This is for film class. My thesis: "Star Wars and The Hidden Fortress are glaringly similar films."
I got a 'B' on it.
When I had it returned to me it said this:
My response:All very good points, but your thesis is weak.
He came back with:Thesis is clearly stated, succinct and focused. Check
Clear sense of order with a thesis sentence in the first paragraph. Supporting points are presented in a logical progression. Check
Thesis is fully developed. Each point is clearly and fully supported with specific details. Check
Uses technical terminology appropriately and correctly. No major grammatical or spelling errors. Check
Please let me know what I am missing from this list, else let me know how I can better support a radical thesis in under two pages.
I would like to get an 'A' in my next effort.
He didn't give me ANY pointers, he simply stated that he doesn't agree with my conclusion.Your writing is fine. The problem is that your thesis is weak. That is the themes in the two films are actually quite different though some of the plot points are quite similar. Your first paragraph then is weak, and by logical extension the concluding paragraph is weak.
Here's the response I'm thinking of sending. It's definitely more aggressive than my first response, so I don't know if this is something that I should even send. I mean, I did get a B, so is pursuing that A really worth it?
Thoughts?If the thesis is supported by "good points" shouldn't that strengthen the thesis?
So I just needed a better thesis?
Next time I will come up with a thesis that you agree with more.