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  1. #1
    Air
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    Mixed Religion Relationships

    How many of you have been in a long term relationship where both partners had faith in differing religions (Catholic vs Jewish, Catholic vs Muslim, Jewish vs Buddhist, Jewish vs Hindu, etc...)? I'm more interested in those that have been married (with children) vs dated a few months but both are still useful. How were you able to resolve what you believed in vs being with the other person? How did you raise your children?

    I'm completely in love with an amazing person, to the level I haven't experienced in over 12 years and didn't really think existed and she feels the same way. We were having a conversation the other day and she said it made her realize that she's not sure if she could marry someone who's not Jewish (I'm Catholic). To me I have a series of qualities I look for in someone - religion is up there but if other qualities are so impressive then that counteracts the religion (like balancing out a system). I know I wouldn't convert - at least not to Judaism (but have flirted with Buddhist because of how peaceful and introspective it is). From a few of my Jewish friends that have gotten married it seems like they've sacrificed some of those other qualities to be with someone who is Jewish. Some will bend so far as to marry someone if they convert - others only if born into it.

    I'm sure others have been in a similar situation and found ways of working through (or maybe not). So how did you do it? What became important? How did you raise the kids? How did you deal with your parents?

    [For the record I put a date limit for later in the year when she'll have to decide; though realistically I don't have high hopes it will go in my favor. It makes me more angry than sad that a religion which professes love and acceptance would interfere with a relationship and that someone would let that happen. The basic tenets seems so contradictory IMO.]

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    Can I ask? what makes you feel you can't change religions? do you honestly believe Catholicism is the sole truthful religion on this earth? If you feel that way, I can understand not wanting to switch religions, if not why not switch to be with a certain person?

  3. #3
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Yeah. Really.

    Hey Jon. I see you are practicing being a missionary already....
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  4. #4
    Master Surfer of Curbs glenng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pheard View Post
    Can I ask? what makes you feel you can't change religions? do you honestly believe Catholicism is the sole truthful religion on this earth? If you feel that way, I can understand not wanting to switch religions, if not why not switch to be with a certain person?

    Jon could you switch? Seriously, and deal with the pressure from you family? No disrespect , honest question.
    Glenn

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    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Air - It's a matter of mutual respect.

    Each person can practice/teach their own religion to their SO, and that doesn't mean giving up the existing religion. It means learning more.

    The kids... well, I would expose them to both, teach them to respect both and then letting them choose as they become older.

    I myself have gone through the exposure of a myriad of religions. Some of them I understood, some I didn't. Some of them I question. My ideal is that I've taken what I consider the best teachings of each and have applied them to my life.

    I think I did okay.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  6. #6
    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    The whole "changing religions to get married" thing has always struck me as kind of odd. If one's religion/faith is supposedly such an important, personal part of who one is, wouldn't changing it to get married cheapen it somewhat?

    What's wrong with the marrying persons keeping their own religions?

    My parents were of two different faiths (Catholic, and, uh, Church of God? Church of Christ? Something like that, I'm not positive), and as far as I know, neither one switched. That brought the advantage of them not forcing a religion on their children, and letting them choose for themselves, which I really admire.

  7. #7
    Master Surfer of Curbs glenng's Avatar
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    As long as both folks take their own religion with the same grain of salt its no problem. But as soon as one says my religion is the real religion and this is how where raising 'my' children, then thats where the trouble begins. As long as both people in the relationship view the 'relationship' as more important than either of their religions then the relationship will have no religious stumbling blocks. To agree on 'faith in God' is important if you are religious. But to not give in and believe you bow down to the one true God is disastrous in a relationship.
    Glenn

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    Quote Originally Posted by glenng View Post
    Jon could you switch? Seriously, and deal with the pressure from you family? No disrespect , honest question.
    Could I switch religions? I know I wouldn't switch religions. First of all, my standard is set at only fellow mormon girls, those are the only people I'd date, because we have the same goals, beliefs, views, etc. How can you date someone who believes something opposite to what you believe and doesn't have the same goals for the future? For example, in Air's case, Jews don't believe in Jesus Christ as the savior, the base of the catholic religion is around Jesus Christ as the Lord and Savior. If air truly believed in his religious denomination, it'd be like his SO believes against everything he believes. That'd be a big problem IMO.

