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  1. #1
    Genius FlatMaster's Avatar
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    What's the best way to die

    Make up a story where you die herocally, ironically, orgasmicly, whatever. Only rule, it must somehow involve your ride.


    I am Steve, the on-site organ collector. I get a call that there's a fatal accident on the intersection of first and main. Naturally, I show up with my tools to harvest the organs so they can be transplanted more quickly. I shove the organs in my bag and petal to Grandview Hospital with Tommy's new heart. Unfortunately, a rival organ courier spots me with my load. He cuts me off into oncomming traffic where I tragically take a spill into a landscaper's truck, taking a chainsaw to the chest. The doctors said I could have been saved if only a donor heart could have been delivered in time.

  2. #2
    Roller Coaster ChiefCatchacold's Avatar
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    snu snu!
    Make your banana pancakes, and pretend like it's the weekend.

  3. #3
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    OP, your first post is this ?


    btw, death by snu snu is the -only- way to go

  4. #4
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by edzo View Post
    your first post is this ?


    btw, snu snu is the -only- way to go
    You are just jealous because you didn't think of this fantastic idea!
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  5. #5
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    The best way is to get clobbered by an 18 wheeler doing 70 mph while you are riding on a peaceful two lane country road.


    (OK, so maybe it isn't the best way, but probably the most likely.)

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    You are just jealous because you didn't think of this fantastic idea!
    no, I started dying 2 years ago. now it's just a waiting game.

  7. #7
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    peacefully, in my sleep, not screaming and terrified like the passengers in my car will be.
    Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  8. #8
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    While riding my normal route to work I witness a purse snatching. Some brute steals the purse of what looks like a nice lovely old lady. Not letting this happen on "my watch", I start riding after the perp. He jumps on to a moving train that is just leaving. I quickly put my bike on the track and ride perfectly down the rail line following the train. Just as the train is coming to a canyon through the mountains, I lose my balance trying to jump on to the train.

    I start to fall the 3000 foot gap, but as I'm falling I get scooped up by a giant eagle (like from LOTR).
    The eagle takes me to his nest where I sit cold because of the altitude. As I'm trying to sleep in the nest, a flying saucer comes by and tractor beams me into their ship. "Oh great" I think.....time for the alien probe schtick. This is NOT what I wanted to happen.

    Aboard the alien ship, they don't probe me, but put me on an observation cell type thing. These aliens are beautiful green creatures with 3 perfectly formed breasts and other than that seem to be anatomically the same as humans. They seem to find me fascinating and remove my clothes to see if I am anatomically the same as their males. It seems I am.

    You see this ship was an all female scouting mission as their military segregates the men and women. Well, you see they are a very sexual race and decide they all want to see how humans are sexually. So for weeks aboard their vessel, I am given a king's treatment with anything to eat or drink I want, but I am "forced" to have sex in all kinds of various ways with these beautiful creatures. Eventually, I die from exhaustion, naked on bed of beautiful green alien females.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  9. #9
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    peacefully, in my sleep, not screaming and terrified like the passengers in my car will be.
    Hey dingleberry....rules were you had to be on your bike.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  10. #10
    Throw the stick!!!! LowCel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by edzo View Post
    no, I started dying 2 years ago. now it's just a waiting game.
    I started 32 years ago, that was the only thing I was promised when I was born.
    I may be fat but I'm slow enough to make up for it.

  11. #11
    Genius FlatMaster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Portis View Post
    The best way is to get clobbered by an 18 wheeler doing 70 mph while you are riding on a peaceful two lane country road.


    (OK, so maybe it isn't the best way, but probably the most likely.)

    I say Clobbered by a 70 wheeler doing 18. And taking each of the 70 wheels to the groin

  12. #12
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    Hey dingleberry....rules were you had to be on your bike.
    I drive a pedal car in my reality.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  13. #13
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    I drive a pedal car in my reality.
    Oh....OK, no worries then.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  14. #14
    Throw the stick!!!! LowCel's Avatar
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    I once told my wife that I thought the best way to die was 180 mph into a brick wall while riding a motorcycle. That was a huge mistake, it took me years of begging to finally get a crotch rocket after making that comment. For some reason she finally "let" me get it right after she upped my life insurance.
    I may be fat but I'm slow enough to make up for it.

