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Thread: Scenario

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    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Scenario

    A tragic accident happens to someone you care about dearly. A stranger responds to that accident and tends to that person helping the best they can. They contact you to notify you of the incident. You realize that their actions were clearly something that prevented something way worse from happening.

    You begin to form a friendship with that person, thinking that this person is a Godsend, liking them more and more as you get to know each other.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Until you find out that this person was involved something terribly awful. So awful that you know otherwise you would NEVER EVER associate with this person. But in the meantime, if you never found out, you would still be forming a closeness with this person.

    How would you react, what would your thinking be?
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
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    Opus PATH's Avatar
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    Best to keep a respectable distance.
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    Beauty Everywhere snowy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    A tragic accident happens to someone you care about dearly. A stranger responds to that accident and tends to that person helping the best they can. They contact you to notify you of the incident. You realize that their actions were clearly something that prevented something way worse from happening.

    You begin to form a friendship with that person, thinking that this person is a Godsend, liking them more and more as you get to know each other.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Until you find out that this person was involved something terribly awful. So awful that you know otherwise you would NEVER EVER associate with this person. But in the meantime, if you never found out, you would still be forming a closeness with this person.

    How would you react, what would your thinking be?
    How recent was this act?? If it was something a long time ago, WHO CARES!! Everyone has a past. Unless they murdered someone or something like that.

    It really depends on the situation.
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    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    That what is in the past cannot be changed, but this person can change FROM what he/she was before.

    • What are they now? (I am NOT asking particulars, just asking you to assess)
    • Have they changed?
    • If so, don't they deserve some benefit of the doubt?
    • Are they really still that person they once were?



    To err is human and to forgive, divine, as the saying goes. Just beware that trust extended can be violated....go slow (hypothetically speaking )
    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    A tragic accident happens to someone you care about dearly. A stranger responds to that accident and tends to that person helping the best they can. They contact you to notify you of the incident. You realize that their actions were clearly something that prevented something way worse from happening.

    You begin to form a friendship with that person, thinking that this person is a Godsend, liking them more and more as you get to know each other.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Until you find out that this person was involved something terribly awful. So awful that you know otherwise you would NEVER EVER associate with this person. But in the meantime, if you never found out, you would still be forming a closeness with this person.

    How would you react, what would your thinking be?
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


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    Quote Originally Posted by PATH View Post
    Best to keep a respectable distance.
    Good words.
    J
    Good times.

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    moving target c0urt's Avatar
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    earlier this week i ate dinner with a devout catholic who is a buddy and a nazi from germany who was in town to visit family

    no kidding

    so people can learn to look past their differences and share common goals to make things work

    but best to tread carefully and walk softly and be respectfully distant
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    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by snowy View Post
    BEER!
    Fixed.

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    Senior Member FlyingAnchor's Avatar
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    Wow, so much to think about, and the word DEPENDS stands out here to me. How much risk are you willing to accept, how long ago was the incident, what do you think of that particular crime, is the recitivism rate high/low?

    So Siu, examine all the facts and still let your feelings have a say, but be careful.

    One last question here, Do you feel he/she deserves another chance?

    Steven
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    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    No benefit of doubt because they know them self what what happened. I believe this person wants to change, is trying to change but still... what they were involved in is almost unforgivable by almost anyone. It has to be forgiven from elsewhere, or if anything from deep inside them self. This happened not too long ago. A few years.

    And yes, I think this person deserves another chance.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  10. #10
    Senior Member skiahh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    A tragic accident happens to someone you care about dearly. A stranger responds to that accident and tends to that person helping the best they can. They contact you to notify you of the incident. You realize that their actions were clearly something that prevented something way worse from happening.

    You begin to form a friendship with that person, thinking that this person is a Godsend, liking them more and more as you get to know each other.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Until you find out that this person was involved something terribly awful. So awful that you know otherwise you would NEVER EVER associate with this person. But in the meantime, if you never found out, you would still be forming a closeness with this person.

    How would you react, what would your thinking be?
    You have to be true to yourself. You've answered your own question... "NEVER EVER" is pretty straightforward.
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    snip his balls off with a sharp object.

  12. #12
    Senior Member jaxgtr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    No benefit of doubt because they know them self what what happened. I believe this person wants to change, is trying to change but still... what they were involved in is almost unforgivable by almost anyone. It has to be forgiven from elsewhere, or if anything from deep inside them self. This happened not too long ago. A few years.

    And yes, I think this person deserves another chance.
    Unless if it was harming a child, but if the person has decided to go on the straight path, I say give them a shot, but........keep a watchful eye.
    Brian | 2015 Cannondale Synapse Carbon 3 | 2014 Trek CrossRip Comp | 2013 Cannondale SuperSix (for sale)
    Quote Originally Posted by AEO View Post
    you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way.

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    My only real advice is.. please don't be alone with this person Siu. I know there are tons of creeps out there that like to take advantage of your goodness, please don't let it happen.