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    Banned. timmyquest's Avatar
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    I'd give my opinion but i might offend someone...so i'll cut it down a bit, if you love her, do what it takes .

    Mommy is making me go to bed i think

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    Banned. timmyquest's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pheard View Post
    Could I switch religions? I know I wouldn't switch religions. First of all, my standard is set at only fellow mormon girls, those are the only people I'd date, because we have the same goals, beliefs, views, etc. How can you date someone who believes something opposite to what you believe and doesn't have the same goals for the future? For example, in Air's case, Jews don't believe in Jesus Christ as the savior, the base of the catholic religion is around Jesus Christ as the Lord and Savior. If air truly believed in his religious denomination, it'd be like his SO believes against everything he believes. That'd be a big problem IMO.
    Man i'm glad i'm going to hell, it makes the living part much easier.

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    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    *shoos timmy off to bed, swats him on the butt and gives him his beer. Uh.. bear.*
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  12. #12
    crazy bike girl msincredible's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by x136 View Post
    What's wrong with the marrying persons keeping their own religions?
    +1

    I have friends in mixed religion marriages, as long as each party respects the other, why should there be a problem?

  13. #13
    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    *shoos timmy off to bed, swats him on the butt and gives him his beer. Uh.. bear.*
    Beer bear?


  14. #14
    Air
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    Air - It's a matter of mutual respect.

    Each person can practice/teach their own religion to their SO, and that doesn't mean giving up the existing religion. It means learning more.

    The kids... well, I would expose them to both, teach them to respect both and then letting them choose as they become older.

    I myself have gone through the exposure of a myriad of religions. Some of them I understood, some I didn't. Some of them I question. My ideal is that I've taken what I consider the best teachings of each and have applied them to my life.

    I think I did okay.
    See - this is more along my philosophy too. I don't want to change what she believes, I want to learn more but still be happy with what I believe and what she believes. Obviously if she doesn't feel the same than that probably won't work.

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    Banned. timmyquest's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    *shoos timmy off to bed, swats him on the butt and gives him his beer. Uh.. bear.*
    I just enjoyed a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, i think that'll help

  16. #16
    Air
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    Quote Originally Posted by timmyquest View Post
    I'd give my opinion but i might offend someone...so i'll cut it down a bit, if you love her, do what it takes .
    I'm not easily offended - PM if you'd like.

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    Quote Originally Posted by timmyquest View Post
    Man i'm glad i'm going to hell, it makes the living part much easier.
    From what I've seen, doesn't seem so.

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    Banned. timmyquest's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pheard View Post
    From what I've seen, doesn't seem so.
    You know damn well all my menial 'problems' are fabricated in an attempt to gain attention from fellow foosters...sheesh.

  19. #19
    Master Surfer of Curbs glenng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pheard View Post
    Could I switch religions? I know I wouldn't switch religions. First of all, my standard is set at only fellow mormon girls, those are the only people I'd date, because we have the same goals, beliefs, views, etc. How can you date someone who believes something opposite to what you believe and doesn't have the same goals for the future? For example, in Air's case, Jews don't believe in Jesus Christ as the savior, the base of the catholic religion is around Jesus Christ as the Lord and Savior. If air truly believed in his religious denomination, it'd be like his SO believes against everything he believes. That'd be a big problem IMO.
    Thanks for your honesty. I respect your conviction.


    My wife was raised Catholic....and she was a good Catholic. She did what she was supposed to and acted accordingly. Yet she made the personal decision that Catholicism was not for her despite having a large(HUGE) and loving family that was completely devoted to the Catholic faith. There was no funny business associated with her decision. I cannot fathom the depths of her inner strength. I was raised Presby but not nearly as strict as my wife was raised. While I have faith its not in any sect and I am the first to call BS when a denomination says we are the only way to heaven.

    Our faith is in each other first without a church getting in the way. I think thats what makes it work.

    Religion has killed more people on this planet than anything but famine and disease . I`m sure religion has killed a few marriages here and there too

    I strongly believe in the 10 commandments and the 'Golden Rule' and the rules of virtue in marriage but after that I don`t know what to believe in especially when preached by mortal man.
    Last edited by glenng; 01-23-08 at 02:07 AM.
    Glenn

  20. #20
    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by glenng View Post
    I strongly believe in [...] the 'Golden Rule'
    1.61803399?

