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  1. #1
    Senior Member mezza's Avatar
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    Funny things you teach your kids...

    ...or funny things your Dad taught you...

    I was brought up with 'Omenade' for lemonade. 'Storbs' for strawberries. 'Hepticopters' for helicopters.
    Usually these were due to me saying them wrong and my Dad perpetuating it.

    Now I realise I did the same to my kids.

    My 7 year old daughter still says 'Berekferest' instead of breakfast plus lots of others.

    I taught both kids to get dressed. For years both of them thought their arms were called 'Right arm' and 'Other arm'.

    For years my daughter thought there were monkeys in the ATM machines and CD players have mini people in them reading the disc and playing their instruments. Plus the usual Dad stuff - that hot dogs are made out of dogs and cheese comes from the moon.

    I'm gonna ask my 13 year old son tonight if he remembers any more.....

    Anyone have a warped view of the world due to their Dads distorted sense of humour? Fess up.
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  2. #2
    Your imaginary friend. fuzzbox's Avatar
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    Yes. I rather not though.

    Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.

  3. #3
    Senior Member CPcyclist's Avatar
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    just remember lairs can figure and figurers can lie.

    there was dad/mom "cows in the woods" all "those sneaky cows'"

    Had my youngest blabbing about what I do for a living to the doctors in the ER (a basic science researchers cells and....... in the same hospital)

  4. #4
    Mr. Maximan1 maximan1's Avatar
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    "froshed flakes"

    "mooveh"

  5. #5
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    My entire world is completely off-kilter due to my father's distorted sense of humor.

  6. #6
    Senior Member bitingduck's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mezza View Post
    For years my daughter thought there were monkeys in the ATM machines
    You mean there's not? I've been putting bananas in the deposit envelopes for years for nothing!



    And the reason there are so many short actors is that they fit better in the TV...
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  7. #7
    Bring May Flowers aprilm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maraj View Post
    My entire world is completely off-kilter due to my father's distorted sense of humor.
    +1, but in a good way

    When I was a little girl, my dad taught me to say "I'm irresistible" except it came out "I'm irresissible" without the "t". My parents got married in Vegas, and he had me and my sister believing for years that he just met my mom in Vegas and married her on the spot. There's a ton of others that I can't remember... Gotta love a good dad.

  8. #8
    Squirrelly Member trsidn's Avatar
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    More my mother.

    Cemetery = Marble Orchard
    Armadillo = Possum on the half-shell
    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    Yet more proof that I'm.. well, pretty much right about everything.

  9. #9
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Pasghetti instead of spaghetti
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  10. #10
    Merde! road monkey's Avatar
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    I got some from my grandfather.

    Coffee = Doggyphew

    Kitchen = Chicken
    If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

    Good health begins at the farm, not at the pharmacy, Go organic!

  11. #11
    Banned.
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    My Dad used to always tell me to never run the water on full stream when brushing my teeth, etc. He said it was wasting water. To this day i still can't fun the bathroom faucet at full stream even though i know it is a ridiculous concept, considering the faucet has an aerator and very little water is being use either way.

  12. #12
    Senior Member rando's Avatar
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    the funniest thing I remember is my dad telling us about "hill cows". they have two legs shorter than the others so they can stay upright on the hills.
    "Think of bicycles as rideable art that can just about save the world". ~Grant Petersen

    Cyclists fare best when they recognize that there are times when acting vehicularly is not the best practice, and are flexible enough to do what is necessary as the situation warrants.--Me

  13. #13
    Body By Nintendo Psydotek's Avatar
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    My parents always told me and my sister that if we weren't quiet while driving through a canyon all the rocks would roll down and crush the car... It took many years before i realized that it was simply a fabrication to get me and my sister to quiet down on road trips.

    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    A girl once asked me to give her twelve inches and make it hurt. I had to make love to her 3 times and then punch her in the nose.

  14. #14
    RustyTainte substructure's Avatar
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    My grandmother told me that if I didn't clean and cover my cuts a troll would come and cut off my finger while I slept.

  15. #15
    Nookular Free Since '03 kingofchimps's Avatar
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    toby = fart

    don't know how they came up with that. I should ask them before they get too senile.

  16. #16
    Tail End Charlie Ritehsedad's Avatar
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    Not so much from my parents but perhaps a regional thing.

    Several years ago, out of the blue someone asked me what it meant to "unthaw" something. It then hit me that for my entire life I had used the word unthaw to mean thaw.
    Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

  17. #17
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    My father always told me if you unscrewed your belly button, your rear end would fall off. I have told my boys this.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  18. #18
    Chepooka StupidlyBrave's Avatar
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    Your father is a wise man

  19. #19
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    agreed, I mean look at how I turned out.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  20. #20
    Crawlin' up, flyin' down bikingshearer's Avatar
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    When I was a little kid, I somehow came to believe that the proper name for a banana was "munyamop." I have no clue where this came from. My now-81 year old mother still calls them "munyamops" around the family.


    I have told my son this piece of advice that I think every parent should pass on to their kids: "Never take candy from a stranger unless he offers you a ride." Okay, maybe you shouldn't tell them until they are 14 and understand the concept of sarcasm and deadpan, slightly off-kilter humor, but the little disease-factory money-pits should hear it, by gosh.

    I also firmly believe that there is no point in having kids if you can't mess with their minds. God knows they aren't a paying proposition, so you gotta get your investment back in entertainment value.
    "I'm in shape -- round is a shape." Andy Rooney

  21. #21
    Scum, Freezebag! Mo'Phat's Avatar
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    I taught my son not to play with his bellybutton because it's like a balloon knot. If he plays with it, it could untie, and all his guts would drain out.

    The look on his face was priceless.


    One thing my dad taught me, and I will teach my son, since it's worked out so well for me:

    Always make sure she has a better time than you do.

  22. #22
    RustyTainte substructure's Avatar
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    Don't hold in your farts or your breath will stink.

  23. #23
    Banned.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    My father always told me if you unscrewed your belly button, your rear end would fall off. I have told my boys this.

    So apparently if you righty tighty it, you get junk in your trunk?

  24. #24
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Portis View Post
    So apparently if you righty tighty it, you get junk in your trunk?
    not sure. see, I am left handed, which might mean I have a left threaded belly button. never tried to adjust mine, what with the chances of losing my arse if I screw up.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  25. #25
    Senior Member ummbnb's Avatar
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    We love beenanas in our house and lasternight we had noogles for dinner. My daughter gets up and washes the eyegers out of her eyes first thing each morning.

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