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Old 11-08-07, 02:28 PM   #1
KingTermite 
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Headlines From The Year: 2029

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.


Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.


Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.


Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.


Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).


Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.


France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.


Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.


George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.


Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.


85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the key to weight loss.


Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.


Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.


Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.


Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.


Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.


New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.


Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.


IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.


Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
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- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
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Old 11-08-07, 02:38 PM   #2
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Old 11-08-07, 02:40 PM   #3
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More like....

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Old 11-08-07, 02:41 PM   #4
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More like....

Wrong generation!
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Old 11-08-07, 02:42 PM   #5
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Afghanistan isn't part of the Middle East
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Old 11-08-07, 02:45 PM   #6
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Wrong generation!
I'm kind of in the middle I guess....I know both decently well.
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Old 11-08-07, 02:45 PM   #7
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Greenland opens new five star beachfront resort.
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Old 11-08-07, 02:46 PM   #8
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Teh Cypress smiles for the first time.
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Old 11-08-07, 02:48 PM   #9
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GM has introduced the new eight-wheel-drive twin-turbo V16 Hummer H9. (Note: Truck bed is purely decorational.)
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Old 11-08-07, 02:51 PM   #10
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x136 denied parole; PETA and the Zucchini Farmers Union celebrate yet again.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 11-08-07, 02:53 PM   #11
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OJ arrested again. Maybe the 10th time is the charm for a lasting conviction.

Britney loses custody of her grandkids. And flashes her vi-jay-jay again. With greying pubes.
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Old 11-08-07, 02:53 PM   #12
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jsharr passes out the millionth bass. Bikeforums turns up nose in disgust.
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Old 11-08-07, 03:02 PM   #13
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Old 11-08-07, 05:11 PM   #14
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George Z. Bush will officially call insects terrorists if elected in 2036.

China: No more lead paint in our products, we ran out of lead.

Water vapor from Hydrogen powered cars behind fog alert in L.A.

NASA: Mars rovers still working. May discover water any day now.

Bottled water hits record high of $198.6. May hit $200 by weeks end. Emergency reserves still safe says Whitehouse.
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Old 11-08-07, 05:12 PM   #15
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NASA: Mars rovers still working. May discover water any day now.
Good one.
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Old 11-08-07, 05:35 PM   #16
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Teh Cypress smiles for the first time.
Unlikely.
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Old 11-08-07, 06:43 PM   #17
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Osama Bin Laden is discovered Running a pawn shop in New Jersey.



"Pinky" and "The Brain" finally do achieve world domination.
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Old 11-08-07, 06:43 PM   #18
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Osama Bin Laden is discovered Running a pawn shop in New Jersey.



3 blocks down from the nudie bar run by the Bush Twins.
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Old 11-08-07, 06:46 PM   #19
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85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the key to weight loss.
roflcopter.
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Old 11-08-07, 06:50 PM   #20
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3 blocks down from the nudie bar run by the Bush Twins.



That happens to be in the same building as the Dick Cheney memorial shooting range.
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Old 11-08-07, 06:57 PM   #21
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That happens to be in the same building as the Dick Cheney memorial shooting range.
The grand opening picture that hangs on the wall.

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Old 11-08-07, 07:15 PM   #22
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president jenna bush throws up on japanese prime minister....
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Old 11-08-07, 08:23 PM   #23
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President Bailey wins with "bone in every bowl" campaign, cats outlawed, bombing begins tomorrow.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 11-08-07, 08:25 PM   #24
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so the country really is going to the dogs!!!!!
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Old 11-09-07, 12:12 AM   #25
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The Mars Bicyclers surrenders to the BF Coalition of Earth after 5 year war and 70 million dead.
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