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Old 12-05-07, 02:48 PM   #1
str8flexed
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Advice about girl... not really progressing...

Here is a summary of dates for background information. I am in graduate school.

---------------
1)Went out for lunch. Good convo and everything, she said "thanks for having lunch with me" at end.

2)Went to see a movie (paid for it), then we were hungry so we went and got some food at a bar/restaurant. Played some pool afterwards, then I dropped her off. She says.."I'll see you later...?" exiting car, didn't have any good times to kiss/hug.

3)Monday before Thanksgiving I call her and tell her I want to see her before I go home for break, so we meet Tues just to do some shopping, got some food at MacAlisters (paid for hers), went to PetSmart, walked around shopping a bit. Overall a good time. Didn't go for a kiss (really regretting it..).

4)Went to a semi-formal for my school this past Friday, I had a blast with her. Opened my car doors for her and everything, got a bit tipsy, danced, did some good touching, at one point holding her hand to walk through crowds, etc. She asks me "are you going to walk to me to my car?" (she drove first to my place, since she lives pretty far) and i say of course, and when i do we hug and i kiss her on the cheek (i was a little buzzed so wasn't sure if i just naturally went for the cheek or if she turned--don't think it was the second though)
------------------


Now is when I feel like I kinda **** up... I had such a great time, I feel like things are going great, that I called her up that night and left a voicemail asking her to call me back when she gets it. She does and I ask her if she got home okay, blah blah, then ask if she's free tomorrow night (Sat) b/c i'd love to see her again before my exams get to be a p.i.t.a. In a nutshell she says maybe, we'll talk tomorrow. So I call her the next day in the afternoon asking if her if she had any plans for the night, and she says she's feeling kind of tired and will probably just stay in that night. I just quickly end the conversation and say "oh okay, I'll talk to you later.." kind of annoyed. TBH, I would be tired too if I were her, b/c she had to get up in the morning to do a 5k walk with her mom too. And she said she just took a nap. Still, I don't think being tired is a good excuse if she really wanted to see me.

Yeah, I shouldn't have tried to do anything again so soon, b/c if things went well I should give her some time to let things sink in and think about the good times. At the same time, I have hard ass exams coming up and I thought she had as much fun as I did and wouldn't hesitate to want to see me again even if it were the next day.

Anyway, I have decided I wouldn't contact her (call/txt/IM) and will just wait until she contacts me again, in order to give her some space (if she contacts me again...). It's been Sun-Wed now and nothing. I've seen her online a couple times, but I refrained from IMing her, pretended to be busy, etc.

Yesterday, I see in her profile and away message some song quotes, essentially giving the message that she misses her ex boyfriend. However, they broke up about 9 months ago. (He just broke up with her without giving her a good reason she told me once.) Her facebook also says just "looking for: friendship"

Am I just barking up the wrong tree or am I really that pathetic that I can't win over this girl? She should be thinking about me and not this guy who's been out of her life for 9 months...right..... also.. advice about what to do next would be nice.. I would normally probably call her up today/tom and try to do something this weekend, but I really just want to ignore her as long as I can and see if she makes any effort to contact me.
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Old 12-05-07, 02:53 PM   #2
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If she hasn't given you the "let's just be friends" speech yet, it will be coming soon.
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Old 12-05-07, 02:55 PM   #3
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If she hasn't given you the "let's just be friends" speech yet, it will be coming soon.
I would like to avoid that if possible. What would you do in my case?
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Old 12-05-07, 02:55 PM   #4
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I would like to avoid that if possible. What would you do in my case?
Find someone else.
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Old 12-05-07, 02:56 PM   #5
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Always let the woman pay her own way.

I insist on this, as it removes a sense of obligation on my part, and a sense of entitlement on his part. Then we can take whatever happens during and after on a more level playing field, so to speak. Then, again, I'm much older than you, so perhaps there's a life-experience/maturity factor at play here? <shrug>

Jes' my two cents.
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Old 12-05-07, 02:59 PM   #6
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I would like to avoid that if possible. What would you do in my case?
Move along. Find somebody else. If she digs you she'll come chasing after you. It sounds to me like she's just not in a place to *want* to be in a relationship right now (and that's OK - it may have nothing to do with YOU at all).
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Old 12-05-07, 03:03 PM   #7
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Act mature about it. Just kind of walk away from it nicely and see what happens.
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Old 12-05-07, 03:03 PM   #8
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Maybe she wants me to make a move and is getting bored? Thinking I'm a wuss? I can't help but think that she DID go out with my several times and we had a good time each time, it's just that I haven't successfully kissed her or anything.
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Old 12-05-07, 03:08 PM   #9
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Never act a wuss man. Most women like someone who has the crap together.
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Old 12-05-07, 03:11 PM   #10
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Never act a wuss man. Most women like someone who has the crap together.
I know. I'm just saying maybe she thought I was a wuss.. b/c I haven't kissed her yet.... anyway ..
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Old 12-05-07, 03:12 PM   #11
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You basically have 3 choices you can make.
1) Make a move...maybe she is waiting for it. Some girls won't make that move themselves and are not so great about giving signals, or we're too dense to pick up any signals they give.
risk: she doesn't want that and you lose her freindship

2) Don't make a move and consider her a frieind (nothing more). Least risky option here...but she may wonder if she's not what you want, if she wants more.

