Advertise on Bikeforums.net



User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 29
  1. #1
    Crawlin' up, flyin' down bikingshearer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Democratic Peoples' Republic of Berkeley
    My Bikes
    1967 Paramount, 1982-ish Ron Cooper,1986 De Rosa Professional, 1978 Eisentraut "A," 1961 BianchiCompetizione, 1994 Trek 520, 199? Burley Bossa Nova
    Posts
    3,018
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Post some advice for Pheard

    We all know that Pheard has the uncanny ability to put his foot in it. With unerring presicion, if there is an indelicate question or imprudent observation to be made, our man Jon will find it and blurt it out in as tactless a way as is humanly possible. This in turn leads to expulsion of tons of greenhouse gasses as we all exclaim "WTF?" and the senseless destruction of innocent electrons as we all post appropriate responses.

    So, in the interests of preserving precious natural resources, please post advice for Pheard here. You know, things that he really ought to know or do but doesn't or won't.

    I'll start:

    Jon:
    Never, never, NEVER ask a woman if she is PMS'ing, on her period, in menopause, or anything that even remotely suggests that you think there might be even a tiny bit of difference in her behavior because of her womanly bodily functions. In fact, the only thing you can safely do that suggests you even know she has womanly bodily functions is buy her some damn pads or tampons when she asks you to.

    There is no correct, or even safe, answer when a S/O asks the dreaded "does this make me look fat" question. The least wrong response is to say "NO" as quickly as ever you can and pray like crazy that it was quickly enough. You'll still catch hell for lying or just trying to butter her up or some such, but believe me, it beats the consequences of any other answer you could possibly give.

    And finally: Don't do wheelies on carbon fiber frames.
    "I'm in shape -- round is a shape." Andy Rooney

  2. #2
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Just NW of Richardson Bike Mart
    My Bikes
    '05 Trek 1200 / '90 Trek 8000 / '? Falcon Europa
    Posts
    6,082
    Mentioned
    11 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)
    1. inhale
    2. hold
    Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  3. #3
    Body By Nintendo Psydotek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Videogames ruined my life. Good thing i have 2 extra lives.
    My Bikes
    Giant TCR2, Giant TCX, IRO BFSSFG SE, Salsa Casseroll, IRO Rob Roy.
    Posts
    3,190
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Red meat is not bad for you.

    Blue fuzzy meat is bad for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    A girl once asked me to give her twelve inches and make it hurt. I had to make love to her 3 times and then punch her in the nose.

  4. #4
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    My Bikes
    Trek 1200C, Specialized Rockhopper, Giant Yukon FX, Giant Acapulco
    Posts
    1,182
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Be sure to wash the sheets after tryst with rainbow bike.

  5. #5
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    South City, Ca
    Posts
    3,348
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Can I tell a SO I think she'd look better if she loses 15 pounds?

    What if I tell her she's kind of clingy? is that acceptable?

  6. #6
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    My Bikes
    Trek 1200C, Specialized Rockhopper, Giant Yukon FX, Giant Acapulco
    Posts
    1,182
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Pheard View Post
    Can I tell a SO I think she'd look better if she loses 15 pounds?

    What if I tell her she's kind of clingy? is that acceptable?
    Wear a helmet when you do.

  7. #7
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    South City, Ca
    Posts
    3,348
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I'll just put on protection and duck for cover.


  8. #8
    ****** squegeeboo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    My Bikes
    Specalized Tri-Cross
    Posts
    897
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    we can dance if we want to
    We can leave your friends behind
    Cause your friends dont dance
    And if they dont dance
    Well they're no friends of mine


    Also, there is no good way to tell your SO that she needs to lose pounds. At best you can suggest activities that burn calories, while never, EVER, EVER, saying thats why you suggested them.

    Good: It's really nice out tonight, want to go on a moon light stroll with me?
    Bad: You should go on a walk, it'll be good for you.
    Huge Mistake: Hey fatty, why don't you go for a walk now and again.

    As for the clingy bit, with enough tact, you can pull it off. Which means, from the sounds of it, that you(specifically) can't pull it off
    In the words of Einstein
    "And now I think I'll take a bath"

  9. #9
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    My Bikes
    Trek 1200C, Specialized Rockhopper, Giant Yukon FX, Giant Acapulco
    Posts
    1,182
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Pheard View Post
    I'll just put on protection and duck for cover.

    hehe - couple ladies from work ordered them for a woman who 1) liked bananas and 2) was getting married.


    Funny looking things.

