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Thread: Colonoscopy....

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    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Colonoscopy....

    Well, if you having one, might as well pass the time with a conversation.
    Here's some good icebreakers to start it off..

    “Take it easy Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before!”

    “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”

    “Can you hear me NOW?”

    “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

    “You know in Arkansas we’re now legally married.”

    “Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?”

    “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…”

    “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”

    “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!”

    “Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”

    “You used to be an executive at Enron didn’t you?”

    "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in fact not up there?”

  2. #2
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    colonoscope (noun) an empty tube with anus on each end.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

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    But on the road more MTBLover's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    colonoscope (noun) an empty tube with anus on each end.

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    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    colonoscope (noun) an empty tube with anus on each end.
    I would advise that you not say that either before or during such procedure. One anus may do something the other would not appreciate.

  5. #5
    Body By Nintendo Psydotek's Avatar
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    Your proctologist called. They found your head.

    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    A girl once asked me to give her twelve inches and make it hurt. I had to make love to her 3 times and then punch her in the nose.

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    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Hey Doc, it is very comforting to me for you to have your hands on my shoulders.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
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    For the months leading up to mine I kept rehearsing that immortal line uttered by Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard, "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up."
    Then the nurse gave me a shot of something and I forgot.

  8. #8
    Squirrelly Member trsidn's Avatar
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    I could not ask these questions because I would insist on being unconcious for said procedure....
    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    Yet more proof that I'm.. well, pretty much right about everything.

  9. #9
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    I prefer not to speak with my mouth full.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  10. #10
    GATC
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    it seems like you have to wait until they've started to pull these questions out, otherwise you're just asking for the "special" 'scope they keep in the freezer.

  11. #11
    Super Moderator Allen's Avatar
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    What I learned from my colonoscopy is that after being injected with valium I am incapable of forming memory for the rest of the day.

    My sister lives a few blocks from the hospital. Evidentially I walked to her house afterward, because I could not find my car, because I forgot I was driven to the hospital. I also don't remember: ditching my ride home, going into the Taco Stand and eating, nor buying a cheese cake for my sister before I arrived at her house (bakery is 1/2 block from her house), throwing up while hanging out of the window of her car, calling my ride home and apologizing for ditching them, or how I actually made it into my house. I did remember to keep all my receipts though, something I don't remember to do when not under the influence of intravenous valium.

  12. #12
    hello roadfix's Avatar
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    It feels good.

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    GATC
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    Quote Originally Posted by AllenG View Post
    What I learned from my colonoscopy is that after being injected with valium I am incapable of forming memory for the rest of the day.

    My sister lives a few blocks from the hospital. Evidentially I walked to her house afterward, because I could not find my car, because I forgot I was driven to the hospital. I also don't remember: ditching my ride home, going into the Taco Stand and eating, nor buying a cheese cake for my sister before I arrived at her house (bakery is 1/2 block from her house), throwing up while hanging out of the window of her car, calling my ride home and apologizing for ditching them, or how I actually made it into my house. I did remember to keep all my receipts though, something I don't remember to do when not under the influence of intravenous valium.

    It sounds like if only you'd had a tape recorder running you'd be 3/4 of the way to the next gonzo classic 'Fear and Loathing at the Proctologists'

  14. #14
    Super Moderator Allen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HardyWeinberg View Post
    It sounds like if only you'd had a tape recorder running you'd be 3/4 of the way to the next gonzo classic 'Fear and Loathing at the Proctologists'
    I'm going to have to confer with my attorney about that. *Swats at the damned bats*

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    Senior Member dauphin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by roadfix View Post
    It feels good.
    tell me you are referring to the valium...

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    The Improbable Bulk Little Darwin's Avatar
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    The whole process (as I perceived it) from when I was rolled into the room with the scope etc.

    1) I looked at all of the interesting equipment for about a minute.

    2) The anesthesiologist told me that she was giving me something to help me relax.

    3) I woke up in the recovery room.
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  17. #17
    Squirrelly Member trsidn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Darwin View Post
    The whole process (as I perceived it) from when I was rolled into the room with the scope etc.

    1) I looked at all of the interesting equipment for about a minute.

    2) The anesthesiologist told me that she was giving me something to help me relax.

    3) I woke up in the recovery room.
    That's what I'm talking about....
    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    Yet more proof that I'm.. well, pretty much right about everything.

  18. #18
    Crawlin' up, flyin' down bikingshearer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    Well, if you having one, might as well pass the time with a conversation.
    Here's some good icebreakers to start it off..

    “Take it easy Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before!”

    “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”

    “Can you hear me NOW?”

    “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

    “You know in Arkansas we’re now legally married.”

    “Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?”

    “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…”

    “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”

    “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!”

    “Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”

    “You used to be an executive at Enron didn’t you?”

    "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in fact not up there?”
    Is that your elbow?
    "I'm in shape -- round is a shape." Andy Rooney

  19. #19
    Senior Member deraltekluge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Darwin View Post
    The whole process (as I perceived it) from when I was rolled into the room with the scope etc.

    1) I looked at all of the interesting equipment for about a minute.

    2) The anesthesiologist told me that she was giving me something to help me relax.

    3) I woke up in the recovery room.
    Almost exactly my experience, except that I had a

    1a) I was told I would be able to watch the procedure on the monitor.

    But 2 and 3 negated that.

  20. #20
    The Improbable Bulk Little Darwin's Avatar
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    I wonder if staying up late the night before is part of what makes the anesthesia so effective.

    I should have been real dehydrated, except for the gallon of gatoraid that I drank.
    Slow Ride Cyclists of NEPA

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  21. #21
    Super Moderator Allen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Darwin View Post
    I wonder if staying up late the night before is part of what makes the anesthesia so effective.

    I should have been real dehydrated, except for the gallon of Gatorade that I drank.
    They let you drink Gatorade? I had to drink a gallon of foul, hateful brew the night before, a glass of chemical ichor every fifteen minutes.
    By far the worst part of the whole procedure. Gack!
    Last edited by Allen; 04-03-08 at 06:59 PM.

  22. #22
    WTF is that smell? crackerjab's Avatar
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    No colonoscopy but I comment I made at my last check-up/physical...

    Doc: Let me know if anything feels comfortable...
    Me: Yep, that's uncomfortable.
    Doc: What, this? <moves finger around>
    Me: No, just the finger in general.
    Doc: <snickers>

  23. #23
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    They had me drink the 2 horrible little bottles of Lemon Lime flavored (allegedly) ultra salty crapola! (Phosphor-soda or something like that). Man, that was HORRIBLE!
    Quote Originally Posted by AllenG View Post
    They let you drink Gatorade? I had to drink a gallon of foul, hateful brew the night before, a glass of chemical ichor every fifteen minutes.
    By far the worst part of the whole procedure. Gack!
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


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  24. #24
    Senior Member ken cummings's Avatar
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    They knock you out and do not let you see the tape because they do not want you to hear the one word you never want to hear from a brain surgeon OR a proctologist, "Oops."
    This space open

  25. #25
    59'er Mariner Fan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Stormcrowe View Post
    They had me drink the 2 horrible little bottles of Lemon Lime flavored (allegedly) ultra salty crapola! (Phosphor-soda or something like that). Man, that was HORRIBLE!
    Yea, then things get really interesting!

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