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    Quote Originally Posted by timmyquest View Post
    You know damn well all my menial 'problems' are fabricated in an attempt to gain attention from fellow foosters...sheesh.
    Whatever you have to tell yourself..... Timmay.



    Just remember to wipe up the drool.

  22. #22
    Air
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pheard View Post
    Could I switch religions? I know I wouldn't switch religions. First of all, my standard is set at only fellow mormon girls, those are the only people I'd date, because we have the same goals, beliefs, views, etc. How can you date someone who believes something opposite to what you believe and doesn't have the same goals for the future? For example, in Air's case, Jews don't believe in Jesus Christ as the savior, the base of the catholic religion is around Jesus Christ as the Lord and Savior. If air truly believed in his religious denomination, it'd be like his SO believes against everything he believes. That'd be a big problem IMO.
    I love ya Pheard - but this taken to an extreme leads to people blowing up buses. And one of the major reasons I wouldn't convert to another polarizing religion and one of the reasons I've moved a little away from Catholicism. I do believe that Jesus is the savior but I also believe that he professed love above all else and that one's actions towards their fellow man is more important than anything else. I don't see Judaism and Catholicism as something completely opposite anymore than I see Catholicism and Mormonism completely opposite. I see all starting off the same and then additional stories were written. I see that someone's values, goals, and views on the world can be the same while believing different things.

    I also see religion is a divisive tool and not something that brings people together regardless of what they believe, the color of their skin, or what they have between their legs. However almost every religion professes love and acceptance despite what others believe. Extremist interpretations aside of course.

    Name goals that varying religions will clash on (besides things like Baptism vs Bris; where to get buried, etc...). Real attainable goals. House? Family? Neighbors? Vacations? Education? Retirement? I never really saw many that religion gets in the way of.

    You and I could be driving by and see someone hurt on the side of the road. Likely we'd both stop. Likely we'd both make similar decisions on getting help. Likely we'd both do what's right. But we're different religions - yet our views on what to do are the same. As a society have we gotten to the point that a label is more important than what's right or wrong?

    Awww balls; I hope to keep this from getting moved to P&R though I originally thought of posting it in there. I know you guys better though I'm also rambling apparently...

  23. #23
    Master Surfer of Curbs glenng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Air View Post
    How many of you have been in a long term relationship where both partners had faith in differing religions (Catholic vs Jewish, Catholic vs Muslim, Jewish vs Buddhist, Jewish vs Hindu, etc...)? I'm more interested in those that have been married (with children) vs dated a few months but both are still useful. How were you able to resolve what you believed in vs being with the other person? How did you raise your children?

    I'm completely in love with an amazing person, to the level I haven't experienced in over 12 years and didn't really think existed and she feels the same way. We were having a conversation the other day and she said it made her realize that she's not sure if she could marry someone who's not Jewish (I'm Catholic). To me I have a series of qualities I look for in someone - religion is up there but if other qualities are so impressive then that counteracts the religion (like balancing out a system). I know I wouldn't convert - at least not to Judaism (but have flirted with Buddhist because of how peaceful and introspective it is). From a few of my Jewish friends that have gotten married it seems like they've sacrificed some of those other qualities to be with someone who is Jewish. Some will bend so far as to marry someone if they convert - others only if born into it.

    I'm sure others have been in a similar situation and found ways of working through (or maybe not). So how did you do it? What became important? How did you raise the kids? How did you deal with your parents?

    [For the record I put a date limit for later in the year when she'll have to decide; though realistically I don't have high hopes it will go in my favor. It makes me more angry than sad that a religion which professes love and acceptance would interfere with a relationship and that someone would let that happen. The basic tenets seems so contradictory IMO.]
    It depends on how open she is to other religions and how open her family and your family is to other religions. If everyone is forgiving and sympathetic then there is no problem. If her mother lives 2 doors down and is a nag and your SO listens to her before you then it has not a snowballs chance.
    Glenn

  24. #24
    Air
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    [Reading a few more posts]

    Apparently glenng and I should get married.

  25. #25
    crazy bike girl msincredible's Avatar
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    A Foo marriage! Don't forget to invite us.

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