3) Walk away...if she really wants you enough, she'll find you.
risk: she thinks you don't want anything to do with her and she moves on.

Your choice.
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Old 12-05-07, 03:13 PM   #12
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Maybe she wants me to make a move and is getting bored? Thinking I'm a wuss? I can't help but think that she DID go out with my several times and we had a good time each time, it's just that I haven't successfully kissed her or anything.
Been there a thousand times. It apparently just isn't "jelving" right now. Walk away....if its gonna happen she'll run to you. If she doesn't....that's fine. Move along and forget her until/unless she comes to you.
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Old 12-05-07, 03:15 PM   #13
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Tell her you're gay. She'll be over in five minutes to prove you wrong.
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Old 12-05-07, 03:16 PM   #14
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Aaaaaack. It' the age-old "communication" issue..... <gag>

People talk about not wantin' to play games. And then they go and play around, actin' based on their own expectations, expectin' the other person to "behave according to their own expectations." Just ask her, OP, and tell her you want her to be very candid with you. Accept the answer. And be done with it. Move on, with her, or without her, as the case may be. Is this so hard? <incredulous Vega look>
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Old 12-05-07, 03:17 PM   #15
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Aaaaaack. It' the age-old "communication" issue..... <gag>

People talk about not wantin' to play games. And then they go and play around, actin' based on their own expectations, expectin' the other person to "behave according to their own expectations." Just ask her, OP, and tell her you want her to be very candid with you. Accept the answer. And be done with it. Move on, with her, or without her, as the case may be. Is this so hard? <incredulous Vega look>
yes it is for a college aged male.
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Old 12-05-07, 03:17 PM   #16
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dude, it is time to ask her out and when that time comes, you
bring flowers.

OK ? do you get it ? flowers.

hold the flowers in front of you
then you hide your junk in the flowers, and then....you know what happens next
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Old 12-05-07, 03:18 PM   #17
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You basically have 3 choices you can make.
1) Make a move...maybe she is waiting for it. Some girls won't make that move themselves and are not so great about giving signals, or we're too dense to pick up any signals they give.
risk: she doesn't want that and you lose her freindship

2) Don't make a move and consider her a frieind (nothing more). Least risky option here...but she may wonder if she's not what you want, if she wants more.

3) Walk away...if she really wants you enough, she'll find you.
risk: she thinks you don't want anything to do with her and she moves on.

Your choice.
4) Whip it out.
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Old 12-05-07, 03:18 PM   #18
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Never act a wuss man. Most women like someone who has the crap together.
Only if he really does. <serious Vega look>
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Old 12-05-07, 03:18 PM   #19
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4) Whip it out.
D'oh didn't think of that option.
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Old 12-05-07, 03:20 PM   #20
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You basically have 3 choices you can make.
1) Make a move...maybe she is waiting for it. Some girls won't make that move themselves and are not so great about giving signals, or we're too dense to pick up any signals they give.
risk: she doesn't want that and you lose her freindship

2) Don't make a move and consider her a frieind (nothing more). Least risky option here...but she may wonder if she's not what you want, if she wants more.

3) Walk away...if she really wants you enough, she'll find you.
risk: she thinks you don't want anything to do with her and she moves on.

Your choice.

There is another option -- it is to treat her as someone that you ar potentially interested in if she is responsive to your overtures, and continue make gentle, romantic and friend type contact with her. However, you have no indication from her that she is seriously interested in you and therefore you should continue developing similar opportunities/relationships with others who you find interesting. At some point, when one of them responds and you are ready to make a more serious commitment, you dial back the romantic contacts with the others but maintain them as friends.
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Old 12-05-07, 03:21 PM   #21
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yes it is for a college aged male.
Meh. I keep forgettin' that the love-lorn boys of Foo are just that. And that the older women of us who know what women are lookin' for in the long term needn't respond.
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Old 12-05-07, 03:22 PM   #22
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Never act a wuss man. Most women like someone who has the crap together.
this yes yes YES

ask her if you can crap together. it's teh latest rage. show her 2 cups 1 ******, or whatever that video is.

she'll cave in to your demands
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Old 12-05-07, 03:24 PM   #23
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Did she jingle her keys?
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Old 12-05-07, 03:24 PM   #24
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Meh. I keep forgettin' that the love-lorn boys of Foo are just that. And that the older women of us who know what women are lookin' for in the long term needn't respond.
No...you should respond...it would be beneficial for all us guys to read a womans perspective.
And for the record, I am not a love-lorn boy of Foo...I'm 40 yrs old. I just remember what its like asking girls out at that age...a lot of anxiety associated with dating at that age. A lot of anxiety.
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Old 12-05-07, 03:25 PM   #25
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4) Whip it out.
Whip it good?

Move it forward, get straight. Sounds just like what Dr. VegaVixen prescribed.
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