  15. #15
    BF Risk Manager
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    I want to leave the world naked, screaming, and covered with someone else's blood, the same way I entered it.
    Regards, MillCreek
    Snohomish County, Washington USA

  16. #16
    Senior Member Michigander's Avatar
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    Death by snu snu would be ideal, but if that's not an option, assuming I get almost old enough to need assisted living, I would like to die on a motorcycle doing over 200 miles an hour. No nursing home for me.
    Bring back the Sig Test!


    (\__/)
    (='.'=)
    (")_(")

  17. #17
    explody pup
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChiefCatchacold View Post
    snu snu!
    Three explorers were captured by natives while navigating a remote tributary of the Amazon. Bound and gaged, they were brought before the tribe's elder.

    The elder cut the first man's gag and asked, "Death or Roo Roo?"

    The explorer yelled out, "Roo Roo!" not knowing what it meant but being certain that it couldn't be worse than dieing.

    Everyone in the village then loudly rejoiced and took turns having buttsex with the poor man. This went on all day until, with his life intact but his will to live broken, he was released and ran (hobbled, actually) into the forest, never to be seen again.

    The elder then cut the second man's gag and asked, "Death or Roo Roo?"

    The second explorer now knew the meaning of that foul word. But there would only be one, possibly two men in the world outside this village who would know what happened and they'd likely not talk. Even so, living in shame is certainly better than death, right?

    In a defeated whisper, the man said, "Roo Roo."

    Again, the villagers loudly cheered and proceeded again with the buttsexing all night until dawn when the explorer was released to his fate in the dangerous jungle.

    Now the elder turned to the last explorer, cut his gag and said, "Death or Roo Roo..."

    This last explorer was the leader of the group, resolute and proud and would suffer no indignity. Like the captain of a sinking ship, he would prefer to die with honor than to live with anything less.

    "I choose DEATH!" the last man said and spat at the elder's feet.

    The villagers cheered louder and rejoiced more than he had previously seen.

    After dancing and laughing with his fellow villagers, the elder returned to the explorer. "Ahhhhhhhh," he said while rubbing his hands, "Death by Roo Roo!"

  18. #18
    Banned.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    I drive a pedal car in my reality.

  19. #19
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    OK, in the course of the ride, the Universe winks out of existence and I never feel a thing.
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

  20. #20
    cab horn
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    #17 fails at being funny
    Mes compaingnons cui j'amoie et cui j'aim,... Me di, chanson.

  21. #21
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by operator View Post
    #17 fails at being funny
    and it doesn't involve a bike at all.

    DQ!
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

  22. #22
    Gears? CliftonGK1's Avatar
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    Bombing down Pike St on my way to get some donuts at the market, I hit a pothole at 55mph and my front wheel explodes in a hail of spokes and snapped rim fragments. I'm flung over the bars so hard that I Superman it the rest of the way down the hill and smack face-first into the giant brass pig at the entrace to Pike Place Market right in front of a busload of horrified camera wielding tourists who've been watching the fish throwers. 5 seconds later, my bike finishes sliding down the hill and comes to a stop at my twitching feet. My dying thought is "Dang... I never did get my cinnamon donuts."
    "I feel like my world was classier before I found cyclocross."
    - Mandi M.

  23. #23
    Non Tribuo Anus Rodentum and off to the next adventure (RIP) Stacey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by edzo View Post
    no, I started dying 2 years ago. now it's just a waiting game.
    You too, eh? Wanna have a slow race?

  24. #24
    explody pup
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    Quote Originally Posted by operator View Post
    #17 fails at being funny
    Can we still be friends?

  25. #25
    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    Buried alive while drowning. Uh, on a bike. Epic.

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