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  1. #1
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    I hate my new girlfriend...

    We had our first date on Thursday morning (I guess she's an early riser) and I found out immediately that she's not much for small talk and likes to get right down to business.

    She also has a mean streak and despite being pretty petite she proceeded to beat the ever loving crap out of me and forced me into some really un-natural positions... by the time she was done I couldn't feel my legs.

    And some of you are already thinking this sounds like a good thing...

    I didn't see her over the long weekend as I really needed the time to get the feeling back in my extremities but saw her again this morning and again, she wanted to put me in un-natural positions... it's a good thing I'm pretty flexible and have some great stamina for an old guy.

    Because the beating wasn't good enough she then decided to stick a bunch of needles in me and I feel rather guilty in admitting this... I actually liked it.

    We'll be doing this all over again tomorrow and I figure that we're gonna have to break up in about three weeks... as that is when the physiotherapy and rehabilitation is supposed to finish.

    I am so gonna need painkillers as we're just getting warmed up.

    At least they let me ride the trainer...

  2. #2
    Baned. mude's Avatar
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    i giggled.
    5000

  3. #3
    Nothing here to see!!!!!! flyingscotsman's Avatar
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    You will grow to love the B*tch

  4. #4
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    pics or it didn't happen.


  5. #5
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    I'll see if I can post the MRI results for ya.

  6. #6
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    I am glad you do not have a hernia.
    Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  7. #7
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by flyingscotsman View Post
    You will grow to love the B*tch
    No... I really can't see this working out in the long term.

    A. She's blonde.

    and

    B. She doesn't ride a bike.

  8. #8
    But on the road more MTBLover's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sixty Fiver View Post
    No... I really can't see this working out in the long term.

    A. She's blonde.

    and

    B. She doesn't ride a bike.

    Wait... what????? I thought you were talking about a bike!

  9. #9
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    I am glad you do not have a hernia.
    Would you rather it be a hemmoroid? (sp?)


    Quote Originally Posted by Sixty Fiver View Post
    No... I really can't see this working out in the long term.

    A. She's blonde.

    and

    B. She doesn't ride a bike.
    Dude, you have 3 more weeks to convert her to riding a bike...and blondes can be fun.

  10. #10
    RustyTainte substructure's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sixty Fiver View Post
    No... I really can't see this working out in the long term.

    A. She's blonde.

    and

    B. She doesn't ride a bike.
    Two great tastes that taste great together.

    She will rule you on the bike, man. Don't invite her into that world.


    Plus, I tingled after reading your first post :blush: My wife is Plain Jane until I get her half drunk and there's access to porn that she likes.

  11. #11
    Senior Member lisarmarshall's Avatar
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    I was jealous for a couple of seconds..... wait, maybe I shouldn't admit that....

  12. #12
    Up on the Down Side CyLowe97's Avatar
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    Remember: Keep Your Crank Out Of The Crank.

    Very Important.



    Edit.... wait, you're not talking about a bike? This thread is confusing.

  13. #13
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    Okay... bike stuff.

    I did get to do a VO2 test today and Dan, the exercise therapist (and former racer) was a little rocked as even when he loaded up the machine he couldn't get me to hit my max heart rate (178 based my age) and my blood pressure spiked at 130/80... it was 110/70 when I started.

    We talked a lot about riding and back injuries and how riding a fixed gear really helps when you don't have as much feeling / strength in one leg due to a nerve impingement.

    I am actually looking forward to going in tomorrow as I have things to do that don't involve blonde girls who don't ride bikes and expect that eventually, there will be less pain and more progress.

  14. #14
    Gears? CliftonGK1's Avatar
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    I got this far:
    "She also has a mean streak and despite being pretty petite she proceeded to beat the ever loving crap out of me and forced me into some really un-natural positions... by the time she was done I couldn't feel my legs."
    and thought you were talking about being forced to ride a TT bike.
    "I feel like my world was classier before I found cyclocross."
    - Mandi M.

  15. #15
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    or what happened to me?

    On that topic, why do proctologists all have hands like Virginia hams?

    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    Would you rather it be a hemmoroid? (sp?)




    Dude, you have 3 more weeks to convert her to riding a bike...and blondes can be fun.
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

  16. #16
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    Tom... as one of the really stoned guys I can't really tell you why proctologists have hands like Virginia hams as that falls into Cuda's area of expertise.

    I can tell you that the thought of ham is making me hungry.

  17. #17
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sixty Fiver View Post
    Tom... as one of the really stoned guys I can't really tell you why proctologists have hands like Virginia hams as that falls into Cuda's area of expertise.

    I can tell you that the thought of ham is making me hungry.
    hmm...ham, hemmoroids, and Tom's escapade.
    I'm sensing a common thread at the moment

  18. #18
    Senior Member Lamplight's Avatar
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    Most of that you may be able to learn to love, but the not riding a bike thing...that's just not going to work. I had a rather large but friendly lady stab me in the hiney with two needles today which she promptly massaged a little to ease the pain (I guess). It helped, so I now love her.

  19. #19
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    So LL... when do we get to meet her ?

    And does she ride a bike ?


  20. #20
    Senior Member Lamplight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sixty Fiver View Post
    So LL... when do we get to meet her ?

    And does she ride a bike ?


    I seriously doubt she rides a bike. And, despite loving her for sticking me, I would like to avoid her place of business as much as possible!

  21. #21
    some new kind of kick Suttree's Avatar
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    we should all be so lucky to have a nice girl to beat us up

    stop bragging fiver--
    Last edited by Suttree; 03-25-08 at 02:49 PM.

  22. #22
    Kicked out of the Webelos bluebottle1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe View Post
    On that topic, why do proctologists all have hands like Virginia hams
    OOOOHHHH! Wave off! Wave off!

    DAMMIT! Image formed! Scarred for life!
    ______________________________________________

    Kicked out of the Webelos.

  23. #23
    Lanky Lass East Hill's Avatar
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    You are breaking the hearts of all the women of Foo .

    You need to stick to bikey babes !

    East Hill
    ___________________________________________________
    TRY EMPATHY & HAVE LOVE IN YOUR HEART, PERHAPS I'LL SEE YOU ON THE ROAD...

  24. #24
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    I thought you like dark haired women.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  25. #25
    kicker of elves weltall82's Avatar
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    this thread is golden.

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