Cycling and bicycle discussion forums. 
   Click here to join our community Log in to access your Control Panel  


Go Back   > >

Foo Off-Topic chit chat with no general subject.

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 04-01-08, 01:42 PM   #1
ModoVincere
Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour
Thread Starter
 
ModoVincere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Bikes:
Posts: 1,675
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Colonoscopy....

Well, if you having one, might as well pass the time with a conversation.
Here's some good icebreakers to start it off..

“Take it easy Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before!”

“Find Amelia Earhart yet?”

“Can you hear me NOW?”

“Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

“You know in Arkansas we’re now legally married.”

“Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?”

“You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…”

“Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”

“If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!”

“Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”

“You used to be an executive at Enron didn’t you?”

"Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in fact not up there?”
__________________
1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold
ModoVincere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-08, 01:46 PM   #2
jsharr
You Know!? For Kids!
 
jsharr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Just NW of Richardson Bike Mart
Bikes: '05 Trek 1200 / '90 Trek 8000 / '? Falcon Europa
Posts: 6,157
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
colonoscope (noun) an empty tube with anus on each end.
__________________
Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
Quote:
Originally Posted by colorider View Post
Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
jsharr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-08, 01:48 PM   #3
MTBLover
But on the road more
 
MTBLover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Bikes: Bianchi Volpe '07
Posts: 864
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
colonoscope (noun) an empty tube with anus on each end.
MTBLover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-08, 01:48 PM   #4
ModoVincere
Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour
Thread Starter
 
ModoVincere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Bikes:
Posts: 1,675
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
colonoscope (noun) an empty tube with anus on each end.
I would advise that you not say that either before or during such procedure. One anus may do something the other would not appreciate.
__________________
1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold
ModoVincere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-08, 01:50 PM   #5
Psydotek
Body By Nintendo
 
Psydotek's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Videogames ruined my life. Good thing i have 2 extra lives.
Bikes: Giant TCR2, Giant TCX, IRO BFSSFG SE, Salsa Casseroll, IRO Rob Roy.
Posts: 3,187
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Your proctologist called. They found your head.
__________________

Quote:
Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
A girl once asked me to give her twelve inches and make it hurt. I had to make love to her 3 times and then punch her in the nose.
Psydotek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-08, 02:23 PM   #6
jsharr
You Know!? For Kids!
 
jsharr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Just NW of Richardson Bike Mart
Bikes: '05 Trek 1200 / '90 Trek 8000 / '? Falcon Europa
Posts: 6,157
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Hey Doc, it is very comforting to me for you to have your hands on my shoulders.
__________________
Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
Quote:
Originally Posted by colorider View Post
Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
jsharr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-08, 02:43 PM   #7
Cone Wrench
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Bikes: 1976 Apollo Mk IV, mid-'80s Miyata touring bike, mid-'80s Miyata mtn bike, 2007 Trek 6500 mtn bike, 2008 Trek Madone 5.2
Posts: 730
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
For the months leading up to mine I kept rehearsing that immortal line uttered by Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard, "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up."
Then the nurse gave me a shot of something and I forgot.
Cone Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 10:49 AM   #8
trsidn 
Soggy Member
 
trsidn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Putting the 'fun' in dysfunctional
Bikes: Cannondale CAAD8, Trek SU200
Posts: 283
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 79 Post(s)
I could not ask these questions because I would insist on being unconcious for said procedure....
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElJamoquio View Post
.... Other than being completely wrong, you're correct.
trsidn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 11:06 AM   #9
jsharr
You Know!? For Kids!
 
jsharr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Just NW of Richardson Bike Mart
Bikes: '05 Trek 1200 / '90 Trek 8000 / '? Falcon Europa
Posts: 6,157
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
I prefer not to speak with my mouth full.
__________________
Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
Quote:
Originally Posted by colorider View Post
Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
jsharr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 11:14 AM   #10
HardyWeinberg
GATC
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: south Puget Sound
Bikes:
Posts: 7,495
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 48 Post(s)
it seems like you have to wait until they've started to pull these questions out, otherwise you're just asking for the "special" 'scope they keep in the freezer.
HardyWeinberg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 11:27 AM   #11
Allen
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Bikes:
Posts: 4,751
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What I learned from my colonoscopy is that after being injected with valium I am incapable of forming memory for the rest of the day.

