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  1. #1
    Dog is my co-pilot 2manybikes's Avatar
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    Banned from Wal-Mart

    This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

    DON'T TAKE HIM IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO...........

    After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband
    accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.

    Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring
    and preferred to get in and get out.

    Equally unfortunate, Mrs. Fenton was like most women-she loved to
    browse.
    One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local
    Wal-Mart.

    Dear Mrs. Fenton,

    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
    commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to
    ban both of you from the store.

    Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented
    by our video surveillance cameras.

    June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
    carts when they weren't looking.

    July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
    intervals.

    July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    women's restroom.

    July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
    "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

    August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
    layaway.

    September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

    September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
    shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
    from the bedding department.

    September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
    and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

    October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
    mirror while he picked his nose.

    November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
    the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
    the " Mission Impossible" theme.

    December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by
    using different sizes of funnels.

    December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
    yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

    December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
    assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

    And last, but not least ....

    December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
    then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #2
    Senior Member Sledbikes's Avatar
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    old
    riding and pimpin again

  3. #3
    Chepooka StupidlyBrave's Avatar
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    ^^Perhaps.

    But I hadn't seen it before and I thought it was hilarious.

  4. #4
    Has opinion, will express
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    But a good thing to hang on the refrigerator as a reminder of what could happen if she insists on going shopping.
    Dream. Dare. Do.

  5. #5
    some new kind of kick Suttree's Avatar
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    I'm going to have to try that--
    except I'll go to the *** counter--
    and then pull out a vial and exclaim:

    "oh no, where is the presciption department--
    my antipsychotic meds are out. . ."

  6. #6
    Pwnerer Wordbiker's Avatar
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    Better plan:

    Get a cart and head to the automotive department and grab a battery and a pair of jumper cables. Then head over to hardware and grab a pair of heavy insulated gloves, put them on and head over to the pet department. There, grab an electric fence charger, hook it up to the battery and connect the charger to the cart.

    Now you can push the cart through the store and have fun with the oblivious aisle blockers.
    Quote Originally Posted by ahsposo View Post
    Ski, bike and wish I was gay.

  7. #7
    tired donnamb's Avatar
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    "Real wars of words are harder to win. They require thought, insight, precision, articulation, knowledge, and experience. They require the humility to admit when you are wrong. They recognize that the dialectic is not about making us look at you, but about us all looking together for the truth."

  8. #8
    Warrior Cyclist cycle17's Avatar
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    Funny stuff. Thanks for posting it. I got some hearty chuckles from reading it.
    Just Do It..

  9. #9
    Opus PATH's Avatar
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    Oldie but a goodie!
    Go raibh an chóir ghaoithe i gcónaí liom!

    2007 Specialized Tricross Comp Triple, 2007 Trek T1, 2006 Specialized Roubaix
    2006 Bianchi Cross Concept, 1989 Miyata Sportrunner, 2006 Bianchi Axis, 2008 Specialized Crosstrail Expert







    Lullaby Of Foo

    Now I lay me down to sleep
    Keep my bike safe from the bicycle thief
    Keep my tootsies toasty warm
    keep my carbon from any harm

    Good Night Road Bike
    Good Night Moutain Bike
    Good night all you Foosters
    And good night Moon

  10. #10
    another cat...FAB! stevesurf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2manybikes View Post
    June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
    carts when they weren't looking.
    oh I must try this...

  11. #11
    Senior Member
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    Nice take on an oldie.

  12. #12
    Immoderator KrisPistofferson's Avatar
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    I had a friend who used to act like a mute and go and try to buy arrow heads and/or bullets for an Ak 47. Think about that for a second.

  13. #13
    Senior Member StrangeWill's Avatar
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    Awesome, take the old 100 things to do in a Wal-Mart, and chop it in to some horrible PoS chain e-mail bull****.

    2manybikes, are you like 60?

  14. #14
    Dog is my co-pilot 2manybikes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wordbiker View Post
    Better plan:

    Get a cart and head to the automotive department and grab a battery and a pair of jumper cables. Then head over to hardware and grab a pair of heavy insulated gloves, put them on and head over to the pet department. There, grab an electric fence charger, hook it up to the battery and connect the charger to the cart.

    Now you can push the cart through the store and have fun with the oblivious aisle blockers.
    I am soooooooooo tempted to try that !

    Quote Originally Posted by KrisPistofferson
    I had a friend who used to act like a mute and go and try to buy arrow heads and/or bullets for an Ak 47. Think about that for a second.
    Don't forget black powder or tons of fertilizer.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  15. #15
    Senior Member Ted Danson's Avatar
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    Merton Enthusiast

  16. #16
    Senior Member Ted Danson's Avatar
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    18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

    i got banned from a mcdonalds for that last year they called our parents n stuff too
    Merton Enthusiast

  17. #17
    2-Cyl, 1/2 HP @ 90 RPM slvoid's Avatar
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    Janurary 9th: Security camera footage subsequently showed your husband installing 1/4 megaton thermonuclear device into a Kenmore washer/dryer combo. It took los alamos and general electric technicians 7 hours to render the device inert. A 52 year old woman received severe radiation exposure on both hands and her face when she opened the pre-wash detergent compartment.

  18. #18
    Dog is my co-pilot 2manybikes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slvoid View Post
    Janurary 9th: Security camera footage subsequently showed your husband installing 1/4 megaton thermonuclear device into a Kenmore washer/dryer combo. It took los alamos and general electric technicians 7 hours to render the device inert. A 52 year old woman received severe radiation exposure on both hands and her face when she opened the pre-wash detergent compartment.
    But the clothes came out really, really dry. In 1.23 seconds.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  19. #19
    Chairman of the Bored catatonic's Avatar
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    Kenmore nuclear appliances: for clothing so clean, they glow!

    I'm a big fan of taking the small appliance dc power supplies and hot wiring them so that they shock people when they touch the display models. I usually carry a keychain sized SOGtool and some 16ga speaker wire just for this reason when at Wally World. The best part is when the victim ends up getting other people to touch it to verify that it's really shocking them ("tell me this don't hurt!")
    -------- __@
    ----- _`\<,_
    ---- (*)/ (*)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Ring Ring, Ring Ring, the bell went Ring Ring Ring.

  20. #20
    Senior Member
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    Ha Ha! Yeah and sometimes when electrocuting strangers just isn't enough of a rush, I pull some unsuspecting person into my van and attack their genitals with arc welding gear! Ha Ha! Good times! The best part is when they scream for mercy, saying "This really hurts!".

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