  14. #14
    Wood Licker Maelstrom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by snowy View Post
    How recent was this act?? If it was something a long time ago, WHO CARES!! Everyone has a past. Unless they murdered someone or something like that.

    It really depends on the situation.
    straight and to the point...and exactly how I feel. My past is sketchy at best, people that judge me loose my respect. Its not their place. This especially applies if they have learned from their mistakes.

    Now, if this is a core moral value where "they" would still perform the same way, and "your" value is still different, then that is another issue altogether. Its possible its a chance for growth on your part.

    But then again, differences create more interesting relationships than similarities. Maybe you should not look at it as a purely black and white situation, maybe there were cirumstances involved you cant understand.

    As a last "view"...if this is morally reprehensible (I have values/offences I CAN'T forgive), then toss him.

    As you can see, it depends on the "problem"..black and white doesn't exist.

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    Wood Licker Maelstrom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pheard View Post
    My only real advice is.. please don't be alone with this person Siu. I know there are tons of creeps out there that like to take advantage of your goodness, please don't let it happen.
    You seem to more than us...unfair advantage.

  16. #16
    BF's Level 12 Wizard SingingSabre's Avatar
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    Depends on what it was and how it changed them.
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    Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.

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    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maelstrom View Post
    straight and to the point...and exactly how I feel. My past is sketchy at best, people that judge me loose my respect. Its not their place. This especially applies if they have learned from their mistakes.

    Now, if this is a core moral value where "they" would still perform the same way, and "your" value is still different, then that is another issue altogether. Its possible its a chance for growth on your part.

    But then again, differences create more interesting relationships than similarities. Maybe you should not look at it as a purely black and white situation, maybe there were cirumstances involved you cant understand.

    As a last "view"...if this is morally reprehensible (I have values/offences I CAN'T forgive), then toss him.

    As you can see, it depends on the "problem"..black and white doesn't exist.
    This is my struggle.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  18. #18
    Senior Member StrangeWill's Avatar
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    I'd nuke it from orbit, it would be the only way to be sure.

  19. #19
    some new kind of kick Suttree's Avatar
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    I'd get a couple of books on sociopathy and narcissism and read them--
    and then take a hard look at said person and decide if they fit the
    diagnosis. Some personality disorders are really, really durable.
    I'm not giving this diagnosis--I ain't no shrink, but doing evil things suggests the possibility
    of sociopathy or narcissism.

    But this is all very weird and hard to quantify without more facts.
    I've read a lot about this stuff, took classes on it in law school--and
    I have very uncanny intuition about people--so I seldom get hustled--
    but some would say I am too suspicious.

    Dr. Robert Hare's book is good, there are lots of things on the web.
    A hallmark of a sociopathic hustle is that the person is able to intuit
    and tell you what you want to hear--to make you feel understood--
    to give the appearance of listening and to win your confidence. This
    is eerily close to a real connection but the difference is the lack of empathy
    and the instrumental way sociopaths will use the connection they make
    you feel.

    I say that in the end you have to stand back from how you feel about a person
    and look for a pattern. Get all the facts you can about a person. Do they
    consistently act in a reasonable way with one or two big eff ups? Or do they
    consistently act in a way that is manipulative and claim that they want to get better.
    The latter is a red flag. The former is probably just being human.
    Last edited by Suttree; 02-12-08 at 12:54 AM.

  20. #20
    Air
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    This is of course without specifics. However some things can only be changed on the surface. A sexual predator will always have those tendencies. A child molester will always have those tendencies. An alcoholic can fight the urges quite successfully but especially if they have a violent past are one drink from becoming the person they used to be.

    You are a very loving and caring person. People who manipulate will easily seek out your goodness because most others won't accept them. But then they're in a position to take advantage.

    How close do you have to be? Do they have to know where you live? Do they have to know where you work? Do they have to know personal details of your life?

    Perhaps (again, not knowing this may or may not be the case) they are trying to fight their path. Or maybe that past is them and they're just fighting to put a different face on.

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    Wood Licker Maelstrom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    This is my struggle.
    Then that is your answer.

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    5' 19" barndoor's Avatar
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    Try to imagine yourself with this person and these circumstances down the road....

    Will it cause problems? BIG problems? If so, it won't be worth it....heartache will abound...or worse....
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    Lanky Lass East Hill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by barndoor View Post
    Try to imagine yourself with this person and these circumstances down the road....

    Will it cause problems? BIG problems? If so, it won't be worth it....heartache will abound...or worse....
    Indeed.

    Can you step back and see if you are being manipulated? There are certain things which are almost impossible for someone to change--being a paedophile seems to be something which has almost a 100% recidivism rate.

    I think I would go with 'keep a respectable distance', and watch for signs of being manipulated.

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    TRY EMPATHY & HAVE LOVE IN YOUR HEART, PERHAPS I'LL SEE YOU ON THE ROAD...

  24. #24
    Fourth Degree Legend junkyard's Avatar
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    I'd be comfortable knowing that I probably did something much worse.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pheard View Post
    snip his balls off with a sharp object.
    Careful, Jon. How do you know she isn't talking about you?
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