My sister lives a few blocks from the hospital. Evidentially I walked to her house afterward, because I could not find my car, because I forgot I was driven to the hospital. I also don't remember: ditching my ride home, going into the Taco Stand and eating, nor buying a cheese cake for my sister before I arrived at her house (bakery is 1/2 block from her house), throwing up while hanging out of the window of her car, calling my ride home and apologizing for ditching them, or how I actually made it into my house. I did remember to keep all my receipts though, something I don't remember to do when not under the influence of intravenous valium.
Allen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 11:58 AM   #12
roadfix
hello
 
roadfix's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Los Angeles
Bikes:
Posts: 18,568
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 11 Post(s)
It feels good.
roadfix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 12:18 PM   #13
HardyWeinberg
GATC
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: south Puget Sound
Bikes:
Posts: 7,495
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 48 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AllenG View Post
What I learned from my colonoscopy is that after being injected with valium I am incapable of forming memory for the rest of the day.

My sister lives a few blocks from the hospital. Evidentially I walked to her house afterward, because I could not find my car, because I forgot I was driven to the hospital. I also don't remember: ditching my ride home, going into the Taco Stand and eating, nor buying a cheese cake for my sister before I arrived at her house (bakery is 1/2 block from her house), throwing up while hanging out of the window of her car, calling my ride home and apologizing for ditching them, or how I actually made it into my house. I did remember to keep all my receipts though, something I don't remember to do when not under the influence of intravenous valium.

It sounds like if only you'd had a tape recorder running you'd be 3/4 of the way to the next gonzo classic 'Fear and Loathing at the Proctologists'
HardyWeinberg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 12:38 PM   #14
Allen
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Bikes:
Posts: 4,751
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by HardyWeinberg View Post
It sounds like if only you'd had a tape recorder running you'd be 3/4 of the way to the next gonzo classic 'Fear and Loathing at the Proctologists'
I'm going to have to confer with my attorney about that. *Swats at the damned bats*
Allen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 12:50 PM   #15
dauphin
Senior Member
 
dauphin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: California
Bikes:
Posts: 2,991
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by roadfix View Post
It feels good.
tell me you are referring to the valium...
dauphin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 12:51 PM   #16
Little Darwin
The Improbable Bulk
 
Little Darwin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Wilkes-Barre, PA
Bikes: Many
Posts: 8,401
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
The whole process (as I perceived it) from when I was rolled into the room with the scope etc.

1) I looked at all of the interesting equipment for about a minute.

2) The anesthesiologist told me that she was giving me something to help me relax.

3) I woke up in the recovery room.
__________________
Slow Ride Cyclists of NEPA

People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Little Darwin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 12:56 PM   #17
trsidn 
Soggy Member
 
trsidn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Putting the 'fun' in dysfunctional
Bikes: Cannondale CAAD8, Trek SU200
Posts: 283
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 79 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Darwin View Post
The whole process (as I perceived it) from when I was rolled into the room with the scope etc.

1) I looked at all of the interesting equipment for about a minute.

2) The anesthesiologist told me that she was giving me something to help me relax.

3) I woke up in the recovery room.
That's what I'm talking about....
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElJamoquio View Post
.... Other than being completely wrong, you're correct.
trsidn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 01:10 PM   #18
bikingshearer 
Crawlin' up, flyin' down
 
bikingshearer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Democratic Peoples' Republic of Berkeley
Bikes: 1967 Paramount, 1982-ish Ron Cooper,1986 De Rosa Professional, 1978 Eisentraut "A," 1961 BianchiCompetizione, 1994 Trek 520, 199? Burley Bossa Nova, early-1970s Cinelli Speciale Corsa
Posts: 3,333
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
Well, if you having one, might as well pass the time with a conversation.
Here's some good icebreakers to start it off..

