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Old 05-16-08, 08:02 AM   #1
crazymotion
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I need love advice

I'm a somewhat long-time member of the bike forums and have a lot of respect for all the intelligent answers I get. Every once in a while, I get to weigh in too. This question is embarrassing though, so I went and made a whole new profile just so that I could avoid the embarrassment. Despite that, any help would be GREATLY appreciated. This problem is eating away at my general relaxation. On the good side, the stress is causing me to bike hardcore just to blow off some steam.

Here it is:

I am 30-years old. My girlfriend and I have been in a slow-moving relationship for about 3 years. Sometimes I am afraid it peaked too early and I wonder if we can make it last or not. I am losing interest but she is not. She especially loves being around my family.

Recently, my brother met her best friend and the two of them hit it off and began a whirlwind relationship. In other words, they are moving fast. I asked him not to pursue her because of the extra pain it would cause my current girlfriend if we break up. He hasn't stopped.

Imagine it for a minute: I break up with my girlfriend and she has to live with her best friend continuing to be a part of my family's life. She also has to live with him showing up with her best friend at social gatherings forever. That's got to be salt in the wound. It might not seem like a big deal at first blush, but if you stop to think about it, it would cause my girlfriend a lot of pain in the long run.

Now I feel like I can't break up with her without subjecting her to that cruel circumstance. And when we (my girlfriend and I) run into them (my brother and my girlfriend's best friend) at social gatherings among my girlfriend's friends I get pissed off and really just want to leave.

My question is: Am I wrong to be so pissed off at my brother? There is a little more to the story but I figured it was confusing enough as it is.

Like I said, any help, insults, anything would be helpful. Is it all in my head? Am I somehow being petty? I don't know.

Have a great day everyone.
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Old 05-16-08, 08:04 AM   #2
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I asked him not to pursue her because of the extra pain it would cause my current girlfriend if we break up.
This is a huge warning that you need to heed. If you're thinking about what happens after a breakup, then you're already on the wrong path.

Don't tell your brother who he can and can't see. It's up to your future ex-girlfriend to deal with their relationship. Don't sabotage it for your own perceived needs and wants.
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Old 05-16-08, 08:17 AM   #3
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Stop worrying about "the breakup" and get it over with. She'll find another guy's family to hang out with.
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Old 05-16-08, 08:34 AM   #4
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You joined in May 2008. You are not a long time member. I never give love advice, sorry. BTW, I know the perfect solution, but I NEVER give love advice.
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Old 05-16-08, 08:40 AM   #5
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Yup, what they said. If you want out, get out. You both deserve to be happy. She will find someone else & move on, although the middle part will suck lots.

It will be hard & weird for your ex at first. Maybe the best friend will break up with your brother, or they will stop being friends, but really, that isn't your concern.

If you want out, do it now - the rest of it isn't yours to worry about (although cudos to you for caring enough about her to think about all that).
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Old 05-16-08, 08:52 AM   #6
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Stop being a nanny. Your brother can date who he wants. Your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend will get over it.

Anyway, is she (the soon-to-be ex) hot? My family's pretty fun to hang out with and both my brothers are in serious relationships...
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Old 05-16-08, 08:55 AM   #7
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Yeah I actually made this profile today just so that I could ask this question anonymously. Jsharr, I understand you not wanting to give relationship advice, that seems like a good rule of thumb (although given that, it's a little weird that you posted at all).

To the rest of you, thanks for the help. I really needed some advice. I guess it always seems like the end of the world to the person involved, and it's only strangers with a little bit of objectivity that can help.
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Old 05-16-08, 08:57 AM   #8
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Sock puppet! Sock puppet!!!

Is that you, MERTON? How's it goin', man?
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Old 05-16-08, 08:58 AM   #9
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Yeah man, I think she's hot. I'll probably be hard up, given my advanced age of 30, to find one hotter. But somehow over the years our personalities clicked as friends to me, and more to her. It's really inexplicable. Feels like my little sister now. Besides, she's a climber, I'm a biker. We exercise at cross purposes.
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Old 05-16-08, 09:00 AM   #10
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30's not old, you weener.

I'm still buddies with an ex. So it's possible that this won't always be a weird situation.
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Old 05-16-08, 09:03 AM   #11
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Jsharr you crack me up!!

If you don't break up with her cause your worried she can't handle it, then your only going to hurt her more. 3 years and your not feeling it. Time to move on!

Don't worry about your brother and his girl. Just be happy that they are happy.
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Old 05-16-08, 09:03 AM   #12
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How did you pull that off?
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Old 05-16-08, 09:03 AM   #13
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Like I said, any help, insults, anything would be helpful.
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Yeah I actually made this profile today just so that I could ask this question anonymously. Jsharr, I understand you not wanting to give relationship advice, that seems like a good rule of thumb (although given that, it's a little weird that you posted at all).

I was only doing what you asked.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 05-16-08, 09:06 AM   #14
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True Jsharr, I appreciate the post.
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Old 05-16-08, 09:06 AM   #15
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How did you pull that off?
Kind of like what you have in your situation, we had mutual friends. It was either get over any hangups we have, or stop seeing our friends. The decision was pretty easy.

Don't get me wrong, I still want to jump her bones. But that pretty much goes for every woman I hang out with.
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Old 05-16-08, 09:14 AM   #16
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Sock puppet! Sock puppet!!!

Is that you, MERTON? How's it goin', man?
Nah, not Merton. Too many capitals.


I won't comment till you tell me who you are.
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Old 05-16-08, 09:22 AM   #17
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yeah, i can't stress enough how important it is NOT to try to squesh someone else's relationship. your brother is family and you're stuck with him forever. if they do end up lasting you'll always be remembered as someone who stood in the way. that kind of resent is not good.
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Old 05-16-08, 09:24 AM   #18
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if they do end up lasting you'll always be remembered as someone who stood in the way. that kind of resent is not good.
Yeah. You should probably go apologize to your brother for being such a *****.
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Old 05-16-08, 09:35 AM   #19
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You should probably go apologize to your brother for being such a *****.
This is the kind of thought and insight that I was looking for when I reached out to you guys!
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Old 05-16-08, 09:43 AM   #20
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Yeah man, I think she's hot. I'll probably be hard up, given my advanced age of 30, to find one hotter. But somehow over the years our personalities clicked as friends to me, and more to her. It's really inexplicable. Feels like my little sister now. Besides, she's a climber, I'm a biker. We exercise at cross purposes.
She's a climber? Well that will never do.

Where do you live? I need a girlfriend.
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Old 05-16-08, 09:51 AM   #21
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Yeah. You should probably go apologize to your brother for being such a *****.
which one is the ***** again? Dang, now I gotta go watch DeMetri Martin on youtube, just to check on some data.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 05-16-08, 10:46 AM   #22
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If you want to break up with her, do it already. If you do it in a respectful, honest manner and apologize to your brother for what you said (unless you two already came to an understanding about it), then you have a good chance at preserving a friendship.
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Old 05-16-08, 05:42 PM   #23
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Best thing you can do is cut her loose and apologize to your brother
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Old 05-16-08, 05:49 PM   #24
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kill your brother
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Old 05-16-08, 05:49 PM   #25
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kill your girlfriend
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