Mr. T holds two U.S. patents, the latter meant to compensate for the obvious flaws of the former: fools (pronounced foo's) and pity. Scholars frequently note the layers of depth in the philosophy whereby fools are generally pitied by T for the very fate T himself has in store for them.
* Hitler found out that Mr.T pitied him and shot himself.
* Every time a church bell rings in the world, Mr. T pities a foo'.
* Additionally, every time Mr. T pities a foo, a female porn star regains her virginity, then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
* Mr. T once pitied the Sun. An ice age followed.
* Mr. T's favourite band is, unsurprisingly, Foo Fighters.
* During his short stint as the manager of a beauty salon, T's catchphrase was "I Pretty The Foo'."
* Rather than live off food and drink, T absorbs the energies of crushed self-esteem from the fools he has pitied.
* As part of an experiment in metaphysics, T once pitied Chuck Norris at the exact moment Norris delivered one of his trademark roundhouse kicks to Mr. T. The result was the 1980's.
* John Candy was the only man that Mr. T truly respects and views as an equal.
* Mr. T's van runs on pity and gets 30 miles per fool. Thus, it never empties.
* Every time Mr. T crosses his arms, the terror alert in the United States raises to gold.
* Every time the terror alert reaches gold, the government hires Mr. T
* T's original sole intention in joining the A-Team was to advertise Pepsi™, the drink of his generation.
* Due to a crippling doorknob allergy, T's only method of passing through a door is to pity it until it explodes
* T has a well-publicized professional rivalry with the Earth's surface, which he has shot several times.
* Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway, foo'.
* As would be expected, he has on overabundance of T cells, and is therefore unlikely to contract AIDS.
* Mr. T invented the T-Virus as a way of advertising Snickers.
* Mr. T spawned the United States Civil Rights Movement by sitting in the front of a public bus, causing all passengers of every race, including the white driver, to move to the back.
* T always comes before U. Don't forget that, foo. Heh, just joshing — but seriously. He's this close to pitying you.
* Mr. T once huffed kittens.
* Mr. T knows what the jazz is all about. However, upon hearing the jazz, he tells Bill Cosby to quit his jibba-jabba.
* Adolf Hitler never shot himself. Mr. T beat him to death with his gold chains.
* Mr. T once took an 11PM train. He refuses to give it back.
* At first President Bush wanted to invade the A-Team's van. They had intel that Murdock was hiding WMDs. When Bush heard a rumor that it was MR. T's Pity. He decided it would be safer to go after Iraq.
* Mr. T does, in fact, have a Night Elf Mohawk