“Take it easy Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before!”

“Find Amelia Earhart yet?”

“Can you hear me NOW?”

“Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

“You know in Arkansas we’re now legally married.”

“Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?”

“You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…”

“Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”

“If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!”

“Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”

“You used to be an executive at Enron didn’t you?”

"Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in fact not up there?”
Is that your elbow?
__________________
"I'm in shape -- round is a shape." Andy Rooney
bikingshearer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 06:00 PM   #19
deraltekluge
Senior Member
 
deraltekluge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Bikes: Kona Cinder Cone, Sun EZ-3 AX
Posts: 1,195
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Darwin View Post
The whole process (as I perceived it) from when I was rolled into the room with the scope etc.

1) I looked at all of the interesting equipment for about a minute.

2) The anesthesiologist told me that she was giving me something to help me relax.

3) I woke up in the recovery room.
Almost exactly my experience, except that I had a

1a) I was told I would be able to watch the procedure on the monitor.

But 2 and 3 negated that.
deraltekluge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 06:48 PM   #20
Little Darwin
The Improbable Bulk
 
Little Darwin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Wilkes-Barre, PA
Bikes: Many
Posts: 8,401
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I wonder if staying up late the night before is part of what makes the anesthesia so effective.

I should have been real dehydrated, except for the gallon of gatoraid that I drank.
__________________
Slow Ride Cyclists of NEPA

People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Little Darwin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 06:52 PM   #21
Allen
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Bikes:
Posts: 4,751
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Darwin View Post
I wonder if staying up late the night before is part of what makes the anesthesia so effective.

I should have been real dehydrated, except for the gallon of Gatorade that I drank.
They let you drink Gatorade? I had to drink a gallon of foul, hateful brew the night before, a glass of chemical ichor every fifteen minutes.
By far the worst part of the whole procedure. Gack!

Last edited by Allen; 04-03-08 at 06:59 PM.
Allen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 07:03 PM   #22
crackerjab
WTF is that smell?
 
crackerjab's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Charlotte, NC
Bikes:
Posts: 449
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No colonoscopy but I comment I made at my last check-up/physical...

Doc: Let me know if anything feels comfortable...
Me: Yep, that's uncomfortable.
Doc: What, this? <moves finger around>
Me: No, just the finger in general.
Doc: <snickers>
crackerjab is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 07:20 PM   #23
Tom Stormcrowe
Out fishing with Annie on his lap, a cigar in one hand and a ginger ale in the other, watching the sunset.
 
Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: South Florida
Bikes: Techna Wheelchair and a Sun EZ 3 Recumbent Trike
Posts: 16,120
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
They had me drink the 2 horrible little bottles of Lemon Lime flavored (allegedly) ultra salty crapola! (Phosphor-soda or something like that). Man, that was HORRIBLE!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AllenG View Post
They let you drink Gatorade? I had to drink a gallon of foul, hateful brew the night before, a glass of chemical ichor every fifteen minutes.
By far the worst part of the whole procedure. Gack!
__________________
. “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant
Tom Stormcrowe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-03-08, 07:37 PM   #24
ken cummings
Senior Member
 
ken cummings's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: northern California
Bikes: Bruce Gordon BLT, Cannondale parts bike, Ecodyne recumbent trike, Counterpoint Opus 2, miyata 1000
Posts: 5,601
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
They knock you out and do not let you see the tape because they do not want you to hear the one word you never want to hear from a brain surgeon OR a proctologist, "Oops."
ken cummings is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-08, 01:58 PM   #25
Mariner Fan
59'er
 
Mariner Fan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Alexandria, IN
Bikes: LeMond Maillot Jaune, Vintage Trek 520 (1985), 1976 Schwinn Voyageur 2, Miyata 1000 (1985)
Posts: 3,302
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe View Post
They had me drink the 2 horrible little bottles of Lemon Lime flavored (allegedly) ultra salty crapola! (Phosphor-soda or something like that). Man, that was HORRIBLE!
Yea, then things get really interesting!
__________________
Mariner Fan is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:34 PM.