  10. #10
    Third World Layabout crtreedude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Costa Rica
    My Bikes
    Cannondale F900 and Tandem
    Posts
    3,067
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Pheard,

    Weight loss is a scary subject. You have to notice she lost weight, but you have to make sure she knows she was just fine before she lost weight, but you appreciate the effort. It must matter that she lost weight since she might have done it for you, but then again, if it matters too much, you thought she was ugly. However, if you act like it wasn't that big of a thing she will assume you don't care how much she suffered just to please you.

    In other words - you are dead meat.

  11. #11
    runnin' down a dream edbikebabe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Somewhere out there
    My Bikes
    Turner Flux, Orbea Onix Dama.
    Posts
    2,743
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by crtreedude View Post
    Pheard,

    Weight loss is a scary subject. You have to notice she lost weight, but you have to make sure she knows she was just fine before she lost weight, but you appreciate the effort. It must matter that she lost weight since she might have done it for you, but then again, if it matters too much, you thought she was ugly. However, if you act like it wasn't that big of a thing she will assume you don't care how much she suffered just to please you.

    In other words - you are dead meat.
    Or - Give up now.

  12. #12
    Sore saddle cyclist Shifty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Eugene, OR
    My Bikes
    Road, touring and mountain
    Posts
    3,746
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Wear a helmet when riding, especially on boat docks!!
    Those voices in your head aren't real, but they have some great ideas

  13. #13
    Third World Layabout crtreedude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Costa Rica
    My Bikes
    Cannondale F900 and Tandem
    Posts
    3,067
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Pheard, your best possible scenario is that she lost the weight so that she can dump you and get someone better - it is your only hope.

  14. #14
    Nothing here to see!!!!!! flyingscotsman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Charlotte
    Posts
    487
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Also never ask a pregant looking women when the baby due, unless you ahve in writing that she is pregnant.

  15. #15
    Chairman of the Bored catatonic's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    St. Petersburg, FL
    My Bikes
    2004 Raleigh Talus, 2001 Motobecane Vent Noir (Custom build for heavy riders)
    Posts
    5,825
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    best bet is to never respond....she will hate you, but it won't be as bad as if you answered tuthfully.....horizontal stripes has NEVER made anyone look slender, unless they are a waif to begin with, in which case they need to be offered a sammich.
    -------- __@
    ----- _`\<,_
    ---- (*)/ (*)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Ring Ring, Ring Ring, the bell went Ring Ring Ring.

  16. #16
    Videre non videri
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Gothenburg, Sweden
    My Bikes
    1 road bike (simple, light), 1 TT bike (could be more aero, could be lighter), 1 all-weather commuter and winter bike, 1 Monark 828E ergometer indoor bike
    Posts
    3,202
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    This is the solution:


    I hope Jon loves soup...

  17. #17
    Why not? EthanYQX's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Canada
    My Bikes
    Giant STP 2
    Posts
    843
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Look at your sig quote for some advice from me, Jon
    "It is not the critic who counts."

  18. #18
    Chairman of the Bored catatonic's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    St. Petersburg, FL
    My Bikes
    2004 Raleigh Talus, 2001 Motobecane Vent Noir (Custom build for heavy riders)
    Posts
    5,825
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by CdCf View Post
    This is the solution:


    I hope Jon loves soup...
    So is this guy back in town then?

    -------- __@
    ----- _`\<,_
    ---- (*)/ (*)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Ring Ring, Ring Ring, the bell went Ring Ring Ring.

  19. #19
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    10,465
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Earn your special undies.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  20. #20
    smorenivore colorider's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Littleton, CO
    My Bikes
    '06 Novara Divano, '96 Gary Fisher Hoo Koo E Koo
    Posts
    352
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Buy low, sell high.
    One does not simply ride their bike into Mordor! - electrik

  21. #21
    Third World Layabout crtreedude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Costa Rica
    My Bikes
    Cannondale F900 and Tandem
    Posts
    3,067
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Never go to a forum for advice...

  22. #22
    Tail End Charlie Ritehsedad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Maine, The Way Life Should Be
    My Bikes
    Fuji Nevada MTB, Giant OCR1
    Posts
    545
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Keep your feet clean, that way when you put your foot in your mouth, it won't taste so bad.
    Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

  23. #23
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    10,465
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  24. #24
    ****** squegeeboo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    My Bikes
    Specalized Tri-Cross
    Posts
    897
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    In the words of Einstein
    "And now I think I'll take a bath"

  25. #25
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    1,626
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Stop doing that, it'll make you go blind

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •