    Eighth Place
    In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
    after squeezing head first through an 8-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.


    Seventh Place
    A 49 year old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

    Sixth Place
    Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, A resident of Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
    people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.


    Fifth Place
    Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , CA , as he fell face-first
    through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

    Fourth Place
    Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville , Del , as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

    Third Place
    The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington , DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
    1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A *** shop specializing in
    *******s.
    2. The shop was full of customers -- firearms customers.
    3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car
    parked at the front door.
    4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target ******. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and fired.
    The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

    HONORABLE MENTION
    Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter- stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

    RUNNER UP:
    TACOMA , WA .
    Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in he middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

    AND THE WINNER.
    Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground d where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... "those things happen."
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  2. #2
    That darn Yankee TexasGuy's Avatar
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    lmao @ 3rd place
    Life is about hanging onto what you think is important and finding out what really is important.
    "Stop Ruining my joke!", "No, a joke implies humor attached at no additional cost"
    So many sayings, so little sig space.

  3. #3
    ****** squegeeboo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    RUNNER UP:
    TACOMA , WA .
    Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in he middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
    That doesn't qualify for a Darwin Award, you need to be removed from the Gene pool. He had his foot torn off, not his 'johnson'. Also, I love that he thinks God was watching out for him. If God was really watching out, you think he would have stopped it before the jump. I posit, that instead, God was just watching, having a laugh, and decided to keep him around to see what he'd do next.
    In the words of Einstein
    "And now I think I'll take a bath"

  4. #4
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squegeeboo View Post
    That doesn't qualify for a Darwin Award, you need to be removed from the Gene pool. He had his foot torn off, not his 'johnson'.
    I agree....that was my first clue that they may not be legit.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  5. #5
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TexasGuy View Post
    lmao @ 3rd place
    I'm not sure, but I think I heard that may have been caught on video.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  6. #6
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squegeeboo View Post
    That doesn't qualify for a Darwin Award, you need to be removed from the Gene pool. He had his foot torn off, not his 'johnson'. Also, I love that he thinks God was watching out for him. If God was really watching out, you think he would have stopped it before the jump. I posit, that instead, God was just watching, having a laugh, and decided to keep him around to see what he'd do next.
    It was tucked in his sock.

  7. #7
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stacey View Post
    It was tucked in his sock.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  8. #8
    ****** squegeeboo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    I agree....that was my first clue that they may not be legit.
    I bet this is just some reporters own favorite list of injuries/stupid accidents and not the actual Darwin awards, either way, it's hilarious.
    In the words of Einstein
    "And now I think I'll take a bath"

  9. #9
    That darn Yankee TexasGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    I'm not sure, but I think I heard that may have been caught on video.
    OH snap that would be ****ing funny as heck to watch aside from being brutal and all .
    Life is about hanging onto what you think is important and finding out what really is important.
    "Stop Ruining my joke!", "No, a joke implies humor attached at no additional cost"
    So many sayings, so little sig space.

  10. #10
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squegeeboo View Post
    I bet this is just some reporters own favorite list of injuries/stupid accidents and not the actual Darwin awards, either way, it's hilarious.
    Likely......that runner up was what clued me to go look up on the DA website in the 1st place; hence my disclaimer.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  11. #11
    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    Third Place
    The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington , DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
    1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A *** shop specializing in
    *******s.
    2. The shop was full of customers -- firearms customers.
    3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car
    parked at the front door.
    4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target ******. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and fired.
    The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

    This poster should forevermore be dedicated to this unnamed person, may he rest in pieces.

    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it."
    Mr. Bingham, your god is a hilariously cruel god.

    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... "those things happen."
    Not quite the phrase I would use in those particular circumstances...

  12. #12
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    you don't need feet to walk on water, all part of God's plan.
    Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  13. #13
    ****** squegeeboo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    you don't need feet to walk on water, all part of God's plan.
    I don't know, I hear Jesus had a hell of a time with it after he got those holes in his.
    In the words of Einstein
    "And now I think I'll take a bath"

  14. #14
    Tail End Charlie Ritehsedad's Avatar
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    It doesn't really matter if they are real or not, because we all know they could be real.
    Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

  15. #15
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squegeeboo View Post
    I don't know, I hear Jesus had a hell of a time with it after he got those holes in his.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  16. #16
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    3rd place.

    I especially like the part where the cop pulls out a glock, and the *** store own has a desert eagle!!! ROFL. That was hilarious.

    Target ****** VS glock+desert eagle+innumerable other pistols

    Game over. Kkthxbai.

  17. #17
    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    I wonder if the *** Store Genius had a rocket-powered Impala as a getaway vehicle...

  18. #18
    Tail End Charlie Ritehsedad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pheard View Post
    3rd place.

    I especially like the part where the cop pulls out a glock, and the *** store own has a desert eagle!!! ROFL. That was hilarious.

    Target ****** VS glock+desert eagle+innumerable other pistols

    Game over. Kkthxbai.
    I remember years ago hearing on the radio about someone who tried to rob a butcher shop with a knife.

    He was stabbed to death.
    Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

  19. #19
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by x136 View Post
    I wonder if the *** Store Genius had a rocket-powered Impala as a getaway vehicle...
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by x136 View Post
    I wonder if the *** Store Genius had a rocket-powered Impala as a getaway vehicle...
    He was probably planning on stealing the police car.

    While the cops partner was still in it.

  21. #21
    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pheard View Post
    3rd place.

    I especially like the part where the cop pulls out a glock, and the *** store own has a desert eagle!!! ROFL. That was hilarious.

    Target ****** VS glock+desert eagle+innumerable other pistols

    Game over. Kkthxbai.
    I would have loved to see the looks on the faces of everyone in the shop.

    Guy walks into a *** store with a small ***. Normal enough. He yells, "This is a robbery!" Everyone else in the place looks at each other as if to say, "Is this guy ****ing serious?" The guy fires a few rounds into the ceiling to point out that yes, he is serious, and could someone add some new holes to his body please?

  22. #22
    Tail End Charlie Ritehsedad's Avatar
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    47 shots fired, 23 hit him. Sounds like a few people need a little target practice...
    Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

  23. #23
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritehsedad View Post
    47 shots fired, 23 hit him. Sounds like a few people need a little target practice...
    I was thinking that too.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  24. #24
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    Number 6 Kills more people than Shark attacks each year.

    Discovery channel wins!
    All truth, in the long run, is only common sense clarified.
    - Thomas Huxley

  25. #25
    Nothing here to see!!!!!! flyingscotsman's Avatar
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    They are fake but heres a true one.

    Coitus Interruptus
    2007 Darwin Award Nominee
    Confirmed True by Darwin
    "What goes up must come down."
    (20 June 2007, South Carolina) An hour before sunrise, a 21 year-old couple was found naked in the road by a passing cabbie. The unconscious, injured pair was taken to the nearest hospital where, despite treatment, they died without regaining consciousness. Authorities were at a loss to explain what had happened. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked cars or motorcycles.

    Investigators eventually found a clue high on the roof of a nearby building: two sets of neatly folded clothes, and nothing else. There was no indication of foul play, only of foreplay. "It appears as if the two individuals have accidentally fallen off the roof," Sgt. Florence McCants said.

    Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a pyramid-shaped metal roof! This is a true Darwin Award trifecta: TWO people die, WHILE in the act of procreation, due to an ASTONISHINGLY poor decision. Bottom line: If you put yourself in a precarious "position" at the edge of the roof, you may well find yourself coming and going at the same time.

    Ironically, one of the deceased was named, "Tumbleston."
    (Some reports list the name as "Tubleston.")

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